What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d deviate a bit. My today’s topic is one of those touchy issues nobody wants to acknowledge in our society. It is also a question to both genders. My question is;

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

The appalling stories are getting worse. Ladies get murdered, physically abused, exploited, raped regularly by men at will. Most endure in silence. Since those that ever got the courage to speak up are jeered, mocked openly, even by their kind. These acts being constantly ignored affect relationships, marriages too. A depressed, even suicidal lady- or one being harrassed at work could become erratic, unpredictable or worse due to bottled up emotions. These issues needs to be taken seriously for our society to attain a balance. If these issues pertaining to womanhood isn’t given proper attention. Who knows how many unhinged ladies the society would’ve on its hands in the nearest future?

Who instigates these unbecoming ills taking  our society by storm? Who motivates and encourages the atrocities taking place at offices? In our society as a whole. Degrading the female folks, ripping off their self worth to shreds. Stripping them of dignity…

What gets to me is how men most times are quick to defend oppressive “norm” in our society, which mostly works in their favor. Sexism at some workplaces is pathetically real. There’s this blatant discrimination against the female gender. She has to work twice as hard as a male colleague to be qualified for a certain post reserved mostly for the male folks at the office. Some are harassed constantly by their superiors. Men sadly don’t speak against these acts, because there seemed to be an unwritten code for the male gender to stick together against an attack on one of their own. Even if he’s obviously guilty.  A lady that decides to report such action, risks a lot including her job. Instead of colleagues coming to her rescue. She becomes a pariah( an outcast among colleagues at the office.) She may not be outrightly sacked by the powers that be, but could be subjected to an inexplicable dose of humiliation, mockery, untold hardship that she’d die of depression if she didn’t leave the organisation on her own. The unfortunate scenario above,  would be for a lady courageous enough to speak up. To report harassment through the appropriate channels at her place of work against one of the “big guns.”

Now-  why’d anyone else ever report harassment against any superior in such organization/firm? Most wouldn’t dare, not because it isn’t happening but for the fear of repercussions. Suing a superior for harassment in this part of the world? Who’d pay the bills? For how long would the case be dragged on to frustrate the litigant? And which judge would eventually grant you a fair hearing and actually punish the offender to serve as deterrent to others?

I’d say due to the lackadaisical attitude- this sexual harassment issues are being handled across the globe. Young girls/ladies are being assaulted/ abused; sexually harassed; raped- even at higher institutions by some randy lecturers…it escalates to work places. Some with no other options would eventually succumb to the pressure. Yet the society turns a blind eye…

The African society isn’t favorable on the female folks at all. Right from puberty, men old enough to be your father- grope you, exploit you at any given opportunity. You’d become instantly unpopular if you refused to play along. You “dodge all those bullets” growing up. Now work place? Shockingly even fellow ladies would despise you if you failed to succumb to the pressure or refused to shut your damn mouth about it…!

Does resisting this disgusting unfortunate “norm,” change the paradigm? In a society that sees no grey areas? Men are quick to condemn feminism or any scheme that fights for women’s right. Or spurs women on, imploring  them to use their heads. Be active participants in the society.

It’s time women said no to barbaric practices, voice out and stand up for themselves.  A society where giving you a job you are qualified for would require sexual exploitation from your potential boss? Why must one trade sex for a job she’s suitable for and quite capable of doing well?

Men see all these ills in our societies. They see poor kids being married off at tender ages- even before teenage at times. They see their colleagues/friends harass female employees because they could and get away with it. They see the superiors, harass/ abuse female staff, “married women” included. No one does a damn thing about it.

I implore all men in general to be considerate and sensitive to women’s plight in the society. Some of your past actions created the dangerous creatures some women are becoming lately.  Please be wise…it could be your sibling next.

What’s the way out of these deteriorating issues?

 

“The Perfect Man?”

Hello Ladies …

My topic today says;

“The Perfect Man?”

Why do people keep prattling so much about ladies waiting for “the perfect” man? Who said just because a lady is yet to marry, she’s waiting for “some perfect” man? I wonder how that fallacy came to be. This now seem like a general assumption held against any lady above 30yrs of age and unmarried.

Does it mean those that dated abusive men, philanderers, con-men, criminals, even those that found out how incompatible they were and knew it won’t work out,  moved on were choosy? Not to mention those that had traumatic experiences. C’mon…? Really? Have you walked in their shoes?

