All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all singles.

All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against?

Single ladies and bachelors are often advised not to put “all their eggs in one basket.” Technically we should have backup plans for any relationship, one ventures into.

This evening I’m focusing more on the impact of this advise on the singles. I believe this advise is drummed into the ladies psyche particularly, more than the male folks. The men mostly aren’t under any pressure.

We have all heard and received this advice countless times in our lives. My question this evening is; how do we interpret this–“not putting all our eggs in one basket?” At what age or stage should this be applicable? What’s your interpretation? Is it being abused? Is it causing more heartbreaks? More harm than good?

Today I’d like to share my opinion on this euphemistic relationship advice.

  • Firstly, there are stages in every relationship. One meets a potential partner at a given time, exchange contacts or one could be introduced by a friend, family member and so forth. Now, the first step is going on a date with him or her. If the first date went well, another and yet another could be arranged. At this stage, you are observing each other, trying to find out if you enjoy each other’s company. If it’s going well, you begin to relax; become less tense around each other; Communicate effortlessly; gist; joke and enjoy each other’s company.
  • The second stage becomes the relationship proper. Where you discuss generally what you expect and want out of that relationship. This is also known as”defining” the relationship. At this stage as a man/ lady, if you are searching for a serious relationship that may move on to the next stage. You discovered the lady/man you are dating wants something different, maybe a fling or just not ready for something serious. Some will be straightforward enough to give you this fact as it is. Heed to it… move on. You’d meet someone who would want same things as you someday.
  • This third stage is quite crucial. The relationship has metamorphosed into courtship. This stage is the most serious stage before marriage proper because the two involved would be working towards same goals. Making future plans as a team towards life as a couple. Learning minute details about their spouse to be. What works and what doesn’t for them. The basics at least…

Now, back to the topic of discussion. It seems to me, there wasn’t real clarification on where this infamous advice— (not to put all eggs in one basket) should be applied.

Based on the first and second above mentioned stages. It seems obvious to me that a man or lady that isn’t in any defined relationship should meet and date other people. However he/she should exhibit decorum at this stage. When the relationship is finally defined. If it wasn’t what you hoped for, expected, needed…then leave. Don’t just hang on to “nothing”, expecting him/her to reconsider. Or hoping you could change his/her mind. It may cause more harm than good if you persuade someone to be with you.

I hope it’s clearer now where I’m headed?

Uhm… personally, I don’t believe anyone should be dating( be involved with other people) at the courtship stage of his/her relationship. It’s not even ideal during relationships. It’s just that some never really define their relationships. For such people, anything goes. Well,  if you accepted to be in an ” open relationship.”Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Is metaphorically meant for you.

My point this evening, is for one to be cognizant of the state of one’s relationship. So as not to jeopardize or waste unnecessary time in it. Gentlemen and ladies… let’s not allow this  advice– dished out frequently at random mar our relationships. Faithfulness to one’s partner is still the best. He who wears the shoes, knows where it hurt though…

What’s your opinion on this? I honestly want to read your view on here.

Ethical Values And Our Societies

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I will deviate a bit yet again. My topic today says;

Ethical Values And Our Societies  

No matter the obstacles one passes through in life, let’s try as much as possible to do the right thing most times.

Ethics are meant to guide us, create a consciousness in us, that every action sprouts a reaction. It creates a conscience in our minds.

People do so many horrible things to others, you wonder how they were raised. Didn’t anyone teach these ones ethical values?

This isn’t about religion or being religious. This is about doing the right thing.

How many people these days are ready to say “NO” based on ethical values? How many would be principled enough to go against “status quo” because it’s wrong?

Let’s take for instance in the ancient times. Our forefathers, they weren’t Christians or Muslims, they weren’t educated yet there was a consciousness in them of right and wrong. Some of them committed uncountable atrocities. Make no mistakes, they knew which was which. Punishment meted were often severe for certain offences.

The thing is, most times nobody ever holds you responsible for the petty acts you commit against your fellow human being. Frustrating others efforts at your place of work/neighborhood. Doing all sorts of despicable things against people around you. Fact is, chances are, you could scheme, commit and get away with it most times, no one being the wiser.  Payback day springs when least expected though.

What will it cost a man or woman to desist from causing others pain? To avoid hurting others? Or causing unnecessary havoc to others…?

Altruism, which is defined by the English dictionary as; “regard for others, both natural and moral”; “devotion to the interest of others”; brotherly kindness – opposed to egoism or selfishness.

If a quarter or more of the people sharing this world practice this trait, there won’t be so much hatred, racism, tribalism, bigotry, terrorism, wars all over the place.

Instead of intolerance; discrimination; prejudice. Why not embrace tolerance, kindness towards one another? Would that be inconceivable?

