What Matters Most???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Aww…it feels good to be back! It’s been awhile. Well, my today’s topic says;

What Matters Most???

My fellow ladies out there above 30yrs of age, don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that marriage isn’t important. Heck! I’m not even suggesting it’s not necessary. All I’m saying is – it would only be worth it, with the right partner. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that getting married is the major goal of most of our women. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been accused of many things including being “sick”. Lol! As a reason I’m not married yet. Hahaha…I’m hale and hearty people! All I’m saying is -“should it be”?

A lot of our women rush into marriage, through desperation. Some, become miserable for the rest of their lives maybe because of a wrong decision made or by being in an abusive marriage. I see any woman getting hitched as brave. Yeah…I’m being honest here. I understand too well,   that marriage isn’t a bed of Roses. Also I know it could turn out well. So I’m aware that anyone venturing into it, has to be optimistic to an extent a team player, to make it work.

Here’s the crux of the matter, should it be the “yard stick”? Shouldn’t women dare to be more? Should “Mrs” be the only identity a lady should aspire for? If that is so, why acquire skills; advanced knowledge? These days when I hear bits and pieces of conversations from our young ladies, all I feel is despair. There’s this blatant lack of focus on anything but marital aspiration. Marriage is important. I want that too, just like every other lady out there but should it be the only goal a woman should aim for in life? What if it turned out not to be enough?

I started Kareninspirational to unburden some of the thoughts I often had in my head. I wanted it to be a means to reach out to like minds and interact. Ladies!!! Let’s dare to be more! The right man will come, when he comes. Our lives occupation shouldn’t be running around like headless Chickens, auditioning and in search for men. The right man will locate you. Lol! It is even in the scriptures. Hahaha…

Why Mistake Self-Worth For Arrogance???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Why Mistake Self Worth For Arrogance???

What does this word arrogance mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “the act or habit of arrogating, or making an undue claim in an overbearing manner.” I believe that definition is self explanatory. Now- what is self-worth? The English dictionary comes handy once more; “one’s abilities in self assessment.” The interesting thing is- knowing your worth actually makes it necessary for you to respect “the worth” of  others.  It works both ways.

Have you noticed how some people get so intimidated, by anyone that has a mind of his/her own? People sort of bond quicker with the vulnerable, the weak. Those that have no say/uncomfortable in their own skin- wanting to be led by others or by the status quo, than those that tend to have personal convictions, opinions.  What’s my point? Well- a lady that has self-love would definitely have convictions on how she’s supposed to be treated by another individual. Take for instance. A low self-esteemed lady, gets into a relationship with a sadist, or a lowlife who maltreats or simply depress the life of out her by his thoughtless conducts. We are talking about an unhealthy relationship here.

She comforts herself; positions her mind- to the mindset that, “that’s how most relationships are.” She tells herself, “the grass always seems greener on the other side.” Although I believe this cliche has some truth in it. It sprouts the question; is there even grass within your vicinity?Permit me to speak metaphorically. What’re you comparing your situation with? How green it is, to me seems irrelevant when the lawn has dried up completely on your side of the lawn.

I often wonder why we Africans are so fixated on this issue of “marriage” especially concerning the ladies of marriageable ages. Aren’t there more perilous and overwhelming situations, we should focus on and tackle? If we remotely wish to attain civilization. It’s so bad that some would hate you for not being desperate about it. For going on with your life. For refusing to measure your contentment or achievement solely on a wedding-band fixed on your fourth finger. Some speak of nothing else, than speculate on why it doesn’t bother you.

Lol! Honestly, the question should be; why’re they so bothered? Sadly, when you’re thirty years of age or above and unmarried. I have realized people consciously or subconsciously, expect you to be sad, depressed- to ‘ve this gloomy aura of the doomed. That’s when they become ecstatic, delirious with joy!  “We thought she won’t feel it!” Now- there it is! They quip, enthusiastically. Sadistic creatures…haha. So, what? How exactly does being hopeless, depressed help anyone?

Anyone in this circumstance surrounded by such ugly devourers, who want to tear you down because you’ve refused to play by the rotten book; running around like a headless chicken. As if your life existence  depends on getting married. Separate yourself from such people, distance yourself, no matter how close these set of people are to you. They aren’t looking out for you. They are rather “small minded” people.

