Is Love Enough?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Love Enough?

All through the years I have seen very excited couples to be, turn sworn enemies within months or couple of years down the road. We’ve all seen couples that seemed like a match made in Heaven, only to watch it all crumble at some point. My focus here is on those that actually loved themselves from the onset.

I’ve this personal convictions which are solely mine, of the factors that causes problems, irreconcilable differences and breakups among couples that actually loved themselves, after tieing the knot. Over the years I’ve observed that- it’s  possible to love someone yet disagree with this same person’s values.

Love- to me doesn’t take away one’s senses. It heightens and sharpens them. If one is infatuated it’s a different ball game. You could be carried away by the sizzling passion. But love? NO. Let’s not forget- when you love someone-you get to know them on a different level. Especially if this feeling is reciprocated. You’d know their;  flaws; their weaknesses; you’d know to an extent how his/her mind works. You could predict his/her actions even, at times; you’d know when and what makes him or her angry, happy, sad. Although you’ve  all these knowledge at your fingertips, you still love him/her and would rather be with him/her than another.

Now, let’s say;

  • He/she totally detest your values- you can’t stand lies- you believe in treating people fairly at all time. He/she lies at will and doesn’t give a damn about anyone else.
  • You abhor deceit of any kind- he/she thrives on it.You’re thrift and economical, he/she’s a spendthrift. A lavisher,extreemly extravagant.
  • He/she’s hot-headed.
  • One or both of you’re petty. 
  • You ignore issues to avoid confrontations.
  • He/she’s temperamental. The list goes on.

What am I saying? Now-both of you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the chemistry is there. The love is there, but each of the traits I mentioned has been rearing its ugly head and constantly you ignore it because you’re simply avoiding confrontations. The truth is- when one is in love, he/she’d do anything not to cause his/her partner pain. Even when it leads to confrontation one tends to choose his/her words carefully to avoid hurting his/her partner more than necessary. Now because of this nurturing, all keeps going well. The underlying differences are not treated/tackled, acknowledged. No definite solution is sort or deviced towards any particular issue.

The thing is- love is a strong feeling of affection and care towards another but it won’t be that intense all through- at a point it becomes a bond of friendship, companionship. It gets to this stage when the partners:-

  • Share similar values
  • Understand each other totally.
  • Relate easily.
  • Respect each other.
  •  Empathize with each other.

However, it’s my observation that a couple could still love each other without any of these key ingredients of a healthy relationship. You see where I’m headed? They may ‘ve love, which will undoubtably breed; tolerance, affection, care, forgiveness, patience for a while.

At the point a couple that had love together with the other components of a healthy relationship are headed into a more mature, comfortable state which is a bond of friendship and companionship. Those that had love with the components of an unhealthy relationship begins to tear apart. We get to hear-

  • I thought I loved him/her. Never really knew him/her.
  • We weren’t on the same page. His/her values were wack!
  • We weren’t compatible.
  • He/she never understood me.
  • He/she never respected me.
  • He/she just didn’t get me.

Well- these set could remain friends and still share strong feelings and bonds even after separation/divorce. Most times we wonder why they didn’t just try harder to be together. Some of those attributes of unhealthy relationships that I mentioned above definitely played a part. Those’re the reasons I’m convinced that, love isn’t enough when it comes to marriage. It has its relevance to marriage as I stated in one of my previous posts.  I’m of the opinion that it isn’t nearly enough though.

What’s your view on this topic? Care to share? It could save a future marriage or two. Who knows?

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Is Love Relevant In A Union?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Love Relevant In a Union?

First and foremost, what do we understand by the term “love?”

“An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person.” “A deep or abiding liking for something.” Says; the English dictionary.

Now based on those definitions above. I’m of the opinion that, it matters. Hear me out first… it isn’t compulsory though. A marriage that has compatibility would work just fine without all that mushy stuff. Personality traits plays a huge role in a union. But when push turns to shove, I believe deep affections, is what binds the union.

Let me elaborate. There are no two people, with exact same character in the world, twins even have their differences. Love breeds tolerance, it breeds patience, it activates forgiveness. When you have affection and care towards another, you would forgive almost anything.

It’s true we have all heard a thousand times how it eventually fades. I have no doubt it might fade as everything else in the universe does fade in time even life. But don’t forget, when it was present it created the bond that is later referred to as friendship, companionship, mutual respect. Genuine friendship are born out of likeness and care.

Love must create memories and those wonderful moments shared, will cushion the union during tough times. If you would observe with me, a couple that had no affections for each other take much longer to become friends, if it ever gets to that. Some are like total stranger to each other when no one is watching. Don’t be deceived.

 

Where affection is present, forgiveness isn’t far behind. Tolerance is close by. Pettiness, hate,regrets aren’t  so accessible.

We try to grasp at times, why a man would break-up a relationship  with a lady for cheating, being rude, obstinate, yet marry someone with similar character traits and still end up happy with the choice he made. The reality here is that singular binding factor; “love.” His affection overrides everything else.

In every relationship, there’s a simple fact. My opinion though- the degree of your affections for each other, determines largely the final outcome. If one of you isn’t interested, the probability of it amounting to anything is almost nonexistent. If you are always on someone’s neck for every little blunder the persons makes. Well, firstly such would put the receiving party on auto-defensive mode whenever you are around him/her.

Secondly, this person becomes disillusioned towards you. This is because, she or he, sees your shortcomings too but chose to ignore or devise a way to accommodate it. So, your constant hacking on hers or his, would soon breed nonchalant attitude towards the partner. From this attitude comes;  contempt, scorn, gradually- it becomes unadulterated hate. Are you getting the picture? When love is involved from the beginning, tolerance will allow you study your partner patiently. You would see his weaknesses and his strengths. Love will encourage you to accommodate the weaknesses, instead of nagging about them every damn minute. Before the love wears off, if it does. You would be close friends and confidants by then. And as friends, you would know the best ways to handle your differences. There are no friends without differences. What makes them friends is the ability to understand and accommodate one another.

Love has never really been a valued criteria in most African countries as a necessity towards the institution of marriage. But maybe it should. If you are lucky to find it, you made a step in the right direction for it might just help your marriage to be unique and fulfilling. But if you found compatibility, it’s also okay. Who knows? It can still slip in, in time. It could grow and become strong eventually. It all begins with “affection” towards another whom you are with.

Those are the reasons, why I believe it’s  pertinent, for two people living together as one. If you don’t share such bond, some words spoken to each other in anger or some horrible things done against each other may never be forgiven or forgotten. We all know it takes love to forgive. Try forgiving someone you despise. Lol. Tell me the outcome later.

Well,  it’s still my personal view. What do you think?