Abusive Relationships 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Abusive Relationships 

Anyone in a relationship knows where it pinches. If the relationship is healthy- you feel it just by how contented you’re in it. If it’s in a rocky place, you’re aware. One of the most dangerous aspects of an unhealthy relationship is an abusive partner.

I’ve been told severally that it’s not healthy to be too careful when venturing into a relationship/marriage. “You won’t know by half, your partner’s behavior until you’d began to live together for a considerable period of time.” Agreed. But there ‘re always some telltale signs. We often just turn a blind eye.

An Abusive Partner–  there ‘re several forms of abusive behaviors a partner could exhibit occasionally which shouldn’t be ignored. However my focus today is on-  physically/verbally abusive partners. The bullies!

Let me explain why I chose those two. Well- they ‘re practically a couple. Lol

A verbally abusive partner to me, is almost as deadly as a physically abusive partner. The only major difference is that the scars aren’t visible unless you prod.  There ‘re some words that could punch one’s psych(Pierce one’s heart), cause more damages than a thunderous slap. A partner can verbally reduce his/her partner to a low self-esteemed shell. Callous words that could hurt harder than a kick on the shin. Sends you reeling into self-doubt until depression sets in.

The thing is- both ladies and gentlemen should avoid/terminate such relationships. No matter the investments- financially/mentally or time wise. At times when we hear “abusive relationship” we wave it off or view men solely as the culprits. Sadly it’s not a gender thing per se. Men- agreed,  ‘ve  higher tendencies of being abusive in a relationship/ marriage. Fact is- some women are abusive too. Theirs rarely come in a physical form though.

It could manifest in a verbal or emotional form.  So it’s paramount to be observant while in a relationship/courtship. Observe how your partner handles issues/ situations, anger,  before taking that crucial step. Don’t rush into marriage because of societal/peer pressure to become part of statistics of domestic violence, that graces the social media daily these days.

If a partner lashes out during a little misunderstanding. We make excuses like; I pushed him/her too far. I said things that got him/her upset. Hmm…mm? Really? A verbally abusive partner could lead his/her partner into suicidal thoughts. No jokes. On the other hand, a physically abusive partner is actually a confirmed bully. There’s no way you’d date and venture into a relationship with a bully without that awful trait rearing it ugly head, once in a while. They often’ve dictatorial nature, mostly possessive, ill-tempered, opinionated, often caring and remorseful after hitting their partner. The chronic ones are quite callous. They don’t give a damn about their partner’s welfare after a fight.

The rate ladies are dying in abusive relationships ‘ve escalated over the years. There’s need to be alert in one’s relationship. No one knows the baggage the other partner is roaming about with undetected. It could be anger issues, trust issues, psychopathic nature, possessiveness or even obsession. At this stage it’s easy to get away-run without a backward glance, once violence tendencies is discovered in a partner. Breaking up a relationship is by far easier- it wouldn’t be that easy when married already, probably with kids.

Now ladies, the truth is-no matter the offense. He has no right to hit you but that doesn’t mean one should goad or dare one’s partner into provocation thoughtlessly during a fight. My humble advice? State your grievances in a mature manner, no point being verbally abusive. Men are human beings too with emotions. Don’t push your partner overboard. But If you are battered in that relationship/marriage regularly then leave. You simply aren’t compatible. Sorry…!

Well- an abusive partner hardly changes without help. It all depends though. Is the “ring” worth the risk?

 

 

 

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SELFISHNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

SELFISHNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

A lot of people admire couples that succeeded and had years of good marriages down their belts.What most don’t acknowledge is that it was never an easy ride…all rosy.

Some would hang on to a partner only because he/she is supporting him/her one way or another but vanishes into thin air once the table is turned. It never occur to such persons that some situations are temporary. If he/she stuck around, who know? This partner may even surpass his/her previous achievements. It’s all in the mind set.

