How Do You Handle An Opinionated Partner???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Wow! It’s been a long while! Well-my topic today says;

How Do You Handle An Opinionated  Partner ???

Lol! I know… exasperating right? Who doesn’t know how infuriating this trait could be?

Now- to an extent, I think most people can attest to having been with someone with such trait at a certain point in their lives. A healthy dose of argument here or there doesn’t hurt anyone, when you and your partner are sure-footed but when a partner is vulnerable- it begins to sound condescending to him or her.

 

Personally, I love putting my points of view out there, expecting others to do same. So that the most sensible, takes the day. What a thrill such exercise gives! But recently I’ve become a bit more sensitive. Lol! I’m serious. In my excitement during most arguments, I never truly see how miffed the other parties often are- to them most times, it’s exhausting and could lead to secret resentment. You become something of a “know it all.” Lol! Opinions are free. Cheaper than a dime, a dozen. Haha.. Oh well! What can I say?

Back to my topic. Usually, having an opinion on issues that I’m interested in, was quite natural to me. In fact, it was like a sport. By observing a situation-subconsciously an opinion is already formed in my mind, which I’d voice out every chance I got. But recently, I was opportune to be in the company of  opinionated fellows- whoa! At first I was like, it’s just an harmless personal opinions. But as it escalated- became so regular. I actually felt violated! Whatthehell???

Now- don’t get me wrong. I still believe, I’d never intentionally force my opinions down anyone’s throat. Mine is always an honest perception but strictly mine. Even at that, I’m always eager to compare note with someone else’s view. There’s nothing I appreciate more than being convinced with  concrete points, that another’s view is more appropriate  than mine. So you can imagine my chagrin when I recently met two different people, not even same sex, who thought their opinions were the only one acceptable. It was foreign to me. As an adult, I believe everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. Why not?

At this stage in life, c’mon… one already knows things one likes or not, his/her preferences. For instance, you don’t like a certain lifestyle, food, drink or mode of dressing and someone out there, an adult like yourself, is hellbent on convincing you, that you actually do. But just “didn’t ” know it. Haa! Really? And surprisingly, he/she miraculously does? I’m not talking about acquired taste here- my focus is on the regular things that defines you.

What’s my point? Well- these two unrelated encounters taught me a valuable lesson in life. There’s this consciousness in me presently gliding towards how others may perceive my honest opinions. How’d you feel if your partner disagrees with every suggestion you make concerning your relationship? If he/she always feels his/her opinion is more superior? Not knowing you concede only to avoid unnecessary confrontations/bloodletting? Believe you me, it left a bitter taste in my mouth! Lol! I didn’t like that feeling one single bit.

What’s your view on this issue? Have you ever encountered such? What’s the best approach in your opinion? Share with us- it might help someone out there.

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow/Wayward?

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all those having sleepless nights over issues not really their business.

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow Or Wayward?

I’m sick and tired of all these stereotypical assumptions flying all over the place. Must we always be so judgmental about other people’s lives? Whose business it is that she isn’t married? Why prioritize someone else’s issue?

Just yesterday I came across a post on a social network where a lady reached out to single women above thirty. I couldn’t get the details of her program since she only wanted them to give her a call. To my disgust! This particular man sprang out of nowhere, lamenting on how it was a well deserved “punishment” for all those women who thought their beauty was everything and rejected men at the snap of a finger….haa! He wasn’t done- far from it. He prattled on… on how they were all shallow minded fools who were waiting for rich men to come-by and propose- which didn’t happen.  He was just getting warmed up- On, he went- “starting up men who wooed them- were rejected countless times! Today see them all. Single! Used goods looking for a poor man to marry!” Ugh! Pathetic…

What gets to me on this issue isn’t even the ranting. It’s the assumption that she must be devastated. The assumption that she’s been dealt with by faith for her atrocities. Yeah…I’m sure Mary Magdalene  had nothing on us. Lol. Why the stereotype, that a lady married late or yet to marry because she has a terrible character/past? Who told you that? Who gave you a pass, that- you’re better than these ladies you raise your noses in the air to mock? To belittle and humiliate at every turn? Who gave you the right to judge?  The condescending attitude some people exhibit, both male and female gender against unmarried ladies above thirty is astonishing.

