Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow/Wayward?

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all those having sleepless nights over issues not really their business.

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow Or Wayward?

I’m sick and tired of all these stereotypical assumptions flying all over the place. Must we always be so judgmental about other people’s lives? Whose business it is that she isn’t married? Why prioritize someone else’s issue?

Just yesterday I came across a post on a social network where a lady reached out to single women above thirty. I couldn’t get the details of her program since she only wanted them to give her a call. To my disgust! This particular man sprang out of nowhere, lamenting on how it was a well deserved “punishment” for all those women who thought their beauty was everything and rejected men at the snap of a finger….haa! He wasn’t done- far from it. He prattled on… on how they were all shallow minded fools who were waiting for rich men to come-by and propose- which didn’t happen.  He was just getting warmed up- On, he went- “starting up men who wooed them- were rejected countless times! Today see them all. Single! Used goods looking for a poor man to marry!” Ugh! Pathetic…

What gets to me on this issue isn’t even the ranting. It’s the assumption that she must be devastated. The assumption that she’s been dealt with by faith for her atrocities. Yeah…I’m sure Mary Magdalene  had nothing on us. Lol. Why the stereotype, that a lady married late or yet to marry because she has a terrible character/past? Who told you that? Who gave you a pass, that- you’re better than these ladies you raise your noses in the air to mock? To belittle and humiliate at every turn? Who gave you the right to judge?  The condescending attitude some people exhibit, both male and female gender against unmarried ladies above thirty is astonishing.

If you’re married and happy in your own home. Why ‘re you so concerned about someone else’s plight? Is it your problem? Is she complaining to you? It seems harder for “a bull to pass through the eye of a needle” than for some to actually grasp that a lady above thirty and yet to marry may actually be happy as she is- living and planning her life. Not encumbered by the responsibilities that acompany’s  marriage”yet.” A time may come when her independence and life experience would make her be a better wife than some that married early.

A mature lady enters marriage with full knowledge of what it entails. She’s isn’t there for fairy tales. She creates a conducive environment for herself and her partner. Why? Simply because at this stage in her life, she knows exactly what she wants and needs and has garnered suitable experience on how to go about it.

A lady that married, let’s say at the age of 22/23yrs. Experienced a hellish marriage and divorced in her thirties or so. And one who didn’t marry on time because of a thousand and one reasons available, that could have prevented her from tieing the knot. Had time on her hands, worked on herself- knew herself well. Built a career niche for herself before meeting her own man. Do you really think the latter missed out on much? This thirty-something year old who has maturity and an understanding of how things works before tieing the knot. Did she miss so much for not marrying sooner?

A lot of married people currently miss singlehood fiercely. Some wish they could dissolve their unions without a backward glance. Some feel trapped. Some ‘re overwhelmed with regrets for entering into that union. Some can recall- the exact mistake that landed him/her in the trap he/she’s in now. Seeing all these, concerning marriage.  It baffles me that, some still see it as a “do or die affair.” A lot of married couples will gladly go their separate ways given the opportunity- no strings attached.

Well…what’s my point? My point is- stop treating getting married as the most important or the “only”goal in a woman’s life. Some want it badly no doubt, others don’t. That- she isn’t married doesn’t mean she’s shallow or wayward. Let me shock you.

Wayward ladies actually marry on time. They’re skilled- they know what men want and like. They know how to rope in/hook a man. They also know exactly the buttons to push to get a man to do exactly what they want. If a wayward lady with her experience sets her eyes on you. You’re in. By the time she’s through with you. You’d swear it was all your ideas. 60% of ladies that encounter late marriages are actually the decent ones. Probably rigid or frigid in nature- some ‘re introverts, some’re nerds and some quite boring. So stop the stereotyping already. It’s beginning to irritate.

What’s your opinion on this issue? I’d love to read it on here. Have a lovely day!