This is so common, some married couples exhibit this traits too. A partner might do everything he or she could without a single complaint to his/her partner when the chips were down. God forbid the table turns;  God help you if it turned out your partner is one of the selfish ones. The whole world would get to know he/she has been catering for your wellbeing. This type would degrade; humiliate; and belittle you at every turn because he/she was at an advantage/helm of things for a while.

Well…in a friendship situation. There’s still room to avoid or cutoff completely from such dreadful person. Some that don’t find joy in altruistic acts. A person that can not commit him/herself to make things flow at this stage in your relationship may never grow to learn what he/she does wrong.

These kind are also self-absorbed. They rarely exhibit any form of sensitivity. Those with this trait and attitude to life may never realize how emotionally unavailable they often are… they feel entitled to every gesture from others as if it’s their birthright. Hahaha…

Does this sound familiar?

My advice to anyone involved with such insensitive specie of human being is to firstly, talk to him or her about it. If nothing changes. Walk away from that relationship. It won’t get better. It gets worse. This type could hasten one’s journey to meet the Maker. Such person unwittingly pushes his/her partner into depression.

A selfish person care-less about others needs, emotions, situation, perception. Everything is constantly viewed from his/her own binocular in his/her “little” world. Others should take a hike… who cares? Ignoring such appalling behavior could spell doom for the partner who had indulged such from the start. It takes two to tango. Any enviable relationship is always brewed out of team work. You don’t put both hands in your pockets in your euphoric  dream of granduer and expect your relationship to turn out right.

If you are out there and this write up makes you uncomfortable…it touches a nerve in you. Then it’s time you worked on yourself. Don’t always make it your partner’s fault. It could be you, destroying anything good that comes your way. Nothing kills a relationship even marriages faster than selfishness from a partner. Give a bit of yourself…it doesn’t kill. Share your precious time when you could with your partner, show appreciation. Be involved, committed to make your own relationship beautiful. To make it work, is  work in itself and shouldn’t be taken lithely. The ride is definitely smoother and more enjoyable with little or no friction when both wheels are functioning.

If this piece spoke to you, ponder on it. Work on yourself. Be to your partner what you wish your partner to be to you. Lol. Check yourself before you lose your valued possession in your ignorance.

That’s all I have to say today, ladies and gentlemen. Share your thoughts/views on this post with me. I’m eager to read them on here…

It’s Okay To Take A Break Ladies/Gentlemen-Ruminate!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

It’s Okay To Take A Break Ladies/Gentlemen – Ruminate!

My focus this evening is on ladies from 30yrs and above and eligible bachelors. Let’s meditate a bit on our lives. Reflect on how it has been up to this moment. Is there something one would love to change about him/herself? Ponder on this question till an answer comes forth.

I believe it’s very okay to take a walk from it all, for awhile. To take a break from one’s usual routine. The purpose is to take scores, check oneself; one’s habits. Ask oneself deep honest questions. Be honest enough to stare yourself in the eyes with the cold truth. Next step, let’s be determined to adjust where needed. Work on areas that needs to be worked on.

After this period of sober reflection. What are our new “dos” and “don’ts”? Let’s write them down somewhere. Finally, it’s a gradual process. We need to take them, a day at a time. See how it goes. Ignore the outside world while at it. The aim of this exercise is for a new and better version of you and I to emerge. Don’t be in a hurry to resurface. You have been on the surface for a pretty good while, a little break shouldn’t hurt.

Changing a particular trait in one’s character isn’t a day job. Ignoring that trait may hurt us that exhibit it more than those at the receiving end. Most times we are advised to be ourselves. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work on certain flaws that drive others away from our lives. Don’t wait for someone else to try to change you. You may not like the outcome. It might lead to resentment towards that person.

People can change, not completely but to a certain degree from whom they used to be. For this incredible transformation to occur. It has to be a personal decision with the determination to see it through. In the long run, it’s a win win situation. You get to see a new you and the people around you also get to notice these remarkable changes in you that would make them appreciate you the more.

