Is Desperation The Solution? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to touch one of those sour spots we hate to talk about out there again. My topic today says;

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Let’s quickly find out what this word “desperation” is about. The English dictionary defines desperation as;(1)  “the act of despairing or becoming desperate”;  “a giving up of hope.” (2) ” A state of despair, or utter hopeless; abandonment of hope; extreme recklessness; reckless fury.”

Hmm…the definition of this word alone, makes me shudder. It gives me goose bumps, just the thought of someone living his/her life in such state of mind. Sadly, societal pressure has made desperation almost a norm in our society. Having reckless abandon in the pursuit of our desires have become a norm. Desperation isn’t a gender thing. Anyone could become desperate, depending on one’s fervent desire to accomplish a particular goal. A society where a particular set are viewed as failures; losers; nonentities. These set are constantly looked down upon. The desperation to achieve what garners “respect” to others becomes a norm.

For instance most unmarried ladies these days, will do whatever it takes to tie the knot,  become a “Mrs.” This is because the society has made it appear as  the most prestigious title a woman should have before any other. Unmarried women are mostly lumped in as wayward or indecent for being single still at a certain age. Disheartening….

That’s not all. Men are under pressure too, to acquire wealth. A status that should take years of hardwork to achieve. The youth in their quest to make their mark and be accepted and accorded “respect” in the society, do a lot of despicable things, that at times leads to death, in desperation. A bachelor of certain age is also viewed as irresponsible for daring to remain single. No one is interested in the “why.”

How’s desperation the solution? I’m asking this question because I have noticed people get furious with anyone they perceived as “not desperate”, especially if you are unmarried and yet, doesn’t exhibit any of the known attribute of those in a hopeless situation, such as recklessness; being depressed, miserable etc.

My question this evening is this; Can someone explain to me how being desperate solves our problems? Take a look at our political setting today. Desperation has made politics a do or die affair. Most in our society will do just about anything to win. What comes after the win? Hmm…mm?

The quest to marry at all cost has destroyed our core values. Nobody cares anymore about the seriousness of the venture. The end “now” justifies the frigging means. Lol.

A lot has been damaged in our various societies  due to desperation. This has caused so much pretense in our today’s youth. They comport themselves in a certain manner, just to get what they want instead of being themselves or working on themselves to be better as the case should be.

These are what desperation does; It puts you in a state of despair; you become extremely reckless; no caution whatsoever;not thinking straight; you would swallow any nonsense solution thrown your way. You are thrown wide open for extortion, manipulation, abuse,untimely death even, all in the name of searching for “any” solution to your perceived problems. Caution is thrown to the winds. Some become life casualties… if not now, later in life.

My advice to us all this evening is to fight the feeling of despair in whatever situation we find ourselves in life. It solves nothing in the long run, it only somehow compound the problems.

That’s all I have to say this evening ladies and gentlemen. What’s your view on this? Share it on here, others could learn from it.

 

Lowering Your Standard (2)

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

A lot of people have requested for me to revisit this article and talk more on this particular issue .

https://kareninspirational.com/2016/07/14/lowering-your-standard/

Well, to me this topic isn’t that complicated. It’s a weighty one though.

I have never been the type to go with the “status quo.” I’m fond of asking “why?”, searching; deciphering situations around me.  I discovered, by paying attention to little things(details), one can actually avoid a lot of disastrous situations.

Well…here’s my today’s topic;

Lowering Your Standard (2)

Surprisingly none of the advocates of lowering one’s standard ever give a thought about how the union might go when their “match making”/ counsel works out.

I will restate here that I’m not against lowering of standard to tie the proverbial knot. All I’m saying is to be careful not to lower so much so, that would eventually lead to resentment; indifference; nonchalance; unadulterated hate; in the near future.

Understand my point please, I’m not suggesting to be” excessively careful.” In a nutshell I’m suggesting to pay attention to those little things that could cause “helluva” problems in the future.

Take for instance, in our everyday lives, we are constantly advised to lower our standard. This is gradually instilled in our subconscious. Check out romance novels, movies, all sell mostly the same story. A story where a rich city girl/man, marries someone he or she has absolutely nothing in common with. Let say a rancher, who lives in the middle of nowhere. She leaves everything she’s used to,  familiar with and goes to the “ranch” to live with her “brand-new” husband. Or something of that nature.

Are you getting the picture? Whenever I  watch such, I just shake my head. Haha…

If you are of different social class, I’m not saying it doesn’t work. Hear me out first. “If” you have misgivings he might not fit/blend in, why not reconsider instead of becoming bitter, resentful in the near future, viewing your spouse as a source of embarrassment and making his/her life miserable. Smothering him or her with hatred for something he/she knew nothing about.

You are highly educated,then you lower till that “homey” girl/boy with little or no education becomes the one . Only for you to become unapproachable in your own home few years down the road. Frustrating his/her life, making her/his life a “living hell” because you are miserable and have nothing in common. Was it his/ her fault? Remember, that problem could have been avoided by being a bit more careful.

Haha… tough huh? I am all for lowering of standard fellows; what I’m against is lowering more than you could take. If you are not certain you can take that trait, then don’t overlook it. You can’t stand a con-man; a criminal; a gambler; an unprincipled; a troublemaker; an abusive man, yet you said yes! Lol.

You won’t be the only one miserable in that marriage. You will vent your anger; frustration, misery,regrets…etc. On your unsuspecting partner whose only crime was taking you as you are.

Do not tie the knot just to become “mrs” so so and so if you aren’t sure you can overlook those traits that are a “no! no!!” for you. It would be sad to exhibit unconscionable attitude in your home, few years down the road due to your frustration.

Ladies and gentlemen,  let’s be careful on the issue of “lowering one’s standard.” It’s laudable when done right, yet disastrous when care isn’t taken.

That’s all I have to say this evening my ladies. Do have a wonderful evening and a happy new year!

 

Patience-Persistence-And Positivity Is The Key. 

Hello ladies…

Well, the new year is here. 2016 has bowed out, ushering in 2017. It doesn’t matter how the previous year had been. You had goals, I would like to believe you accomplished most of them if not all. What matters is that you are alive, in good health and more especially “positive” that this year would be much better.

My topic this morning says;

Patience; Persistence; And Positivity; Is The Key. 

What do we understand by the word “patience”? The English dictionary says; being patient. Now, what is patient? “Content to wait if necessary”; “not bothered with having to wait”. This is self explanatory.

What does the word persistence mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “being persistent”. what is persistent? “Obstinately refusing to give up or let go”;

“Insistently repetitive”; “Indefinitely continous”. Says the English dictionary.

