I Met A Man

Hahaha…that’s right. This is a lady’s story. Hear what she has to say. This man ticked all the boxes. A good listener, caring, thoughtful and “God fearing”. Let’s call him John.

John would call first thing in the morning and last before going to bed. He initially talked about his past which according to his tales was packed to the brim with sad and horrid stories. I didn’t talk about my past at all. To me, it was all in the past now. For the first time I saw a man who didn’t pry. Lol! Little did I know what was coming. Haha..

He was bold and decisive, knew what he wanted. Wow…did such men still exist? John wanted a condusive home of peace and harmony, consisting of wife and children – don’t we all? He also had an aged mother to cater for. So kind hearted, a human being! I was excited for such a monumental fortune “change” in a relationship. That’s the thing. It seemed I actually expected such a human being to exist. Didn’t l? I’ve no idea.

Well, one morning, I got a phone call that shattered to piece my sand castle. It was a distress call, John’s mother had been shot by armed rubbers. She was being wheeled into the hospital as I was informed by the caller. He couldn’t be reached on phone!I was told. I immediately tried to reach him to no avail.

The calls kept coming, I remember wondering why I was the one being called incessantly on a case like this? But there were no time to muse, the doctor informed me, she needed to be in surgery asap. I made a decision l would’ve made if she were to be my mother. I told the doctor to commence surgery and save her life. I was told how much to deposit into the hospital account before surgery could begin. I believed I did well under pressure. After the surgery, John later returned my call. I told him all that happened. He was stunned to say the least. He called me an angel for saving his mom.

I was glad, I could help. That’s all I said. Except, none of it were true. It was all theatrics, “staged”. He was a fraud trying to steal from me. I’ve thought hard through all these- and I keep asking myself, what I’d have done differently or what I’d do if someone ever needed my help again, for real or fake? The trauma alone of vizualizing a mother dying on a hospital gurney because her son couldn’t be reached.

It’s a lesson learned, the hard way. I know now what human being are capable of-all for money. How much was it that you stooped so low…

Hahaha…what’s your thoughts on love scam?

Do have a wonderful evening, you all!

Why Blame Others???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Wow! It’s been a while. How’s the day going? Smootly, I hope.

My today’s topic says;

Why Blame Others???

Lol! I see brows being raised. Well- curiosity kills the cat- they say. Uhm…where am I headed with this epistle?

My focus today is on relationships. Oftentimes I hear men “whining” mostly about ladies that rejected their proposal for a relationship and still ended up alone. Haha.. this is hilarious. Please I would like to know the “connection” here. As a man- do you ask every lady you meet out? Is it all the women that crosses your path, that you connect with? Why then do you expect every lady you speak with to be “grateful” instantly- thank her “God” for the previledge to be spoken to by you. Lol!

There’re different categories of men I’ve taken notice of lately. One thing I found out they’ve in common, is this unbearable “ego” that a woman should be grateful and worship the ground they walked on, because they’re the best thing since sliced – bread. Hahaha..

The categories are-

  • The superficial- vain, shallow, type of men who never quite figure out what they want in life. This type rely mostly on their looks to be enough to get them by. They never have core values or place any value on relavant things. They’re often focused on trivial things, stuffs that real men have no time for. Now when a sensible woman sees this traits and rejects their offer for a relationship. Why would anyone think she would regret being on her own than being with such a nuisance? Haha…are you getting my point?
  • The “timid”- these ones would boast to their friends about their prowess and expertise but the truth remains that they’re tongue-tied and timid once in the presence of a lady. There’s nothing that irritates a woman, especially the career focused type as a man, not bold enough to state what he wants or needs. Haa! What’s the worst that could happen? To her, it’s as simple as you expressing why you think a relationship with her is a good idea. If you can’t do even that. Then how can you handle “communication” while in the relationship? Lol! That’ll simply be a disaster waiting to happen. Now- pray tell, how’ll a sensible person regret not allowing such a mishap in her life? If you can not express your feelings to someone you supposedly care about, maybe you don’t care about that person as much as you think- because if you do, then you’ll do whatever you’ve got to do to be with him/her.
  • The hardcore manipulators- these ones. It’s all about them and nobody else. Every plan, thoughts, actions, is viewed singularly by how it’ll affect their own “perfect plans.” They search for someone that will “fit-in” into their already mapped out plans, not giving a thought what your ambition or plans are This type has no room for compromise, nothing gives. To them, it’s all or nothing.

There’s no perfect man out there nor any perfect woman for that matter. We’re mostly searching for the same thing. Someone who’ll see the good in us and work with it to bring out the “best” in us. Not someone who will zealously bring out the worst in us. This might be the reasons some said “NO” to you. As a man, if you’re ready to make a relationship work, it’ll probably work. Your approach towards wooing a lady matters alot. Show her you’re willing to be a team, not a “one man” squad. Communicate with her. She isn’t a soothsayer. Hear her out sometimes, you could be surprised by her apt understanding of the situation.

