Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

I want to talk on relationships this morning. Every relationship, needs some necessary materials to work. Be it marital relationship, courtship, and every other kind of relationship. However I’m focusing my attention on single ladies and eligible bachelors today.

For a relationship to work, there must be communication, honesty, understanding each other, compatibility, affection, and respect for each other. Those are the key recipe for a healthy relationship. In the absence of all these mentioned above… you are just fooling around, playing games and quite immature.

You should find it easy to communicate when you are in a relationship. Have deep conversations occasionally. Talk to each other about everything. Discuss your fears, your accomplishments, your dreams.

I do wonder when I hear stories where; a grown man complains that a lady he has been with for months, even up to a year; told him, she’s in a relationship. So for this reason he had to walk out  from the relationship. I find that hard to believe. If there’s truth at all in that, then it must be half truth.  She’s in another relationship you say? How could you not notice if something was different? The subtle changes in her behaviour? Didn’t you spend quality times with each other? Were you busy playing mind games? Hiding your feelings ?  Trying to outsmart each other?

It is mostly those with the mind set that a man or lady must grovel to keep him/her, will carry-on on a relationship for upto 7/8months, without having candid discussions concerning the relationship. Keeping the other partner guessing. And in an emotional turmoil till he or she begins to feel unsure of his/her place in your life. This person could begin to prepare his/her mind for a breakup since your relationship seemed more like a deadend kind of relationship.

For the male folks, showing your feelings, assuring your woman won’t make you less a man. Also your actions towards her will go a long way into shaping her emotional state of mind towards you. Don’t neglect the woman in your life or relegate her to an option. Then come out later to whine when she moves on.

Do not waste your partners time unnecessary. Why be in a relationship with him or her for 2/3 yrs even more when you are unsure of what you want? When you don’t have any particular plan that includes this partner. He/she isn’t  in your future plans… Why string him or her along? For the female folks, why allow a man to sponsor your education and such, when you aren’t committed or sure you are on the same page? Why stay in an undefined relationship for years?

To the gentlemen my advice is; don’t waste a lady’s time in the name of being in a”relationship” with her, when you know deep down you aren’t ready. Allow her meet those ready for something serious. When a man is finally ready, it doesn’t take all those dramatics for him to take that step.  Also quit playing the victim and trying to blackmail a girl you had a relationship with in the past into thinking, it was all her fault because she moved on. What other options was she left with? Being with you for 5yrs isn’t a guarantee you will end up together.

What’s my point? If you are truly into your woman. You feel something special for her and wish her by your side for a long time to come.

Tell her how you feel, show her and let her know your plans for the future. You can’t be hiding your feelings, giving her no clue whatsoever about anything, yet expect her to hang in there like a sponge.

It’s quite depressing for a lady to date a guy who isn’t man enough to share his feelings with the woman in his life. Probably thinks he’s playing it safe. If that’s the case, then play safe but don’t put the blame on her for your breakup. Nobody walks out from something promising and working. People mostly walk away  from irrevocably damaged  or unhealthy relationships.

Let’s be realistic here. Don’t waste anyone’s time and if you do, don’t blame the victim of your callousness for walking out on you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon. Have a wonderful day you all!

 

Are We All Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I have always been an advocate on the issue of ladies working on their notable flaws. There’s no perfect man or woman out there. We ladies are often under the microscope being viewed and dissected by men, who takes so much pleasure in dissecting our characters, attitudes and what not. Lol.

Working on one’s self is to one’s advantage. Becoming docile, agreeable, courteous doesn’t hurt anyone. However my topic today is a question to the men. My question is;

Are We All  Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

I’m dead serious here. Imagine how one-sided that solid advise usually sound? Lol! It has always been parotted thus; “Ladies work on yourselves!” The society is so interested in the female character traits; she must not be illmannered; obstinate; opinionated; rude; quick tempered; aggressive; spiteful,promiscuous…etc. A lady with one/two or more of these traits needs to work on herself. Agreed.

My question simply is; how come this advise is not also shoved down the throats of the male folks? Are they not obligated to be without blemish as well? Some men are plainly, brash; egoistic, opinionated; shallow; hot-tempered; abusive;caustic; nasty; philanderes; dubious, to mention but a few. Yet the society acts as if the character of a woman solely determines the outcome of a relationship or marriage.

