I Met A Man

Hahaha…that’s right. This is a lady’s story. Hear what she has to say. This man ticked all the boxes. A good listener, caring, thoughtful and “God fearing”. Let’s call him John.

John would call first thing in the morning and last before going to bed. He initially talked about his past which according to his tales was packed to the brim with sad and horrid stories. I didn’t talk about my past at all. To me, it was all in the past now. For the first time I saw a man who didn’t pry. Lol! Little did I know what was coming. Haha..

He was bold and decisive, knew what he wanted. Wow…did such men still exist? John wanted a condusive home of peace and harmony, consisting of wife and children – don’t we all? He also had an aged mother to cater for. So kind hearted, a human being! I was excited for such a monumental fortune “change” in a relationship. That’s the thing. It seemed I actually expected such a human being to exist. Didn’t l? I’ve no idea.

Well, one morning, I got a phone call that shattered to piece my sand castle. It was a distress call, John’s mother had been shot by armed rubbers. She was being wheeled into the hospital as I was informed by the caller. He couldn’t be reached on phone!I was told. I immediately tried to reach him to no avail.

The calls kept coming, I remember wondering why I was the one being called incessantly on a case like this? But there were no time to muse, the doctor informed me, she needed to be in surgery asap. I made a decision l would’ve made if she were to be my mother. I told the doctor to commence surgery and save her life. I was told how much to deposit into the hospital account before surgery could begin. I believed I did well under pressure. After the surgery, John later returned my call. I told him all that happened. He was stunned to say the least. He called me an angel for saving his mom.

I was glad, I could help. That’s all I said. Except, none of it were true. It was all theatrics, “staged”. He was a fraud trying to steal from me. I’ve thought hard through all these- and I keep asking myself, what I’d have done differently or what I’d do if someone ever needed my help again, for real or fake? The trauma alone of vizualizing a mother dying on a hospital gurney because her son couldn’t be reached.

It’s a lesson learned, the hard way. I know now what human being are capable of-all for money. How much was it that you stooped so low…

Hahaha…what’s your thoughts on love scam?

Do have a wonderful evening, you all!

Are You An Asset???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is on the cliché “Are you an asset? Lol! These words are spoken over an over by relationships experts so nonchalantly- but are you valuable to your partner, in your relationship? Don’t get me wrong. I think being an asset could be mis-understood if care isn’t taken.

Now- let’s define the word Asset; the English Dictionary defines Asset as- a useful or valuable quality. It also could be defined as- anything of material value or usefulness that is owned by a person or company.

Most people mouth these words, expecting asset to mean only tangible values i.e monetary values, wealth. I think that mindset can not totally define asset. A person could be valuable through their reasoning, behavior, through values added by being real. Being a role model can shape another person’s life.

Now- back to our discussion, are you an asset to your lady/man? The outcome of your relationship might determine that or not. Nobody wants to loose an asset- but you could be of value to someone else, where another thought you weren’t of any value. It all depends on his or her mindset and outlook to life. Your value will never be appreciated by someone who has no need for what you bring to the table. Someone who needs what you’ve got will value you- now that’s what compatibility is all about! Join me on here, let’s share our thoughts on being an asset. Do have a lovely day!

Why Blame Others???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Wow! It’s been a while. How’s the day going? Smootly, I hope.

My today’s topic says;

Why Blame Others???

Lol! I see brows being raised. Well- curiosity kills the cat- they say. Uhm…where am I headed with this epistle?

My focus today is on relationships. Oftentimes I hear men “whining” mostly about ladies that rejected their proposal for a relationship and still ended up alone. Haha.. this is hilarious. Please I would like to know the “connection” here. As a man- do you ask every lady you meet out? Is it all the women that crosses your path, that you connect with? Why then do you expect every lady you speak with to be “grateful” instantly- thank her “God” for the previledge to be spoken to by you. Lol!

There’re different categories of men I’ve taken notice of lately. One thing I found out they’ve in common, is this unbearable “ego” that a woman should be grateful and worship the ground they walked on, because they’re the best thing since sliced – bread. Hahaha..