Why do people date? Why do people court? Why do ladies and bachelors become friends? To know one another better. Right? During this period of friendship you found out certain traits  ingrained in this other person, that could cause you harm in the nearest future; such as violence, philandering, unreliability, sadistic nature.  Would you go ahead with him just to bear the tittle “Mrs”? Or thank your star, you found out just in time before entering into a serious commitment with him?

There’s this distaste in my mouth each time I hear people casually toss around this comment; “marriage is for procreation and nothing more”. “Compatibility, affection and all those mushy stuffs,  aren’t necessary”. To those that reasons this way. “Maturity” is accepting any proposal. Deal with whatever consequences later. This is a life changing decision that should be till death, being treated so casually. No wonder so many are miserable while some end up as sworn enemies. I mean, how can it be okay to say yes to just about “anyone” that shows up just because one is in her thirties or above? What happens when you ‘re already in, then the violence, abuse begins? This abusive person beats you blue black daily or sends you to an early grave? Who would then care for your innocent kids? Since you “must” accept “any.” what happens- if after tieing the knot, the criminal or con-man you accepted landed in jail? Or the philanderer who might send you to an untimely death(God forbid) due to his reckless and callous behaviour. Is it the emotional turmoil? The unbearable pain? Or the fear of STDS, curable and incurables? How can one live with such constant fear, being held ransom in one’s own home, insecurity and being constantly embarrassed?

I’m curious though. What’s with this constant need to make any lady trying to avoid unnecessary drama in her life after marriage seem like an unrealistic fool…?  Really? She’s the unrealistic? Not the hopelessly romantic, who thought it would  always be a smooth sail? A fairy-tale…?

Being extremely picky is not wise and nobody should encourage that but to constantly belittle, insult, demean those trying to use their heads to think beyond the “wedding day” is beyond my comprehension.

For instance a scenario where a man shows interest and the next thing, everyone reminds you, you aren’t getting any younger. Like we had amnesia? Haa…! Then you accept, only to realize your worst fear has become real. The astonishing part is, it’s still those same people that reminded you earlier, you aren’t getting any younger, that will soon preach for ” better or worse.” If it leads to malfunctioned home or death. Well, I’m guessing that literally means “or worse” in the  vow. Lol

Although I hate to sound so gloomy! Fact is, being within a certain age bracket and unmarried, attracts all sort of miscreants as suitors, but there are good ones too.  One needs to be careful… not overly so, a little dose will do just fine.

Why is something so seriously complicated as marriage intentionally treated with such levity? As if it’s easy to coexist. Even siblings born of same parents, find it difficult at times.

No man is perfect. Most ladies know this fact. We aren’t toddlers.  Being cautious not to end up with a total stranger who may have so many tricks up his sleeves, shouldn’t be viewed as being picky; choosy; immature.  Just because some rushed in due to whatever reasons they had, doesn’t mean everyone should. Everyone mustn’t learn from personal mistakes.

When there’s friendship, connection, compatibility, trust, mutual understanding and respect. I sincerely believe it would reduce; disillusionment; resentments and nonchalance in marriages. Well…just my humble opinion. What do I know?

What do you think? Share your view on this with me. Criticism is also allowed.

 

Are We All Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I have always been an advocate on the issue of ladies working on their notable flaws. There’s no perfect man or woman out there. We ladies are often under the microscope being viewed and dissected by men, who takes so much pleasure in dissecting our characters, attitudes and what not. Lol.

Working on one’s self is to one’s advantage. Becoming docile, agreeable, courteous doesn’t hurt anyone. However my topic today is a question to the men. My question is;

Are We All  Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

I’m dead serious here. Imagine how one-sided that solid advise usually sound? Lol! It has always been parotted thus; “Ladies work on yourselves!” The society is so interested in the female character traits; she must not be illmannered; obstinate; opinionated; rude; quick tempered; aggressive; spiteful,promiscuous…etc. A lady with one/two or more of these traits needs to work on herself. Agreed.

My question simply is; how come this advise is not also shoved down the throats of the male folks? Are they not obligated to be without blemish as well? Some men are plainly, brash; egoistic, opinionated; shallow; hot-tempered; abusive;caustic; nasty; philanderes; dubious, to mention but a few. Yet the society acts as if the character of a woman solely determines the outcome of a relationship or marriage.

The honest truth is, here in Africa; once we hear of a broken marriage, most just conclude he must have married a terrible woman. Really? A man that wouldn’t work on a single flaw of his, no matter how terrible those flaws are, expects his partner to live with it. But all hers must be changed.

