Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Before I give my opinion on this particular issue, which by now you are aware, I have lots of them to give. Lol Let’s quickly find out what truthfulness is all about.

My English dictionary defines truthfulness as; ” The quality of being truthful.” Now- I ask, what is being “truthful”? Once again my dictionary defines it as; “Honest, and always telling the truth.” “Accurately depicting what is real.” Well…that explains itself right there. Lol

Now based on life realities we go through everyday; we encounter numerous ups and downs and end up surprising ourselves on our capabilities which most won’t dare associate with themselves ordinarily until they are in a very tight corner. What am I trying to say here? Well… hear me out. Hahaha…

No one is perfect. Show me that perfect man/woman. I’d show you a “liar/pretender.” We all have weaknesses. That’s what makes us human. Back to my topic, is truthfulness “overrated”? What does it mean to over-rate something? My English dictionary defines it as; “to esteem too high; to give greater praise than due.”Lol. Now you see where I’m headed?

At some point in one’s life, he/she has done something she/he wasn’t so proud of. Let’s say you are in a relationship or living with people that such action may affect, directly or indirectly. Because you knew in your gut, they would be disappointed if or when they find out what happened. You chose the “easy” way out. Which is to either “omit” the truth or damn straight lie about it. Lol. Now- hear why I think telling the “truth” isn’t “overrated.”

Lie or lies are like a bad penny. That’s the honest truth I’m telling you right here. It doesn’t worth the stress and pressure that it strings along, if you ask me. And like a bad penny, it keeps coming up till it bites you where it hurts. Lmao…I understand clearly why someone would be so exasperated to wonder if truthfulness isn’t given more credit than it deserves.

Mr. A/ Miss A, does something he/she isn’t proud of. He or she summons the courage which is no small feat, tells Mr. B the truth. And Mr. B being hurt or disappointed by what he has just heard, flies off the handle! Chews Mr. A out… tongue lashes Mr. A or Miss A for the offence committed, which she/he has just been courageous enough to tell the truth about. Lol.

Are you getting the picture? It’s quite rare for someone receiving such solicited or unsolicited confession not to react or overreact. One begins to wonder if it was worth the effort. It might not have been a big deal or would not have been any deal at all if one has kept his/her mouth shut. Hahaha…

At that particular moment, that popular saying “what happened in Paris stays in Paris ” begins to look enticingly appealing. In a relationship, omitting to tell the truth whenever such need arises or out rightly lying about things will only postpone confrontations. Fact is, when truth finally gets out,  because it always mostly does. It only takes a while. The anger, the hurts, hardly ever generate from the incident or action of the perpetrator. Instead it comes from the fact that the “truth” was kept from him or her for a reasonable period of time. He/she begins to wonder which other “secret/s”is being kept from him/her or what else he’s/ she’s being lied to about.

It destroys trust. It destroys faith this person has placed in you. It’s  even worse when, it was the partner that discovered  the truth, all by him/her lonesome self. You would be in a very “hot” soup. Lol.

So dear ladies… no matter how hard it is, truthfulness is still the best bet if you ask me. It’s the major way to study your partner. If you did something that your conscience bothered you about, there’s a 90% probability it will also bother someone else. Being truthful is being real. No one said it’s easy but you get to see the other person for real. Get to know how they react to life issues. By the way, lying in a relationship is not synonymous to “cheating.” That isn’t what we are discussing here today. It’s a sub-part of a whole though, for there’s a thousand and one other situations, that could lead to being “tempted” to lie or omit the truth for peace sake.

The thing is, it’s better to say it out while it’s hot and take your chances than being on edge each day trying hard to cover a lie deeper each day. Trust me, a lie will keep rearing it ugly head every chance it get, until you despise yourself for it or get caught. And none of these options is appealing or worth the stress.

Telling the truth always, no matter how hard it is at that particular time is still one’s best option. It isn’t overrated… what one needs is the courage to go through with it. Human beings will be human beings, if the person you are with doesn’t appreciate the effort and courage it took for you to be truthful, instead focused only on what he/she heard you say you did, then he or she is an insensitive bastard… just do it for your peace of mind then- always. Thank me later!

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning. Do have a wonderful week, you all.

 

 

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Now what does the word “Trust” mean? The English dictionary defines it as; ” confidence in or reliance on someone or quality.”

Well, that explanation is quite simple. I’d say, trust apart from the one children have in their parents which I believe must be inborn right from the cradles, is usually earned. That of a child and his/her parents; the child trust them wholeheartedly to provide for him/her; to protect; to be there always; to love and care; to pay him/her attention whenever he or she sort it.This kind of trust will remain firm if the parents didn’t fail at their duties. It remains intact because deep down the child often takes this for granted because it has always been there. But if the home was malfunctioned. Distrust could start early even from childhood, which is a very complex situation, that has diverse reasons which I won’t be dabbing into just yet. Lol! Here today, I want to share my view on trust in a relationship, which is earned. If it could be rebuilt or not.

Let me put it this way. You can’t just meet Mr. A and decide he’s very truthful, principled, reliable, faithful and so forth. Before one acquire such firm confidence in Mr. A. One must have had cause to believe it to be so. You have faith in his truthful nature. “He will tell the truth no matter what.” You’d say this because you believed it to be so. You believed it because you trust him. Are you getting the picture?

Now, this trust makes every relationship strong, stress-free, easy, blissful, euphoric until “something” shatters it.