If you’re married and happy in your own home. Why ‘re you so concerned about someone else’s plight? Is it your problem? Is she complaining to you? It seems harder for “a bull to pass through the eye of a needle” than for some to actually grasp that a lady above thirty and yet to marry may actually be happy as she is- living and planning her life. Not encumbered by the responsibilities that acompany’s  marriage”yet.” A time may come when her independence and life experience would make her be a better wife than some that married early.

A mature lady enters marriage with full knowledge of what it entails. She’s isn’t there for fairy tales. She creates a conducive environment for herself and her partner. Why? Simply because at this stage in her life, she knows exactly what she wants and needs and has garnered suitable experience on how to go about it.

A lady that married, let’s say at the age of 22/23yrs. Experienced a hellish marriage and divorced in her thirties or so. And one who didn’t marry on time because of a thousand and one reasons available, that could have prevented her from tieing the knot. Had time on her hands, worked on herself- knew herself well. Built a career niche for herself before meeting her own man. Do you really think the latter missed out on much? This thirty-something year old who has maturity and an understanding of how things works before tieing the knot. Did she miss so much for not marrying sooner?

A lot of married people currently miss singlehood fiercely. Some wish they could dissolve their unions without a backward glance. Some feel trapped. Some ‘re overwhelmed with regrets for entering into that union. Some can recall- the exact mistake that landed him/her in the trap he/she’s in now. Seeing all these, concerning marriage.  It baffles me that, some still see it as a “do or die affair.” A lot of married couples will gladly go their separate ways given the opportunity- no strings attached.

Well…what’s my point? My point is- stop treating getting married as the most important or the “only”goal in a woman’s life. Some want it badly no doubt, others don’t. That- she isn’t married doesn’t mean she’s shallow or wayward. Let me shock you.

Wayward ladies actually marry on time. They’re skilled- they know what men want and like. They know how to rope in/hook a man. They also know exactly the buttons to push to get a man to do exactly what they want. If a wayward lady with her experience sets her eyes on you. You’re in. By the time she’s through with you. You’d swear it was all your ideas. 60% of ladies that encounter late marriages are actually the decent ones. Probably rigid or frigid in nature- some ‘re introverts, some’re nerds and some quite boring. So stop the stereotyping already. It’s beginning to irritate.

What’s your opinion on this issue? I’d love to read it on here. Have a lovely day!

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d deviate a bit. My today’s topic is one of those touchy issues nobody wants to acknowledge in our society. It is also a question to both genders. My question is;

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

The appalling stories are getting worse. Ladies get murdered, physically abused, exploited, raped regularly by men at will. Most endure in silence. Since those that ever got the courage to speak up are jeered, mocked openly, even by their kind. These acts being constantly ignored affect relationships, marriages too. A depressed, even suicidal lady- or one being harrassed at work could become erratic, unpredictable or worse due to bottled up emotions. These issues needs to be taken seriously for our society to attain a balance. If these issues pertaining to womanhood isn’t given proper attention. Who knows how many unhinged ladies the society would’ve on its hands in the nearest future?

Who instigates these unbecoming ills taking  our society by storm? Who motivates and encourages the atrocities taking place at  offices? In our society as a whole. Degrading the female folks, ripping off their self worth to shreds. Stripping them of dignity…

What gets to me is how men most times are quick to defend oppressive “norm” in our society, which mostly works in their favour. Sexism at some workplaces is pathetically real. There’s this blatant discrimination against the female gender. She has to work twice as hard as a male colleague to be qualified for a certain post reserved mostly for the male folks at the office. Some are harassed constantly by their superiors. Men sadly don’t speak against these acts, because there seemed to be an unwritten code for the male gender to stick together against an attack on one of their own. Even if he’s obviously guilty.  A lady that decides to report such action, risks a lot including her job. Instead of colleagues coming to her rescue. She becomes a pariah ( an outcast among colleagues at the office.) She may not be outrightly sacked by the powers that be, but could be subjected to an inexplicable dose of humiliation, mockery, untold hardship that she’d die of depression if she didn’t leave the organisation on her own. The unfortunate scenario above,  would be for a lady courageous enough to speak up. To report harassment through the appropriate channels at her place of work against one of the “big guns.”

Now-  why’d anyone else ever report harassment against any superior in such organization/firm? Most wouldn’t dare, not because it isn’t happening but for the fear of repercussions. Suing a superior for harassment in this part of the world? Who’d pay the bills? For how long would the case be dragged on to frustrate the litigant? And which judge would eventually grant you a fair hearing and actually punish the offender to serve as deterrent to others?