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d deviate a bit. My today’s topic is one of those touchy issues nobody wants to acknowledge in our society. It is also a question to both genders. My question is;

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

The appalling stories are getting worse. Ladies get murdered, physically abused, exploited, raped regularly by men at will. Most endure in silence. Since those that ever got the courage to speak up are jeered, mocked openly, even by their kind. These acts being constantly ignored affect relationships, marriages too. A depressed, even suicidal lady- or one being harrassed at work could become erratic, unpredictable or worse due to bottled up emotions. These issues needs to be taken seriously for our society to attain a balance. If these issues pertaining to womanhood isn’t given proper attention. Who knows how many unhinged ladies the society would’ve on its hands in the nearest future?

Who instigates these unbecoming ills taking  our society by storm? Who motivates and encourages the atrocities taking place at offices? In our society as a whole. Degrading the female folks, ripping off their self worth to shreds. Stripping them of dignity…

What gets to me is how men most times are quick to defend oppressive “norm” in our society, which mostly works in their favor. Sexism at some workplaces is pathetically real. There’s this blatant discrimination against the female gender. She has to work twice as hard as a male colleague to be qualified for a certain post reserved mostly for the male folks at the office. Some are harassed constantly by their superiors. Men sadly don’t speak against these acts, because there seemed to be an unwritten code for the male gender to stick together against an attack on one of their own. Even if he’s obviously guilty.  A lady that decides to report such action, risks a lot including her job. Instead of colleagues coming to her rescue. She becomes a pariah( an outcast among colleagues at the office.) She may not be outrightly sacked by the powers that be, but could be subjected to an inexplicable dose of humiliation, mockery, untold hardship that she’d die of depression if she didn’t leave the organisation on her own. The unfortunate scenario above,  would be for a lady courageous enough to speak up. To report harassment through the appropriate channels at her place of work against one of the “big guns.”

Now-  why’d anyone else ever report harassment against any superior in such organization/firm? Most wouldn’t dare, not because it isn’t happening but for the fear of repercussions. Suing a superior for harassment in this part of the world? Who’d pay the bills? For how long would the case be dragged on to frustrate the litigant? And which judge would eventually grant you a fair hearing and actually punish the offender to serve as deterrent to others?

I’d say due to the lackadaisical attitude- this sexual harassment issues are being handled across the globe. Young girls/ladies are being assaulted/ abused; sexually harassed; raped- even at higher institutions by some randy lecturers…it escalates to work places. Some with no other options would eventually succumb to the pressure. Yet the society turns a blind eye…

The African society isn’t favorable on the female folks at all. Right from puberty, men old enough to be your father- grope you, exploit you at any given opportunity. You’d become instantly unpopular if you refused to play along. You “dodge all those bullets” growing up. Now work place? Shockingly even fellow ladies would despise you if you failed to succumb to the pressure or refused to shut your damn mouth about it…!

Does resisting this disgusting unfortunate “norm,” change the paradigm? In a society that sees no grey areas? Men are quick to condemn feminism or any scheme that fights for women’s right. Or spurs women on, imploring  them to use their heads. Be active participants in the society.

It’s time women said no to barbaric practices, voice out and stand up for themselves.  A society where giving you a job you are qualified for would require sexual exploitation from your potential boss? Why must one trade sex for a job she’s suitable for and quite capable of doing well?

Men see all these ills in our societies. They see poor kids being married off at tender ages- even before teenage at times. They see their colleagues/friends harass female employees because they could and get away with it. They see the superiors, harass/ abuse female staff, “married women” included. No one does a damn thing about it.

I implore all men in general to be considerate and sensitive to women’s plight in the society. Some of your past actions created the dangerous creatures some women are becoming lately.  Please be wise…it could be your sibling next.

What’s the way out of these deteriorating issues?

 

A Sombre Perspective

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d digress a bit today from my usual focus on the blog. Yesterday I came across quite a sad tale; a touching disheartening story told by a young lady in diaspora, originally from the middle East.- Homeless daughters of a hybrid diaspora

I can’t quite explain why her story affected me so deeply. Maybe because I could relate with some of the ills she pointed out about their society. Such as being selective when it comes down to cultural practices to leave behind and those to merge into the new  religions. It was a sombre evening for me after perusing that article. I could vividly grasp the picture she painted.