OK! what is positivity? Being optimistic. ” Expecting the best in all possible ways”. I have learned a crucial lesson over the years. I learnt that patience; persistence; and positivity; almost always leads to something remarkable.

Take for instance, the inventors of the past centuries. The likes of Alexander Graham Bell; the Wright Brothers (Orville and Wilbur); Karl Benz. What did they  all have in common? Are you getting the picture? I hope you understand my point here.  I’m not implying the above mentioned traits are what made them inventors. I do believe though that, these traits helped them achieve their various tremendous success stories.

Let’s evaluate ourselves , are we on the right trail? How’s that project coming along? Do we believe deep in our heart that we can achieve our set goals for this year? That we could make a difference?Deep in your heart, do you believe you can make that relationship work? Lol. Surprised? It should be part of looking inward, don’t you think…?

You put in your best efforts at work/ business last year ? So it hasn’t yielded fruitful results thus far? So what? Be patient, keep doing the good job and above all, be positive. I know it’s hard at times to keep being positive when results aren’t forth coming. But remember those men mentioned above wouldn’t be known today if they had given up.

As a single lady above thirty, you may be working in an office where your married colleagues are accorded more respect than you although you are quite good at your job, older than some of the married ones even. These ladies may belittle you or make snide remarks about your status. Stay positive! Always remember that it isn’t how fast but how well. Don’t let being “unmarried” define you. Also don’t just sit there, not developing yourself, hoping some man’s name will give you an identity.

Use this period to discover yourself.  The areas you are good at, focus more on. Be the lady others would be proud of/ emulate. Don’t wallow in self-pity as if your world has crashed and burned. Envision the type of life you wish for in the nearest future and work towards it. One thing I have noticed is that when the time comes for a certain goal to be achieved, things fit in perfectly. There won’t be a square peg in a round hole. Every piece of the puzzle finds its rightful place and clicks! Lol. Let’s understand that one way or another, what will be will eventually be.

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning my ladies…

Do have a fruitful new year !

 

 

 

Happy New Year My Beautiful Ladies! Be Cheery/ Be Positive!

Hello ladies…

Happy new year!/ Bonne année!

Let’s be cheery as we waltz right into 2017. It was no small feat!  I know… There were tough times, time of doubts, fears, worries but did it stop you? Hell no! Here we are, alive, full of dreams, plans, some projects already in progress. A day of jubilation and merry-making! why not?  If for no other reasons, because we are alive and in sound health to witness 2017.

As we celebrate, let’s reminiscence about the past year. Are there things we think we handled wrongly? Mistakes that we made? At this point, I don’t think regrets will solve anything. Let bygone be bygone. Let’s the past and its mistakes be in the past. The mistakes of the past was probably made to be learned from. Experience is the best teacher. No? What else teaches us life experiences? It’s not like it’s a course of study at the University or High school even. “Life 101” or something of that nature. Lol

As women, we generally worry too much. It takes a “special” grace or maturity to know that this excessive worries mostly changes nothing. Christmas has come and gone, despite being surrounded by love ones,one at times still feels alone, probably due to hanging around so many peers with their own unique little lovely families. There’s this fierce dread for the future and what it might hold.

Well… I know how that feels, but that yearning should not lead one to an irrational or rash decision this new year. Let’s not wallow in self-pity; depression; or pining over what one lost or desired which one had no “mythical” powers to change. Instead as the year begins, in this cheerful moments. Let all make plans towards what one can do, that would effect the changes one needs.

There are times it feels like some are taking undue advantage of your present situation, as a lady above thirty and unmarried. Push that “ugly” thought aside. Maybe it’s true, maybe not. If some now view you as a lost cause. Well…it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you feel about yourself, which is why you must stay focused and positive this new year. Believe in yourself, know yourself worth and don’t let society or peers tell you otherwise.

It might all seem like a waste of time. The experience you have acquired over the years will one day manifest itself in the maturity you exhibit in handling situations.

Let’s always strive to achieve our set goals. Work on personal flaws we know of and have a positive outlook to life. Whatever we desire will get to us in time if we work towards it and exercise patience. Panicking mostly leads to mistakes which at times are irreversible. Let’s make our beds “right” this new year my ladies… so as to avoid regrets later.

That’s all I have to say on this new year morning. I wish us all, a wonderful, fruitful year ahead!

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex/ Possible or Not?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Tonight I want to talk on one of those topics we mostly speculate on, hardly dare look into for the fear of what we could find.

My tonight topic says;

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex, Possible or Not?

I want to share my humble opinion on the issue of keeping the opposite sex as close friends, pals, confidants. Lol. Remember, it is my view.

Now, what is “platonic friendship?”

English dictionary defines platonic as “Not sexual in nature; platonic love.”That explanation was simple enough… you see where I’m headed? I have heard countless debates, discussions, have participated on some of these talks on why a male or female would prefer the opposite sex as close friends rather than his/her kind.

I don’t know much about why a guy might do this but for the ladies, there are numerous reasons  why it’s common, not the usual assumption that she is promiscuous; “sleeps with each and everyone of them.” Lol! Ladies often find it easier to make guys their close friends because for some reasons; we believe he won’t laugh at our blunders or relish the mistakes we foolishly make atimes in our relationships; without offering tangible solutions to correct them.

He gives sound advise when it comes to relationship matters, for the sole reason that, as a man, he knows how men minds work. When you take a relationship matter to a close male pal, just by listening, he already knows where your relationship is headed. He could tell you, “this guy is serious”or “run for your life!” He could say, “you are wasting your time with this one.” Lol. Meaning this one isn’t a keeper. I could go on and on. Most of the men ladies keep as friends wouldn’t gossip about you. Some will be protective of you even. Along the line, you get comfortable, almost like siblings.

Fact is, for someone to allow another to “friend zone” him/her. He or she may actually have an emotional feeling towards that person or not. He/she may genuinely care about this person so much that the person’s well-being comes first. There are friends who have no emotional attachments whatsoever towards each other. Although in some cases,  one person has an attraction towards the other, which the other party refuses to acknowledge or out rightly ignore, so as not to make the friendship awkward.

The truth is, genuine friendship is hard to build. Some will not sacrifice/jeopardize this special bond for”what might have been.” Would rather preserve such precious and unique friendship. A friendship devoid of ulterior motives.

I believe platonic friendship with the opposite sex is very normal. For starters, the ones that become confidants, close friends are already”friend zoned.” It’s tough to find a close friend of the opposite sex who isn’t in the dreaded “friend zone.”Lol. An experienced man or lady already knows this, that’s why when you want to turn them into a shoulder to cry on, they bolt; run like hell…haha.