If this piece changes your view on some women. If it opens up a door in your mind that it’s not that simple or simply black or white. If you now see, there’re grey areas too- why some women rejected you in the past and let the “bitterness” go. Then, I believe this writeup has served it purpose and was meant for you! Do have a wonderful weekend you all!

“Being Insecure In A Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Being Insecure In A Relationship

What does it mean to be insecure? Oxford English Dictionary defines insecurity as; uncertainty or anxiety about oneself/lack of confident in oneself.

Let’s bring this trait down to a relationship scenario. As simple and unfathomable as this trait sounds. A lot of people silently struggle with it. This trait manifest in various ways in people. In some, it makes them aggresive, in some, abusive, there are some that it makes see everyone or anyone around them as a threat. Usually, such person has no sense of self-worth. He/she might try to mask it by belittling others. Some show theirs by being overly jealous or always finding faults in other people.

My focus tonight is on the ladies especially, gentlemen aren’t exempted though. In my opinion a lot of women should really work on themselves. Develop a sense of self-love/self-worth. Everyone is unique in his/her own way. People treat you exactly how you treat yourself.

As a lady, how would you handle a situation, where you feel or know that your partner has been distracted in your relationship? Let’s say he has become noncommittal to the whole thing. I guess my question is, what exactly is the right call to make at this juncture? I’m no expert on the matter. What I do know from life experience is that you do not solve a problem by creating more. From my observations and a bit of research. I’ve come to understand that If your relationship is in a bad place, you don’t expect it to magically pull itself from a tight spot and become fully functional again by being bitchy, a pain in the neck, or disrespectful, mean, verbally/ physically abusive, lacking confidence in yourself, in your capabilities.

I think one’s best bet in such situation is- firstly, check yourself. Have you changed lately? Do you still listen to your partner? Do you still have serious talks about your relationship, way forward? Did you stop taking good care of yourself? Are you now nonchallant about those things he used to like about you? Do you still make efforts to spice up your relationship? Have you worked on those traits that your partner detests? Frankly, these questions raised here are for both parties. Male or female should be comfortable enough to ponder on such questions whenever things seemed rocky in one’s relationship. I believe it’s little things that actually builds strong relationships or break them.

Now- after mulling over the relationship, if one believes it’s entirely the partners fault, then try to communicate, discuss the issue in a mature manner. It would be an easier pill to swallow by one’s partner. If one opened the discussion by admitting he/she was ready to take the blame completely until he/she discovered, he or she wasn’t entirely the problem. At this point, there’s no point escalating things by laying it tick. Sticking to basics is always one’s best option. If your relationship matters to your partner, he/she will work on areas where conflicts, issues arises from but if he/she doesn’t care anymore. Grovelling won’t do you any good, you know? That’s where your self confidence comes in, mind you, I don’t mean pride. If your partner refuses to try make things work, with head held high, live your life. He/she may realize his/her mistake or not. What matters is that you don’t give anyone a free pass to make you miserable. What’s your view on this? Do share with us here.

WHAT’S YOUR VIEW ON LADIES PLAYING- “HARD TO GET”???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

WHAT’S YOUR VIEW ON LADIES PLAYING-“HARD TO GET “???

Well- I’d  love to know your view on this over flogged phrase used mostly by men in our society, to describe ladies reactions while being wooed.

Now- what does wooing mean? The English dictionary defines it as; to endeavor to gain someone’s affection.  This act has been in existence for centuries. The world has evolved though- civilization, especially through the birth of social media has almost changed the wooing game completely. Some ladies are emboldened through civilization- and more likely to express their feelings towards a man they fancied or found interesting. Funny enough, these changes haven’t automatically scrapped the lamenting of some men; that some ladies play “hard to get” even when they’re interested in the proposed courtship.

My take on this wailing from men- on ladies playing hard to get or acting indifferent while being wooed by the opposite sex, is that- it shouldn’t be generalized. Every Tom, Dick and Pedro now claims, a lady played hard to get on him. Even though, it could just be a case of unrequited love.

The thing is- I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. My view is- I don’t believe it happens as frequently as those whose ego has been smashed to rubble, want us to believe. Has it ever occurred to some men that, a lady who refused to pick your calls- claimed too busy for a date with you, may just be passing across a direct message- which is, she isn’t interested. I mean, is it not similar to how some, initiate breakups? Some ladies find it difficult to reject a relationship proposal, straight to your face. Especially the sensitive ones; trying to save you that awkward conversation.

Fact is-some ladies play hard to get for real at least in our African setting. Upbringing plays a huge role in shaping one’s character. Those days, etiquette demanded a young lady should carry herself in a certain manner. Having been taught from childhood it’s unladylike to be unrestrained. Or show interest initially while being wooed.