The honest truth is, here in Africa; once we hear of a broken marriage, most just conclude he must have married a terrible woman. Really? A man that wouldn’t work on a single flaw of his, no matter how terrible those flaws are, expects his partner to live with it. But all hers must be changed.

I have cogent reasons for believing so much in one working on one’s flaws. Imagine a situation where a quick tempered man/lady decides to work on his/her temper to avoid confrontations or fights. And his or her partner decides to also work on whatever he/she does, that normally provokes his/ her partner. Are you getting the picture? This simple act of maturity from the man or lady may solve the temper issue permanently. It works both ways,  if you ask me.

What am I trying to say here? Men should work on themselves as regularly as women are advised to. It takes two to tango. Don’t be badmouthing women at every turn, on how they left or wronged you severally. Reminiscence, check yourself. Your character could be why the ladies don’t last around you.

Sorry to break this “news”to you guys. You have notable flaws too, that could damage your home in the nearest future. Work on them. Flaws are not gender prone. Everyone has a flaw or two to curtail.

A better you will definitely attract a better version of a lady somewhere for you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon.

Have a wonderful day you all!

 

Lowering Your Standard (2)

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

A lot of people have requested for me to revisit this article and talk more on this particular issue .

https://kareninspirational.com/2016/07/14/lowering-your-standard/

Well, to me this topic isn’t that complicated. It’s a weighty one though.

I have never been the type to go with the “status quo.” I’m fond of asking “why?”, searching; deciphering situations around me.  I discovered, by paying attention to little things(details), one can actually avoid a lot of disastrous situations.

Well…here’s my today’s topic;

Lowering Your Standard (2)

Surprisingly none of the advocates of lowering one’s standard ever give a thought about how the union might go when their “match making”/ counsel works out.

I will restate here that I’m not against lowering of standard to tie the proverbial knot. All I’m saying is to be careful not to lower so much so, that would eventually lead to resentment; indifference; nonchalance; unadulterated hate; in the near future.

Understand my point please, I’m not suggesting to be” excessively careful.” In a nutshell I’m suggesting to pay attention to those little things that could cause “helluva” problems in the future.

Take for instance, in our everyday lives, we are constantly advised to lower our standard. This is gradually instilled in our subconscious. Check out romance novels, movies, all sell mostly the same story. A story where a rich city girl/man, marries someone he or she has absolutely nothing in common with. Let say a rancher, who lives in the middle of nowhere. She leaves everything she’s used to,  familiar with and goes to the “ranch” to live with her “brand-new” husband. Or something of that nature.

Are you getting the picture? Whenever I  watch such, I just shake my head. Haha…

If you are of different social class, I’m not saying it doesn’t work. Hear me out first. “If” you have misgivings he might not fit/blend in, why not reconsider instead of becoming bitter, resentful in the near future, viewing your spouse as a source of embarrassment and making his/her life miserable. Smothering him or her with hatred for something he/she knew nothing about.

You are highly educated,then you lower till that “homey” girl/boy with little or no education becomes the one . Only for you to become unapproachable in your own home few years down the road. Frustrating his/her life, making her/his life a “living hell” because you are miserable and have nothing in common. Was it his/ her fault? Remember, that problem could have been avoided by being a bit more careful.

Haha… tough huh? I am all for lowering of standard fellows; what I’m against is lowering more than you could take. If you are not certain you can take that trait, then don’t overlook it. You can’t stand a con-man; a criminal; a gambler; an unprincipled; a troublemaker; an abusive man, yet you said yes! Lol.

You won’t be the only one miserable in that marriage. You will vent your anger; frustration, misery,regrets…etc. On your unsuspecting partner whose only crime was taking you as you are.

Do not tie the knot just to become “mrs” so so and so if you aren’t sure you can overlook those traits that are a “no! no!!” for you. It would be sad to exhibit unconscionable attitude in your home, few years down the road due to your frustration.

Ladies and gentlemen,  let’s be careful on the issue of “lowering one’s standard.” It’s laudable when done right, yet disastrous when care isn’t taken.

That’s all I have to say this evening my ladies. Do have a wonderful evening and a happy new year!

 

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex/ Possible or Not?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Tonight I want to talk on one of those topics we mostly speculate on, hardly dare look into for the fear of what we could find.