The categories are-

  • The superficial- vain, shallow, type of men who never quite figure out what they want in life. This type rely mostly on their looks to be enough to get them by. They never have core values or place any value on relavant things. They’re often focused on trivial things, stuffs that real men have no time for. Now when a sensible woman sees this traits and rejects their offer for a relationship. Why would anyone think she would regret being on her own than being with such a nuisance? Haha…are you getting my point?
  • The “timid”- these ones would boast to their friends about their prowess and expertise but the truth remains that they’re tongue-tied and timid once in the presence of a lady. There’s nothing that irritates a woman, especially the career focused type as a man, not bold enough to state what he wants or needs. Haa! What’s the worst that could happen? To her, it’s as simple as you expressing why you think a relationship with her is a good idea. If you can’t do even that. Then how can you handle “communication” while in the relationship? Lol! That’ll simply be a disaster waiting to happen. Now- pray tell, how’ll a sensible person regret not allowing such a mishap in her life? If you can not express your feelings to someone you supposedly care about, maybe you don’t care about that person as much as you think- because if you do, then you’ll do whatever you’ve got to do to be with him/her.
  • The hardcore manipulators- these ones. It’s all about them and nobody else. Every plan, thoughts, actions, is viewed singularly by how it’ll affect their own “perfect plans.” They search for someone that will “fit-in” into their already mapped out plans, not giving a thought what your ambition or plans are This type has no room for compromise, nothing gives. To them, it’s all or nothing.

There’s no perfect man out there nor any perfect woman for that matter. We’re mostly searching for the same thing. Someone who’ll see the good in us and work with it to bring out the “best” in us. Not someone who will zealously bring out the worst in us. This might be the reasons some said “NO” to you. As a man, if you’re ready to make a relationship work, it’ll probably work. Your approach towards wooing a lady matters alot. Show her you’re willing to be a team, not a “one man” squad. Communicate with her. She isn’t a soothsayer. Hear her out sometimes, you could be surprised by her apt understanding of the situation.

If this piece changes your view on some women. If it opens up a door in your mind that it’s not that simple or simply black or white. If you now see, there’re grey areas too- why some women rejected you in the past and let the “bitterness” go. Then, I believe this writeup has served it purpose and was meant for you! Do have a wonderful weekend you all!

“Being Insecure In A Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Being Insecure In A Relationship

What does it mean to be insecure? Oxford English Dictionary defines insecurity as; uncertainty or anxiety about oneself/lack of confident in oneself.

Let’s bring this trait down to a relationship scenario. As simple and unfathomable as this trait sounds. A lot of people silently struggle with it. This trait manifest in various ways in people. In some, it makes them aggresive, in some, abusive, there are some that it makes see everyone or anyone around them as a threat. Usually, such person has no sense of self-worth. He/she might try to mask it by belittling others. Some show theirs by being overly jealous or always finding faults in other people.

My focus tonight is on the ladies especially, gentlemen aren’t exempted though. In my opinion a lot of women should really work on themselves. Develop a sense of self-love/self-worth. Everyone is unique in his/her own way. People treat you exactly how you treat yourself.

As a lady, how would you handle a situation, where you feel or know that your partner has been distracted in your relationship? Let’s say he has become noncommittal to the whole thing. I guess my question is, what exactly is the right call to make at this juncture? I’m no expert on the matter. What I do know from life experience is that you do not solve a problem by creating more. From my observations and a bit of research. I’ve come to understand that If your relationship is in a bad place, you don’t expect it to magically pull itself from a tight spot and become fully functional again by being bitchy, a pain in the neck, or disrespectful, mean, verbally/ physically abusive, lacking confidence in yourself, in your capabilities.

I think one’s best bet in such situation is- firstly, check yourself. Have you changed lately? Do you still listen to your partner? Do you still have serious talks about your relationship, way forward? Did you stop taking good care of yourself? Are you now nonchallant about those things he used to like about you? Do you still make efforts to spice up your relationship? Have you worked on those traits that your partner detests? Frankly, these questions raised here are for both parties. Male or female should be comfortable enough to ponder on such questions whenever things seemed rocky in one’s relationship. I believe it’s little things that actually builds strong relationships or break them.