Let’s take for instance; a person trying to quit alcoholism, insolence, snobbery, tantrums, thievery, promiscuity, use of harmful substance, smoking, devious behavior etc. All these vices and traits can only be stopped by a personal decision by oneself and no one else.

Picking up vices while growing up, isn’t that hard. Some environment makes it easy on young men/ladies to pick up unsuitable and unacceptable vices. But to quit these vices or to change from a particular character trait, is a decision one must make consciously and bear the discomforts that sprouts through this transformation process.

During this reminiscence, it’s important to focus on those vices and devise a way to quit, either by avoiding things or places that ignites the itch. Secondly, one has to be determined, strong-willed to see it through. And finally, disciplined enough. The rest is up to faith.

No form of reform has ever been easy. So don’t expect a walk in the park. It’s hard work. No matter the urge to go back to old ways. Do not allow it, fight it and beat it. It’s possible and can be achieved. I’m routing for us all and I know with determination and discipline one can quit any vice. Try it, if it worked, then I’m happy for you.

Do have a lovely day gentlemen and ladies!

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

I want to talk on relationships this morning. Every relationship, needs some necessary materials to work. Be it marital relationship, courtship, and every other kind of relationship. However I’m focusing my attention on single ladies and eligible bachelors today.

For a relationship to work, there must be communication, honesty, understanding each other, compatibility, affection, and respect for each other. Those are the key recipe for a healthy relationship. In the absence of all these mentioned above… you are just fooling around, playing games and quite immature.

You should find it easy to communicate when you are in a relationship. Have deep conversations occasionally. Talk to each other about everything. Discuss your fears, your accomplishments, your dreams.

I do wonder when I hear stories where; a grown man complains that a lady he has been with for months, even up to a year; told him, she’s in a relationship. So for this reason he had to walk out  from the relationship. I find that hard to believe. If there’s truth at all in that, then it must be half truth.  She’s in another relationship you say? How could you not notice if something was different? The subtle changes in her behaviour? Didn’t you spend quality times with each other? Were you busy playing mind games? Hiding your feelings ?  Trying to outsmart each other?

It is mostly those with the mind set that a man or lady must grovel to keep him/her, will carry-on on a relationship for upto 7/8months, without having candid discussions concerning the relationship. Keeping the other partner guessing. And in an emotional turmoil till he or she begins to feel unsure of his/her place in your life. This person could begin to prepare his/her mind for a breakup since your relationship seemed more like a deadend kind of relationship.

For the male folks, showing your feelings, assuring your woman won’t make you less a man. Also your actions towards her will go a long way into shaping her emotional state of mind towards you. Don’t neglect the woman in your life or relegate her to an option. Then come out later to whine when she moves on.

Do not waste your partners time unnecessary. Why be in a relationship with him or her for 2/3 yrs even more when you are unsure of what you want? When you don’t have any particular plan that includes this partner. He/she isn’t  in your future plans… Why string him or her along? For the female folks, why allow a man to sponsor your education and such, when you aren’t committed or sure you are on the same page? Why stay in an undefined relationship for years?

To the gentlemen my advice is; don’t waste a lady’s time in the name of being in a”relationship” with her, when you know deep down you aren’t ready. Allow her meet those ready for something serious. When a man is finally ready, it doesn’t take all those dramatics for him to take that step.  Also quit playing the victim and trying to blackmail a girl you had a relationship with in the past into thinking, it was all her fault because she moved on. What other options was she left with? Being with you for 5yrs isn’t a guarantee you will end up together.

What’s my point? If you are truly into your woman. You feel something special for her and wish her by your side for a long time to come.

Tell her how you feel, show her and let her know your plans for the future. You can’t be hiding your feelings, giving her no clue whatsoever about anything, yet expect her to hang in there like a sponge.