I’d say due to the lackadaisical attitude- this sexual harassment issues are being handled across the globe. Young girls/ladies are being assaulted/ abused; sexually harassed; raped- even at higher institutions by some randy lecturers…it escalates to work places. Some with no other options would eventually succumb to the pressure. Yet the society turns a blind eye…

The African society isn’t favorable on the female folks at all. Right from puberty, men old enough to be your father- grope you, exploit you at any given opportunity. You’d become instantly unpopular if you refused to play along. You “dodge all those bullets” growing up. Now work place? Shockingly even fellow ladies would despise you if you failed to succumb to the pressure or refused to shut your damn mouth about it…!

Does resisting this disgusting unfortunate “norm,” change the paradigm? In a society that sees no grey areas? Men are quick to condemn feminism or any scheme that fights for women(human) right. Or spurs women on, imploring  them to use their heads. Be active participants in the society.

It’s time women said no to barbaric practices, voice out and stand up for themselves.  A society where giving you a job you are qualified for would require sexual exploitation from your potential boss? Why must one trade sex for a job she’s suitable for and quite capable of doing well?

Men see all these ills in our societies. They see poor kids being married off at tender ages- even before teenage at times. They see their colleagues/friends harass female employees because they could and get away with it. They see the superiors, harass/ abuse female staff, “married women” included. No one does a damn thing about it.

I implore all men in general to be considerate and sensitive to women’s plight in the society. Some of your past actions created the dangerous creatures some women are becoming lately.  Please be wise…it could be your sibling next.

What’s the way out of these deteriorating issues?

 

“The Perfect Man?”

Hello Ladies …

My topic today says;

“The Perfect Man?”

Why do people keep prattling so much about ladies waiting for “the perfect” man? Who said just because a lady is yet to marry, she’s waiting for “some perfect” man? I wonder how that fallacy came to be. This now seem like a general assumption held against any lady above 30yrs of age and unmarried.

Does it mean those that dated abusive men, philanderers, con-men, criminals, even those that found out how incompatible they were and knew it won’t work out,  moved on were choosy? Not to mention those that had traumatic experiences. C’mon…? Really? Have you walked in their shoes?

Why do people date? Why do people court? Why do ladies and bachelors become friends? To know one another better. Right? During this period of friendship you found out certain traits  ingrained in this other person, that could cause you harm in the nearest future; such as violence, philandering, unreliability, sadistic nature.  Would you go ahead with him just to bear the tittle “Mrs”? Or thank your star, you found out just in time before entering into a serious commitment with him?

There’s this distaste in my mouth each time I hear people casually toss around this comment; “marriage is for procreation and nothing more”. “Compatibility, affection and all those mushy stuffs,  aren’t necessary”. To those that reasons this way. “Maturity” is accepting any proposal. Deal with whatever consequences later. This is a life changing decision that should be till death, being treated so casually. No wonder so many are miserable while some end up as sworn enemies. I mean, how can it be okay to say yes to just about “anyone” that shows up just because one is in her thirties or above? What happens when you ‘re already in, then the violence, abuse begins? This abusive person beats you blue black daily or sends you to an early grave? Who would then care for your innocent kids? Since you “must” accept “any.” what happens- if after tieing the knot, the criminal or con-man you accepted landed in jail? Or the philanderer who might send you to an untimely death(God forbid) due to his reckless and callous behaviour. Is it the emotional turmoil? The unbearable pain? Or the fear of STDS, curable and incurables? How can one live with such constant fear, being held ransom in one’s own home, insecurity and being constantly embarrassed?

I’m curious though. What’s with this constant need to make any lady trying to avoid unnecessary drama in her life after marriage seem like an unrealistic fool…?  Really? She’s the unrealistic? Not the hopelessly romantic, who thought it would  always be a smooth sail? A fairy-tale…?

Being extremely picky is not wise and nobody should encourage that but to constantly belittle, insult, demean those trying to use their heads to think beyond the “wedding day” is beyond my comprehension.

