“Being Insecure In A Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Being Insecure In A Relationship

What does it mean to be insecure? Oxford English Dictionary defines insecurity as; uncertainty or anxiety about oneself/lack of confident in oneself.

Let’s bring this trait down to a relationship scenario. As simple and unfathomable as this trait sounds. A lot of people silently struggle with it. This trait manifest in various ways in people. In some, it makes them aggresive, in some, abusive, there are some that it makes see everyone or anyone around them as a threat. Usually, such person has no sense of self-worth. He/she might try to mask it by belittling others. Some show theirs by being overly jealous or always finding faults in other people.

My focus tonight is on the ladies especially, gentlemen aren’t exempted though. In my opinion a lot of women should really work on themselves. Develop a sense of self-love/self-worth. Everyone is unique in his/her own way. People treat you exactly how you treat yourself.

As a lady, how would you handle a situation, where you feel or know that your partner has been distracted in your relationship? Let’s say he has become noncommittal to the whole thing. I guess my question is, what exactly is the right call to make at this juncture? I’m no expert on the matter. What I do know from life experience is that you do not solve a problem by creating more. From my observations and a bit of research. I’ve come to understand that If your relationship is in a bad place, you don’t expect it to magically pull itself from a tight spot and become fully functional again by being bitchy, a pain in the neck, or disrespectful, mean, verbally/ physically abusive, lacking confidence in yourself, in your capabilities.

I think one’s best bet in such situation is- firstly, check yourself. Have you changed lately? Do you still listen to your partner? Do you still have serious talks about your relationship, way forward? Did you stop taking good care of yourself? Are you now nonchallant about those things he used to like about you? Do you still make efforts to spice up your relationship? Have you worked on those traits that your partner detests? Frankly, these questions raised here are for both parties. Male or female should be comfortable enough to ponder on such questions whenever things seemed rocky in one’s relationship. I believe it’s little things that actually builds strong relationships or break them.

Now- after mulling over the relationship, if one believes it’s entirely the partners fault, then try to communicate, discuss the issue in a mature manner. It would be an easier pill to swallow by one’s partner. If one opened the discussion by admitting he/she was ready to take the blame completely until he/she discovered, he or she wasn’t entirely the problem. At this point, there’s no point escalating things by laying it tick. Sticking to basics is always one’s best option. If your relationship matters to your partner, he/she will work on areas where conflicts, issues arises from but if he/she doesn’t care anymore. Grovelling won’t do you any good, you know? That’s where your self confidence comes in, mind you, I don’t mean pride. If your partner refuses to try make things work, with head held high, live your life. He/she may realize his/her mistake or not. What matters is that you don’t give anyone a free pass to make you miserable. What’s your view on this? Do share with us here.

WHAT’S YOUR VIEW ON LADIES PLAYING- “HARD TO GET”???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

WHAT’S YOUR VIEW ON LADIES PLAYING-“HARD TO GET “???

Well- I’d  love to know your view on this over flogged phrase used mostly by men in our society, to describe ladies reactions while being wooed.

Now- what does wooing mean? The English dictionary defines it as; to endeavor to gain someone’s affection.  This act has been in existence for centuries. The world has evolved though- civilization, especially through the birth of social media has almost changed the wooing game completely. Some ladies are emboldened through civilization- and more likely to express their feelings towards a man they fancied or found interesting. Funny enough, these changes haven’t automatically scrapped the lamenting of some men; that some ladies play “hard to get” even when they’re interested in the proposed courtship.

My take on this wailing from men- on ladies playing hard to get or acting indifferent while being wooed by the opposite sex, is that- it shouldn’t be generalized. Every Tom, Dick and Pedro now claims, a lady played hard to get on him. Even though, it could just be a case of unrequited love.

The thing is- I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. My view is- I don’t believe it happens as frequently as those whose ego has been smashed to rubble, want us to believe. Has it ever occurred to some men that, a lady who refused to pick your calls- claimed too busy for a date with you, may just be passing across a direct message- which is, she isn’t interested. I mean, is it not similar to how some, initiate breakups? Some ladies find it difficult to reject a relationship proposal, straight to your face. Especially the sensitive ones; trying to save you that awkward conversation.

Fact is-some ladies play hard to get for real at least in our African setting. Upbringing plays a huge role in shaping one’s character. Those days, etiquette demanded a young lady should carry herself in a certain manner. Having been taught from childhood it’s unladylike to be unrestrained. Or show interest initially while being wooed.

Truth be told- some men actually badmouth/mistreat ladies who were interested in them from the onset. They would at times call such person cheap. Going by this belief, he won’t value the relationship and would eventually take her for granted. This particular logic agrees with the cliche- “people generally value what they made strenuous effort for.”

What about having an open mind? It may or may not be any of those plausible reasons. Things aren’t always what they seemed. What if she happened to be in a relationship and wasn’t interested or available? What if instinctively, she knew, she wouldn’t’ date you? What if just after minutes of talking with you on a first date- she had already seen traits that disgusted her? Do we really think a jerk, is that hard to spot? Lol. Or a braggart? Or a vain man- so fixated on his look? Or a pompous prig? Who thinks he’s the best thing since chocolate. Haha…these’re strictly my opinions though.

My point is- ego is a dangerous trait in any human being. You may never know her reasons for lack of interest initially. I think it’s so wrong to always assume it was an “act.” A lady may not like your personality at first. But something you did, maybe on a date or a particular trait you’ve may gradually melt her heart and endears you to her. That doesn’t mean she was pretending at first. It might just be that you gradually won her over. Understand that, she might not have been interested in you until she began to see traits she likes in you.

My humble advice? If she wouldn’t take your calls – shows absolutely zero interest in you. Move the heck on- she probably isn’t playing any stupid game. Could be, she’s simply not interested in you.

WHY DOES APPEARANCE MATTER So MUCH???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Why Does Appearance Matter SO Much???

Well- every society has its orientation. Its accepted norms, approved and stamped by the society as appropriate. Why is it that so many people hunger both consciously and subconsciously for societal approval?

There’s a matter that gnaws at me. Why do most people in our society take things at face value? Is appearance all that matters? Why’re some people so uneasy when it comes to looking inward? Or looking deeper at situations? Is it the fear that you may find out the truth about yourself? A truth hidden under layers and layers of facades?