Now- after mulling over the relationship, if one believes it’s entirely the partners fault, then try to communicate, discuss the issue in a mature manner. It would be an easier pill to swallow by one’s partner. If one opened the discussion by admitting he/she was ready to take the blame completely until he/she discovered, he or she wasn’t entirely the problem. At this point, there’s no point escalating things by laying it tick. Sticking to basics is always one’s best option. If your relationship matters to your partner, he/she will work on areas where conflicts, issues arises from but if he/she doesn’t care anymore. Grovelling won’t do you any good, you know? That’s where your self confidence comes in, mind you, I don’t mean pride. If your partner refuses to try make things work, with head held high, live your life. He/she may realize his/her mistake or not. What matters is that you don’t give anyone a free pass to make you miserable. What’s your view on this? Do share with us here.

Did I Advocate Promiscuity??? Hell No!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

 

Some months back I talked about situations that might have aided insecurities/uncertainties that so many ladies in our society faces in their various relationships . And why a lot of the singles out there now “heed” to this advise; https://kareninspirational.com/2017/03/23/all-eggs-in-one-…u-for-or-against/

-which ordinarily isn’t ideal. The post being referred to was titled-

“All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against???”

Personally, I detest unfaithfulness in a relationship. It’s just not in me to ignore irresponsible/unruly behavior in a relationship, unless I’m unaware. Be that as it may, a lot depends on how the perpetrator viewed his/her action.​

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However, that’s not what this post is about.  A comment on my Facebook page  Kareninspirational For Singles-  got to me. I’d like to explain more here. Although I replied, I felt he still didn’t get what I was on about at the time. I’d intended then, to respond through a new post- knowing well,  he might not had been the only one who misunderstood the previous post, but other things got in the way. So, here we are;
It was just that single question. But was it loaded?! Lol! He asked why I gave such offensive advice, “encouraging people to cheat in their relationships,” paraphrased. He asked what I intended to achieve. “It was deceitful of me”. He quipped.  Well… I responded by advising him to peruse the article again to grasp what it was truly about.

What got to me however was how men are quick most times to defend oppressive “norms” in our society. Which mostly work in their favour. Some of the defensive techniques now being displayed by some female folks were improvised to cub the thoughtless and callous attitudes of some men.

​As a single lady in my opinion, if the relationship isn’t serious, no commitments whatsoever. Why hang on to it? Even if you’re engaged. Do you aspire to become “Lord of the Rings?” There has to be a reasonable period of time, you could wait for someone.  Move on if commitment isn’t forthcoming. Don’t lie to yourself, if things aren’t working out, you can feel it already. Don’t be desperate. Don’t force yourself on someone who has made you an option or a backup strategy. The thing is- eventually you may regret it. If you found the courage to move on- never allow yourself to be blackmailed. Some will psych you into believing it didn’t work because you left. Really?


The hard truth is- some spend years in a relationship only for a partner to break up, leave at the doff of a hat, with some flimsy excuse or without any in some cases. Now- place a lady that entered such a relationship at 24/25yrs of age in this scenario- say 3 to 4yrs later. She’s left to start afresh, to cultivate a new relationship from the scratch. Say, she’s 28/29yrs or thereabout at this time. Why should this lady hang on to you or date you exclusively for two/three yrs if you’d refused discussing where the relationship was headed?
https://kareninspirational.com/2017/03/23/all-eggs-in-one-…u-for-or-against

On this particular post above, I didn’t actually  advocate promiscuity ” Not putting all the eggs in one basket.” Doesn’t necessarily mean cheating. A lady could date casually, no intimacy or all that. All she needs is to be open minded.  The  aim for dating is to know a bit more about the person. However I pointed out that I totally grasp the reasons behind not  wanting to be exclusive with someone who’s uncommitted to the relationship.

​Has anyone noticed how vocal and agitated some men become if anything or anyone threatens the paradigm? The status quo? It  baffles me that someone who failed to define his relationship after a year or two would feel he’s entitled to exclusive relationship, when he has made absolutely no iota of commitment to that relationship. Shouldn’t that be likened to one “eating his cake and having it still?”

What’s your view on this issue? Do share it with me on here. Have a wonderful day you all!