I don’t know why some people easily mistake self worth for arrogance. Self esteem to me simply means, respecting one’s self. Having confidence in yourself enough to have certain principles, you abide with. You don’t let pressure, circumstances or manipulations by others dither you. You simply hold your own, no matter what. How’s this audacious trait, maneuvered into something viewed with disdain? It baffles me.

If this topic spoke to you or you have a different opinion, about it. Please share it with us here, it might help someone out there.

 

“The Perfect Man?”

Hello Ladies …

My topic today says;

“The Perfect Man?”

Why do people keep prattling so much about ladies waiting for “the perfect” man? Who said just because a lady is yet to marry, she’s waiting for “some perfect” man? I wonder how that fallacy came to be. This now seem like a general assumption held against any lady above 30yrs of age and unmarried.

Does it mean those that dated abusive men, philanderers, con-men, criminals, even those that found out how incompatible they were and knew it won’t work out,  moved on were choosy? Not to mention those that had traumatic experiences. C’mon…? Really? Have you walked in their shoes?

Why do people date? Why do people court? Why do ladies and bachelors become friends? To know one another better. Right? During this period of friendship you found out certain traits  ingrained in this other person, that could cause you harm in the nearest future; such as violence, philandering, unreliability, sadistic nature.  Would you go ahead with him just to bear the tittle “Mrs”? Or thank your star, you found out just in time before entering into a serious commitment with him?

There’s this distaste in my mouth each time I hear people casually toss around this comment; “marriage is for procreation and nothing more”. “Compatibility, affection and all those mushy stuffs,  aren’t necessary”. To those that reasons this way. “Maturity” is accepting any proposal. Deal with whatever consequences later. This is a life changing decision that should be till death, being treated so casually. No wonder so many are miserable while some end up as sworn enemies. I mean, how can it be okay to say yes to just about “anyone” that shows up just because one is in her thirties or above? What happens when you ‘re already in, then the violence, abuse begins? This abusive person beats you blue black daily or sends you to an early grave? Who would then care for your innocent kids? Since you “must” accept “any.” what happens- if after tieing the knot, the criminal or con-man you accepted landed in jail? Or the philanderer who might send you to an untimely death(God forbid) due to his reckless and callous behaviour. Is it the emotional turmoil? The unbearable pain? Or the fear of STDS, curable and incurables? How can one live with such constant fear, being held ransom in one’s own home, insecurity and being constantly embarrassed?

I’m curious though. What’s with this constant need to make any lady trying to avoid unnecessary drama in her life after marriage seem like an unrealistic fool…?  Really? She’s the unrealistic? Not the hopelessly romantic, who thought it would  always be a smooth sail? A fairy-tale…?

Being extremely picky is not wise and nobody should encourage that but to constantly belittle, insult, demean those trying to use their heads to think beyond the “wedding day” is beyond my comprehension.

For instance a scenario where a man shows interest and the next thing, everyone reminds you, you aren’t getting any younger. Like we had amnesia? Haa…! Then you accept, only to realize your worst fear has become real. The astonishing part is, it’s still those same people that reminded you earlier, you aren’t getting any younger, that will soon preach for ” better or worse.” If it leads to malfunctioned home or death. Well, I’m guessing that literally means “or worse” in the  vow. Lol

Although I hate to sound so gloomy! Fact is, being within a certain age bracket and unmarried, attracts all sort of miscreants as suitors, but there are good ones too.  One needs to be careful… not overly so, a little dose will do just fine.

Why is something so seriously complicated as marriage intentionally treated with such levity? As if it’s easy to coexist. Even siblings born of same parents, find it difficult at times.

No man is perfect. Most ladies know this fact. We aren’t toddlers.  Being cautious not to end up with a total stranger who may have so many tricks up his sleeves, shouldn’t be viewed as being picky; choosy; immature.  Just because some rushed in due to whatever reasons they had, doesn’t mean everyone should. Everyone mustn’t learn from personal mistakes.