Usually, when I come across people discussing this very issue. I observed that the perplexed; those that can’t fathom how it could be possible are usually those that have never experienced it. Had they experienced it first hand. They would realize one or both parties had no emotional feeling towards the other. It’s quite rare for such paradigm to change suddenly.

Instead of laying baseless accusations, why not find out the nature of that friendship? Some men have so low an opinion on ladies, they think all ladies sleep with anyone that says “hi” to them. Lol.

This is so common among men. The way I see it, a guy like that has trust issues. Although some men also have ladies as platonic friends, ladies hardly confront or talk about this issue aimlessly as men do.

If you date irresponsible ladies with no dignity, these insights doesn’t apply to you. My primary concern tonight is to say my opinion on this issue. If you value the person you are with, don’t jump into conclusions. The friends out there might be the ones pleading on your behalf when you err, because they want what’s best for your lady/man. Do not generalize or lump all ladies who keep male friends as “promiscuous.”Some ladies wouldn’t ever consider having intimate relationships with casual or close platonic friends. The thought alone might disgust  her even.

That’s all I have to say on this delicate issue. Feel free to share your view with me on this. I’m eager to hear it!

Merry Christmas to you all!

 

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic this evening says;

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

I understand it’s just a “relationship” not “marriage” but does it actually help? Does it resolve the issues or rather put added strain on it due to “half-baked” advises offered? Hahaha…how many times have you ran straight to your best friend or close friends after a bad fight? Or for an advice concerning your relationship? How did the discussion go?

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the importance of friendship. Sometimes when we are down, being surrounded by friends is one of the best remedies for getting back on one’s feet. They are there to cheer you up. At times I see friends advises as catalyst that blows some issues out of proportion. Escalating matters beyond repair if care isn’t taken. Hear the reasons, why I think we should be cautious when squealing relationship matters to friends.

  •  It hardly ever solves the problem, most likely escalate matters instead of abating it.
  • Gradually, by prattling about your relationship issues to your friends, you unwittingly reduce your man/lady in their “eyes.” Eventually he/she loses whatever little respect accorded him/her previously by them. It doesn’t end there, this same friend may still use the very information you shared with her or him against you if things eventually goes south. Lol.

My view on this is; instead of discussing such issues with friends who may not have your interest at heart. If you must discuss it at all with anyone, why not search for someone maybe older close to you; mature; and experienced. Certainly this person would be unbiased and able to add two and two together, to have a clear picture and advise you accordingly.

If you value whom you are with, protect his or her dignity by trying as much as possible to iron out the creases in your affairs between yourselves. If it works out, fine. If not, move on.

There’s no point belittling; rubbishing someone you supposedly care about among your friends all in the name of resolving a conflict. It doesn’t bespeak maturity. This may seem irrelevant now until your relationship succeeds and gets to the next level. At this stage, he or she becomes part of your circle and you begin to wonder why your friends are so “cold (unfriendly) to your fiancé/fiancée. Lol

The way your friends treat your lady/ man is entirely up to you. Don’t thoughtlessly make it harder for him/ her to fit in among your friends. It may not matter to you but if she or he begins on a wrong foot, she/he may be an outsider among your clique of friends for a very long time.

Ladies and gentlemen… ponder on these few words of mine today. If it helps you build a better relationship then I have achieved something worth celebrating tonight.

Do have a blissful night and a Merry Christmas!

 

 

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Yes! You heard me loud and clear. Lol. My tonight topic involves the gentlemen too.

The topic says;

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Yesterday I came across a rant by a man, who viewed himself as learned and well exposed. This man was aghast, perplexed and couldn’t grasp why or how a 32yr old lady could reject a marriage proposal from any man at all. He called this lady so many awful names, ranging from dimwitted; crazed; foolish; deranged; immature and so many other demeaning names.

Whoa! As I read on, my skin  crawled like there was an irritating worm on it. To my amazement he wasn’t alone on this particular view. Alas! Others cheered him on. Obviously he wasn’t the only one who thought he made a whole lot of sense. What a myopic specie of human being! Why are some men so selfish? Why do so many African men view our ladies as objects built only to serve their needs?

First of all, is being “unmarried” and above thirty, the worst thing that could befall a lady? Is it now worse than terminal illness? Is it now worse than experiencing hell in one’s marriage? Is it worse than living with an abusive sadist who might send one to an early grave? So a lady above thirty has no”options” at all? No choice at all on the matter? Hmm…mm?She should Wed anyone that shows the slightest interest in her.  After all she’s lucky to be asked? Is that it?

A man sets to marry, he searches for what appeals to him, looks for someone that matches what he wants. Yet a woman is “immature” if she couldn’t connect with a particular guy? Or sees the incompatibility right away. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair. If you aren’t happy now, it may still not fetch you happiness. I’m sorry to say this, some who want to marry at all cost are the reasons, men treat a lot of women like crap out there. You become an object with no mind of your own, all in the name of becoming a”Mrs”.

There’s this act from some African men that baffles me. You see a lady, just by her appearance. You decide, she’s cool headed; humble; arrogant  or rude even. Lol. You approach a total stranger, you instantly expect her to be overjoyed because you are an answer to her prayers. Her Knight in shining amour. To you, of course, she should go on her knees and accept you because if she doesn’t. She would face a faith worse than death. She would soon become an “old maid”(a spinster). In fact this was the sole purpose of her creation of course. Haha..  to be grateful and humble each time a man approaches her. No matter her state of mind at the time…

Who cares if there’s a connection between you two at all. Love? Haa! Whatever for? What about compatibility? Compat- what? Lol.

She was made to serve and please you of course. You, “my lord” will mold her to your taste eventually. Pity… sounds like something out of an old school “slaves&masters movie.” What are we my ladies? Objects with no needs, no ambitions, no future plans for our lives? Shouldn’t these be put into consideration? Many ladies with wonderful dreams(goals), gave them up because they got married to men that never gave a thought to their wives needs, but pursued theirs relentlessly till it was achieved. The height of selfishness.

We are not robots please…. a lady that has a strong dream should pursue it too, with or without marriage. If you enter into a marriage with someone you are not compatible with, someone that won’t inspire you to achieve or exceed your goals, you may end up in regrets or unfulfilled.

The same man that called you humble and cool headed for marrying him, will still call you “proud” “arrogant” when you point out someday, how you gave up so much for your home and by then it’s already water under bridge. Let the myopic ones call you names… it takes nothing off your skin. Tie the knot, because you are sure you could make it work, not because you are above thirty…

My ladies, that’s all a have to say…

Have a blissful Christmas!