The other day I saw a picture of a mother and child lying in wake, about to be interred into Mother Earth. It went viral. The story behind it broke my heart. According to the story, her partner- beats her blue-black so frequently- as recounted by their neighbors; even to the extent of beating her on her due date for delivery, until she collapsed and was unconscious. She and her baby died together, that very day! What actually bothered me most about the incident as narrated was that; she left severally but was encouraged to go back to her spouse by her family and friends. It’d be “embarrassing” if words got out that “their” daughter’s or friend’s marriage had crumbled. I guess.

Well- that’s certainly a complicated case since she was married. My main focus is on those still in the relationship stage. Why is it that, the society frowns when it’s a lady that”finds fault in a man she’s dating?” I don’t get it. Men break up with ladies everyday, out there. Once there’s a tiniest doubt in their mind about a particular relationship- especially when marriage is the ultimate target. Is it so “unreasonable” for a lady- that could end up in such heartbreaking circumstance, as the lady narrated above, passed through- to see these signs and move on before she becomes a victim? Does leaving an unhealthy relationship equate to being choosy? If he’s a; criminal, drunkard, dubious, violent, aggressive, sadist…etc. Should she stay and endure? Are all these traits mentioned, now inherent in every other man? So, there’s no point hoping there’s someone compatible, with similar values to hers, out there?

Now- let’s assume, a man/lady in a relationship sees character traits in whom he/she’s in a relationship with, that are intolerable, unimaginably offensive. He/she goes; “what would people say? How’d friends and family react? What’d neighbors say? His/her thoughts, puts everyother person’s reaction above his/her own needs. Hmm…mm?

The stereotyping doesn’t help either. A young lady that behaves in a certain manner is termed “decent or not.” It becomes engraved in the mind subconsciously as the type to sort or not when making plans to settle down. Oh? If she appears “decent.” She’d tick all the boxes I assure you. Lol! What happens later? Incompatibility; the real character springs to the surface. It becomes obvious you’ve been misled- “judged the damn book by the cover.”Serves you right. Lol!

No matter the pressure ladies and gentlemen- I still maintain, it’s not about the society or peers. It’s about you. I’m sure there’re no perfect relationships or even marriages out there. The thing is- there’re good ones out there or would you rather join the nightmare version because you want to please the society? To be in an intolerable relationship just so that others would approve. Whatever did their approval do for the buried ones? Or those passing through hell because they’re afraid to be judged by those in their circle?

I believe being real is still one’s best bet. Be yourself- there’s someone out there that’d understand and love you, flaws and all. And still want to be with you’d show up in due time. Instead of living a charade that’d blowup in your face at some point.

Sex On A First Date???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is one of those situations  we’d rather not acknowledge because it makes us uncomfortable, particularly the ladies.

Sex On A First Date???

Now- I hate to sound vulgar here! But there aren’t many ways to hit the nail by the head.  My focus here today is on those that actually believe they’re in a genuine relationship, leading to something more.

Why am I writing this? Well- to alert younger ladies of the harm they may fall into if not a bit more careful in their various relationships, especially at the initial stages. My aim is also to reach those who may not be aware that, there’re predators out there, who prey on the innocent. The opportunists who might appear genuine, luring you into believing there’s more to it all. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship. Maybe you haven’t even had one yet. Naive, vulnerable -ah ha! The perfect ingredients that attracts this particular specie of human beings.

The thing is- no matter how careful you’re, you could still fall into this act. Waste valuable time/years of your life thinking you’re in a relationship. But sadly, you might have made a huge mistake by that single act. On rare occasions, it might work out but it rarely does. Has it occurred to you, he might be wondering, how many times, you’ve done same with other guys? Lack of self control. Sorry- “truth is bitter” they say.

These are few signs that you’re not his girlfriend after such encounter.

  • He isn’t really interested in you anymore. Would you blame him? No more mysteries about you to unravel.
  • He now starves you of his attention, avoids deep conversations with you but suddenly becomes nice out of the blue when he wants to invite you over for the night. Lol. Sounds familiar? He has relegated you to a booty.
  • He begins to avoid your calls or going on dates with you. This is a message to you, that he has lost interest in you. Move on and learn from your mistake.
  • He could tag along but talks nothing else but sex-related issues with you and tactfully leads each discussion back to sex. This is simply because, you’ve become a sex object to him.
  • He might never be motivated to please you. This is simply because he has no plan to tag along nor have any plans for the future with you.
  • Your value reduces drastically when you jump into bed with a man on a first date or couple of dates, except on very rare occasions.

The thing is- these things aren’t cast in stone- use your discernment. You just met a man. What a first date is made for, is for you to get to know a bit about him. It’s even super important to restrain yourself, if you liked him totally. It’s not pretence. It’s called exercising decorum. If you truly liked someone, you’d want to get to know him better. No matter how many relationships stories you’ve read or what you’ve been told. My humble advice?

Never be in a hurry to share a man’s bed. Intimacy isn’t all that… I might sound archaic to you. Truth is- it is, what it is. Fact is, it’s crucial you avoid intimacy at the initial stage of a relationship, if you remotely want to get to know your man or want him to actually take time to know you. Sounds old-school? I bet. It’s the truth though- take it or not.  A man that truly cares about you, would be patient.

Some would tell you lame stories about their “friends” who slept with their girlfriends on their first dates and re now married. “Bull!”- it’s just a line, they use to get laid.  So? what’s the relevance of sharing that information with you, at that particular moment? Let’s use our heads more, my ladies. Don’t ever allow yourself to be pressured into sex in a relationship. If he has good intention towards you. Believe you me, he’d wait. What’s the rush? Unless there’s an ulterior motive.

Ladies/ gentlemen, what’s your view on this matter?

 

Why Mistake Self-Worth For Arrogance???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Why Mistake Self Worth For Arrogance???

What does this word arrogance mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “the act or habit of arrogating, or making an undue claim in an overbearing manner.” I believe that definition is self explanatory. Now- what is self-worth? The English dictionary comes handy once more; “one’s abilities in self assessment.” The interesting thing is- knowing your worth actually makes it necessary for you to respect “the worth” of  others.  It works both ways.