My tonight topic says;

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex, Possible or Not?

I want to share my humble opinion on the issue of keeping the opposite sex as close friends, pals, confidants. Lol. Remember, it is my view.

Now, what is “platonic friendship?”

English dictionary defines platonic as “Not sexual in nature; platonic love.”That explanation was simple enough… you see where I’m headed? I have heard countless debates, discussions, have participated on some of these talks on why a male or female would prefer the opposite sex as close friends rather than his/her kind.

I don’t know much about why a guy might do this but for the ladies, there are numerous reasons  why it’s common, not the usual assumption that she is promiscuous; “sleeps with each and everyone of them.” Lol! Ladies often find it easier to make guys their close friends because for some reasons; we believe he won’t laugh at our blunders or relish the mistakes we foolishly make atimes in our relationships; without offering tangible solutions to correct them.

He gives sound advise when it comes to relationship matters, for the sole reason that, as a man, he knows how men minds work. When you take a relationship matter to a close male pal, just by listening, he already knows where your relationship is headed. He could tell you, “this guy is serious”or “run for your life!” He could say, “you are wasting your time with this one.” Lol. Meaning this one isn’t a keeper. I could go on and on. Most of the men ladies keep as friends wouldn’t gossip about you. Some will be protective of you even. Along the line, you get comfortable, almost like siblings.

Fact is, for someone to allow another to “friend zone” him/her. He or she may actually have an emotional feeling towards that person or not. He/she may genuinely care about this person so much that the person’s well-being comes first. There are friends who have no emotional attachments whatsoever towards each other. Although in some cases,  one person has an attraction towards the other, which the other party refuses to acknowledge or out rightly ignore, so as not to make the friendship awkward.

The truth is, genuine friendship is hard to build. Some will not sacrifice/jeopardize this special bond for”what might have been.” Would rather preserve such precious and unique friendship. A friendship devoid of ulterior motives.

I believe platonic friendship with the opposite sex is very normal. For starters, the ones that become confidants, close friends are already”friend zoned.” It’s tough to find a close friend of the opposite sex who isn’t in the dreaded “friend zone.”Lol. An experienced man or lady already knows this, that’s why when you want to turn them into a shoulder to cry on, they bolt; run like hell…haha.

Usually, when I come across people discussing this very issue. I observed that the perplexed; those that can’t fathom how it could be possible are usually those that have never experienced it. Had they experienced it first hand. They would realize one or both parties had no emotional feeling towards the other. It’s quite rare for such paradigm to change suddenly.

Instead of laying baseless accusations, why not find out the nature of that friendship? Some men have so low an opinion on ladies, they think all ladies sleep with anyone that says “hi” to them. Lol.

This is so common among men. The way I see it, a guy like that has trust issues. Although some men also have ladies as platonic friends, ladies hardly confront or talk about this issue aimlessly as men do.

If you date irresponsible ladies with no dignity, these insights doesn’t apply to you. My primary concern tonight is to say my opinion on this issue. If you value the person you are with, don’t jump into conclusions. The friends out there might be the ones pleading on your behalf when you err, because they want what’s best for your lady/man. Do not generalize or lump all ladies who keep male friends as “promiscuous.”Some ladies wouldn’t ever consider having intimate relationships with casual or close platonic friends. The thought alone might disgust  her even.

That’s all I have to say on this delicate issue. Feel free to share your view with me on this. I’m eager to hear it!

Merry Christmas to you all!

 

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic this evening says;

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

I understand it’s just a “relationship” not “marriage” but does it actually help? Does it resolve the issues or rather put added strain on it due to “half-baked” advises offered? Hahaha…how many times have you ran straight to your best friend or close friends after a bad fight? Or for an advice concerning your relationship? How did the discussion go?

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the importance of friendship. Sometimes when we are down, being surrounded by friends is one of the best remedies for getting back on one’s feet. They are there to cheer you up. At times I see friends advises as catalyst that blows some issues out of proportion. Escalating matters beyond repair if care isn’t taken. Hear the reasons, why I think we should be cautious when squealing relationship matters to friends.

  •  It hardly ever solves the problem, most likely escalate matters instead of abating it.
  • Gradually, by prattling about your relationship issues to your friends, you unwittingly reduce your man/lady in their “eyes.” Eventually he/she loses whatever little respect accorded him/her previously by them. It doesn’t end there, this same friend may still use the very information you shared with her or him against you if things eventually goes south. Lol.