“Religions And Salvation”

Hello ladies…

Today I will like to talk on a spiritual matter. “Salvation

It is a fact that here in Africa religion, matters a lot to us. Every family identifies with one religion or another. It’s either, Christianity; Islam; native idols and so on. Most of these religions have something in common. They all believe there’s something greater than us all, out there. A supreme being who rewards us all according to our deeds.

In the past centuries uncountable atrocities were committed in the name of “the gods.” Currently there are other forms of atrocities being committed in the name of God. Is history repeating itself?

Now, what is “salvation”? “The process of being saved(from hell); “the process of being restored or made new for the purpose of becoming saved;” lastly, “the process of being rid of the old poor quality conditions and becoming improved.” Those are the definitions of salvation by English dictionary. The last definition is my favorite among all stated above. Have we improved? Well… to an extent. There’s still room for improvement. Every Christian or Muslim sees himself as better than a pagan or an Idol worshiper. The question is, how many pagans are presently in our governments?

Each Friday/Sunday we troop to mosques/churches. Yet corruption keeps eating deep in our societies. Many people join this religious groups just to feel good about themselves. For appearance sake, definitely not for salvation. If not, why are things going from bad to worse each day despite the percentage that are religious in our various societies?

Who burns people on the streets? Who uses every little opportunity to burn homes? Who robs the people of their basic civil rights each day? Who oppresses the poor and enrich their pockets more each day? Who sheds bloods of the innocent as if it means nothing, every passing day?

Of what benefits is religion to our lives if it doesn’t improve us; change us? If it can’t turn a wicked heart to a heart filled with kindness? If it wouldn’t make us our brothers keeper? If it can’t make us selfless…?

Accumulating wealth seems to have become the number one priority of some spiritual fathers, all over the world. Even if half the congregants are wretched and can’t afford to feed and cloth themselves.

As for the Christian Church leaders, I have a simple question to ask. If the savior whom we are trying to emulate could worry about the people’s well being, fed them on several occasions without even having much . Are we truly Christ-like? How many have you fed? How many have you helped? Did Jesus feed others because he had an extra he didn’t need? Or was it for appearance sake? I don’t think so, neither do I believe it was just to showcase his “divine powers.” I simply believe he saw their needs and provided it because he could.

Let’s reminiscence in our hearts, find out why we view ourselves as religious. The wealthy sometimes, will rather give in church to be noticed than help a poor neighbor living beside him or a poor relation. Loving your neighbor as thy self would solve a lot of problems in our midst if we put that into practice.

Let’s seek for salvation instead of doing “eye service” all over the place.  Be an improved version of yourself; be better; don’t just do things for appearance sake. Do it because you know it’s the right thing, if you are truly religious. Or go sit in a corner. Lol

Let those of us that are Christians, use this season of Christmas celebration to have a moment of sober reflection. Evaluate ourselves and determine where we need improvements in our various lives…

Do have wonderful moments, this joyous season of Christmas, you all!

 

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Before I give my opinion on this particular issue, which by now you are aware, I have lots of them to give. Lol Let’s quickly find out what truthfulness is all about.

My English dictionary defines truthfulness as; ” The quality of being truthful.” Now- I ask, what is being “truthful”? Once again my dictionary defines it as; “Honest, and always telling the truth.” “Accurately depicting what is real.” Well…that explains itself right there. Lol

Now based on life realities we go through everyday; we encounter numerous ups and downs and end up surprising ourselves on our capabilities which most won’t dare associate with themselves ordinarily until they are in a very tight corner. What am I trying to say here? Well… hear me out. Hahaha…

No one is perfect. Show me that perfect man/woman. I’d show you a “liar/pretender.” We all have weaknesses. That’s what makes us human. Back to my topic, is truthfulness “overrated”? What does it mean to over-rate something? My English dictionary defines it as; “to esteem too high; to give greater praise than due.”Lol. Now you see where I’m headed?

At some point in one’s life, he/she has done something she/he wasn’t so proud of. Let’s say you are in a relationship or living with people that such action may affect, directly or indirectly. Because you knew in your gut, they would be disappointed if or when they find out what happened. You chose the “easy” way out. Which is to either “omit” the truth or damn straight lie about it. Lol. Now- hear why I think telling the “truth” isn’t “overrated.”

Lie or lies are like a bad penny. That’s the honest truth I’m telling you right here. It doesn’t worth the stress and pressure that it strings along, if you ask me. And like a bad penny, it keeps coming up till it bites you where it hurts. Lmao…I understand clearly why someone would be so exasperated to wonder if truthfulness isn’t given more credit than it deserves.

Mr. A/ Miss A, does something he/she isn’t proud of. He or she summons the courage which is no small feat, tells Mr. B the truth. And Mr. B being hurt or disappointed by what he has just heard, flies off the handle! Chews Mr. A out… tongue lashes Mr. A or Miss A for the offence committed, which she/he has just been courageous enough to tell the truth about. Lol.

Are you getting the picture? It’s quite rare for someone receiving such solicited or unsolicited confession not to react or overreact. One begins to wonder if it was worth the effort. It might not have been a big deal or would not have been any deal at all if one has kept his/her mouth shut. Hahaha…

At that particular moment, that popular saying “what happened in Paris stays in Paris ” begins to look enticingly appealing. In a relationship, omitting to tell the truth whenever such need arises or out rightly lying about things will only postpone confrontations. Fact is, when truth finally gets out,  because it always mostly does. It only takes a while. The anger, the hurts, hardly ever generate from the incident or action of the perpetrator. Instead it comes from the fact that the “truth” was kept from him or her for a reasonable period of time. He/she begins to wonder which other “secret/s”is being kept from him/her or what else he’s/ she’s being lied to about.

It destroys trust. It destroys faith this person has placed in you. It’s  even worse when, it was the partner that discovered  the truth, all by him/her lonesome self. You would be in a very “hot” soup. Lol.

So dear ladies… no matter how hard it is, truthfulness is still the best bet if you ask me. It’s the major way to study your partner. If you did something that your conscience bothered you about, there’s a 90% probability it will also bother someone else. Being truthful is being real. No one said it’s easy but you get to see the other person for real. Get to know how they react to life issues. By the way, lying in a relationship is not synonymous to “cheating.” That isn’t what we are discussing here today. It’s a sub-part of a whole though, for there’s a thousand and one other situations, that could lead to being “tempted” to lie or omit the truth for peace sake.

The thing is, it’s better to say it out while it’s hot and take your chances than being on edge each day trying hard to cover a lie deeper each day. Trust me, a lie will keep rearing it ugly head every chance it get, until you despise yourself for it or get caught. And none of these options is appealing or worth the stress.

