Cultivating A Relationship/Marriage To Acquire Wealth- Is It Worth It?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic focuses on;

Cultivating A Relationship/Marriage To Acquire Wealth- Is It Worth It?

Yesterday I came across a post on Facebook. This lady was seeking for advice. I was alarmed reading through her post, just from her first two paragraphs. By the third, I was already horrified- the whole write-up sent a cold chill down my spine. No iota sense of self preservation. The lady in question according to her- is currently in a relationship with an ill-tempered man, whom is sadly wealthy. He hits her at will- no matter how trival the offense. He punches her in the face or any other space he sees on her body, uses objects to batter her. The picture of her battered face was right there! Eyes, entire face swollen and disfigured, turning blue/blackish. To my horror! She wasn’t seeking for advice on how to move on speedily or how to report to the authority concerning her safety. She was seeking for advice on how to “endure” the hitting because according to her- “I’m going nowhere- won’t even consider the thought.” she quipped. whoa! I was stunned. What could be the reason for such a stoic stance? Then, I saw it.

This lunatic she has vowed to hang on to- whom treats her like scum is wealthy. He takes her shopping, buys whatever she picks at the malls, boutiques. He credits her accounts each time he beats her. She even deliberately offends him at times- just so that he’d credit her accounts. “Meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to me.”She gushed. She has acquired wealth through her stoical attitude. She called him generous, though mean-spirited and violent.

As I read on- my skin crawled like I just came in contact with a live snake. What-the-heck! I felt so disgusted I could taste it literally in my mouth. What a pity. Furtune hunter- right?Lol! What else is she? Our society is flooded with ladies with this mindset. What pisses me off is- when she’s in there, acquiring “wealth”-

mining this gold behind his backyard, we won’t hear a single complaint- not from her. The day she gets enough, reaches her targets – the play acting starts! She would waltz back into the social media seeking empathy, filling us with stories on how she had endured this same abusive spouse for years because she “loved” him. Busybodies that we mostly are- would spring into action- calling for the spouse head on a platter. That’s if she was alive to tell us about it. If not, it becomes hashtag- #Justice for Mrs A. Uhm… #Justice?

The thing is- I’m not saying it’s right to hit a lady. I don’t subscribe to abuse of any kind. But not all those whining on the social networks- (“he hits me- put me through unspeakable suffering”) deserve our sympathy. Some would’ve become your archenemy if you’d pointed out, they were dating a violent/abusive man. They pretend- it doesn’t matter so long as the money is there and keeps flowing. Later when mission might have been accomplished, then the melodrama.

Ladies, well- none is perfect. I’m aware, neither am I better than the next lady out there but damn it! Riches/money isn’t everything. What about a peaceful life? What about being treated as a human being? What about not being treated like an animal or a slave? What about raising kids in a conducive home? What about not irrevocably damaging your kids due to the trauma of being raised in a malfunctioned home? What about not being reduced to a toy in your home?

It baffles me when people place money above their lives, safety and health. Worshiping money has shredded our values- our common sense. It has been placed above character-dignity. If we don’t retrace our steps, I shudder to think what the future holds for us all.

What’s your thoughts on this topic?

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Abusive Relationships 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Abusive Relationships 

Anyone in a relationship knows where it pinches. If the relationship is healthy- you feel it just by how contented you’re in it. If it’s in a rocky place, you’re aware. One of the most dangerous aspects of an unhealthy relationship is an abusive partner.

I’ve been told severally that it’s not healthy to be too careful when venturing into a relationship/marriage. “You won’t know by half, your partner’s behavior until you’d began to live together for a considerable period of time.” Agreed. But there ‘re always some telltale signs. We often just turn a blind eye.

An Abusive Partner–  there ‘re several forms of abusive behaviors a partner could exhibit occasionally which shouldn’t be ignored. However my focus today is on-  physically/verbally abusive partners. The bullies!

Let me explain why I chose those two. Well- they ‘re practically a couple. Lol

A verbally abusive partner to me, is almost as deadly as a physically abusive partner. The only major difference is that the scars aren’t visible unless you prod.  There ‘re some words that could punch one’s psych(Pierce one’s heart), cause more damages than a thunderous slap. A partner can verbally reduce his/her partner to a low self-esteemed shell. Callous words that could hurt harder than a kick on the shin. Sends you reeling into self-doubt until depression sets in.

The thing is- both ladies and gentlemen should avoid/terminate such relationships. No matter the investments- financially/mentally or time wise. At times when we hear “abusive relationship” we wave it off or view men solely as the culprits. Sadly it’s not a gender thing per se. Men- agreed,  ‘ve  higher tendencies of being abusive in a relationship/ marriage. Fact is- some women are abusive too. Theirs rarely come in a physical form though.