Have you noticed how some people get so intimidated, by anyone that has a mind of his/her own? People sort of bond quicker with the vulnerable, the weak. Those that have no say/uncomfortable in their own skin- wanting to be led by others or by the status quo, than those that tend to have personal convictions, opinions.  What’s my point? Well- a lady that has self-love would definitely have convictions on how she’s supposed to be treated by another individual. Take for instance. A low self-esteemed lady, gets into a relationship with a sadist, or a lowlife who maltreats or simply depress the life of out her by his thoughtless conducts. We are talking about an unhealthy relationship here.

She comforts herself; positions her mind- to the mindset that, “that’s how most relationships are.” She tells herself, “the grass always seems greener on the other side.” Although I believe this cliche has some truth in it. It sprouts the question; is there even grass within your vicinity?Permit me to speak metaphorically. What’re you comparing your situation with? How green it is, to me seems irrelevant when the lawn has dried up completely on your side of the lawn.

I often wonder why we Africans are so fixated on this issue of “marriage” especially concerning the ladies of marriageable ages. Aren’t there more perilous and overwhelming situations, we should focus on and tackle? If we remotely wish to attain civilization. It’s so bad that some would hate you for not being desperate about it. For going on with your life. For refusing to measure your contentment or achievement solely on a wedding-band fixed on your fourth finger. Some speak of nothing else, than speculate on why it doesn’t bother you.

Lol! Honestly, the question should be; why’re they so bothered? Sadly, when you’re thirty years of age or above and unmarried. I have realized people consciously or subconsciously, expect you to be sad, depressed- to ‘ve this gloomy aura of the doomed. That’s when they become ecstatic, delirious with joy!  “We thought she won’t feel it!” Now- there it is! They quip, enthusiastically. Sadistic creatures…haha. So, what? How exactly does being hopeless, depressed help anyone?

Anyone in this circumstance surrounded by such ugly devourers, who want to tear you down because you’ve refused to play by the rotten book; running around like a headless chicken. As if your life existence  depends on getting married. Separate yourself from such people, distance yourself, no matter how close these set of people are to you. They aren’t looking out for you. They are rather “small minded” people.

I don’t know why some people easily mistake self worth for arrogance. Self esteem to me simply means, respecting one’s self. Having confidence in yourself enough to have certain principles, you abide with. You don’t let pressure, circumstances or manipulations by others dither you. You simply hold your own, no matter what. How’s this audacious trait, maneuvered into something viewed with disdain? It baffles me.

If this topic spoke to you or you have a different opinion, about it. Please share it with us here, it might help someone out there.

 

Ladies Above 30 In Here!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Ladies Above 30- In Here!!!

I’m going to share a bit of myself on today’s post. Although I’m a very private person- an introvert to boot. All through my previous articles, I’ve tactfully distanced myself from my writeups. But something happened to me recently, that prompted me to share this here. I’m actually not sure why I’m sharing this here. For sympathy? I doubt. For understanding? For proper scolding from strangers? I don’t think so! To lighten the burden in my heart? Probably. Fact is- I’m not exactly sure why.

I ended my almost 3year old relationship just about 2months ago. We were already making plans for a future together. Well- this wouldn’t be a big deal if you aren’t in your 30ties and expected by everyone, to be settled in your husband’s house at this stage with kids of your own. Now- bring this scenario down to an African setting- i.e. Nigeria. Then you would realize how crazy, unimaginable, this action, sounds to many. I must be crazy to end a relationship at my “age” no matter what. I should be grateful a man even spoke to me, right? I should’ve crawled on my knees- “barked like a dog” or “hopped around until I am commanded to do otherwise. To make sure I win the ring. No? ( borrowed from that hilarious scene from the classic “Coming To America”). What could be worse than being a spinster in Africa?

I’ve never been one to bother myself with what others think of me or my actions. For once in my life though, I was bothered. I was almost crushed not because I ended things but due to how some of my closest friends reacted to it- without even listening to the reasons behind my action. Like I mentioned in one of my previous articles- once your relationship is in a rocky place, you know it. Pretending all was well just to bag the “Mrs” title would’ve been living a lie, postponing the inevitable. When there’re conflicts of interest/problems/glaring differences, in a relationship- the  ability to admit these problems exists. Then, sorting out viable solutions to rectify them. To me, is the only way forward.

Sadly our society mostly care about the “Mrs” title and nothing more. Some viewed my action as foolish. Others, as an act of ignorance- to some, it portrayed   arrogance, silliness etc.

Well, we can’t all view marriage as a “do or die” affair folks. That, I’m in my thirties doesn’t mean I should desperately hang on to a man even when I see danger in doing so, nor does it mean I’m without a choice in deciding whom I should be with. It also doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pursue other goals of mine and live a moderately happy life while at it. And the truth is- we are not toddlers. I don’t think any lady above thirty years of age is looking for a “perfect man.” Wanting to share my life with a decent person isn’t too much to ask, or is it?

 

Cultivating A Relationship/Marriage To Acquire Wealth- Is It Worth It?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic focuses on;

Cultivating A Relationship/Marriage To Acquire Wealth- Is It Worth It?

Yesterday I came across a post on Facebook. This lady was seeking for advice. I was alarmed reading through her post, just from her first two paragraphs. By the third, I was already horrified- the whole write-up sent a cold chill down my spine. No iota sense of self preservation. The lady in question according to her- is currently in a relationship with an ill-tempered man, whom is sadly wealthy. He hits her at will- no matter how trival the offense. He punches her in the face or any other space he sees on her body, uses objects to batter her. The picture of her battered face was right there! Eyes, entire face swollen and disfigured, turning blue/blackish. To my horror! She wasn’t seeking for advice on how to move on speedily or how to report to the authority concerning her safety. She was seeking for advice on how to “endure” the hitting because according to her- “I’m going nowhere- won’t even consider the thought.” she quipped. whoa! I was stunned. What could be the reason for such a stoic stance? Then, I saw it.

This lunatic she has vowed to hang on to- whom treats her like scum is wealthy. He takes her shopping, buys whatever she picks at the malls, boutiques. He credits her accounts each time he beats her. She even deliberately offends him at times- just so that he’d credit her accounts. “Meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to me.”She gushed. She has acquired wealth through her stoical attitude. She called him generous, though mean-spirited and violent.