It’s quite depressing for a lady to date a guy who isn’t man enough to share his feelings with the woman in his life. Probably thinks he’s playing it safe. If that’s the case, then play safe but don’t put the blame on her for your breakup. Nobody walks out from something promising and working. People mostly walk away  from irrevocably damaged  or unhealthy relationships.

Let’s be realistic here. Don’t waste anyone’s time and if you do, don’t blame the victim of your callousness for walking out on you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon. Have a wonderful day you all!

 

Social Media Craze/”Bizarre?”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I will digress a bit today. My topic today says;

Social Media Craze/”Bizarre?”

Uhm… am I the only one feeling a bit uncomfortable with the worrisome attitude of lots of people on the social media?

Now, what is social media about? English dictionary defines it as; “interactive forms of media that allow users to interact with and publish to each other, generally by means of the internet”. Well, that was simple enough.

There’s this uncanny feeling I get when I see the extent to which people have gone via these interactive means.

Internet is probably the greatest means of interaction ever created and has pros too numerous to count. Well… the cons? Ah ha! That’s what I’m focusing on today.

Some grown-ups, now live “right inside” the Internet. Lol. Normally two adults fight, make up, no one knows or cares. These days? Haha…you wish. I can’t count how many times I have come across a parent advising his/her child on a page on the net. Either after wishing them well or congratulating them. Hmm…what-the-heck happened to phone calls?

Some couples put all their lives on the pages of social media network. This wouldn’t matter at all, if some would be mature enough not to also wash their dirty laundry in the “net”(public). What happens to keeping certain aspect of one’s life “private?” Would that be excruciatingly beyond one’s capability?

Accident occur on a highway traffic and the first thing on someone’s mind at the scene, is taking pictures to upload on the net. For what purpose exactly? Such callousness!  I have a question for those that perpetuate such act. If your sibling or parent was involved in that accident, God forbid. Would you still be interested in snaping their last minutes on earth and pasting on “your” page? Better still, how would you feel if some random”empty brain” does that to your loved one?

The other day, I saw a page where a young man pasted a picture of a dead young man on a slab in a morgue. He “claimed” to be mourning his “dear” friend. The gruesome picture was disheartening. The height of foolishness. How could he do such to a bereaved family? Forcing the gory details down their throats was a wicked act if you ask me.

Young men and women are not left out. Youthful exuberance. Lol.  Cat fights, nude pictures and all, now carried on to the stage…. incriminating videos flying left and right.

It’s all good, no one is perfect. What makes me cringe is the fact that it seems a lot of people have forgotten one unsettling fact. The Internet “never” forgets! Lol. It’s unlike books records that could be damaged; misplaced; or buried deep. Here, just a click… the rest is history.

Let’s not abuse these wonderful interactive means of exchange between people; have fun and be merry. Let’s be sensitive and careful always.

Do have a wonderful week, you all!

 

 

 

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to touch one of those sour spots we hate to talk about out there again. My topic today says;

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Let’s quickly find out what this word “desperation” is about. The English dictionary defines desperation as;(1)  “the act of despairing or becoming desperate”;  “a giving up of hope.” (2) ” A state of despair, or utter hopeless; abandonment of hope; extreme recklessness; reckless fury.”

Hmm…the definition of this word alone, makes me shudder. It gives me goose bumps, just the thought of someone living his/her life in such state of mind. Sadly, societal pressure has made desperation almost a norm in our society. Having reckless abandon in the pursuit of our desires have become a norm. Desperation isn’t a gender thing. Anyone could become desperate, depending on one’s fervent desire to accomplish a particular goal. A society where a particular set are viewed as failures; losers; nonentities. These set are constantly looked down upon. The desperation to achieve what garners “respect” to others becomes a norm.

For instance most unmarried ladies these days, will do whatever it takes to tie the knot,  become a “Mrs.” This is because the society has made it appear as  the most prestigious title a woman should have before any other. Unmarried women are mostly lumped in as wayward or indecent for being single still at a certain age. Disheartening….