My view on this is; instead of discussing such issues with friends who may not have your interest at heart. If you must discuss it at all with anyone, why not search for someone maybe older close to you; mature; and experienced. Certainly this person would be unbiased and able to add two and two together, to have a clear picture and advise you accordingly.

If you value whom you are with, protect his or her dignity by trying as much as possible to iron out the creases in your affairs between yourselves. If it works out, fine. If not, move on.

There’s no point belittling; rubbishing someone you supposedly care about among your friends all in the name of resolving a conflict. It doesn’t bespeak maturity. This may seem irrelevant now until your relationship succeeds and gets to the next level. At this stage, he or she becomes part of your circle and you begin to wonder why your friends are so “cold (unfriendly) to your fiancé/fiancée. Lol

The way your friends treat your lady/ man is entirely up to you. Don’t thoughtlessly make it harder for him/ her to fit in among your friends. It may not matter to you but if she or he begins on a wrong foot, she/he may be an outsider among your clique of friends for a very long time.

Ladies and gentlemen… ponder on these few words of mine today. If it helps you build a better relationship then I have achieved something worth celebrating tonight.

Do have a blissful night and a Merry Christmas!

 

 

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Yes! You heard me loud and clear. Lol. My tonight topic involves the gentlemen too.

The topic says;

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Yesterday I came across a rant by a man, who viewed himself as learned and well exposed. This man was aghast, perplexed and couldn’t grasp why or how a 32yr old lady could reject a marriage proposal from any man at all. He called this lady so many awful names, ranging from dimwitted; crazed; foolish; deranged; immature and so many other demeaning names.

Whoa! As I read on, my skin  crawled like there was an irritating worm on it. To my amazement he wasn’t alone on this particular view. Alas! Others cheered him on. Obviously he wasn’t the only one who thought he made a whole lot of sense. What a myopic specie of human being! Why are some men so selfish? Why do so many African men view our ladies as objects built only to serve their needs?

First of all, is being “unmarried” and above thirty, the worst thing that could befall a lady? Is it now worse than terminal illness? Is it now worse than experiencing hell in one’s marriage? Is it worse than living with an abusive sadist who might send one to an early grave? So a lady above thirty has no”options” at all? No choice at all on the matter? Hmm…mm?She should Wed anyone that shows the slightest interest in her.  After all she’s lucky to be asked? Is that it?

A man sets to marry, he searches for what appeals to him, looks for someone that matches what he wants. Yet a woman is “immature” if she couldn’t connect with a particular guy? Or sees the incompatibility right away. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair. If you aren’t happy now, it may still not fetch you happiness. I’m sorry to say this, some who want to marry at all cost are the reasons, men treat a lot of women like crap out there. You become an object with no mind of your own, all in the name of becoming a”Mrs”.

There’s this act from some African men that baffles me. You see a lady, just by her appearance. You decide, she’s cool headed; humble; arrogant  or rude even. Lol. You approach a total stranger, you instantly expect her to be overjoyed because you are an answer to her prayers. Her Knight in shining amour. To you, of course, she should go on her knees and accept you because if she doesn’t. She would face a faith worse than death. She would soon become an “old maid”(a spinster). In fact this was the sole purpose of her creation of course. Haha..  to be grateful and humble each time a man approaches her. No matter her state of mind at the time…

Who cares if there’s a connection between you two at all. Love? Haa! Whatever for? What about compatibility? Compat- what? Lol.

She was made to serve and please you of course. You, “my lord” will mold her to your taste eventually. Pity… sounds like something out of an old school “slaves&masters movie.” What are we my ladies? Objects with no needs, no ambitions, no future plans for our lives? Shouldn’t these be put into consideration? Many ladies with wonderful dreams(goals), gave them up because they got married to men that never gave a thought to their wives needs, but pursued theirs relentlessly till it was achieved. The height of selfishness.

We are not robots please…. a lady that has a strong dream should pursue it too, with or without marriage. If you enter into a marriage with someone you are not compatible with, someone that won’t inspire you to achieve or exceed your goals, you may end up in regrets or unfulfilled.