Here in Africa we have our own very burdensome, taxing and quite  complex cultural practices. But to be made from birth to feel unwanted, irrelevant in one’s own home is the height of it! A daughter being treated like an outsider- a stranger who would soon join another family in marriage and whose state and well being over there would be determined by how many sons she bears for her husband.

There’s another point she made that hit home right there! I’m curious, agreed men put those laws in place. It has always favoured them. Agreed. How come it’s mostly women that enforces these laws on their kind? When a lady marries and is yet to bear a child. It’s usually fellow women that put her through hell for having difficulty in conceiving. Other females mostly point this out, not the men. If a lady decides to fight for her right against injustice meted at her/ women in general. Women are usually her strongest opposition. Why’s that?

For instance here in Africa, in some parts, women don’t get quality education as their men. Some parents view training a daughter to higher institution as a waste of time and resources since she will marry someday. Sadly, it doesn’t end there. There are communities, tribes in Africa where widows are not allowed to inherent whatever their late husband left behind. Some places only “sons” participate in sharing of a father’s inheritance. Daughters are excluded. Not to mention the child bride phenomenon that cut across some part of the African continent? Who would fight for these girls? The widows? Those daughters being denied quality education? Since women will be the first to defend the “norm.” This is how it has always been my child.” I’m guessing that’s what they “parrot” to their 12yr old daughters while giving them away in marriages to some pedophiles.

It’s obvious that I’m pained due to the circumstances we women find ourselves. I admired the author of –

Homeless daughters of a hybrid diaspora

At least some of them are making efforts to change the norm even if these efforts are made from afar in baby-steps. It’s still better than blindly upholding the so called status quo as the past generation did. I implore us women, we should have each other’s back. Stop jumping right in to defend something that directly or indirectly affects you too.

Just today on facebook, I came across a page where a loud mouthed woman was defending men that cheats on their partners. She went right off, gun blazing! Reprimanding women that finds such,  offensive and unacceptable. Whoa! I wished at that moment, the earth would open and swallow me up. Lol. I was ashamed for her. Low self-esteem has wretched some of our women.

I’m glad some women have found their voices and are ready to effect the changes they need in this generation and equally ready for the task ahead.

“The Perfect Man?”

Hello Ladies …

My topic today says;

“The Perfect Man?”

Why do people keep prattling so much about ladies waiting for “the perfect” man? Who said just because a lady is yet to marry, she’s waiting for “some perfect” man? I wonder how that fallacy came to be. This now seem like a general assumption held against any lady above 30yrs of age and unmarried.

Does it mean those that dated abusive men, philanderers, con-men, criminals, even those that found out how incompatible they were and knew it won’t work out,  moved on were choosy? Not to mention those that had traumatic experiences. C’mon…? Really? Have you walked in their shoes?

Why do people date? Why do people court? Why do ladies and bachelors become friends? To know one another better. Right? During this period of friendship you found out certain traits  ingrained in this other person, that could cause you harm in the nearest future; such as violence, philandering, unreliability, sadistic nature.  Would you go ahead with him just to bear the tittle “Mrs”? Or thank your star, you found out just in time before entering into a serious commitment with him?

There’s this distaste in my mouth each time I hear people casually toss around this comment; “marriage is for procreation and nothing more”. “Compatibility, affection and all those mushy stuffs,  aren’t necessary”. To those that reasons this way. “Maturity” is accepting any proposal. Deal with whatever consequences later. This is a life changing decision that should be till death, being treated so casually. No wonder so many are miserable while some end up as sworn enemies. I mean, how can it be okay to say yes to just about “anyone” that shows up just because one is in her thirties or above? What happens when you ‘re already in, then the violence, abuse begins? This abusive person beats you blue black daily or sends you to an early grave? Who would then care for your innocent kids? Since you “must” accept “any.” what happens- if after tieing the knot, the criminal or con-man you accepted landed in jail? Or the philanderer who might send you to an untimely death(God forbid) due to his reckless and callous behaviour. Is it the emotional turmoil? The unbearable pain? Or the fear of STDS, curable and incurables? How can one live with such constant fear, being held ransom in one’s own home, insecurity and being constantly embarrassed?