As I read on- my skin crawled like I just came in contact with a live snake. What-the-heck! I felt so disgusted I could taste it literally in my mouth. What a pity. Furtune hunter- right?Lol! What else is she? Our society is flooded with ladies with this mindset. What pisses me off is- when she’s in there, acquiring “wealth”-

mining this gold behind his backyard, we won’t hear a single complaint- not from her. The day she gets enough, reaches her targets – the play acting starts! She would waltz back into the social media seeking empathy, filling us with stories on how she had endured this same abusive spouse for years because she “loved” him. Busybodies that we mostly are- would spring into action- calling for the spouses head on a platter. That’s if she was alive to tell us about it. If not, it becomes hashtag- #Justice for Mrs A. Uhm… #Justice?

The thing is- I’m not saying it’s right to hit a lady. I don’t subscribe to abuse of any kind. But not all those whining on the social networks- (“he hits me- put me through unspeakable suffering”) deserve our sympathy. Some would’ve become your archenemy if you’d pointed out, they were dating a violent/abusive man. They pretend- it doesn’t matter so long as the money is there and keeps flowing. Later when mission might have been accomplished, then the melodrama.

Ladies, well- none is perfect. I’m aware, neither am I better than the next lady out there but damn it! Riches/money isn’t everything. What about a peaceful life? What about being treated as a human being? What about not being treated like an animal or a slave? What about raising kids in a conducive home? What about not irrevocably damaging your kids due to the trauma of being raised in a malfunctioned home? What about not being reduced to a toy in your home?

It baffles me when people place money above their lives, safety and health. Worshiping money has shredded our values- our common sense. It has been placed above character-dignity. If we don’t retrace our steps, I shudder to think what the future holds for us all.

What’s your thoughts on this topic?

Abusive Relationships 

 

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Abusive Relationships 

Anyone in a relationship knows where it pinches. If the relationship is healthy- you feel it just by how contented you’re in it. If it’s in a rocky place, you’re aware. One of the most dangerous aspects of an unhealthy relationship is an abusive partner.

I’ve been told severally that it’s not healthy to be too careful when venturing into a relationship/marriage. “You won’t know by half, your partner’s behavior until you’d began to live together for a considerable period of time.” Agreed. But there ‘re always some telltale signs. We often just turn a blind eye.

An Abusive Partner–  there ‘re several forms of abusive behaviors a partner could exhibit occasionally which shouldn’t be ignored. However, my focus today is on-  physically/verbally abusive partners. The bullies!

Let me explain why I chose those two. Well- they ‘re practically a couple. Lol

A verbally abusive partner to me, is almost as deadly as a physically abusive partner. The only major difference is that the scars aren’t visible unless you prod.  There ‘re some words that could punch one’s psych(Pierce one’s heart), cause more damages than a thunderous slap. A partner can verbally reduce his/her partner to a low self-esteemed shell. Callous words that could hurt harder than a kick on the shin. Sends you reeling into self-doubt until depression sets in.

The thing is- both ladies and gentlemen should avoid/terminate such relationships. No matter the investments- financially/mentally or time wise. At times when we hear “abusive relationship” we wave it off or view men solely as the culprits. Sadly it’s not a gender thing per se. Men- agreed,  ‘ve  higher tendencies of being abusive in a relationship/ marriage. Fact is- some women are abusive too. Theirs rarely come in a physical form though.

It could manifest in a verbal or emotional form.  So it’s paramount to be observant while in a relationship/courtship. Observe how your partner handles issues/ situations, anger,  before taking that crucial step. Don’t rush into marriage because of societal/peer pressure to become part of statistics of domestic violence, that graces the social media daily these days.

If a partner lashes out during a little misunderstanding. We make excuses like; I pushed him/her too far. I said things that got him/her upset. Hmm…mm? Really? A verbally abusive partner could lead his/her partner into suicidal thoughts. No jokes. On the other hand, a physically abusive partner is actually a confirmed bully. There’s no way you’d date and venture into a relationship with a bully without that awful trait rearing it ugly head, once in a while. They often’ve dictatorial nature, mostly possessive, ill-tempered, opinionated, often caring and remorseful after hitting their partner. The chronic ones are quite callous. They don’t give a damn about their partner’s welfare after a fight.

The rate ladies are dying in abusive relationships ‘ve escalated over the years. There’s need to be alert in one’s relationship. No one knows the baggage the other partner is roaming about with undetected. It could be anger issues, trust issues, psychopathic nature, possessiveness or even obsession. At this stage it’s easy to get away-run without a backward glance, once violence tendencies is discovered in a partner. Breaking up a relationship is by far easier- it wouldn’t be that easy when married already, probably with kids.

Now ladies, the truth is-no matter the offense. He has no right to hit you but that doesn’t mean one should goad or dare one’s partner into provocation thoughtlessly during a fight. My humble advice? State your grievances in a mature manner, no point being verbally abusive. Men are human beings too with emotions. Don’t push your partner overboard. But If you are battered in that relationship/marriage regularly then leave. You simply aren’t compatible. Sorry…!

Well- an abusive partner hardly changes without help. It all depends though. Is the “ring” worth the risk?

 

 

 

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow/Wayward?

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all those having sleepless nights over issues not really their business.

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow Or Wayward?

I’m sick and tired of all these stereotypical assumptions flying all over the place. Must we always be so judgmental about other people’s lives? Whose business it is that she isn’t married? Why prioritize someone else’s issue?

Just yesterday I came across a post on a social network where a lady reached out to single women above thirty. I couldn’t get the details of her program since she only wanted them to give her a call. To my disgust! This particular man sprang out of nowhere, lamenting on how it was a well deserved “punishment” for all those women who thought their beauty was everything and rejected men at the snap of a finger….haa! He wasn’t done- far from it. He prattled on… on how they were all shallow minded fools who were waiting for rich men to come-by and propose- which didn’t happen.  He was just getting warmed up- On, he went- “starting up men who wooed them- were rejected countless times! Today see them all. Single! Used goods looking for a poor man to marry!” Ugh! Pathetic…

What gets to me on this issue isn’t even the ranting. It’s the assumption that she must be devastated. The assumption that she’s been dealt with by faith for her atrocities. Yeah…I’m sure Mary Magdalene  had nothing on us. Lol. Why the stereotype, that a lady married late or yet to marry because she has a terrible character/past? Who told you that? Who gave you a pass, that- you’re better than these ladies you raise your noses in the air to mock? To belittle and humiliate at every turn? Who gave you the right to judge?  The condescending attitude some people exhibit, both male and female gender against unmarried ladies above thirty is astonishing.