Telling the truth always, no matter how hard it is at that particular time is still one’s best option. It isn’t overrated… what one needs is the courage to go through with it. Human beings will be human beings, if the person you are with doesn’t appreciate the effort and courage it took for you to be truthful, instead focused only on what he/she heard you say you did, then he or she is an insensitive bastard… just do it for your peace of mind then- always. Thank me later!

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning. Do have a wonderful week, you all.

 

 

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Now what does the word “Trust” mean? The English dictionary defines it as; ” confidence in or reliance on someone or quality.”

Well, that explanation is quite simple. I’d say, trust apart from the one children have in their parents which I believe must be inborn right from the cradles, is usually earned. That of a child and his/her parents; the child trust them wholeheartedly to provide for him/her; to protect; to be there always; to love and care; to pay him/her attention whenever he or she sort it.This kind of trust will remain firm if the parents didn’t fail at their duties. It remains intact because deep down the child often takes this for granted because it has always been there. But if the home was malfunctioned. Distrust could start early even from childhood, which is a very complex situation, that has diverse reasons which I won’t be dabbing into just yet. Lol! Here today, I want to share my view on trust in a relationship, which is earned. If it could be rebuilt or not.

Let me put it this way. You can’t just meet Mr. A and decide he’s very truthful, principled, reliable, faithful and so forth. Before one acquire such firm confidence in Mr. A. One must have had cause to believe it to be so. You have faith in his truthful nature. “He will tell the truth no matter what.” You’d say this because you believed it to be so. You believed it because you trust him. Are you getting the picture?

Now, this trust makes every relationship strong, stress-free, easy, blissful, euphoric until “something” shatters it.

In a situation where someone you believed could never lie to you, lies to your face and somehow you already knew the truth. You caught him/ her in a lie” red handed”, doing something you could never have associated with him or her. Gracious Lord! Hmmm… painful, right?The mind is a tricky gadget. At that particular moment , the whole trust “built” comes tumbling down. One begins to speculate, maybe it had all been a lie.

On today’s topic, I’m here to talk about how or if it’s possible to build trust back when it has been lost. Things will never be the same, let’s tell one another the real truth here. But something new could be built from a shattered trust. Trusting again may become quite difficult to the “betrayed.”  Hahahah… are you surprised I used that particular word? Oh, c’mon. How does it feel when someone you had so much confidence in, does something you could vouch for him/her, would never do? The truth is, there’s this feeling of betrayal right inside one’s gut, squeezing, you feel like your heart would burst right open in acute pains.

Let’s use this scenario…a man meets a decent girl, an epitome of a virtuous woman. On a faithful day he discovers, that persona was all a lie. Or a decent girl finds out no atom of truth has ever passed through her partners lips. He had lied, cheated and done several despicable things behind her back.

OK! Now here’s the fun part. In a scenario where the trust is gone. Now you are seeing the real him/ her, at the moment. It isn’t appealing one single bit. It isn’t over though. Is he/she remorseful? Deeply moved by the hurt she/he has caused you, for real, not just trying to appear remorseful. You may never be sure. It’s a risk you would have to take if you still want him/her.

Before you think of rebuilding trust, it means you still want him/her in your life. “No one is perfect”; they say…I believe if you love this person, the only way this move could work is to; forgive wholeheartedly; start afresh on a clean slate. Be determined to be patient until he/she proves to you that, he/she will not jeopardize your relationship by letting such happen again.

Let him or her come clean, encourage him to spill everything to you. It is a risk, let him take it because he shattered that trust in the first place. I called it a risk because even after hearing it all. You can still walk away without a backward glance. The betrayed has all the chips on this one. He/she will have to weigh his/her options. Decides whether he or she could forgive and start to trust this same person again.

The damage has been done, even if he/she moves on. That experience could cause  trust issues towards the next person he/she meets. In a situation like this, the cliché ” the devil you know” begins to sound comforting. Isn’t it simpler not to mess up someone’s life just because you are a crook, a lair, a cheat, a thief or whatever? Be that from the onset. You would be surprised. Some girls or men will know these facts, still fall for you. When you betray someone trust, that person may still forgive you and try to rebuild the relationship. It is a choice. But something is lost in the process, no matter how hard you try, that “unflinching trust” may never be regained.

If you value that relationship of yours.  Watch your actions. Trust is one of those things very hard to rebuild when lost. I can’t give you false hope here my ladies, if you want it to last, be trust worthy.

That’s all I can say this lovely morning. Have a wonderful day!

Are The Rich Excused From; Bigory/Racism/Sexism?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to stray a bit. There’s this ill in our society  that has been a norm for so long… I would like someone out there to explain to me why it’s so. What are the causes ? What scale are things being measured with? Why are some things wrong when done by the poor or an average man/ woman yet OK when done by the “rich” in our society? A poor and hungry steals something, no matter how small, if caught, jungle justice is his faith in most places here in Africa. No mercy, the mob serves as judge and jury instantly. You would think this happens because we are a people that don’t tolerate evil; wrongdoing; any form of corruption. Hmm mm? The rich politicians steal from the poor masses on a daily basis in the full glare of everyone in the society. No one bats an eyelid. The psychos- who would lynch a poor for a tiny crime committed, will instead hail these ones with no atom of guilt in their conscience.

Racism, bigotry, sexism all appear to be mostly exhibited by the poor and middle-class in our society. Why is it so? Why do we unleash our frustrations on fellow victims instead of those that truly deserve our scorn? A person without a highly recognized last name strives for success, you see envy, jealousy, instead of encouragement coming out of our every pores. Why? The pull down syndrome is quite real, no jokes. Why such hate? Violence at every turn, meted to one another, never on those deserving of such cruel punishment.

The strange thing is, the privileged rarely strive for extra ordinary in life. It’s usually the ones that struggled through to break even with the elites that use the opportunity, when given to them to attain greatness.

The Sharia law rarely affects the elites of the North. Nobody has ever cut off an arm or a leg of a thieving Nigerian politician nor have I seen or heard of one “rich corrupt politician” burnt alive for stealing billions of Naira or dollars as is usually the case. Yet that is the news every other day concerning the poor masses. The Internet is jam-packed with such news- no one reacts. Why should they? “What’s his/her last name, again?” Does it ring a bell? Bet you, it doesn’t. They are “nobodies”, therefore deserved to be stripped naked, beaten and burnt alive. All these done within minutes of being caught for one wrongdoing or another. Even homosexuals are stripped and beaten when caught here, pray there isn’t a tyre around or they go in flames too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least the “nobodies” Sad, disheartening. I wonder when the masses will stop throwing their aggressions on their fellow victims of circumstances. It’s uncanny, a bit surreal. Why is no anger directed towards the culprits? Well- I’m all ears, I truly want a genuine answer to this question.

