Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic this evening says;

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

I understand it’s just a “relationship” not “marriage” but does it actually help? Does it resolve the issues or rather put added strain on it due to “half-baked” advises offered? Hahaha…how many times have you ran straight to your best friend or close friends after a bad fight? Or for an advice concerning your relationship? How did the discussion go?

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the importance of friendship. Sometimes when we are down, being surrounded by friends is one of the best remedies for getting back on one’s feet. They are there to cheer you up. At times I see friends advises as catalyst that blows some issues out of proportion. Escalating matters beyond repair if care isn’t taken. Hear the reasons, why I think we should be cautious when squealing relationship matters to friends.

  •  It hardly ever solves the problem, most likely escalate matters instead of abating it.
  • Gradually, by prattling about your relationship issues to your friends, you unwittingly reduce your man/lady in their “eyes.” Eventually he/she loses whatever little respect accorded him/her previously by them. It doesn’t end there, this same friend may still use the very information you shared with her or him against you if things eventually goes south. Lol.

My view on this is; instead of discussing such issues with friends who may not have your interest at heart. If you must discuss it at all with anyone, why not search for someone maybe older close to you; mature; and experienced. Certainly this person would be unbiased and able to add two and two together, to have a clear picture and advise you accordingly.

If you value whom you are with, protect his or her dignity by trying as much as possible to iron out the creases in your affairs between yourselves. If it works out, fine. If not, move on.

There’s no point belittling; rubbishing someone you supposedly care about among your friends all in the name of resolving a conflict. It doesn’t bespeak maturity. This may seem irrelevant now until your relationship succeeds and gets to the next level. At this stage, he or she becomes part of your circle and you begin to wonder why your friends are so “cold (unfriendly) to your fiancé/fiancée. Lol

The way your friends treat your lady/ man is entirely up to you. Don’t thoughtlessly make it harder for him/ her to fit in among your friends. It may not matter to you but if she or he begins on a wrong foot, she/he may be an outsider among your clique of friends for a very long time.

Ladies and gentlemen… ponder on these few words of mine today. If it helps you build a better relationship then I have achieved something worth celebrating tonight.

Do have a blissful night and a Merry Christmas!

 

 

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Yes! You heard me loud and clear. Lol. My tonight topic involves the gentlemen too.

The topic says;

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Yesterday I came across a rant by a man, who viewed himself as learned and well exposed. This man was aghast, perplexed and couldn’t grasp why or how a 32yr old lady could reject a marriage proposal from any man at all. He called this lady so many awful names, ranging from dimwitted; crazed; foolish; deranged; immature and so many other demeaning names.

Whoa! As I read on, my skin  crawled like there was an irritating worm on it. To my amazement he wasn’t alone on this particular view. Alas! Others cheered him on. Obviously he wasn’t the only one who thought he made a whole lot of sense. What a myopic specie of human being! Why are some men so selfish? Why do so many African men view our ladies as objects built only to serve their needs?

First of all, is being “unmarried” and above thirty, the worst thing that could befall a lady? Is it now worse than terminal illness? Is it now worse than experiencing hell in one’s marriage? Is it worse than living with an abusive sadist who might send one to an early grave? So a lady above thirty has no”options” at all? No choice at all on the matter? Hmm…mm?She should Wed anyone that shows the slightest interest in her.  After all she’s lucky to be asked? Is that it?

A man sets to marry, he searches for what appeals to him, looks for someone that matches what he wants. Yet a woman is “immature” if she couldn’t connect with a particular guy? Or sees the incompatibility right away. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair. If you aren’t happy now, it may still not fetch you happiness. I’m sorry to say this, some who want to marry at all cost are the reasons, men treat a lot of women like crap out there. You become an object with no mind of your own, all in the name of becoming a”Mrs”.

There’s this act from some African men that baffles me. You see a lady, just by her appearance. You decide, she’s cool headed; humble; arrogant  or rude even. Lol. You approach a total stranger, you instantly expect her to be overjoyed because you are an answer to her prayers. Her Knight in shining amour. To you, of course, she should go on her knees and accept you because if she doesn’t. She would face a faith worse than death. She would soon become an “old maid”(a spinster). In fact this was the sole purpose of her creation of course. Haha..  to be grateful and humble each time a man approaches her. No matter her state of mind at the time…

Who cares if there’s a connection between you two at all. Love? Haa! Whatever for? What about compatibility? Compat- what? Lol.

She was made to serve and please you of course. You, “my lord” will mold her to your taste eventually. Pity… sounds like something out of an old school “slaves&masters movie.” What are we my ladies? Objects with no needs, no ambitions, no future plans for our lives? Shouldn’t these be put into consideration? Many ladies with wonderful dreams(goals), gave them up because they got married to men that never gave a thought to their wives needs, but pursued theirs relentlessly till it was achieved. The height of selfishness.

We are not robots please…. a lady that has a strong dream should pursue it too, with or without marriage. If you enter into a marriage with someone you are not compatible with, someone that won’t inspire you to achieve or exceed your goals, you may end up in regrets or unfulfilled.