In a situation where someone you believed could never lie to you, lies to your face and somehow you already knew the truth. You caught him/ her in a lie” red handed”, doing something you could never have associated with him or her. Gracious Lord! Hmmm… painful, right?The mind is a tricky gadget. At that particular moment , the whole trust “built” comes tumbling down. One begins to speculate, maybe it had all been a lie.

On today’s topic, I’m here to talk about how or if it’s possible to build trust back when it has been lost. Things will never be the same, let’s tell one another the real truth here. But something new could be built from a shattered trust. Trusting again may become quite difficult to the “betrayed.”  Hahahah… are you surprised I used that particular word? Oh, c’mon. How does it feel when someone you had so much confidence in, does something you could vouch for him/her, would never do? The truth is, there’s this feeling of betrayal right inside one’s gut, squeezing, you feel like your heart would burst right open in acute pains.

Let’s use this scenario…a man meets a decent girl, an epitome of a virtuous woman. On a faithful day he discovers, that persona was all a lie. Or a decent girl finds out no atom of truth has ever passed through her partners lips. He had lied, cheated and done several despicable things behind her back.

OK! Now here’s the fun part. In a scenario where the trust is gone. Now you are seeing the real him/ her, at the moment. It isn’t appealing one single bit. It isn’t over though. Is he/she remorseful? Deeply moved by the hurt she/he has caused you, for real, not just trying to appear remorseful. You may never be sure. It’s a risk you would have to take if you still want him/her.

Before you think of rebuilding trust, it means you still want him/her in your life. “No one is perfect”; they say…I believe if you love this person, the only way this move could work is to; forgive wholeheartedly; start afresh on a clean slate. Be determined to be patient until he/she proves to you that, he/she will not jeopardize your relationship by letting such happen again.

Let him or her come clean, encourage him to spill everything to you. It is a risk, let him take it because he shattered that trust in the first place. I called it a risk because even after hearing it all. You can still walk away without a backward glance. The betrayed has all the chips on this one. He/she will have to weigh his/her options. Decides whether he or she could forgive and start to trust this same person again.

The damage has been done, even if he/she moves on. That experience could cause  trust issues towards the next person he/she meets. In a situation like this, the cliché ” the devil you know” begins to sound comforting. Isn’t it simpler not to mess up someone’s life just because you are a crook, a lair, a cheat, a thief or whatever? Be that from the onset. You would be surprised. Some girls or men will know these facts, still fall for you. When you betray someone trust, that person may still forgive you and try to rebuild the relationship. It is a choice. But something is lost in the process, no matter how hard you try, that “unflinching trust” may never be regained.

If you value that relationship of yours.  Watch your actions. Trust is one of those things very hard to rebuild when lost. I can’t give you false hope here my ladies, if you want it to last, be trust worthy.

That’s all I can say this lovely morning. Have a wonderful day!

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to touch another sour spot in our lives;

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Lol. That’s right. That’s my today’s topic.

What does the word “define” mean? The English dictionary says; “to determine; to settle, decide; to express the essential nature of something.”Well- there you have it. The definition definitely defines itself here. Lol. Now, my topic today ask, if it is necessary to define a relationship. In my humble opinion I believe the answer to that, is a resounding “yes! it’s.”

In life I believe  it’s better to learn from what happened to others than wait till it gets to you to learn from it. Experience is the best teacher they say; but learning from others mistakes instead of one’s own mistake is what I call “wisdom”.

As ladies we date, we get involve in relationships that lasts or crashes and burns. Get me right- I’m not saying men don’t get involved in dead-end relationships. Oh! They do, even more than we ladies at times.  But remember they aren’t on any obvious biological clock; we are though. Sad but true. Every relationship you enter into should be defined. Don’t ever assume you both are on the same page. It would be a rude shock to find out after, three to five years in a relationship that you both want different things out of the relationship.

Sadly, most times, we fancy ourselves in-love and for that reason, we ignore a lot of signs of doom staring us in the face. If he won’t define it, then he’s hiding something that may not be favorable to you, so you shouldn’t relax just yet.

Holding on to a relationship that is heading to crash won’t automatically stop it from crashing. The least it could do, is to postpone the inevitable or hang in there just on a thread of pity which won’t do you any good in the long run. A situation like this strips a lady of her self worth, she becomes uncertain. He blows hot or cold according to his state of mind. If he wastes your years without making any plans towards you. He might defend himself someday by saying he promised you nothing. Lol. Sounds familiar? Are you getting the picture? He hangs you to dry while weighing his options. Probably waiting for a better choice. Hahaha… if he is serious with you my lady, let him define it…

Defining the relationship is a bold step that any man truly in a relationship that means something to him would take. I’m not saying it means you must end up together. No. Far from it. It’s a step in the right direction though…

You work on it together, if it works out, fine. If it didn’t. well…you at least learned from it. But to just befriend someone without any idea which direction you are headed, would be like just drifting at sea, in a boat without paddles.What would be the outcome of that boat ride? Lol.

My ladies, ponder on these words, if it guides you to a better/ healthier relationship, then it means I have done something worth my while tonight… but if it leads to a crash; never mind. Someone better will find you. Don’t just be in a relationship for relationship sake, if it’s a dead end sort of relationship, I believe you can feel it already. Obey your instinct and get out of there. You will get over it in no time. If you make up your mind.

Wishing you all the best. That’s all I have to say tonight.

What do you think?