It could manifest in a verbal or emotional form.  So it’s paramount to be observant while in a relationship/courtship. Observe how your partner handles issues/ situations, anger,  before taking that crucial step. Don’t rush into marriage because of societal/peer pressure to become part of statistics of domestic violence, that graces the social media daily these days.

If a partner lashes out during a little misunderstanding. We make excuses like; I pushed him/her too far. I said things that got him/her upset. Hmm…mm? Really? A verbally abusive partner could lead his/her partner into suicidal thoughts. No jokes. On the other hand, a physically abusive partner is actually a confirmed bully. There’s no way you’d date and venture into a relationship with a bully without that awful trait rearing it ugly head, once in a while. They often’ve dictatorial nature, mostly possessive, ill-tempered, opinionated, often caring and remorseful after hitting their partner. The chronic ones are quite callous. They don’t give a damn about their partner’s welfare after a fight.

The rate ladies are dying in abusive relationships ‘ve escalated over the years. There’s need to be alert in one’s relationship. No one knows the baggage the other partner is roaming about with undetected. It could be anger issues, trust issues, psychopathic nature, possessiveness or even obsession. At this stage it’s easy to get away-run without a backward glance, once violence tendencies is discovered in a partner. Breaking up a relationship is by far easier- it wouldn’t be that easy when married already, probably with kids.

Now ladies, the truth is-no matter the offense. He has no right to hit you but that doesn’t mean one should goad or dare one’s partner into provocation thoughtlessly during a fight. My humble advice? State your grievances in a mature manner, no point being verbally abusive. Men are human beings too with emotions. Don’t push your partner overboard. But If you are battered in that relationship/marriage regularly then leave. You simply aren’t compatible. Sorry…!

Well- an abusive partner hardly changes without help. It all depends though. Is the “ring” worth the risk?

 

 

 

“Low Self Esteem” The Number One Catalyst In Abusive Relationships.

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to share my opinion on

“Low Self Esteem” The Number One Catalyst In Abusive Relationships.

OK! Let’s roll…

What do we understand by the term self-esteem?

The English dictionary says; “confidence in one’s own worth”; self-respect. “Estime de soi” as my French neighbors would say.

Well- that was self explanatory. Everyone needs to have self-respect, not over confidence. Lol. A normal dose, will do just fine. Low self-esteem is one of the causes of abuse in any form of relationship. Take for instance while in school; at any level. Who were the ones bullied? Who did the bullies in your class ever targeted? Lol

Are you getting the picture? They always go for the ones with low self esteem. The ones that bend their head in shame while being tormented. The ones that sob pitifully when  harassed. The ones that run away in fear. The bullies feed on “terror.” Am I right or wrong? Now, you see where I’m headed? Hahaha… the moment a bully mistakenly takes on someone with self-confidence! Ah- ha! He gets served! Lol. It’s not about physical strength. This type of strength radiates from within.  The day he/she tries such person, he/she gets reduced to rubbles by sheer-will.

Abuse in a relationship can be from anyone. It’s not something only men do. A lady could be abusive too. Why sit there taking it all in, day after day? You feel you don’t deserve him? You can’t get anyone better? You feel she’s far more sophisticated than you? So you should be treated like “trash?” Really?

He says you will never meet someone better? You swallowed that? Really? That’s why you get beaten for exchanging greetings with a friend on the side-walk?Let me throw more light on what low self esteem does to any kind of relationship. Be it marriage, friendship, courtship to name a few. The victim has no say; no voice, no opinion whatsoever,  over his/her own life. You are called stupid! You nod your head and think thus; “I though as much, I never do anything right! I will never amount to anything.” Hmmmm… sad huh?

Abuse could be verbal, physical or in any other form. It starts gradually, peeling away your self value, your self-respect, until you begin to believe you deserve it because you are worthless. A bully makes someone with low self-esteem fall lower, lower. Nothing you ever do is good enough. In your head, you keep making excuses for him/her. Maybe if I try harder, he/she will get to see I’m good enough and reciprocate.  Lol. Keep dreaming… it’s free.

Most of these predators are insecure. Some are “naturally” bullies. Some, might not be of their own making. It could be as a result of the environment they grew in. It could be so many other things, which I won’t go into now. What I’m  here to tell you is this; it stops once you stand your ground. Once you assert yourself during confrontation, make yourself heard, not seen once in a while. Learn to defend yourself if need be. There’s still another enticing option! Leave, if you remotely suspect your life is in danger.

Make up your mind. Be determined to build your self-esteem. Go to your mirror, stare at yourself closely. Accept you, as you are. See yourself as unique. Love yourself, be your number one fan. Tell yourself nobody out there has any right or power to tell you, who you are. You know damn well who you are. You are special and deserve the best life can offer you.

Ponder on my words if you are experiencing something similar. There’s always an option, take the one that suits you…

Well…what do you think?