The same man that called you humble and cool headed for marrying him, will still call you “proud” “arrogant” when you point out someday, how you gave up so much for your home and by then it’s already water under bridge. Let the myopic ones call you names… it takes nothing off your skin. Tie the knot, because you are sure you could make it work, not because you are above thirty…

My ladies, that’s all a have to say…

Have a blissful Christmas!

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Before I give my opinion on this particular issue, which by now you are aware, I have lots of them to give. Lol Let’s quickly find out what truthfulness is all about.

My English dictionary defines truthfulness as; ” The quality of being truthful.” Now- I ask, what is being “truthful”? Once again my dictionary defines it as; “Honest, and always telling the truth.” “Accurately depicting what is real.” Well…that explains itself right there. Lol

Now based on life realities we go through everyday; we encounter numerous ups and downs and end up surprising ourselves on our capabilities which most won’t dare associate with themselves ordinarily until they are in a very tight corner. What am I trying to say here? Well… hear me out. Hahaha…

No one is perfect. Show me that perfect man/woman. I’d show you a “liar/pretender.” We all have weaknesses. That’s what makes us human. Back to my topic, is truthfulness “overrated”? What does it mean to over-rate something? My English dictionary defines it as; “to esteem too high; to give greater praise than due.”Lol. Now you see where I’m headed?

At some point in one’s life, he/she has done something she/he wasn’t so proud of. Let’s say you are in a relationship or living with people that such action may affect, directly or indirectly. Because you knew in your gut, they would be disappointed if or when they find out what happened. You chose the “easy” way out. Which is to either “omit” the truth or damn straight lie about it. Lol. Now- hear why I think telling the “truth” isn’t “overrated.”

Lie or lies are like a bad penny. That’s the honest truth I’m telling you right here. It doesn’t worth the stress and pressure that it strings along, if you ask me. And like a bad penny, it keeps coming up till it bites you where it hurts. Lmao…I understand clearly why someone would be so exasperated to wonder if truthfulness isn’t given more credit than it deserves.

Mr. A/ Miss A, does something he/she isn’t proud of. He or she summons the courage which is no small feat, tells Mr. B the truth. And Mr. B being hurt or disappointed by what he has just heard, flies off the handle! Chews Mr. A out… tongue lashes Mr. A or Miss A for the offence committed, which she/he has just been courageous enough to tell the truth about. Lol.

Are you getting the picture? It’s quite rare for someone receiving such solicited or unsolicited confession not to react or overreact. One begins to wonder if it was worth the effort. It might not have been a big deal or would not have been any deal at all if one has kept his/her mouth shut. Hahaha…

At that particular moment, that popular saying “what happened in Paris stays in Paris ” begins to look enticingly appealing. In a relationship, omitting to tell the truth whenever such need arises or out rightly lying about things will only postpone confrontations. Fact is, when truth finally gets out,  because it always mostly does. It only takes a while. The anger, the hurts, hardly ever generate from the incident or action of the perpetrator. Instead it comes from the fact that the “truth” was kept from him or her for a reasonable period of time. He/she begins to wonder which other “secret/s”is being kept from him/her or what else he’s/ she’s being lied to about.

It destroys trust. It destroys faith this person has placed in you. It’s  even worse when, it was the partner that discovered  the truth, all by him/her lonesome self. You would be in a very “hot” soup. Lol.

So dear ladies… no matter how hard it is, truthfulness is still the best bet if you ask me. It’s the major way to study your partner. If you did something that your conscience bothered you about, there’s a 90% probability it will also bother someone else. Being truthful is being real. No one said it’s easy but you get to see the other person for real. Get to know how they react to life issues. By the way, lying in a relationship is not synonymous to “cheating.” That isn’t what we are discussing here today. It’s a sub-part of a whole though, for there’s a thousand and one other situations, that could lead to being “tempted” to lie or omit the truth for peace sake.

The thing is, it’s better to say it out while it’s hot and take your chances than being on edge each day trying hard to cover a lie deeper each day. Trust me, a lie will keep rearing it ugly head every chance it get, until you despise yourself for it or get caught. And none of these options is appealing or worth the stress.

Telling the truth always, no matter how hard it is at that particular time is still one’s best option. It isn’t overrated… what one needs is the courage to go through with it. Human beings will be human beings, if the person you are with doesn’t appreciate the effort and courage it took for you to be truthful, instead focused only on what he/she heard you say you did, then he or she is an insensitive bastard… just do it for your peace of mind then- always. Thank me later!

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning. Do have a wonderful week, you all.

 

 

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to touch another sour spot in our lives;

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Lol. That’s right. That’s my today’s topic.

What does the word “define” mean? The English dictionary says; “to determine; to settle, decide; to express the essential nature of something.”Well- there you have it. The definition definitely defines itself here. Lol. Now, my topic today ask, if it is necessary to define a relationship. In my humble opinion I believe the answer to that, is a resounding “yes! it’s.”

In life I believe  it’s better to learn from what happened to others than wait till it gets to you to learn from it. Experience is the best teacher they say; but learning from others mistakes instead of one’s own mistake is what I call “wisdom”.