I’m curious though. What’s with this constant need to make any lady trying to avoid unnecessary drama in her life after marriage seem like an unrealistic fool…?  Really? She’s the unrealistic? Not the hopelessly romantic, who thought it would  always be a smooth sail? A fairy-tale…?

Being extremely picky is not wise and nobody should encourage that but to constantly belittle, insult, demean those trying to use their heads to think beyond the “wedding day” is beyond my comprehension.

For instance a scenario where a man shows interest and the next thing, everyone reminds you, you aren’t getting any younger. Like we had amnesia? Haa…! Then you accept, only to realize your worst fear has become real. The astonishing part is, it’s still those same people that reminded you earlier, you aren’t getting any younger, that will soon preach for ” better or worse.” If it leads to malfunctioned home or death. Well, I’m guessing that literally means “or worse” in the  vow. Lol

Although I hate to sound so gloomy! Fact is, being within a certain age bracket and unmarried, attracts all sort of miscreants as suitors, but there are good ones too.  One needs to be careful… not overly so, a little dose will do just fine.

Why is something so seriously complicated as marriage intentionally treated with such levity? As if it’s easy to coexist. Even siblings born of same parents, find it difficult at times.

No man is perfect. Most ladies know this fact. We aren’t toddlers.  Being cautious not to end up with a total stranger who may have so many tricks up his sleeves, shouldn’t be viewed as being picky; choosy; immature.  Just because some rushed in due to whatever reasons they had, doesn’t mean everyone should. Everyone mustn’t learn from personal mistakes.

When there’s friendship, connection, compatibility, trust, mutual understanding and respect. I sincerely believe it would reduce; disillusionment; resentments and nonchalance in marriages. Well…just my humble opinion. What do I know?

What do you think? Share your view on this with me. Criticism is also allowed.

 

Ethical Values And Our Societies

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I will deviate a bit yet again. My topic today says;

Ethical Values And Our Societies  

No matter the obstacles one passes through in life, let’s try as much as possible to do the right thing most times.

Ethics are meant to guide us, create a consciousness in us, that every action sprouts a reaction. It creates a conscience in our minds.

People do so many horrible things to others, you wonder how they were raised. Didn’t anyone teach these ones ethical values?

This isn’t about religion or being religious. This is about doing the right thing.

How many people these days are ready to say “NO” based on ethical values? How many would be principled enough to go against “status quo” because it’s wrong?

Let’s take for instance in the ancient times. Our forefathers, they weren’t Christians or Muslims, they weren’t educated yet there was a consciousness in them of right and wrong. Some of them committed uncountable atrocities. Make no mistakes, they knew which was which. Punishment meted were often severe for certain offences.

The thing is, most times nobody ever holds you responsible for the petty acts you commit against your fellow human being. Frustrating others efforts at your place of work/neighborhood. Doing all sorts of despicable things against people around you. Fact is, chances are, you could scheme, commit and get away with it most times, no one being the wiser.  Payback day springs when least expected though.

What will it cost a man or woman to desist from causing others pain? To avoid hurting others? Or causing unnecessary havoc to others…?

Altruism, which is defined by the English dictionary as; “regard for others, both natural and moral”; “devotion to the interest of others”; brotherly kindness – opposed to egoism or selfishness.

If a quarter or more of the people sharing this world practice this trait, there won’t be so much hatred, racism, tribalism, bigotry, terrorism, wars all over the place.

Instead of intolerance; discrimination; prejudice. Why not embrace tolerance, kindness towards one another? Would that be inconceivable?