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to touch another sour spot in our lives;

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Lol. That’s right. That’s my today’s topic.

What does the word “define” mean? The English dictionary says; “to determine; to settle, decide; to express the essential nature of something.”Well- there you have it. The definition definitely defines itself here. Lol. Now, my topic today ask, if it is necessary to define a relationship. In my humble opinion I believe the answer to that, is a resounding “yes! it’s.”

In life I believe  it’s better to learn from what happened to others than wait till it gets to you to learn from it. Experience is the best teacher they say; but learning from others mistakes instead of one’s own mistake is what I call “wisdom”.

As ladies we date, we get involve in relationships that lasts or crashes and burns. Get me right- I’m not saying men don’t get involved in dead-end relationships. Oh! They do, even more than we ladies at times.  But remember they aren’t on any obvious biological clock; we are though. Sad but true. Every relationship you enter into should be defined. Don’t ever assume you both are on the same page. It would be a rude shock to find out after, three to five years in a relationship that you both want different things out of the relationship.

Sadly, most times, we fancy ourselves in-love and for that reason, we ignore a lot of signs of doom staring us in the face. If he won’t define it, then he’s hiding something that may not be favorable to you, so you shouldn’t relax just yet.

Holding on to a relationship that is heading to crash won’t automatically stop it from crashing. The least it could do, is to postpone the inevitable or hang in there just on a thread of pity which won’t do you any good in the long run. A situation like this strips a lady of her self worth, she becomes uncertain. He blows hot or cold according to his state of mind. If he wastes your years without making any plans towards you. He might defend himself someday by saying he promised you nothing. Lol. Sounds familiar? Are you getting the picture? He hangs you to dry while weighing his options. Probably waiting for a better choice. Hahaha… if he is serious with you my lady, let him define it…

Defining the relationship is a bold step that any man truly in a relationship that means something to him would take. I’m not saying it means you must end up together. No. Far from it. It’s a step in the right direction though…

You work on it together, if it works out, fine. If it didn’t. well…you at least learned from it. But to just befriend someone without any idea which direction you are headed, would be like just drifting at sea, in a boat without paddles.What would be the outcome of that boat ride? Lol.

My ladies, ponder on these words, if it guides you to a better/ healthier relationship, then it means I have done something worth my while tonight… but if it leads to a crash; never mind. Someone better will find you. Don’t just be in a relationship for relationship sake, if it’s a dead end sort of relationship, I believe you can feel it already. Obey your instinct and get out of there. You will get over it in no time. If you make up your mind.

Wishing you all the best. That’s all I have to say tonight.

What do you think?

 

 

 

Is Love Relevant In A Union?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Love Relevant In a Union?

First and foremost, what do we understand by the term “love?”

“An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person.” “A deep or abiding liking for something.” Says; the English dictionary.

Now based on those definitions above. I’m of the opinion that, it matters. Hear me out first… it isn’t compulsory though. A marriage that has compatibility would work just fine without all that mushy stuff. Personality traits plays a huge role in a union. But when push turns to shove, I believe deep affections, is what binds the union.

Let me elaborate. There are no two people, with exact same character in the world, twins even have their differences. Love breeds tolerance, it breeds patience, it activates forgiveness. When you have affection and care towards another, you would forgive almost anything.

It’s true we have all heard a thousand times how it eventually fades. I have no doubt it might fade as everything else in the universe does fade in time even life. But don’t forget, when it was present it created the bond that is later referred to as friendship, companionship, mutual respect. Genuine friendship are born out of likeness and care.

Love must create memories and those wonderful moments shared, will cushion the union during tough times. If you would observe with me, a couple that had no affections for each other take much longer to become friends, if it ever gets to that. Some are like total stranger to each other when no one is watching. Don’t be deceived.

Where affection is present, forgiveness isn’t far behind. Tolerance is close by. Pettiness, hate,regrets aren’t  so accessible.

We try to grasp at times, why a man would break-up a relationship  with a lady for cheating, being rude, obstinate, yet marry someone with similar character traits and still end up happy with the choice he made. The reality here is that singular binding factor; “love.” His affection overrides everything else.

In every relationship, there’s a simple fact. My opinion though- the degree of your affections for each other, determines largely the final outcome. If one of you isn’t interested, the probability of it amounting to anything is almost nonexistent. If you are always on someone’s neck for every little blunder the persons makes. Well, firstly such would put the receiving party on auto-defensive mode whenever you are around him/her.

Secondly, this person becomes disillusioned towards you. This is because, she or he, sees your shortcomings too but chose to ignore or devise a way to accommodate it. So, your constant hacking on hers or his, would soon breed nonchalant attitude towards the partner. From this attitude comes;  contempt, scorn, gradually- it becomes unadulterated hate. Are you getting the picture? When love is involved from the beginning, tolerance will allow you study your partner patiently. You would see his weaknesses and his strengths. Love will encourage you to accommodate the weaknesses, instead of nagging about them every damn minute. Before the love wears off, if it does. You would be close friends and confidants by then. And as friends, you would know the best ways to handle your differences. There are no friends without differences. What makes them friends is the ability to understand and accommodate one another.

Love has never really been a valued criteria in most African countries as a necessity towards the institution of marriage. But maybe it should. If you are lucky to find it, you made a step in the right direction for it might just help your marriage to be unique and fulfilling. But if you found compatibility, it’s also okay. Who knows? It can still slip in, in time. It could grow and become strong eventually. It all begins with “affection” towards another whom you are with.

Those are the reasons, why I believe it’s  pertinent, for two people living together as one. If you don’t share such bond, some words spoken to each other in anger or some horrible things done against each other may never be forgiven or forgotten. We all know it takes love to forgive. Try forgiving someone you despise. Lol. Tell me the outcome later.

Well,  it’s still my personal view. What do you think?

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?/ MY View…

 

Hi ladies…

My topic today says;

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?

Haha…as funny as this sound. It happens…

You meet a guy who professes love yet has conditions that would lead to the altar. I have seen and heard countless stories of such that I begin to wonder if the world has gone insane.This sounds funny but it’s not. I’ve heard several; these are the most popularly used.

  • Get pregnant for me, we will tie the knot.
  • Rent me an apartment- we’d head to the altar. Lol
  • I have this business plan-help me with capital to establish it , we will be together for all times… quite sad.
  • Give me a son, I will never leave you… á bon? As the French would say..
  • Assist me with my traveling papers and I’m yours.
  • Tell your Dad to employ me at his firm.
  • Study so so and so and I promise you, we will have a future together.

What baffles me here is, some African women see this as normal. Some men give conditions for friendships, for relationships and step right up to give huge ones for marriages too.