I have cogent reasons for believing so much in one working on one’s flaws. Imagine a situation where a quick tempered man/lady decides to work on his/her temper to avoid confrontations or fights. And his or her partner decides to also work on whatever he/she does, that normally provokes his/ her partner. Are you getting the picture? This simple act of maturity from the man or lady may solve the temper issue permanently. It works both ways,  if you ask me.

What am I trying to say here? Men should work on themselves as regularly as women are advised to. It takes two to tango. Don’t be badmouthing women at every turn, on how they left or wronged you severally. Reminiscence, check yourself. Your character could be why the ladies don’t last around you.

Sorry to break this “news”to you guys. You have notable flaws too, that could damage your home in the nearest future. Work on them. Flaws are not gender prone. Everyone has a flaw or two to curtail.

A better you will definitely attract a better version of a lady somewhere for you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon.

Have a wonderful day you all!

 

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Yes! You heard me loud and clear. Lol. My tonight topic involves the gentlemen too.

The topic says;

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Yesterday I came across a rant by a man, who viewed himself as learned and well exposed. This man was aghast, perplexed and couldn’t grasp why or how a 32yr old lady could reject a marriage proposal from any man at all. He called this lady so many awful names, ranging from dimwitted; crazed; foolish; deranged; immature and so many other demeaning names.

Whoa! As I read on, my skin  crawled like there was an irritating worm on it. To my amazement he wasn’t alone on this particular view. Alas! Others cheered him on. Obviously he wasn’t the only one who thought he made a whole lot of sense. What a myopic specie of human being! Why are some men so selfish? Why do so many African men view our ladies as objects built only to serve their needs?

First of all, is being “unmarried” and above thirty, the worst thing that could befall a lady? Is it now worse than terminal illness? Is it now worse than experiencing hell in one’s marriage? Is it worse than living with an abusive sadist who might send one to an early grave? So a lady above thirty has no”options” at all? No choice at all on the matter? Hmm…mm?She should Wed anyone that shows the slightest interest in her.  After all she’s lucky to be asked? Is that it?

A man sets to marry, he searches for what appeals to him, looks for someone that matches what he wants. Yet a woman is “immature” if she couldn’t connect with a particular guy? Or sees the incompatibility right away. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair. If you aren’t happy now, it may still not fetch you happiness. I’m sorry to say this, some who want to marry at all cost are the reasons, men treat a lot of women like crap out there. You become an object with no mind of your own, all in the name of becoming a”Mrs”.

There’s this act from some African men that baffles me. You see a lady, just by her appearance. You decide, she’s cool headed; humble; arrogant  or rude even. Lol. You approach a total stranger, you instantly expect her to be overjoyed because you are an answer to her prayers. Her Knight in shining amour. To you, of course, she should go on her knees and accept you because if she doesn’t. She would face a faith worse than death. She would soon become an “old maid”(a spinster). In fact this was the sole purpose of her creation of course. Haha..  to be grateful and humble each time a man approaches her. No matter her state of mind at the time…

Who cares if there’s a connection between you two at all. Love? Haa! Whatever for? What about compatibility? Compat- what? Lol.

She was made to serve and please you of course. You, “my lord” will mold her to your taste eventually. Pity… sounds like something out of an old school “slaves&masters movie.” What are we my ladies? Objects with no needs, no ambitions, no future plans for our lives? Shouldn’t these be put into consideration? Many ladies with wonderful dreams(goals), gave them up because they got married to men that never gave a thought to their wives needs, but pursued theirs relentlessly till it was achieved. The height of selfishness.

We are not robots please…. a lady that has a strong dream should pursue it too, with or without marriage. If you enter into a marriage with someone you are not compatible with, someone that won’t inspire you to achieve or exceed your goals, you may end up in regrets or unfulfilled.

The same man that called you humble and cool headed for marrying him, will still call you “proud” “arrogant” when you point out someday, how you gave up so much for your home and by then it’s already water under bridge. Let the myopic ones call you names… it takes nothing off your skin. Tie the knot, because you are sure you could make it work, not because you are above thirty…

My ladies, that’s all a have to say…

Have a blissful Christmas!

Are The Rich Excused From; Bigory/Racism/Sexism?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to stray a bit. There’s this ill in our society  that has been a norm for so long… I would like someone out there to explain to me why it’s so. What are the causes ? What scale are things being measured with? Why are some things wrong when done by the poor or an average man/ woman yet OK when done by the “rich” in our society? A poor and hungry steals something, no matter how small, if caught, jungle justice is his faith in most places here in Africa. No mercy, the mob serves as judge and jury instantly. You would think this happens because we are a people that don’t tolerate evil; wrongdoing; any form of corruption. Hmm mm? The rich politicians steal from the poor masses on a daily basis in the full glare of everyone in the society. No one bats an eyelid. The psychos- who would lynch a poor for a tiny crime committed, will instead hail these ones with no atom of guilt in their conscience.