When there’s friendship, connection, compatibility, trust, mutual understanding and respect. I sincerely believe it would reduce; disillusionment; resentments and nonchalance in marriages. Well…just my humble opinion. What do I know?

What do you think? Share your view on this with me. Criticism is also allowed.

 

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

I want to talk on relationships this morning. Every relationship, needs some necessary materials to work. Be it marital relationship, courtship, and every other kind of relationship. However I’m focusing my attention on single ladies and eligible bachelors today.

For a relationship to work, there must be communication, honesty, understanding each other, compatibility, affection, and respect for each other. Those are the key recipe for a healthy relationship. In the absence of all these mentioned above… you are just fooling around, playing games and quite immature.

You should find it easy to communicate when you are in a relationship. Have deep conversations occasionally. Talk to each other about everything. Discuss your fears, your accomplishments, your dreams.

I do wonder when I hear stories where; a grown man complains that a lady he has been with for months, even up to a year; told him, she’s in a relationship. So for this reason he had to walk out  from the relationship. I find that hard to believe. If there’s truth at all in that, then it must be half truth.  She’s in another relationship you say? How could you not notice if something was different? The subtle changes in her behaviour? Didn’t you spend quality times with each other? Were you busy playing mind games? Hiding your feelings ?  Trying to outsmart each other?

It is mostly those with the mind set that a man or lady must grovel to keep him/her, will carry-on on a relationship for upto 7/8months, without having candid discussions concerning the relationship. Keeping the other partner guessing. And in an emotional turmoil till he or she begins to feel unsure of his/her place in your life. This person could begin to prepare his/her mind for a breakup since your relationship seemed more like a deadend kind of relationship.

For the male folks, showing your feelings, assuring your woman won’t make you less a man. Also your actions towards her will go a long way into shaping her emotional state of mind towards you. Don’t neglect the woman in your life or relegate her to an option. Then come out later to whine when she moves on.

Do not waste your partners time unnecessary. Why be in a relationship with him or her for 2/3 yrs even more when you are unsure of what you want? When you don’t have any particular plan that includes this partner. He/she isn’t  in your future plans… Why string him or her along? For the female folks, why allow a man to sponsor your education and such, when you aren’t committed or sure you are on the same page? Why stay in an undefined relationship for years?

To the gentlemen my advice is; don’t waste a lady’s time in the name of being in a”relationship” with her, when you know deep down you aren’t ready. Allow her meet those ready for something serious. When a man is finally ready, it doesn’t take all those dramatics for him to take that step.  Also quit playing the victim and trying to blackmail a girl you had a relationship with in the past into thinking, it was all her fault because she moved on. What other options was she left with? Being with you for 5yrs isn’t a guarantee you will end up together.

What’s my point? If you are truly into your woman. You feel something special for her and wish her by your side for a long time to come.

Tell her how you feel, show her and let her know your plans for the future. You can’t be hiding your feelings, giving her no clue whatsoever about anything, yet expect her to hang in there like a sponge.

It’s quite depressing for a lady to date a guy who isn’t man enough to share his feelings with the woman in his life. Probably thinks he’s playing it safe. If that’s the case, then play safe but don’t put the blame on her for your breakup. Nobody walks out from something promising and working. People mostly walk away  from irrevocably damaged  or unhealthy relationships.

Let’s be realistic here. Don’t waste anyone’s time and if you do, don’t blame the victim of your callousness for walking out on you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon. Have a wonderful day you all!

 

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Hello ladies…

I’m quite sad right now. I’m about to poke, yet again another sour spot.

My topic today says;

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Ladies in their thirties and above. I’m here again as a voice of  caution. It appears things are getting worse. If that’s even possible, considering the fact it has always been a jungle out there.  The hawks are hovering; searching for an easy prey. I heard of a pathetic story about a lady who was swindled of her life savings by a man who promised her marriage and travel papers.

I am not livid or even pissed which should ‘ve been a better feeling anyway. I’m simply disgusted. Hear me out here. No one is above mistakes. I understand the feeling of uncertainty too well. I understand the pressure from all around us. I understand how it feels, to be told by one “snake oil salesman” exactly what one wants to hear. The exhilarating relief! The rekindled hope and all….