Today’s topic has nothing to do with age. No matter your age, these type of men will still act the same way. This category of chauvinist, feel offering you marriage is to assist you. To make an “honest woman” out of you. So for doing you this “favour”, he deserves a reward. Quite unfortunate, I must say. What happens when you comply, get pregnant and he still leaves?You could help someone in your life; there’s nothing wrong in doing so, if you wish but not as a condition to tie the knot.

I see this as a warning sign. No matter how you view it. It isn’t good and won’t be in your favour in the future. What happens when you couldn’t holdup your end? If he wanted you to give him a son and you accepted and ended up with a daughter whom he has no regards for? Such species of human beings exist…you know? Or any other natural events that could occur? What do you think his reaction would be?

The marriage deal is supposed to be for” better or worse”, in “sickness or health.” In a situation where you accepted these conditions, it means you signed up for “better” because “worse”was not in your deal. There are heartbreaks that are so  unnecessary. Don’t start bad mouthing all men in the future when you deliberately got yourself scammed. A man who would shamelessly take your money, feed from your pocket without a tiny sense of pride will do worse to you when you finally end up together. If you succumb to the first condition, others will follow. That’s if he stock around to do more damage to your psyche.

Someone that values you, sees the good in you and wants the best for you, will not give you conditions. Instead he will accommodate your shortcomings. He would be there for you. He would be supportive and help you achieve even higher goals than you aspire for. He would bring out a better you. He won’t make you feel inadequate, he won’t use you to boost his ego… or make demands of you right from the onset.

What am I saying? If he’s giving you conditions already. It’s not a good sign. In fact it is a warning sign my ladies. Lol. My view anyway, just think about it. Is it what you can deal with on a regular basis? If it is, then carry on please…my bad…(smiling)….

What’s your view on this issue?

Do have a nice day, you all..

 

“Low Self Esteem” The Number One Catalyst In Abusive Relationships.

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to share my opinion on

“Low Self Esteem” The Number One Catalyst In Abusive Relationships.

OK! Let’s roll…

What do we understand by the term self-esteem?

The English dictionary says; “confidence in one’s own worth”; self-respect. “Estime de soi” as my French neighbors would say.

Well- that was self explanatory. Everyone needs to have self-respect, not over confidence. Lol. A normal dose, will do just fine. Low self-esteem is one of the causes of abuse in any form of relationship. Take for instance while in school; at any level. Who were the ones bullied? Who did the bullies in your class ever targeted? Lol

Are you getting the picture? They always go for the ones with low self esteem. The ones that bend their head in shame while being tormented. The ones that sob pitifully when  harassed. The ones that run away in fear. The bullies feed on “terror.” Am I right or wrong? Now, you see where I’m headed? Hahaha… the moment a bully mistakenly takes on someone with self-confidence! Ah- ha! He gets served! Lol. It’s not about physical strength. This type of strength radiates from within.  The day he/she tries such person, he/she gets reduced to rubbles by sheer-will.

Abuse in a relationship can be from anyone. It’s not something only men do. A lady could be abusive too. Why sit there taking it all in, day after day? You feel you don’t deserve him? You can’t get anyone better? You feel she’s far more sophisticated than you? So you should be treated like “trash?” Really?

He says you will never meet someone better? You swallowed that? Really? That’s why you get beaten for exchanging greetings with a friend on the side-walk?Let me throw more light on what low self esteem does to any kind of relationship. Be it marriage, friendship, courtship to name a few. The victim has no say; no voice, no opinion whatsoever,  over his/her own life. You are called stupid! You nod your head and think thus; “I though as much, I never do anything right! I will never amount to anything.” Hmmmm… sad huh?

Abuse could be verbal, physical or in any other form. It starts gradually, peeling away your self value, your self-respect, until you begin to believe you deserve it because you are worthless. A bully makes someone with low self-esteem fall lower, lower. Nothing you ever do is good enough. In your head, you keep making excuses for him/her. Maybe if I try harder, he/she will get to see I’m good enough and reciprocate.  Lol. Keep dreaming… it’s free.

Most of these predators are insecure. Some are “naturally” bullies. Some, might not be of their own making. It could be as a result of the environment they grew in. It could be so many other things, which I won’t go into now. What I’m  here to tell you is this; it stops once you stand your ground. Once you assert yourself during confrontation, make yourself heard, not seen once in a while. Learn to defend yourself if need be. There’s still another enticing option! Leave, if you remotely suspect your life is in danger.

Make up your mind. Be determined to build your self-esteem. Go to your mirror, stare at yourself closely. Accept you, as you are. See yourself as unique. Love yourself, be your number one fan. Tell yourself nobody out there has any right or power to tell you, who you are. You know damn well who you are. You are special and deserve the best life can offer you.

Ponder on my words if you are experiencing something similar. There’s always an option, take the one that suits you…

Well…what do you think?

 

BE YOURSELF 

Hello beautiful ladies…

My topic today says;

BE YOURSELF 

Lol. Such a cliché. I know…

Everyone has come across, been advised and read about being oneself a thousand times. Well- hear why I think it’s one sound powerful advice. In life I must confess there are no other set of people that irritate the hell out of me more than those that want to please everyone. Hahaha… surprised? I say things the way I see them. So you might as well stop reading right there if you found that offensive. I find that trait irritating because you can’t be that way if you are being yourself.

There are those so afraid of rejection that they can take anything and everything just to feel among. The sad truth is, they never get to be truly accepted or respected by those they see as their friends. If they are surrounded by their friends, look closely. They are probably being viewed by their group of friends as  “clowns” or worse. Lol

These set of people never lose their cool, never take offense, never voice out their opinion if it isn’t the “popular opinion of the moment.” They never tell a friend about something he/she did, they didn’t like. They won’t say their opinion about anything until they find out the popular opinion and jump right in. They live through life this way until they eventually lose themselves in other people lives. They want to be accepted so much they become needy and sadly, most people avoid needy people. So the very thing they want and need so much, they lose.

These are the set that are always eager to squeal every little secret they have about a friend, either consciously or not. The aim is always to be liked or preferred above that person. The irony of such character is that it never fetches them what they truly hoped for, which is to be liked, accepted, needed. What it fetches them rather is being viewed as insecure/ needy type.

Ok! Now let’s  talk about being yourself. I will explain this as I understand it. Being oneself is about doing things the way you would do it, if you don’t need anyone’s approval to do it. Or allowing your personality to show as it is, not needing others approval on every little thing. Knowing things you are comfortable doing and those you aren’t. Likewise having things you like/dislike and being courageous enough to stand firm on  them. In this scenario, you change certain actions or traits, only when you know it isn’t right for you and could be of consequences- not because you seek for others approval.