If you’re married and happy in your own home. Why ‘re you so concerned about someone else’s plight? Is it your problem? Is she complaining to you? It seems harder for “a bull to pass through the eye of a needle” than for some to actually grasp that a lady above thirty and yet to marry may actually be happy as she is- living and planning her life. Not encumbered by the responsibilities that acompany’s  marriage”yet.” A time may come when her independence and life experience would make her be a better wife than some that married early.

A mature lady enters marriage with full knowledge of what it entails. She’s isn’t there for fairy tales. She creates a conducive environment for herself and her partner. Why? Simply because at this stage in her life, she knows exactly what she wants and needs and has garnered suitable experience on how to go about it.

A lady that married, let’s say at the age of 22/23yrs. Experienced a hellish marriage and divorced in her thirties or so. And one who didn’t marry on time because of a thousand and one reasons available, that could have prevented her from tieing the knot. Had time on her hands, worked on herself- knew herself well. Built a career niche for herself before meeting her own man. Do you really think the latter missed out on much? This thirty-something year old who has maturity and an understanding of how things works before tieing the knot. Did she miss so much for not marrying sooner?

A lot of married people currently miss singlehood fiercely. Some wish they could dissolve their unions without a backward glance. Some feel trapped. Some ‘re overwhelmed with regrets for entering into that union. Some can recall- the exact mistake that landed him/her in the trap he/she’s in now. Seeing all these, concerning marriage.  It baffles me that, some still see it as a “do or die affair.” A lot of married couples will gladly go their separate ways given the opportunity- no strings attached.

Well…what’s my point? My point is- stop treating getting married as the most important or the “only”goal in a woman’s life. Some want it badly no doubt, others don’t. That- she isn’t married doesn’t mean she’s shallow or wayward. Let me shock you.

Wayward ladies actually marry on time. They’re skilled- they know what men want and like. They know how to rope in/hook a man. They also know exactly the buttons to push to get a man to do exactly what they want. If a wayward lady with her experience sets her eyes on you. You’re in. By the time she’s through with you. You’d swear it was all your ideas. 60% of ladies that encounter late marriages are actually the decent ones. Probably rigid or frigid in nature- some ‘re introverts, some’re nerds and some quite boring. So stop the stereotyping already. It’s beginning to irritate.

What’s your opinion on this issue? I’d love to read it on here. Have a lovely day!

All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all singles.

All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against?

Single ladies and bachelors are often advised not to put “all their eggs in one basket.” Technically we should have backup plans for any relationship, one ventures into.

This evening I’m focusing more on the impact of this advise on the singles. I believe this advise is drummed into the ladies psyche particularly, more than the male folks. The men mostly aren’t under any pressure.

We have all heard and received this advice countless times in our lives. My question this evening is; how do we interpret this–“not putting all our eggs in one basket?” At what age or stage should this be applicable? What’s your interpretation? Is it being abused? Is it causing more heartbreaks? More harm than good?

Today I’d like to share my opinion on this euphemistic relationship advice.

  • Firstly, there are stages in every relationship. One meets a potential partner at a given time, exchange contacts or one could be introduced by a friend, family member and so forth. Now, the first step is going on a date with him or her. If the first date went well, another and yet another could be arranged. At this stage, you are observing each other, trying to find out if you enjoy each other’s company. If it’s going well, you begin to relax; become less tense around each other; Communicate effortlessly; gist; joke and enjoy each other’s company.
  • The second stage becomes the relationship proper. Where you discuss generally what you expect and want out of that relationship. This is also known as”defining” the relationship. At this stage as a man/ lady, if you are searching for a serious relationship that may move on to the next stage. You discovered the lady/man you are dating wants something different, maybe a fling or just not ready for something serious. Some will be straightforward enough to give you this fact as it is. Heed to it… move on. You’d meet someone who would want same things as you someday.
  • This third stage is quite crucial. The relationship has metamorphosed into courtship. This stage is the most serious stage before marriage proper because the two involved would be working towards same goals. Making future plans as a team towards life as a couple. Learning minute details about their spouse to be. What works and what doesn’t for them. The basics at least…

Now, back to the topic of discussion. It seems to me, there wasn’t real clarification on where this infamous advice— (not to put all eggs in one basket) should be applied.

Based on the first and second above mentioned stages. It seems obvious to me that a man or lady that isn’t in any defined relationship should meet and date other people. However he/she should exhibit decorum at this stage. When the relationship is finally defined. If it wasn’t what you hoped for, expected, needed…then leave. Don’t just hang on to “nothing”, expecting him/her to reconsider. Or hoping you could change his/her mind. It may cause more harm than good if you persuade someone to be with you.

I hope it’s clearer now where I’m headed?

Uhm… personally, I don’t believe anyone should be dating( be involved with other people) at the courtship stage of his/her relationship. It’s not even ideal during relationships. It’s just that some never really define their relationships. For such people, anything goes. Well,  if you accepted to be in an ” open relationship.”Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Is metaphorically meant for you.

My point this evening, is for one to be cognizant of the state of one’s relationship. So as not to jeopardize or waste unnecessary time in it. Gentlemen and ladies… let’s not allow this  advice– dished out frequently at random mar our relationships. Faithfulness to one’s partner is still the best. He who wears the shoes, knows where it hurt though…

What’s your opinion on this? I honestly want to read your view on here.

A Sombre Perspective

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d digress a bit today from my usual focus on the blog. Yesterday I came across quite a sad tale; a touching disheartening story told by a young lady in diaspora, originally from the middle East.- Homeless daughters of a hybrid diaspora

I can’t quite explain why her story affected me so deeply. Maybe because I could relate with some of the ills she pointed out about their society. Such as being selective when it comes down to cultural practices to leave behind and those to merge into the new  religions. It was a sombre evening for me after perusing that article. I could vividly grasp the picture she painted.

Here in Africa we have our own very burdensome, taxing and quite  complex cultural practices. But to be made from birth to feel unwanted, irrelevant in one’s own home is the height of it! A daughter being treated like an outsider- a stranger who would soon join another family in marriage and whose state and well being over there would be determined by how many sons she bears for her husband.