The same man that called you humble and cool headed for marrying him, will still call you “proud” “arrogant” when you point out someday, how you gave up so much for your home and by then it’s already water under bridge. Let the myopic ones call you names… it takes nothing off your skin. Tie the knot, because you are sure you could make it work, not because you are above thirty…

My ladies, that’s all a have to say…

Have a blissful Christmas!

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Before I give my opinion on this particular issue, which by now you are aware, I have lots of them to give. Lol Let’s quickly find out what truthfulness is all about.

My English dictionary defines truthfulness as; ” The quality of being truthful.” Now- I ask, what is being “truthful”? Once again my dictionary defines it as; “Honest, and always telling the truth.” “Accurately depicting what is real.” Well…that explains itself right there. Lol

Now based on life realities we go through everyday; we encounter numerous ups and downs and end up surprising ourselves on our capabilities which most won’t dare associate with themselves ordinarily until they are in a very tight corner. What am I trying to say here? Well… hear me out. Hahaha…

No one is perfect. Show me that perfect man/woman. I’d show you a “liar/pretender.” We all have weaknesses. That’s what makes us human. Back to my topic, is truthfulness “overrated”? What does it mean to over-rate something? My English dictionary defines it as; “to esteem too high; to give greater praise than due.”Lol. Now you see where I’m headed?

At some point in one’s life, he/she has done something she/he wasn’t so proud of. Let’s say you are in a relationship or living with people that such action may affect, directly or indirectly. Because you knew in your gut, they would be disappointed if or when they find out what happened. You chose the “easy” way out. Which is to either “omit” the truth or damn straight lie about it. Lol. Now- hear why I think telling the “truth” isn’t “overrated.”

Lie or lies are like a bad penny. That’s the honest truth I’m telling you right here. It doesn’t worth the stress and pressure that it strings along, if you ask me. And like a bad penny, it keeps coming up till it bites you where it hurts. Lmao…I understand clearly why someone would be so exasperated to wonder if truthfulness isn’t given more credit than it deserves.

Mr. A/ Miss A, does something he/she isn’t proud of. He or she summons the courage which is no small feat, tells Mr. B the truth. And Mr. B being hurt or disappointed by what he has just heard, flies off the handle! Chews Mr. A out… tongue lashes Mr. A or Miss A for the offence committed, which she/he has just been courageous enough to tell the truth about. Lol.

Are you getting the picture? It’s quite rare for someone receiving such solicited or unsolicited confession not to react or overreact. One begins to wonder if it was worth the effort. It might not have been a big deal or would not have been any deal at all if one has kept his/her mouth shut. Hahaha…

At that particular moment, that popular saying “what happened in Paris stays in Paris ” begins to look enticingly appealing. In a relationship, omitting to tell the truth whenever such need arises or out rightly lying about things will only postpone confrontations. Fact is, when truth finally gets out,  because it always mostly does. It only takes a while. The anger, the hurts, hardly ever generate from the incident or action of the perpetrator. Instead it comes from the fact that the “truth” was kept from him or her for a reasonable period of time. He/she begins to wonder which other “secret/s”is being kept from him/her or what else he’s/ she’s being lied to about.

It destroys trust. It destroys faith this person has placed in you. It’s  even worse when, it was the partner that discovered  the truth, all by him/her lonesome self. You would be in a very “hot” soup. Lol.

So dear ladies… no matter how hard it is, truthfulness is still the best bet if you ask me. It’s the major way to study your partner. If you did something that your conscience bothered you about, there’s a 90% probability it will also bother someone else. Being truthful is being real. No one said it’s easy but you get to see the other person for real. Get to know how they react to life issues. By the way, lying in a relationship is not synonymous to “cheating.” That isn’t what we are discussing here today. It’s a sub-part of a whole though, for there’s a thousand and one other situations, that could lead to being “tempted” to lie or omit the truth for peace sake.

The thing is, it’s better to say it out while it’s hot and take your chances than being on edge each day trying hard to cover a lie deeper each day. Trust me, a lie will keep rearing it ugly head every chance it get, until you despise yourself for it or get caught. And none of these options is appealing or worth the stress.