Racism, bigotry, sexism all appear to be mostly exhibited by the poor and middle-class in our society. Why is it so? Why do we unleash our frustrations on fellow victims instead of those that truly deserve our scorn? A person without a highly recognized last name strives for success, you see envy, jealousy, instead of encouragement coming out of our every pores. Why? The pull down syndrome is quite real, no jokes. Why such hate? Violence at every turn, meted to one another, never on those deserving of such cruel punishment.

The strange thing is, the privileged rarely strive for extra ordinary in life. It’s usually the ones that struggled through to break even with the elites that use the opportunity, when given to them to attain greatness.

The Sharia law rarely affects the elites of the North. Nobody has ever cut off an arm or a leg of a thieving Nigerian politician nor have I seen or heard of one “rich corrupt politician” burnt alive for stealing billions of Naira or dollars as is usually the case. Yet that is the news every other day concerning the poor masses. The Internet is jam-packed with such news- no one reacts. Why should they? “What’s his/her last name, again?” Does it ring a bell? Bet you, it doesn’t. They are “nobodies”, therefore deserved to be stripped naked, beaten and burnt alive. All these done within minutes of being caught for one wrongdoing or another. Even homosexuals are stripped and beaten when caught here, pray there isn’t a tyre around or they go in flames too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least the “nobodies” Sad, disheartening. I wonder when the masses will stop throwing their aggressions on their fellow victims of circumstances. It’s uncanny, a bit surreal. Why is no anger directed towards the culprits? Well- I’m all ears, I truly want a genuine answer to this question.

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?/ MY View…

 

Hi ladies…

My topic today says;

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?

Haha…as funny as this sound. It happens…

You meet a guy who professes love yet has conditions that would lead to the altar. I have seen and heard countless stories of such that I begin to wonder if the world has gone insane.This sounds funny but it’s not. I’ve heard several; these are the most popularly used.

  • Get pregnant for me, we will tie the knot.
  • Rent me an apartment- we’d head to the altar. Lol
  • I have this business plan-help me with capital to establish it , we will be together for all times… quite sad.
  • Give me a son, I will never leave you… á bon? As the French would say..
  • Assist me with my traveling papers and I’m yours.
  • Tell your Dad to employ me at his firm.
  • Study so so and so and I promise you, we will have a future together.

What baffles me here is, some African women see this as normal. Some men give conditions for friendships, for relationships and step right up to give huge ones for marriages too.

Today’s topic has nothing to do with age. No matter your age, these type of men will still act the same way. This category of chauvinist, feel offering you marriage is to assist you. To make an “honest woman” out of you. So for doing you this “favour”, he deserves a reward. Quite unfortunate, I must say. What happens when you comply, get pregnant and he still leaves?You could help someone in your life; there’s nothing wrong in doing so, if you wish but not as a condition to tie the knot.

I see this as a warning sign. No matter how you view it. It isn’t good and won’t be in your favour in the future. What happens when you couldn’t holdup your end? If he wanted you to give him a son and you accepted and ended up with a daughter whom he has no regards for? Such species of human beings exist…you know? Or any other natural events that could occur? What do you think his reaction would be?

The marriage deal is supposed to be for” better or worse”, in “sickness or health.” In a situation where you accepted these conditions, it means you signed up for “better” because “worse”was not in your deal. There are heartbreaks that are so  unnecessary. Don’t start bad mouthing all men in the future when you deliberately got yourself scammed. A man who would shamelessly take your money, feed from your pocket without a tiny sense of pride will do worse to you when you finally end up together. If you succumb to the first condition, others will follow. That’s if he stock around to do more damage to your psyche.

Someone that values you, sees the good in you and wants the best for you, will not give you conditions. Instead he will accommodate your shortcomings. He would be there for you. He would be supportive and help you achieve even higher goals than you aspire for. He would bring out a better you. He won’t make you feel inadequate, he won’t use you to boost his ego… or make demands of you right from the onset.

What am I saying? If he’s giving you conditions already. It’s not a good sign. In fact it is a warning sign my ladies. Lol. My view anyway, just think about it. Is it what you can deal with on a regular basis? If it is, then carry on please…my bad…(smiling)….

What’s your view on this issue?

Do have a nice day, you all..