For instance a scenario where a man shows interest and the next thing, everyone reminds you, you aren’t getting any younger. Like we had amnesia? Haa…! Then you accept, only to realize your worst fear has become real. The astonishing part is, it’s still those same people that reminded you earlier, you aren’t getting any younger, that will soon preach for ” better or worse.” If it leads to malfunctioned home or death. Well, I’m guessing that literally means “or worse” in the  vow. Lol

Although I hate to sound so gloomy! Fact is, being within a certain age bracket and unmarried, attracts all sort of miscreants as suitors, but there are good ones too.  One needs to be careful… not overly so, a little dose will do just fine.

Why is something so seriously complicated as marriage intentionally treated with such levity? As if it’s easy to coexist. Even siblings born of same parents, find it difficult at times.

No man is perfect. Most ladies know this fact. We aren’t toddlers.  Being cautious not to end up with a total stranger who may have so many tricks up his sleeves, shouldn’t be viewed as being picky; choosy; immature.  Just because some rushed in due to whatever reasons they had, doesn’t mean everyone should. Everyone mustn’t learn from personal mistakes.

When there’s friendship, connection, compatibility, trust, mutual understanding and respect. I sincerely believe it would reduce; disillusionment; resentments and nonchalance in marriages. Well…just my humble opinion. What do I know?

What do you think? Share your view on this with me. Criticism is also allowed.

 

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Yes! You heard me loud and clear. Lol. My tonight topic involves the gentlemen too.

The topic says;

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Yesterday I came across a rant by a man, who viewed himself as learned and well exposed. This man was aghast, perplexed and couldn’t grasp why or how a 32yr old lady could reject a marriage proposal from any man at all. He called this lady so many awful names, ranging from dimwitted; crazed; foolish; deranged; immature and so many other demeaning names.

Whoa! As I read on, my skin  crawled like there was an irritating worm on it. To my amazement he wasn’t alone on this particular view. Alas! Others cheered him on. Obviously he wasn’t the only one who thought he made a whole lot of sense. What a myopic specie of human being! Why are some men so selfish? Why do so many African men view our ladies as objects built only to serve their needs?

First of all, is being “unmarried” and above thirty, the worst thing that could befall a lady? Is it now worse than terminal illness? Is it now worse than experiencing hell in one’s marriage? Is it worse than living with an abusive sadist who might send one to an early grave? So a lady above thirty has no”options” at all? No choice at all on the matter? Hmm…mm?She should Wed anyone that shows the slightest interest in her.  After all she’s lucky to be asked? Is that it?

A man sets to marry, he searches for what appeals to him, looks for someone that matches what he wants. Yet a woman is “immature” if she couldn’t connect with a particular guy? Or sees the incompatibility right away. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair. If you aren’t happy now, it may still not fetch you happiness. I’m sorry to say this, some who want to marry at all cost are the reasons, men treat a lot of women like crap out there. You become an object with no mind of your own, all in the name of becoming a”Mrs”.

There’s this act from some African men that baffles me. You see a lady, just by her appearance. You decide, she’s cool headed; humble; arrogant  or rude even. Lol. You approach a total stranger, you instantly expect her to be overjoyed because you are an answer to her prayers. Her Knight in shining amour. To you, of course, she should go on her knees and accept you because if she doesn’t. She would face a faith worse than death. She would soon become an “old maid”(a spinster). In fact this was the sole purpose of her creation of course. Haha..  to be grateful and humble each time a man approaches her. No matter her state of mind at the time…

Who cares if there’s a connection between you two at all. Love? Haa! Whatever for? What about compatibility? Compat- what? Lol.

She was made to serve and please you of course. You, “my lord” will mold her to your taste eventually. Pity… sounds like something out of an old school “slaves&masters movie.” What are we my ladies? Objects with no needs, no ambitions, no future plans for our lives? Shouldn’t these be put into consideration? Many ladies with wonderful dreams(goals), gave them up because they got married to men that never gave a thought to their wives needs, but pursued theirs relentlessly till it was achieved. The height of selfishness.

We are not robots please…. a lady that has a strong dream should pursue it too, with or without marriage. If you enter into a marriage with someone you are not compatible with, someone that won’t inspire you to achieve or exceed your goals, you may end up in regrets or unfulfilled.

The same man that called you humble and cool headed for marrying him, will still call you “proud” “arrogant” when you point out someday, how you gave up so much for your home and by then it’s already water under bridge. Let the myopic ones call you names… it takes nothing off your skin. Tie the knot, because you are sure you could make it work, not because you are above thirty…

My ladies, that’s all a have to say…

Have a blissful Christmas!