That’s not all. Men are under pressure too, to acquire wealth. A status that should take years of hardwork to achieve. The youth in their quest to make their mark and be accepted and accorded “respect” in the society, do a lot of despicable things, that at times leads to death, in desperation. A bachelor of certain age is also viewed as irresponsible for daring to remain single. No one is interested in the “why.”

How’s desperation the solution? I’m asking this question because I have noticed people get furious with anyone they perceived as not “desperate”, especially if you are unmarried and yet, doesn’t exhibit any of the known attribute of those in a hopeless situation, such as recklessness; being depressed, miserable etc.

My question this evening is this; Can someone explain to me how being desperate solves our problems? Take a look at our political setting today. Desperation has made politics a do or die affair. Most in our society will do just about anything to win. What comes after the win? Hmm…mm?

The quest to marry at all cost has destroyed our core values. Nobody cares anymore about the seriousness of the venture. The end “now” justifies the frigging means. Lol.

A lot has been damaged in our various societies  due to desperation. This has caused so much pretense in our today’s youth. They comport themselves in a certain manner, just to get what they want instead of being themselves or working on themselves to be better as the case should be.

These are what desperation does; It puts you in a state of despair; you become extremely reckless; no caution whatsoever;not thinking straight; you would swallow any nonsense solution thrown your way. You are thrown wide open for extortion, manipulation, abuse,untimely death even, all in the name of searching for “any” solution to your perceived problems. Caution is thrown to the winds. Some become life casualties… if not now, later in life.

My advice to us all this evening is to fight the feeling of despair in whatever situation we find ourselves in life. It solves nothing in the long run, it only somehow compound the problems.

That’s all I have to say this evening ladies and gentlemen. What’s your view on this? Share it on here, others could learn from it.

 

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic this evening says;

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

I understand it’s just a “relationship” not “marriage” but does it actually help? Does it resolve the issues or rather put added strain on it due to “half-baked” advises offered? Hahaha…how many times have you ran straight to your best friend or close friends after a bad fight? Or for an advice concerning your relationship? How did the discussion go?

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the importance of friendship. Sometimes when we are down, being surrounded by friends is one of the best remedies for getting back on one’s feet. They are there to cheer you up. At times I see friends advises as catalyst that blows some issues out of proportion. Escalating matters beyond repair if care isn’t taken. Hear the reasons, why I think we should be cautious when squealing relationship matters to friends.

  •  It hardly ever solves the problem, most likely escalate matters instead of abating it.
  • Gradually, by prattling about your relationship issues to your friends, you unwittingly reduce your man/lady in their “eyes.” Eventually he/she loses whatever little respect accorded him/her previously by them. It doesn’t end there, this same friend may still use the very information you shared with her or him against you if things eventually goes south. Lol.

My view on this is; instead of discussing such issues with friends who may not have your interest at heart. If you must discuss it at all with anyone, why not search for someone maybe older close to you; mature; and experienced. Certainly this person would be unbiased and able to add two and two together, to have a clear picture and advise you accordingly.

If you value whom you are with, protect his or her dignity by trying as much as possible to iron out the creases in your affairs between yourselves. If it works out, fine. If not, move on.

There’s no point belittling; rubbishing someone you supposedly care about among your friends all in the name of resolving a conflict. It doesn’t bespeak maturity. This may seem irrelevant now until your relationship succeeds and gets to the next level. At this stage, he or she becomes part of your circle and you begin to wonder why your friends are so “cold (unfriendly) to your fiancé/fiancée. Lol

The way your friends treat your lady/ man is entirely up to you. Don’t thoughtlessly make it harder for him/ her to fit in among your friends. It may not matter to you but if she or he begins on a wrong foot, she/he may be an outsider among your clique of friends for a very long time.

Ladies and gentlemen… ponder on these few words of mine today. If it helps you build a better relationship then I have achieved something worth celebrating tonight.

Do have a blissful night and a Merry Christmas!