There’s another point she made that hit home right there! I’m curious, agreed men put those laws in place. It has always favoured them. Agreed. How come it’s mostly women that enforces these laws on their kind? When a lady marries and is yet to bear a child. It’s usually fellow women that put her through hell for having difficulty in conceiving. Other females mostly point this out, not the men. If a lady decides to fight for her right against injustice meted at her/ women in general. Women are usually her strongest opposition. Why’s that?

For instance here in Africa, in some parts, women don’t get quality education as their men. Some parents view training a daughter to higher institution as a waste of time and resources since she will marry someday. Sadly, it doesn’t end there. There are communities, tribes in Africa where widows are not allowed to inherent whatever their late husband left behind. Some places only “sons” participate in sharing of a father’s inheritance. Daughters are excluded. Not to mention the child bride phenomenon that cut across some part of the African continent? Who would fight for these girls? The widows? Those daughters being denied quality education? Since women will be the first to defend the “norm.” This is how it has always been my child.” I’m guessing that’s what they “parrot” to their 12yr old daughters while giving them away in marriages to some pedophiles.

It’s obvious that I’m pained due to the circumstances we women find ourselves. I admired the author of –

Homeless daughters of a hybrid diaspora

At least some of them are making efforts to change the norm even if these efforts are made from afar in baby-steps. It’s still better than blindly upholding the so called status quo as the past generation did. I implore us women, we should have each other’s back. Stop jumping right in to defend something that directly or indirectly affects you too.

Just today on facebook, I came across a page where a loud mouthed woman was defending men that cheats on their partners. She went right off, gun blazing! Reprimanding women that finds such,  offensive and unacceptable. Whoa! I wished at that moment, the earth would open and swallow me up. Lol. I was ashamed for her. Low self-esteem has wretched some of our women.

I’m glad some women have found their voices and are ready to effect the changes they need in this generation and equally ready for the task ahead.

The “Delusions About Cheating”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

The Delusions About Cheating

Now what do we understand by the term delude ? The English dictionary defines it as ; ” to deceive into believing something which is false; to lead into error; to dupe.”Now that was self explanatory. What is cheating in this context? Unfaithfulness in a relationship.

Ladies and gentlemen, look around you. Cheating is becoming a culture in our African society. A disgusting vice yet viewed  as “normal.” Both men and women  all out-doing themselves these days in the game of being unfaithful to their partners. Worse? They all try to justify this nauseating act. Pathetic!

Men now call themselves “polygamous in nature.” Hmm mm? Really? Women cite negligence by their partners as reasons for this dangerous indulgence. Tall excuses! Lack of discipline I’d say…

Check out countries where cheating is abhorred; leads to divorces and hefty settlements and  tell me if the cheating rate in such countries equals those of countries where everything goes. Check countries where cheating wives are left with almost nothing during divorce settlements and tell me the percentage of those randomly caught having affairs.

As for singles, those with their self respect intact do not condone  such total disregard and tactless attitudes from their partners. Only someone with low self-esteem will accommodate such destructive vice from a partner , which will eventually lead to misery.

What am I saying? Here in Africa the delusion has gotten out of hand. Both men and women keep giving flimsy excuses why they cheat.  As a young woman, you keep strings of boyfriends. Whatever for? Material gains? For how long does any of those gains last?

A bachelor supposedly in a relationship/courtship, strings a number of girls along. How would he get it right through all those distractions? How would you ascertain your compatibility with any of them?

This “smartness” (as termed by the perpetrators) some  exhibit in the youthful age, is what breakup homes in the future. You delude yourself into believing your own lies. You unwittingly begin to view cheating as “normal”, which it isn’t.

I have this unflinching view about cheating. I believe to cheat is by choice. There are people that won’t cheat no matter what. It isn’t that they don’t meet interesting guys or ladies out there more attractive, vibrant, livelier than their partner, but because they are disciplined, contented with what they have. It’s not about “lack of opportunity.”

Understandably most of our forefathers married lots of women. Some had 3,4 wives or more and concubines too. Some of our fathers followed same pattern. Obviously seeing it as the norm.

I have a simple question. How many of the ancient  practices are still in existence? Besides things aren’t always black or white. There are always grey areas in life. How are we sure the polygamy practice of the past was a vice? Or a show of wealth? It could have been born out of necessities at that time.

As a bachelor or lady in a relationship. I implore us all. Let’s  not treat cheating with levity. Don’t ignore it or make excuses for such partner. That- “after all we aren’t married yet”crap should stop. Whatever you tolerate in a relationship is assumed you will accept in marriage. Imagine a situation where anyone cheated on, views such as unacceptable. He or she makes a firm move, leaves the toxic relationship. Cheating will grind to a halt.

The world has changed. There are numerous health hazards such careless attitude could breed. Let’s respect our partners and exude decorum at all times. This is the 21st century. Any man or woman that cheats on you has no iota of respect for you.

Secondly, understand this fact;  if he/she cheats on you while in the relationship. There’s a 60% likelihood he/she will do same again in marriage.

By cheating your partner, you degrade him or her. You make your partner insecure by trashing his or her self worth. You make him/her feel inadequate. It’s a nasty and insensitive act.

Africa has advanced, we have come a long way. Africa has stopped uncountable barbaric practices. It’s time we left this insensitivity behind too. Let’s begin to treat our partners with love and respect. Fact is, a nicely treated partner will definitely yield what you are yearning for and searching for out there. What you plant is what you reap. Lol

What do you think? Share your view on this topic with me. This is simply mine… what do I know? Share yours or criticize, it’s allowed.

 

“The Perfect Man?”

Hello Ladies …

My topic today says;

“The Perfect Man?”

Why do people keep prattling so much about ladies waiting for “the perfect” man? Who said just because a lady is yet to marry, she’s waiting for “some perfect” man? I wonder how that fallacy came to be. This now seem like a general assumption held against any lady above 30yrs of age and unmarried.

Does it mean those that dated abusive men, philanderers, con-men, criminals, even those that found out how incompatible they were and knew it won’t work out,  moved on were choosy? Not to mention those that had traumatic experiences. C’mon…? Really? Have you walked in their shoes?