Telling the truth always, no matter how hard it is at that particular time is still one’s best option. It isn’t overrated… what one needs is the courage to go through with it. Human beings will be human beings, if the person you are with doesn’t appreciate the effort and courage it took for you to be truthful, instead focused only on what he/she heard you say you did, then he or she is an insensitive bastard… just do it for your peace of mind then- always. Thank me later!

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning. Do have a wonderful week, you all.

 

 

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Now what does the word “Trust” mean? The English dictionary defines it as; ” confidence in or reliance on someone or quality.”

Well, that explanation is quite simple. I’d say, trust apart from the one children have in their parents which I believe must be inborn right from the cradles, is usually earned. That of a child and his/her parents; the child trust them wholeheartedly to provide for him/her; to protect; to be there always; to love and care; to pay him/her attention whenever he or she sort it.This kind of trust will remain firm if the parents didn’t fail at their duties. It remains intact because deep down the child often takes this for granted because it has always been there. But if the home was malfunctioned. Distrust could start early even from childhood, which is a very complex situation, that has diverse reasons which I won’t be dabbing into just yet. Lol! Here today, I want to share my view on trust in a relationship, which is earned. If it could be rebuilt or not.

Let me put it this way. You can’t just meet Mr. A and decide he’s very truthful, principled, reliable, faithful and so forth. Before one acquire such firm confidence in Mr. A. One must have had cause to believe it to be so. You have faith in his truthful nature. “He will tell the truth no matter what.” You’d say this because you believed it to be so. You believed it because you trust him. Are you getting the picture?

Now, this trust makes every relationship strong, stress-free, easy, blissful, euphoric until “something” shatters it.

In a situation where someone you believed could never lie to you, lies to your face and somehow you already knew the truth. You caught him/ her in a lie” red handed”, doing something you could never have associated with him or her. Gracious Lord! Hmmm… painful, right?The mind is a tricky gadget. At that particular moment , the whole trust “built” comes tumbling down. One begins to speculate, maybe it had all been a lie.

On today’s topic, I’m here to talk about how or if it’s possible to build trust back when it has been lost. Things will never be the same, let’s tell one another the real truth here. But something new could be built from a shattered trust. Trusting again may become quite difficult to the “betrayed.”  Hahahah… are you surprised I used that particular word? Oh, c’mon. How does it feel when someone you had so much confidence in, does something you could vouch for him/her, would never do? The truth is, there’s this feeling of betrayal right inside one’s gut, squeezing, you feel like your heart would burst right open in acute pains.

Let’s use this scenario…a man meets a decent girl, an epitome of a virtuous woman. On a faithful day he discovers, that persona was all a lie. Or a decent girl finds out no atom of truth has ever passed through her partners lips. He had lied, cheated and done several despicable things behind her back.

OK! Now here’s the fun part. In a scenario where the trust is gone. Now you are seeing the real him/ her, at the moment. It isn’t appealing one single bit. It isn’t over though. Is he/she remorseful? Deeply moved by the hurt she/he has caused you, for real, not just trying to appear remorseful. You may never be sure. It’s a risk you would have to take if you still want him/her.

Before you think of rebuilding trust, it means you still want him/her in your life. “No one is perfect”; they say…I believe if you love this person, the only way this move could work is to; forgive wholeheartedly; start afresh on a clean slate. Be determined to be patient until he/she proves to you that, he/she will not jeopardize your relationship by letting such happen again.

Let him or her come clean, encourage him to spill everything to you. It is a risk, let him take it because he shattered that trust in the first place. I called it a risk because even after hearing it all. You can still walk away without a backward glance. The betrayed has all the chips on this one. He/she will have to weigh his/her options. Decides whether he or she could forgive and start to trust this same person again.

The damage has been done, even if he/she moves on. That experience could cause  trust issues towards the next person he/she meets. In a situation like this, the cliché ” the devil you know” begins to sound comforting. Isn’t it simpler not to mess up someone’s life just because you are a crook, a lair, a cheat, a thief or whatever? Be that from the onset. You would be surprised. Some girls or men will know these facts, still fall for you. When you betray someone trust, that person may still forgive you and try to rebuild the relationship. It is a choice. But something is lost in the process, no matter how hard you try, that “unflinching trust” may never be regained.

If you value that relationship of yours.  Watch your actions. Trust is one of those things very hard to rebuild when lost. I can’t give you false hope here my ladies, if you want it to last, be trust worthy.