What really breaks my heart is that such happens regularly to regular intelligent ladies whose only crime were letting their guard down. Daring to hope the affection was real, only to fall into the hands of desperate con-men with sharp spades for digging.

It’s easy to see through this type of men, their stench is easily perceived. But they still catch as many prey as they target mostly because of the societal and peer pressure mounted on us ladies. The scammer, varnishes into thin air without a thought of how the trusting lady would feel.

My ladies, it’s a tough world out there. You were offered something you needed so much,  so you threw caution to the winds! Oh crap! Enough of that silly excuse already. Don’t be silly…

Another lady I read about the other day on some page on social media, can’t quite place which, said he told her he works with a bank. She swallowed that. A man who didn’t even have an apartment. Moved in with her, was fed by her. He still managed to defraud her of her little savings, was abusive on top all that! How does one “refuse” to think? He was a banker, yet couldn’t afford a rented apartment? Or cater for his needs? A future mother swallowed that white lie, line, hook and sinker?

There was also another incident I came across on Facebook. This particular lady was on the brink of committing suicide because she lent money to her boyfriend,  almost a million bucks. This bloody twerp blocked her on all social networks as soon as he landed overseas. Unbelievable!

If this craze to settle down intent is to connect to another; a companion; start a family and do all necessary to make one’s marriage work. It actually sounds like a good cause to me. But the chilling truth that sends nerve quivering chill down my spine, is knowing that majority don’t give a damn about the frigging outcome. Just to tie the “knot” is what some only now sort after. Even if it all ends in a year or two. It doesn’t freaking matter.

Little wonder our societies are in shambles. We all see what mostly comes out of broken homes.

My ladies, until we focus on what’s best for us. For our unborn children and forget or rather ignore the society and its  pressure. These predators won’t stop. The scamming won’t stop. The downgrading and “diggings” won’t stop. Funny, ladies used to be the ones with the shovel back in the days. How things changed…

Being “Mrs” isn’t worth anyone all these headaches; heartaches and misery some are passing through on a daily basis.

We ‘re all mature and know what good or not for us. Let’s not allow pressure make us ignore red flags or warnings in our heads. Let’s be at alert and stay reasonable. Know whom you are with very well, so as to know what works best for you.

That’s all I have to say for now. Do have a lovely day, you all!

 

Patience-Persistence-And Positivity Is The Key. 

Hello ladies…

Well, the new year is here. 2016 has bowed out, ushering in 2017. It doesn’t matter how the previous year had been. You had goals, I would like to believe you accomplished most of them if not all. What matters is that you are alive, in good health and more especially “positive” that this year would be much better.

My topic this morning says;

Patience; Persistence; And Positivity; Is The Key. 

What do we understand by the word “patience”? The English dictionary says; being patient. Now, what is patient? “Content to wait if necessary”; “not bothered with having to wait”. This is self explanatory.

What does the word persistence mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “being persistent”. what is persistent? “Obstinately refusing to give up or let go”;

“Insistently repetitive”; “Indefinitely continous”. Says the English dictionary.

OK! what is positivity? Being optimistic. ” Expecting the best in all possible ways”. I have learned a crucial lesson over the years. I learnt that patience; persistence; and positivity; almost always leads to something remarkable.

Take for instance, the inventors of the past centuries. The likes of Alexander Graham Bell; the Wright Brothers (Orville and Wilbur); Karl Benz. What did they  all have in common? Are you getting the picture? I hope you understand my point here.  I’m not implying the above mentioned traits are what made them inventors. I do believe though that, these traits helped them achieve their various tremendous success stories.

Let’s evaluate ourselves , are we on the right trail? How’s that project coming along? Do we believe deep in our heart that we can achieve our set goals for this year? That we could make a difference?Deep in your heart, do you believe you can make that relationship work? Lol. Surprised? It should be part of looking inward, don’t you think…?

You put in your best efforts at work/ business last year ? So it hasn’t yielded fruitful results thus far? So what? Be patient, keep doing the good job and above all, be positive. I know it’s hard at times to keep being positive when results aren’t forth coming. But remember those men mentioned above wouldn’t be known today if they had given up.

