Hello ladies and gentlemen…
My topic today says;
Is Love Enough?
All through the years I have seen very excited couples to be, turn sworn enemies within months or couple of years down the road. We’ve all seen couples that seemed like a match made in Heaven, only to watch it all crumble at some point. My focus here is on those that actually loved themselves from the onset.
I’ve this personal convictions which are solely mine, of the factors that causes problems, irreconcilable differences and breakups among couples that actually loved themselves, after tieing the knot. Over the years I’ve observed that- it’s possible to love someone yet disagree with this same person’s values.
Love- to me doesn’t take away one’s senses. It heightens and sharpens them. If one is infatuated it’s a different ball game. You could be carried away by the sizzling passion. But love? NO. Let’s not forget- when you love someone-you get to know them on a different level. Especially if this feeling is reciprocated. You’d know their; flaws; their weaknesses; you’d know to an extent how his/her mind works. You could predict his/her actions even, at times; you’d know when and what makes him or her angry, happy, sad. Although you’ve all these knowledge at your fingertips, you still love him/her and would rather be with him/her than another.
Now, let’s say;
- He/she totally detest your values- you can’t stand lies- you believe in treating people fairly at all time. He/she lies at will and doesn’t give a damn about anyone else.
- You abhor deceit of any kind- he/she thrives on it.You’re thrift and economical, he/she’s a spendthrift. A lavisher,extreemly extravagant.
- He/she’s hot-headed.
- One or both of you’re petty.
- You ignore issues to avoid confrontations.
- He/she’s temperamental. The list goes on.
What am I saying? Now-both of you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the chemistry is there. The love is there, but each of the traits I mentioned has been rearing its ugly head and constantly you ignore it because you’re simply avoiding confrontations. The truth is- when one is in love, he/she’d do anything not to cause his/her partner pain. Even when it leads to confrontation one tends to choose his/her words carefully to avoid hurting his/her partner more than necessary. Now because of this nurturing, all keeps going well. The underlying differences are not treated/tackled, acknowledged. No definite solution is sort or deviced towards any particular issue.
The thing is- love is a strong feeling of affection and care towards another but it won’t be that intense all through- at a point it becomes a bond of friendship, companionship. It gets to this stage when the partners:-
- Share similar values
- Understand each other totally.
- Relate easily.
- Respect each other.
- Empathize with each other.
However, it’s my observation that a couple could still love each other without any of these key ingredients of a healthy relationship. You see where I’m headed? They may ‘ve love, which will undoubtably breed; tolerance, affection, care, forgiveness, patience for a while.
At the point a couple that had love together with the other components of a healthy relationship are headed into a more mature, comfortable state which is a bond of friendship and companionship. Those that had love with the components of an unhealthy relationship begins to tear apart. We get to hear-
- I thought I loved him/her. Never really knew him/her.
- We weren’t on the same page. His/her values were wack!
- We weren’t compatible.
- He/she never understood me.
- He/she never respected me.
- He/she just didn’t get me.
Well- these set could remain friends and still share strong feelings and bonds even after separation/divorce. Most times we wonder why they didn’t just try harder to be together. Some of those attributes of unhealthy relationships that I mentioned above definitely played a part. Those’re the reasons I’m convinced that, love isn’t enough when it comes to marriage. It has its relevance to marriage as I stated in one of my previous posts. I’m of the opinion that it isn’t nearly enough though.
What’s your view on this topic? Care to share? It could save a future marriage or two. Who knows?