As ladies we date, we get involve in relationships that lasts or crashes and burns. Get me right- I’m not saying men don’t get involved in dead-end relationships. Oh! They do, even more than we ladies at times.  But remember they aren’t on any obvious biological clock; we are though. Sad but true. Every relationship you enter into should be defined. Don’t ever assume you both are on the same page. It would be a rude shock to find out after, three to five years in a relationship that you both want different things out of the relationship.

Sadly, most times, we fancy ourselves in-love and for that reason, we ignore a lot of signs of doom staring us in the face. If he won’t define it, then he’s hiding something that may not be favorable to you, so you shouldn’t relax just yet.

Holding on to a relationship that is heading to crash won’t automatically stop it from crashing. The least it could do, is to postpone the inevitable or hang in there just on a thread of pity which won’t do you any good in the long run. A situation like this strips a lady of her self worth, she becomes uncertain. He blows hot or cold according to his state of mind. If he wastes your years without making any plans towards you. He might defend himself someday by saying he promised you nothing. Lol. Sounds familiar? Are you getting the picture? He hangs you to dry while weighing his options. Probably waiting for a better choice. Hahaha… if he is serious with you my lady, let him define it…

Defining the relationship is a bold step that any man truly in a relationship that means something to him would take. I’m not saying it means you must end up together. No. Far from it. It’s a step in the right direction though…

You work on it together, if it works out, fine. If it didn’t. well…you at least learned from it. But to just befriend someone without any idea which direction you are headed, would be like just drifting at sea, in a boat without paddles.What would be the outcome of that boat ride? Lol.

My ladies, ponder on these words, if it guides you to a better/ healthier relationship, then it means I have done something worth my while tonight… but if it leads to a crash; never mind. Someone better will find you. Don’t just be in a relationship for relationship sake, if it’s a dead end sort of relationship, I believe you can feel it already. Obey your instinct and get out of there. You will get over it in no time. If you make up your mind.

Wishing you all the best. That’s all I have to say tonight.

What do you think?

 

 

 

Is Love Relevant In A Union?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Love Relevant In a Union?

First and foremost, what do we understand by the term “love?”

“An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person.” “A deep or abiding liking for something.” Says; the English dictionary.

Now based on those definitions above. I’m of the opinion that, it matters. Hear me out first… it isn’t compulsory though. A marriage that has compatibility would work just fine without all that mushy stuff. Personality traits plays a huge role in a union. But when push turns to shove, I believe deep affections, is what binds the union.

Let me elaborate. There are no two people, with exact same character in the world, twins even have their differences. Love breeds tolerance, it breeds patience, it activates forgiveness. When you have affection and care towards another, you would forgive almost anything.

It’s true we have all heard a thousand times how it eventually fades. I have no doubt it might fade as everything else in the universe does fade in time even life. But don’t forget, when it was present it created the bond that is later referred to as friendship, companionship, mutual respect. Genuine friendship are born out of likeness and care.

Love must create memories and those wonderful moments shared, will cushion the union during tough times. If you would observe with me, a couple that had no affections for each other take much longer to become friends, if it ever gets to that. Some are like total stranger to each other when no one is watching. Don’t be deceived.

Where affection is present, forgiveness isn’t far behind. Tolerance is close by. Pettiness, hate,regrets aren’t  so accessible.

We try to grasp at times, why a man would break-up a relationship  with a lady for cheating, being rude, obstinate, yet marry someone with similar character traits and still end up happy with the choice he made. The reality here is that singular binding factor; “love.” His affection overrides everything else.

In every relationship, there’s a simple fact. My opinion though- the degree of your affections for each other, determines largely the final outcome. If one of you isn’t interested, the probability of it amounting to anything is almost nonexistent. If you are always on someone’s neck for every little blunder the persons makes. Well, firstly such would put the receiving party on auto-defensive mode whenever you are around him/her.

Secondly, this person becomes disillusioned towards you. This is because, she or he, sees your shortcomings too but chose to ignore or devise a way to accommodate it. So, your constant hacking on hers or his, would soon breed nonchalant attitude towards the partner. From this attitude comes;  contempt, scorn, gradually- it becomes unadulterated hate. Are you getting the picture? When love is involved from the beginning, tolerance will allow you study your partner patiently. You would see his weaknesses and his strengths. Love will encourage you to accommodate the weaknesses, instead of nagging about them every damn minute. Before the love wears off, if it does. You would be close friends and confidants by then. And as friends, you would know the best ways to handle your differences. There are no friends without differences. What makes them friends is the ability to understand and accommodate one another.

Love has never really been a valued criteria in most African countries as a necessity towards the institution of marriage. But maybe it should. If you are lucky to find it, you made a step in the right direction for it might just help your marriage to be unique and fulfilling. But if you found compatibility, it’s also okay. Who knows? It can still slip in, in time. It could grow and become strong eventually. It all begins with “affection” towards another whom you are with.

Those are the reasons, why I believe it’s  pertinent, for two people living together as one. If you don’t share such bond, some words spoken to each other in anger or some horrible things done against each other may never be forgiven or forgotten. We all know it takes love to forgive. Try forgiving someone you despise. Lol. Tell me the outcome later.

Well,  it’s still my personal view. What do you think?