That’s all I can say this lovely morning. Have a wonderful day!

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to touch another sour spot in our lives;

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Lol. That’s right. That’s my today’s topic.

What does the word “define” mean? The English dictionary says; “to determine; to settle, decide; to express the essential nature of something.”Well- there you have it. The definition definitely defines itself here. Lol. Now, my topic today ask, if it is necessary to define a relationship. In my humble opinion I believe the answer to that, is a resounding “yes! it’s.”

In life I believe  it’s better to learn from what happened to others than wait till it gets to you to learn from it. Experience is the best teacher they say; but learning from others mistakes instead of one’s own mistake is what I call “wisdom”.

As ladies we date, we get involve in relationships that lasts or crashes and burns. Get me right- I’m not saying men don’t get involved in dead-end relationships. Oh! They do, even more than we ladies at times.  But remember they aren’t on any obvious biological clock; we are though. Sad but true. Every relationship you enter into should be defined. Don’t ever assume you both are on the same page. It would be a rude shock to find out after, three to five years in a relationship that you both want different things out of the relationship.

Sadly, most times, we fancy ourselves in-love and for that reason, we ignore a lot of signs of doom staring us in the face. If he won’t define it, then he’s hiding something that may not be favorable to you, so you shouldn’t relax just yet.

Holding on to a relationship that is heading to crash won’t automatically stop it from crashing. The least it could do, is to postpone the inevitable or hang in there just on a thread of pity which won’t do you any good in the long run. A situation like this strips a lady of her self worth, she becomes uncertain. He blows hot or cold according to his state of mind. If he wastes your years without making any plans towards you. He might defend himself someday by saying he promised you nothing. Lol. Sounds familiar? Are you getting the picture? He hangs you to dry while weighing his options. Probably waiting for a better choice. Hahaha… if he is serious with you my lady, let him define it…

Defining the relationship is a bold step that any man truly in a relationship that means something to him would take. I’m not saying it means you must end up together. No. Far from it. It’s a step in the right direction though…

You work on it together, if it works out, fine. If it didn’t. well…you at least learned from it. But to just befriend someone without any idea which direction you are headed, would be like just drifting at sea, in a boat without paddles.What would be the outcome of that boat ride? Lol.

My ladies, ponder on these words, if it guides you to a better/ healthier relationship, then it means I have done something worth my while tonight… but if it leads to a crash; never mind. Someone better will find you. Don’t just be in a relationship for relationship sake, if it’s a dead end sort of relationship, I believe you can feel it already. Obey your instinct and get out of there. You will get over it in no time. If you make up your mind.

Wishing you all the best. That’s all I have to say tonight.

What do you think?

 

 

 

Is Love Relevant In A Union?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Love Relevant In a Union?

First and foremost, what do we understand by the term “love?”

“An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person.” “A deep or abiding liking for something.” Says; the English dictionary.

Now based on those definitions above. I’m of the opinion that, it matters. Hear me out first… it isn’t compulsory though. A marriage that has compatibility would work just fine without all that mushy stuff. Personality traits plays a huge role in a union. But when push turns to shove, I believe deep affections, is what binds the union.

Let me elaborate. There are no two people, with exact same character in the world, twins even have their differences. Love breeds tolerance, it breeds patience, it activates forgiveness. When you have affection and care towards another, you would forgive almost anything.

It’s true we have all heard a thousand times how it eventually fades. I have no doubt it might fade as everything else in the universe does fade in time even life. But don’t forget, when it was present it created the bond that is later referred to as friendship, companionship, mutual respect. Genuine friendship are born out of likeness and care.

Love must create memories and those wonderful moments shared, will cushion the union during tough times. If you would observe with me, a couple that had no affections for each other take much longer to become friends, if it ever gets to that. Some are like total stranger to each other when no one is watching. Don’t be deceived.

Where affection is present, forgiveness isn’t far behind. Tolerance is close by. Pettiness, hate,regrets aren’t  so accessible.

We try to grasp at times, why a man would break-up a relationship  with a lady for cheating, being rude, obstinate, yet marry someone with similar character traits and still end up happy with the choice he made. The reality here is that singular binding factor; “love.” His affection overrides everything else.