As a single lady above thirty, you may be working in an office where your married colleagues are accorded more respect than you although you are quite good at your job, older than some of the married ones even. These ladies may belittle you or make snide remarks about your status. Stay positive! Always remember that it isn’t how fast but how well. Don’t let being “unmarried” define you. Also don’t just sit there, not developing yourself, hoping some man’s name will give you an identity.

Use this period to discover yourself.  The areas you are good at, focus more on. Be the lady others would be proud of/ emulate. Don’t wallow in self-pity as if your world has crashed and burned. Envision the type of life you wish for in the nearest future and work towards it. One thing I have noticed is that when the time comes for a certain goal to be achieved, things fit in perfectly. There won’t be a square peg in a round hole. Every piece of the puzzle finds its rightful place and clicks! Lol. Let’s understand that one way or another, what will be will eventually be.

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning my ladies…

Do have a fruitful new year !

 

 

 

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Yes! You heard me loud and clear. Lol. My tonight topic involves the gentlemen too.

The topic says;

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Yesterday I came across a rant by a man, who viewed himself as learned and well exposed. This man was aghast, perplexed and couldn’t grasp why or how a 32yr old lady could reject a marriage proposal from any man at all. He called this lady so many awful names, ranging from dimwitted; crazed; foolish; deranged; immature and so many other demeaning names.

Whoa! As I read on, my skin  crawled like there was an irritating worm on it. To my amazement he wasn’t alone on this particular view. Alas! Others cheered him on. Obviously he wasn’t the only one who thought he made a whole lot of sense. What a myopic specie of human being! Why are some men so selfish? Why do so many African men view our ladies as objects built only to serve their needs?

First of all, is being “unmarried” and above thirty, the worst thing that could befall a lady? Is it now worse than terminal illness? Is it now worse than experiencing hell in one’s marriage? Is it worse than living with an abusive sadist who might send one to an early grave? So a lady above thirty has no”options” at all? No choice at all on the matter? Hmm…mm?She should Wed anyone that shows the slightest interest in her.  After all she’s lucky to be asked? Is that it?

A man sets to marry, he searches for what appeals to him, looks for someone that matches what he wants. Yet a woman is “immature” if she couldn’t connect with a particular guy? Or sees the incompatibility right away. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair. If you aren’t happy now, it may still not fetch you happiness. I’m sorry to say this, some who want to marry at all cost are the reasons, men treat a lot of women like crap out there. You become an object with no mind of your own, all in the name of becoming a”Mrs”.

There’s this act from some African men that baffles me. You see a lady, just by her appearance. You decide, she’s cool headed; humble; arrogant  or rude even. Lol. You approach a total stranger, you instantly expect her to be overjoyed because you are an answer to her prayers. Her Knight in shining amour. To you, of course, she should go on her knees and accept you because if she doesn’t. She would face a faith worse than death. She would soon become an “old maid”(a spinster). In fact this was the sole purpose of her creation of course. Haha..  to be grateful and humble each time a man approaches her. No matter her state of mind at the time…

Who cares if there’s a connection between you two at all. Love? Haa! Whatever for? What about compatibility? Compat- what? Lol.

She was made to serve and please you of course. You, “my lord” will mold her to your taste eventually. Pity… sounds like something out of an old school “slaves&masters movie.” What are we my ladies? Objects with no needs, no ambitions, no future plans for our lives? Shouldn’t these be put into consideration? Many ladies with wonderful dreams(goals), gave them up because they got married to men that never gave a thought to their wives needs, but pursued theirs relentlessly till it was achieved. The height of selfishness.

We are not robots please…. a lady that has a strong dream should pursue it too, with or without marriage. If you enter into a marriage with someone you are not compatible with, someone that won’t inspire you to achieve or exceed your goals, you may end up in regrets or unfulfilled.

The same man that called you humble and cool headed for marrying him, will still call you “proud” “arrogant” when you point out someday, how you gave up so much for your home and by then it’s already water under bridge. Let the myopic ones call you names… it takes nothing off your skin. Tie the knot, because you are sure you could make it work, not because you are above thirty…

My ladies, that’s all a have to say…

Have a blissful Christmas!