Why do people date? Why do people court? Why do ladies and bachelors become friends? To know one another better. Right? During this period of friendship you found out certain traits  ingrained in this other person, that could cause you harm in the nearest future; such as violence, philandering, unreliability, sadistic nature.  Would you go ahead with him just to bear the tittle “Mrs”? Or thank your star, you found out just in time before entering into a serious commitment with him?

There’s this distaste in my mouth each time I hear people casually toss around this comment; “marriage is for procreation and nothing more”. “Compatibility, affection and all those mushy stuffs,  aren’t necessary”. To those that reasons this way. “Maturity” is accepting any proposal. Deal with whatever consequences later. This is a life changing decision that should be till death, being treated so casually. No wonder so many are miserable while some end up as sworn enemies. I mean, how can it be okay to say yes to just about “anyone” that shows up just because one is in her thirties or above? What happens when you ‘re already in, then the violence, abuse begins? This abusive person beats you blue black daily or sends you to an early grave? Who would then care for your innocent kids? Since you “must” accept “any.” what happens- if after tieing the knot, the criminal or con-man you accepted landed in jail? Or the philanderer who might send you to an untimely death(God forbid) due to his reckless and callous behaviour. Is it the emotional turmoil? The unbearable pain? Or the fear of STDS, curable and incurables? How can one live with such constant fear, being held ransom in one’s own home, insecurity and being constantly embarrassed?

I’m curious though. What’s with this constant need to make any lady trying to avoid unnecessary drama in her life after marriage seem like an unrealistic fool…?  Really? She’s the unrealistic? Not the hopelessly romantic, who thought it would  always be a smooth sail? A fairy-tale…?

Being extremely picky is not wise and nobody should encourage that but to constantly belittle, insult, demean those trying to use their heads to think beyond the “wedding day” is beyond my comprehension.

For instance a scenario where a man shows interest and the next thing, everyone reminds you, you aren’t getting any younger. Like we had amnesia? Haa…! Then you accept, only to realize your worst fear has become real. The astonishing part is, it’s still those same people that reminded you earlier, you aren’t getting any younger, that will soon preach for ” better or worse.” If it leads to malfunctioned home or death. Well, I’m guessing that literally means “or worse” in the  vow. Lol

Although I hate to sound so gloomy! Fact is, being within a certain age bracket and unmarried, attracts all sort of miscreants as suitors, but there are good ones too.  One needs to be careful… not overly so, a little dose will do just fine.

Why is something so seriously complicated as marriage intentionally treated with such levity? As if it’s easy to coexist. Even siblings born of same parents, find it difficult at times.

No man is perfect. Most ladies know this fact. We aren’t toddlers.  Being cautious not to end up with a total stranger who may have so many tricks up his sleeves, shouldn’t be viewed as being picky; choosy; immature.  Just because some rushed in due to whatever reasons they had, doesn’t mean everyone should. Everyone mustn’t learn from personal mistakes.

When there’s friendship, connection, compatibility, trust, mutual understanding and respect. I sincerely believe it would reduce; disillusionment; resentments and nonchalance in marriages. Well…just my humble opinion. What do I know?

What do you think? Share your view on this with me. Criticism is also allowed.

 

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Hello ladies…

I’m quite sad right now. I’m about to poke, yet again another sour spot.

My topic today says;

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Ladies in their thirties and above. I’m here again as a voice of  caution. It appears things are getting worse. If that’s even possible, considering the fact it has always been a jungle out there.  The hawks are hovering; searching for an easy prey. I heard of a pathetic story about a lady who was swindled of her life savings by a man who promised her marriage and travel papers.

I am not livid or even pissed which should ‘ve been a better feeling anyway. I’m simply disgusted. Hear me out here. No one is above mistakes. I understand the feeling of uncertainty too well. I understand the pressure from all around us. I understand how it feels, to be told by one “snake oil salesman” exactly what one wants to hear. The exhilarating relief! The rekindled hope and all….

What really breaks my heart is that such happens regularly to regular intelligent ladies whose only crime were letting their guard down. Daring to hope the affection was real, only to fall into the hands of desperate con-men with sharp spades for digging.

It’s easy to see through this type of men, their stench is easily perceived. But they still catch as many prey as they target mostly because of the societal and peer pressure mounted on us ladies. The scammer, varnishes into thin air without a thought of how the trusting lady would feel.

My ladies, it’s a tough world out there. You were offered something you needed so much,  so you threw caution to the winds! Oh crap! Enough of that silly excuse already. Don’t be silly…

Another lady I read about the other day on some page on social media, can’t quite place which, said he told her he works with a bank. She swallowed that. A man who didn’t even have an apartment. Moved in with her, was fed by her. He still managed to defraud her of her little savings, was abusive on top all that! How does one “refuse” to think? He was a banker, yet couldn’t afford a rented apartment? Or cater for his needs? A future mother swallowed that white lie, line, hook and sinker?

There was also another incident I came across on Facebook. This particular lady was on the brink of committing suicide because she lent money to her boyfriend,  almost a million bucks. This bloody twerp blocked her on all social networks as soon as he landed overseas. Unbelievable!

If this craze to settle down intent is to connect to another; a companion; start a family and do all necessary to make one’s marriage work. It actually sounds like a good cause to me. But the chilling truth that sends nerve quivering chill down my spine, is knowing that majority don’t give a damn about the frigging outcome. Just to tie the “knot” is what some only now sort after. Even if it all ends in a year or two. It doesn’t freaking matter.

Little wonder our societies are in shambles. We all see what mostly comes out of broken homes.

My ladies, until we focus on what’s best for us. For our unborn children and forget or rather ignore the society and its  pressure. These predators won’t stop. The scamming won’t stop. The downgrading and “diggings” won’t stop. Funny, ladies used to be the ones with the shovel back in the days. How things changed…

Being “Mrs” isn’t worth anyone all these headaches; heartaches and misery some are passing through on a daily basis.

We ‘re all mature and know what good or not for us. Let’s not allow pressure make us ignore red flags or warnings in our heads. Let’s be at alert and stay reasonable. Know whom you are with very well, so as to know what works best for you.

That’s all I have to say for now. Do have a lovely day, you all!