Truth be told- some men actually badmouth/mistreat ladies who were interested in them from the onset. They would at times call such person cheap. Going by this belief, he won’t value the relationship and would eventually take her for granted. This particular logic agrees with the cliche- “people generally value what they made strenuous effort for.”

What about having an open mind? It may or may not be any of those plausible reasons. Things aren’t always what they seemed. What if she happened to be in a relationship and wasn’t interested or available? What if instinctively, she knew, she wouldn’t’ date you? What if just after minutes of talking with you on a first date- she had already seen traits that disgusted her? Do we really think a jerk, is that hard to spot? Lol. Or a braggart? Or a vain man- so fixated on his look? Or a pompous prig? Who thinks he’s the best thing since chocolate. Haha…these’re strictly my opinions though.

My point is- ego is a dangerous trait in any human being. You may never know her reasons for lack of interest initially. I think it’s so wrong to always assume it was an “act.” A lady may not like your personality at first. But something you did, maybe on a date or a particular trait you’ve may gradually melt her heart and endears you to her. That doesn’t mean she was pretending at first. It might just be that you gradually won her over. Understand that, she might not have been interested in you until she began to see traits she likes in you.

My humble advice? If she wouldn’t take your calls – shows absolutely zero interest in you. Move the heck on- she probably isn’t playing any stupid game. Could be, she’s simply not interested in you.

LEARN TO MIND YOUR BUSINESS-PLEASE!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is on a jovial route. It says ;

Learn To Mind Your Business-Please!!!

Hahaha…funny right? I know…

The other day I came across a post on Facebook where a lady was reprimanding those that’d bring her juicy news/ gossip of her boyfriend “extracurricular” activities, which she was blissfully unaware of. She said anyone that brought her such unpleasant news “owed” her a new boyfriend. Lol! As funny as this sounds- I see her point.

I wonder why some make themselves sole bearers of unsolicited bad news to others. Once it’s a news that’d cause the person unimaginable grief, this type of busy- bodies just want to be there when it unfolds. They want to watch your face, witness every detail of your reaction as you battle for composure. She/he could regale others with this sizzling gist- disguised as “sharing” her sympathy for “you” to them, of course. Haha… if it was something good- he/she wouldn’t have had time to contact you in person. People simply crave for something bad to happen- if it doesn’t. Some would even twist something good- all in a futile effort to make it appear bad.

Why I agree with the lady’s post on Facebook? Okay, you think or know for a fact that her man is cheating on her. Uhm… you’re loyal and must protect your friend! I get that too. You’re sure her relationship is now in shambles! Oh! I know… haha.  Now- you’ve become her avenging angel, must protect her and save her from further embarrassment! Of course. Lol! What’re friends for? My question though is- what’ve you achieved by being nosy/ meddling into her affairs? What happened to minding your own business? Is it your affair? How sure are you of your own partner?

Lol! Hear me out first- I’m not saying if his/her partner is cheating, that- it’s okay. Far from that, neither am I saying do nothing if you knew for a fact and this is a good friend. But don’t make it a juicy gossip and dump it on him/her like you’re doing him/her a favour! I hate gossipers with passion. There’re ways one can alert a friend of his/her partner’s behavior, without actually pointing a finger. A sensible person would take note and device a way to sort things out with his/her partner without making a ruckus about it.

Gossipers make a mess of things, most times. Even King David killed gossipers twice in the Holy Book. The first gossiper, brought him a juicy news of King Saul’s death, expecting a pat on the back or even a befitting gift, instead he got his death. The second gossipers brought him a hot gist of how they killed Ishbosheth- while he was having an afternoon nap in his own home! It gets worse- those two were the perpetrators of the said crime…thinking it’d please him- that they had killed his “presumed” enemy. Lol! I call them the overzealous- “Baanah” and “Rechab.” What did this act fetch them? Their hands and feet were severed from their bodies!  Check it out- tell me if I’m making a valid point- 2Samuel4:5-12. It is an interesting read I assure you.

The thing is- let’s all learn to mind our business. I try hard to do just that because I’d realized quite early in life that things aren’t always what they seemed. For instance- from the story above Baanah and Rechab thought what they did was a show of loyalty to David- what they didn’t know was one single “fact”- David never saw King Saul or his family as his enemies. You may think you’re bringing your “friend”a good and valuable news. But you aren’t the one in that relationship, so you may not know that “single” fact that binds them- just as it happened in the narrative above.

I think I’ve said enough- just stay off other peoples matters. She who wears the shoes knows where it hurts. There’re different shades too. You can never tell. Your baggage might be bigger than that of whom, you’ve asigned yourself to watch over. He/she might have deeper history why things seem the way they appear to you. Do have a lovely day you all!