In every relationship, there’s a simple fact. My opinion though- the degree of your affections for each other, determines largely the final outcome. If one of you isn’t interested, the probability of it amounting to anything is almost nonexistent. If you are always on someone’s neck for every little blunder the persons makes. Well, firstly such would put the receiving party on auto-defensive mode whenever you are around him/her.

Secondly, this person becomes disillusioned towards you. This is because, she or he, sees your shortcomings too but chose to ignore or devise a way to accommodate it. So, your constant hacking on hers or his, would soon breed nonchalant attitude towards the partner. From this attitude comes;  contempt, scorn, gradually- it becomes unadulterated hate. Are you getting the picture? When love is involved from the beginning, tolerance will allow you study your partner patiently. You would see his weaknesses and his strengths. Love will encourage you to accommodate the weaknesses, instead of nagging about them every damn minute. Before the love wears off, if it does. You would be close friends and confidants by then. And as friends, you would know the best ways to handle your differences. There are no friends without differences. What makes them friends is the ability to understand and accommodate one another.

Love has never really been a valued criteria in most African countries as a necessity towards the institution of marriage. But maybe it should. If you are lucky to find it, you made a step in the right direction for it might just help your marriage to be unique and fulfilling. But if you found compatibility, it’s also okay. Who knows? It can still slip in, in time. It could grow and become strong eventually. It all begins with “affection” towards another whom you are with.

Those are the reasons, why I believe it’s  pertinent, for two people living together as one. If you don’t share such bond, some words spoken to each other in anger or some horrible things done against each other may never be forgiven or forgotten. We all know it takes love to forgive. Try forgiving someone you despise. Lol. Tell me the outcome later.

Well,  it’s still my personal view. What do you think?

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?/ MY View…

 

Hi ladies…

My topic today says;

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?

Haha…as funny as this sound. It happens…

You meet a guy who professes love yet has conditions that would lead to the altar. I have seen and heard countless stories of such that I begin to wonder if the world has gone insane.This sounds funny but it’s not. I’ve heard several; these are the most popularly used.

  • Get pregnant for me, we will tie the knot.
  • Rent me an apartment- we’d head to the altar. Lol
  • I have this business plan-help me with capital to establish it , we will be together for all times… quite sad.
  • Give me a son, I will never leave you… á bon? As the French would say..
  • Assist me with my traveling papers and I’m yours.
  • Tell your Dad to employ me at his firm.
  • Study so so and so and I promise you, we will have a future together.

What baffles me here is, some African women see this as normal. Some men give conditions for friendships, for relationships and step right up to give huge ones for marriages too.

Today’s topic has nothing to do with age. No matter your age, these type of men will still act the same way. This category of chauvinist, feel offering you marriage is to assist you. To make an “honest woman” out of you. So for doing you this “favour”, he deserves a reward. Quite unfortunate, I must say. What happens when you comply, get pregnant and he still leaves?You could help someone in your life; there’s nothing wrong in doing so, if you wish but not as a condition to tie the knot.

I see this as a warning sign. No matter how you view it. It isn’t good and won’t be in your favour in the future. What happens when you couldn’t holdup your end? If he wanted you to give him a son and you accepted and ended up with a daughter whom he has no regards for? Such species of human beings exist…you know? Or any other natural events that could occur? What do you think his reaction would be?

The marriage deal is supposed to be for” better or worse”, in “sickness or health.” In a situation where you accepted these conditions, it means you signed up for “better” because “worse”was not in your deal. There are heartbreaks that are so  unnecessary. Don’t start bad mouthing all men in the future when you deliberately got yourself scammed. A man who would shamelessly take your money, feed from your pocket without a tiny sense of pride will do worse to you when you finally end up together. If you succumb to the first condition, others will follow. That’s if he stock around to do more damage to your psyche.

Someone that values you, sees the good in you and wants the best for you, will not give you conditions. Instead he will accommodate your shortcomings. He would be there for you. He would be supportive and help you achieve even higher goals than you aspire for. He would bring out a better you. He won’t make you feel inadequate, he won’t use you to boost his ego… or make demands of you right from the onset.

What am I saying? If he’s giving you conditions already. It’s not a good sign. In fact it is a warning sign my ladies. Lol. My view anyway, just think about it. Is it what you can deal with on a regular basis? If it is, then carry on please…my bad…(smiling)….

What’s your view on this issue?

Do have a nice day, you all..