The undeniable fact is, those that commit hate crimes are bigots. I don’t believe it’s easy to brainwash a heart of gold, filled with love and kindness to go out and kill countless number of people for religious sake. For a heinous crime of such magnitude to be committed by anyone. That heart was already filled with hate, intolerance, bigotry.

I implore us all to be selfless in our daily lives. Let’s value others lives as we value ours. Being altruistic is a trait we should strive for, if we hope for the next generation to meet a better world. A world where your religion won’t matter, neither would your race, colour nor tribe.

Discarding superiority complex and accepting others, as we would accept ourselves and our own will go a long way to squash uprising, hate crimes, tribalism, bigotry from our respective  societies.

Let’s show love to one another. Where there’s love, there would be peace, selflessness, acceptance, tolerance. It’s not an impossible feat if we begin now to instill ethical values in our children, wards. Practice it in our neighborhood; states and countries until others begin to emulate. Let’s also applaud those that exhibit selfless attitude in our society, encourage those that  show kindness and love to others. This attitude will encourage others instead of instigating hate and intolerance among ourselves.

I urge us all to embrace peace and love, as we celebrate Valentine’s day and beyond. Treat others as you would treat the love of your life.

Happy Valentine’s day!

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Before I give my opinion on this particular issue, which by now you are aware, I have lots of them to give. Lol Let’s quickly find out what truthfulness is all about.

My English dictionary defines truthfulness as; ” The quality of being truthful.” Now- I ask, what is being “truthful”? Once again my dictionary defines it as; “Honest, and always telling the truth.” “Accurately depicting what is real.” Well…that explains itself right there. Lol

Now based on life realities we go through everyday; we encounter numerous ups and downs and end up surprising ourselves on our capabilities which most won’t dare associate with themselves ordinarily until they are in a very tight corner. What am I trying to say here? Well… hear me out. Hahaha…

No one is perfect. Show me that perfect man/woman. I’d show you a “liar/pretender.” We all have weaknesses. That’s what makes us human. Back to my topic, is truthfulness “overrated”? What does it mean to over-rate something? My English dictionary defines it as; “to esteem too high; to give greater praise than due.”Lol. Now you see where I’m headed?

At some point in one’s life, he/she has done something she/he wasn’t so proud of. Let’s say you are in a relationship or living with people that such action may affect, directly or indirectly. Because you knew in your gut, they would be disappointed if or when they find out what happened. You chose the “easy” way out. Which is to either “omit” the truth or damn straight lie about it. Lol. Now- hear why I think telling the “truth” isn’t “overrated.”

Lie or lies are like a bad penny. That’s the honest truth I’m telling you right here. It doesn’t worth the stress and pressure that it strings along, if you ask me. And like a bad penny, it keeps coming up till it bites you where it hurts. Lmao…I understand clearly why someone would be so exasperated to wonder if truthfulness isn’t given more credit than it deserves.

Mr. A/ Miss A, does something he/she isn’t proud of. He or she summons the courage which is no small feat, tells Mr. B the truth. And Mr. B being hurt or disappointed by what he has just heard, flies off the handle! Chews Mr. A out… tongue lashes Mr. A or Miss A for the offence committed, which she/he has just been courageous enough to tell the truth about. Lol.

Are you getting the picture? It’s quite rare for someone receiving such solicited or unsolicited confession not to react or overreact. One begins to wonder if it was worth the effort. It might not have been a big deal or would not have been any deal at all if one has kept his/her mouth shut. Hahaha…

At that particular moment, that popular saying “what happened in Paris stays in Paris ” begins to look enticingly appealing. In a relationship, omitting to tell the truth whenever such need arises or out rightly lying about things will only postpone confrontations. Fact is, when truth finally gets out,  because it always mostly does. It only takes a while. The anger, the hurts, hardly ever generate from the incident or action of the perpetrator. Instead it comes from the fact that the “truth” was kept from him or her for a reasonable period of time. He/she begins to wonder which other “secret/s”is being kept from him/her or what else he’s/ she’s being lied to about.

It destroys trust. It destroys faith this person has placed in you. It’s  even worse when, it was the partner that discovered  the truth, all by him/her lonesome self. You would be in a very “hot” soup. Lol.

So dear ladies… no matter how hard it is, truthfulness is still the best bet if you ask me. It’s the major way to study your partner. If you did something that your conscience bothered you about, there’s a 90% probability it will also bother someone else. Being truthful is being real. No one said it’s easy but you get to see the other person for real. Get to know how they react to life issues. By the way, lying in a relationship is not synonymous to “cheating.” That isn’t what we are discussing here today. It’s a sub-part of a whole though, for there’s a thousand and one other situations, that could lead to being “tempted” to lie or omit the truth for peace sake.