The undeniable fact is, those that commit hate crimes are bigots. I don’t believe it’s easy to brainwash a heart of gold, filled with love and kindness to go out and kill countless number of people for religious sake. For a heinous crime of such magnitude to be committed by anyone. That heart was already filled with hate, intolerance, bigotry.

I implore us all to be selfless in our daily lives. Let’s value others lives as we value ours. Being altruistic is a trait we should strive for, if we hope for the next generation to meet a better world. A world where your religion won’t matter, neither would your race, colour nor tribe.

Discarding superiority complex and accepting others, as we would accept ourselves and our own will go a long way to squash uprising, hate crimes, tribalism, bigotry from our respective  societies.

Let’s show love to one another. Where there’s love, there would be peace, selflessness, acceptance, tolerance. It’s not an impossible feat if we begin now to instill ethical values in our children, wards. Practice it in our neighborhood; states and countries until others begin to emulate. Let’s also applaud those that exhibit selfless attitude in our society, encourage those that  show kindness and love to others. This attitude will encourage others instead of instigating hate and intolerance among ourselves.

I urge us all to embrace peace and love, as we celebrate Valentine’s day and beyond. Treat others as you would treat the love of your life.

Happy Valentine’s day!

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to touch one of those sour spots we hate to talk about out there again. My topic today says;

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Let’s quickly find out what this word “desperation” is about. The English dictionary defines desperation as;(1)  “the act of despairing or becoming desperate”;  “a giving up of hope.” (2) ” A state of despair, or utter hopeless; abandonment of hope; extreme recklessness; reckless fury.”

Hmm…the definition of this word alone, makes me shudder. It gives me goose bumps, just the thought of someone living his/her life in such state of mind. Sadly, societal pressure has made desperation almost a norm in our society. Having reckless abandon in the pursuit of our desires have become a norm. Desperation isn’t a gender thing. Anyone could become desperate, depending on one’s fervent desire to accomplish a particular goal. A society where a particular set are viewed as failures; losers; nonentities. These set are constantly looked down upon. The desperation to achieve what garners “respect” to others becomes a norm.

For instance most unmarried ladies these days, will do whatever it takes to tie the knot,  become a “Mrs.” This is because the society has made it appear as  the most prestigious title a woman should have before any other. Unmarried women are mostly lumped in as wayward or indecent for being single still at a certain age. Disheartening….

That’s not all. Men are under pressure too, to acquire wealth. A status that should take years of hardwork to achieve. The youth in their quest to make their mark and be accepted and accorded “respect” in the society, do a lot of despicable things, that at times leads to death, in desperation. A bachelor of certain age is also viewed as irresponsible for daring to remain single. No one is interested in the “why.”

How’s desperation the solution? I’m asking this question because I have noticed people get furious with anyone they perceived as “not desperate”, especially if you are unmarried and yet, doesn’t exhibit any of the known attribute of those in a hopeless situation, such as recklessness; being depressed, miserable etc.

My question this evening is this; Can someone explain to me how being desperate solves our problems? Take a look at our political setting today. Desperation has made politics a do or die affair. Most in our society will do just about anything to win. What comes after the win? Hmm…mm?

The quest to marry at all cost has destroyed our core values. Nobody cares anymore about the seriousness of the venture. The end “now” justifies the frigging means. Lol.

A lot has been damaged in our various societies  due to desperation. This has caused so much pretense in our today’s youth. They comport themselves in a certain manner, just to get what they want instead of being themselves or working on themselves to be better as the case should be.

These are what desperation does; It puts you in a state of despair; you become extremely reckless; no caution whatsoever;not thinking straight; you would swallow any nonsense solution thrown your way. You are thrown wide open for extortion, manipulation, abuse,untimely death even, all in the name of searching for “any” solution to your perceived problems. Caution is thrown to the winds. Some become life casualties… if not now, later in life.

My advice to us all this evening is to fight the feeling of despair in whatever situation we find ourselves in life. It solves nothing in the long run, it only somehow compound the problems.

That’s all I have to say this evening ladies and gentlemen. What’s your view on this? Share it on here, others could learn from it.