 

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to touch one of those sour spots we hate to talk about out there again. My topic today says;

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Let’s quickly find out what this word “desperation” is about. The English dictionary defines desperation as;(1)  “the act of despairing or becoming desperate”;  “a giving up of hope.” (2) ” A state of despair, or utter hopeless; abandonment of hope; extreme recklessness; reckless fury.”

Hmm…the definition of this word alone, makes me shudder. It gives me goose bumps, just the thought of someone living his/her life in such state of mind. Sadly, societal pressure has made desperation almost a norm in our society. Having reckless abandon in the pursuit of our desires have become a norm. Desperation isn’t a gender thing. Anyone could become desperate, depending on one’s fervent desire to accomplish a particular goal. A society where a particular set are viewed as failures; losers; nonentities. These set are constantly looked down upon. The desperation to achieve what garners “respect” to others becomes a norm.

For instance most unmarried ladies these days, will do whatever it takes to tie the knot,  become a “Mrs.” This is because the society has made it appear as  the most prestigious title a woman should have before any other. Unmarried women are mostly lumped in as wayward or indecent for being single still at a certain age. Disheartening….

That’s not all. Men are under pressure too, to acquire wealth. A status that should take years of hardwork to achieve. The youth in their quest to make their mark and be accepted and accorded “respect” in the society, do a lot of despicable things, that at times leads to death, in desperation. A bachelor of certain age is also viewed as irresponsible for daring to remain single. No one is interested in the “why.”

How’s desperation the solution? I’m asking this question because I have noticed people get furious with anyone they perceived as “not desperate”, especially if you are unmarried and yet, doesn’t exhibit any of the known attribute of those in a hopeless situation, such as recklessness; being depressed, miserable etc.

My question this evening is this; Can someone explain to me how being desperate solves our problems? Take a look at our political setting today. Desperation has made politics a do or die affair. Most in our society will do just about anything to win. What comes after the win? Hmm…mm?

The quest to marry at all cost has destroyed our core values. Nobody cares anymore about the seriousness of the venture. The end “now” justifies the frigging means. Lol.

A lot has been damaged in our various societies  due to desperation. This has caused so much pretense in our today’s youth. They comport themselves in a certain manner, just to get what they want instead of being themselves or working on themselves to be better as the case should be.

These are what desperation does; It puts you in a state of despair; you become extremely reckless; no caution whatsoever;not thinking straight; you would swallow any nonsense solution thrown your way. You are thrown wide open for extortion, manipulation, abuse,untimely death even, all in the name of searching for “any” solution to your perceived problems. Caution is thrown to the winds. Some become life casualties… if not now, later in life.

My advice to us all this evening is to fight the feeling of despair in whatever situation we find ourselves in life. It solves nothing in the long run, it only somehow compound the problems.

That’s all I have to say this evening ladies and gentlemen. What’s your view on this? Share it on here, others could learn from it.

 

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex/ Possible or Not?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Tonight I want to talk on one of those topics we mostly speculate on, hardly dare look into for the fear of what we could find.

My tonight topic says;

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex, Possible or Not?

I want to share my humble opinion on the issue of keeping the opposite sex as close friends, pals, confidants. Lol. Remember, it is my view.

Now, what is “platonic friendship?”

English dictionary defines platonic as “Not sexual in nature; platonic love.”That explanation was simple enough… you see where I’m headed? I have heard countless debates, discussions, have participated on some of these talks on why a male or female would prefer the opposite sex as close friends rather than his/her kind.

I don’t know much about why a guy might do this but for the ladies, there are numerous reasons  why it’s common, not the usual assumption that she is promiscuous; “sleeps with each and everyone of them.” Lol! Ladies often find it easier to make guys their close friends because for some reasons; we believe he won’t laugh at our blunders or relish the mistakes we foolishly make atimes in our relationships; without offering tangible solutions to correct them.

He gives sound advise when it comes to relationship matters, for the sole reason that, as a man, he knows how men minds work. When you take a relationship matter to a close male pal, just by listening, he already knows where your relationship is headed. He could tell you, “this guy is serious”or “run for your life!” He could say, “you are wasting your time with this one.” Lol. Meaning this one isn’t a keeper. I could go on and on. Most of the men ladies keep as friends wouldn’t gossip about you. Some will be protective of you even. Along the line, you get comfortable, almost like siblings.

Fact is, for someone to allow another to “friend zone” him/her. He or she may actually have an emotional feeling towards that person or not. He/she may genuinely care about this person so much that the person’s well-being comes first. There are friends who have no emotional attachments whatsoever towards each other. Although in some cases,  one person has an attraction towards the other, which the other party refuses to acknowledge or out rightly ignore, so as not to make the friendship awkward.

The truth is, genuine friendship is hard to build. Some will not sacrifice/jeopardize this special bond for”what might have been.” Would rather preserve such precious and unique friendship. A friendship devoid of ulterior motives.

I believe platonic friendship with the opposite sex is very normal. For starters, the ones that become confidants, close friends are already”friend zoned.” It’s tough to find a close friend of the opposite sex who isn’t in the dreaded “friend zone.”Lol. An experienced man or lady already knows this, that’s why when you want to turn them into a shoulder to cry on, they bolt; run like hell…haha.

Usually, when I come across people discussing this very issue. I observed that the perplexed; those that can’t fathom how it could be possible are usually those that have never experienced it. Had they experienced it first hand. They would realize one or both parties had no emotional feeling towards the other. It’s quite rare for such paradigm to change suddenly.

Instead of laying baseless accusations, why not find out the nature of that friendship? Some men have so low an opinion on ladies, they think all ladies sleep with anyone that says “hi” to them. Lol.

This is so common among men. The way I see it, a guy like that has trust issues. Although some men also have ladies as platonic friends, ladies hardly confront or talk about this issue aimlessly as men do.

If you date irresponsible ladies with no dignity, these insights doesn’t apply to you. My primary concern tonight is to say my opinion on this issue. If you value the person you are with, don’t jump into conclusions. The friends out there might be the ones pleading on your behalf when you err, because they want what’s best for your lady/man. Do not generalize or lump all ladies who keep male friends as “promiscuous.”Some ladies wouldn’t ever consider having intimate relationships with casual or close platonic friends. The thought alone might disgust  her even.

That’s all I have to say on this delicate issue. Feel free to share your view with me on this. I’m eager to hear it!

Merry Christmas to you all!