The thing is, it’s better to say it out while it’s hot and take your chances than being on edge each day trying hard to cover a lie deeper each day. Trust me, a lie will keep rearing it ugly head every chance it get, until you despise yourself for it or get caught. And none of these options is appealing or worth the stress.

Telling the truth always, no matter how hard it is at that particular time is still one’s best option. It isn’t overrated… what one needs is the courage to go through with it. Human beings will be human beings, if the person you are with doesn’t appreciate the effort and courage it took for you to be truthful, instead focused only on what he/she heard you say you did, then he or she is an insensitive bastard… just do it for your peace of mind then- always. Thank me later!

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning. Do have a wonderful week, you all.

 

 

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Now what does the word “Trust” mean? The English dictionary defines it as; ” confidence in or reliance on someone or quality.”

Well, that explanation is quite simple. I’d say, trust apart from the one children have in their parents which I believe must be inborn right from the cradles, is usually earned. That of a child and his/her parents; the child trust them wholeheartedly to provide for him/her; to protect; to be there always; to love and care; to pay him/her attention whenever he or she sort it.This kind of trust will remain firm if the parents didn’t fail at their duties. It remains intact because deep down the child often takes this for granted because it has always been there. But if the home was malfunctioned. Distrust could start early even from childhood, which is a very complex situation, that has diverse reasons which I won’t be dabbing into just yet. Lol! Here today, I want to share my view on trust in a relationship, which is earned. If it could be rebuilt or not.

Let me put it this way. You can’t just meet Mr. A and decide he’s very truthful, principled, reliable, faithful and so forth. Before one acquire such firm confidence in Mr. A. One must have had cause to believe it to be so. You have faith in his truthful nature. “He will tell the truth no matter what.” You’d say this because you believed it to be so. You believed it because you trust him. Are you getting the picture?

Now, this trust makes every relationship strong, stress-free, easy, blissful, euphoric until “something” shatters it.

In a situation where someone you believed could never lie to you, lies to your face and somehow you already knew the truth. You caught him/ her in a lie” red handed”, doing something you could never have associated with him or her. Gracious Lord! Hmmm… painful, right?The mind is a tricky gadget. At that particular moment , the whole trust “built” comes tumbling down. One begins to speculate, maybe it had all been a lie.

On today’s topic, I’m here to talk about how or if it’s possible to build trust back when it has been lost. Things will never be the same, let’s tell one another the real truth here. But something new could be built from a shattered trust. Trusting again may become quite difficult to the “betrayed.”  Hahahah… are you surprised I used that particular word? Oh, c’mon. How does it feel when someone you had so much confidence in, does something you could vouch for him/her, would never do? The truth is, there’s this feeling of betrayal right inside one’s gut, squeezing, you feel like your heart would burst right open in acute pains.

Let’s use this scenario…a man meets a decent girl, an epitome of a virtuous woman. On a faithful day he discovers, that persona was all a lie. Or a decent girl finds out no atom of truth has ever passed through her partners lips. He had lied, cheated and done several despicable things behind her back.

OK! Now here’s the fun part. In a scenario where the trust is gone. Now you are seeing the real him/ her, at the moment. It isn’t appealing one single bit. It isn’t over though. Is he/she remorseful? Deeply moved by the hurt she/he has caused you, for real, not just trying to appear remorseful. You may never be sure. It’s a risk you would have to take if you still want him/her.

Before you think of rebuilding trust, it means you still want him/her in your life. “No one is perfect”; they say…I believe if you love this person, the only way this move could work is to; forgive wholeheartedly; start afresh on a clean slate. Be determined to be patient until he/she proves to you that, he/she will not jeopardize your relationship by letting such happen again.

Let him or her come clean, encourage him to spill everything to you. It is a risk, let him take it because he shattered that trust in the first place. I called it a risk because even after hearing it all. You can still walk away without a backward glance. The betrayed has all the chips on this one. He/she will have to weigh his/her options. Decides whether he or she could forgive and start to trust this same person again.

The damage has been done, even if he/she moves on. That experience could cause  trust issues towards the next person he/she meets. In a situation like this, the cliché ” the devil you know” begins to sound comforting. Isn’t it simpler not to mess up someone’s life just because you are a crook, a lair, a cheat, a thief or whatever? Be that from the onset. You would be surprised. Some girls or men will know these facts, still fall for you. When you betray someone trust, that person may still forgive you and try to rebuild the relationship. It is a choice. But something is lost in the process, no matter how hard you try, that “unflinching trust” may never be regained.

If you value that relationship of yours.  Watch your actions. Trust is one of those things very hard to rebuild when lost. I can’t give you false hope here my ladies, if you want it to last, be trust worthy.

That’s all I can say this lovely morning. Have a wonderful day!