The good thing about being oneself is; you get to make genuine friends. No matter the kind of person you are. There are people out there who will like you exactly as you are. Those character traits you hide so much just to be easily liked. There are some with similar character out there who will understand things you do perfectly and why you do them. Trying to fit in isn’t always a good thing. So, you are different? So what? Being different isn’t always a bad thing. In fact if you use it wisely, it makes you stand out. Hold your head high and do your thing, your way. People and their opinion of you isn’t that relevant. Lol.

If you found yourself within a group discussion and didn’t feel like commenting on that discussion, then don’t. It doesn’t make you dumb or timid. If you are there and had something to say, say it. It might go down well with some or not. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you chose what you did, based solely on you. When you follow these rules, those that become your pals, your friends, your confidant, become all that because they know you, faults and all. They like and want to associate with you. That is how genuine friendship and relationships are formed.

Hello, out there- if you are wondering why after being so nice and always being there for others, yet they are never there for you or take you seriously. Maybe it’s time you started being yourself. Those that genuinely like you, need you or understand you will certainly find you and form that strong bond of friendship with you.

It’s better you have few real friends, who stick with you through thick and thin than surround yourself with thousands of fake friends, who can never vouch for you, because of the simple truth that is, they don’t know the “real” you. Lol.

Do have a wonderful day you all…

 

SHOULD THE RELIGION WE PRACTICE- BE TO IMPRESS OR TO TEACH MORAL STANDARDS AND MAKE US BETTER INDIVIDUALS?/ MY VIEW.

Hello ladies…

This morning I will be talking about one of those topics we don’t usually want to talk about in our societies.

The topic says;

Should The Religion We Practice, Be TO Impress Or TO Teach Moral Standards And Make Us Better Individuals? My View.

Now, what do we understand by the word Religion? There is an apt definition from the English dictionary; “Any practice that someone or some group is seriously devoted to.”

Now, that’s the exact definition that explains completely what I’m about to share my view on. Let’s take for instance Christianity. This is a form of religion that has penetrated every nook and cranny in Africa. My question this morning is; Is it still about moral standard? Is it still about being or doing good? Is it still about helping the less privileged? Is it still about speaking against injustice? Is it still about speaking against evil in the society? Is it still against immorality? Is it still about changing lives for the better? Is it still about making the world a better place?

Sorry pals… I don’t want to sound judgmental or self-righteous this morning but you just have to bear with me. It is getting out of hand. There are fanatics in every religion. Does it change much?…. the answer is, NO! On the Capital… lol.

If you observe the behaviors, all around you, there isn’t really any moral difference, nothing has changed. They aren’t any better. In a corrupt society like ours, you wait for them, the fanatics, the religious leaders to speak out, to criticize, to show they are of higher moral standard but nothing. No one leads by example here. I know I’m not supposed to judge. Hear me out first. These behaviors wouldn’t bother me much if it isn’t taken too far. It is practiced right inside the church. Backbiting, envy, wickedness, politics,thievery and all sorts of things.

In some places of worship, if you aren’t wealthy or a known figure, no one cares about your salvation… sad right? Well…that’s a fact.

Now what was the aim of this particular religion when it was introduced? To make us better. Right? To teach us about a supernatural God, who can do all things, if we believe and conform to a certain moral standard, right? To teach us morals. No? 

Now what is moral? The English dictionary says; “conforming to standard of right behavior ;sanctioned by or operative on one’s conscience or ethical judgment.” Now…that was self explanatory… 

I want to know if I’m wrong but according to our earlier definition of religion, which I must point out this continent is jam-packed with, the expected result isn’t the outcome here. 

I know it will be unfair to blame all our woes on new found religions, maybe parents should do more on teaching morals to their kids at tender age, the folklores of the past shouldn’t be totally forgotten, the story books of the good being rewarded for doing good.

The church should tone down on preaching “Grace”. Yes, I mean it. Church/ mosque should emphazise more on the rewards for doing right. Enough of this prosperity nonsense.

There are other values in life that, when followed, one will accomplish a lot more and live a fulfilled life with principles, others can emulate. It’s shouldn’t be all about riches and grace. 

If we all practice the principles of the golden rule. I believe it will make us better individuals, instead of the present quagmire religions plugged us into…

Lol

Well…that’s  all I have to say for now.

Bye ladies…will be back soon!

 

ARE YOU OBSERVANT/DO YOU PAY ATTENTION  WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP ???

Hello ladies…

ARE YOU OBSERVANT/ DO YOU PAY ATTENTION  WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP ???

This evening I will be talking more on that very complicated and much  avoided  issue we discussed some months back.

LOWERING ONE’S STANDARD 

Yes that one. Lol! Let’s roll! All my life I can’t remember ever coming across any article, a movie or a book that went against that belief. In fact I haven’t seen anyone  who spoke out against that wonderful advise. Hahaha… have you? Sadly I have always had this dread deep in my stomach , that I might not be alright since I viewed it right from the very first time, I could understand what relationship is about, as an unadulterated piece of crap. Lol Strong huh? Well, hear me out first.

It’s not that I don’t see lowering of standard as a perfect means to an end. Believe me,  I see the necessity…I also see the society at the rescue when it backfires.  Lol. Shocked? Well, they do come to the rescue if you seek for their help through a divorce case. Lol. I’m also not generalizing here, it works at times, mostly in a perfect world, where most married couples “claim” to be  the happiest. Lol.

Really? So where do those with “irreconcilable differences” come out from? Mars? The pressure to settle down is so strong that you see people with little or nothing in common tying the knot everyday,  even in fictional books or movies written by individuals. I must tell you the truth. I see some “about to Wed couples”, I just shake my head. It’s true that opposite attracts, I concur,  that’s not where I’m headed. I’m talking about something more “personal”.

You admire and like the “bold” type. Those that know their mind and can’t easily be swayed, someone in control of his affairs, authoritative. I’m not talking in monetary terms, here. These are personality traits. Do you really want to be saddled for the rest of your life with a whiner? Someone who sees every or any unfavourable circumstance in his life as someone else’s  fault. Who sits and moan about everything. Lol. Are you sure you can cope with that? Or will the same society, that pressured you into that same marriage come to your rescue via the “last resort” divorce/annulment matters ? Are you getting the picture?

  • You need a man who can at least care for his family when you build one, there you are,  walking down the aisle with someone who can’t keep a job for a month?
  • You are organized, plan your weeks, months and make plans for the future ahead of time, yet you “lower “, until that, “spend drift”, (spender)? That gambler? Seemed like the one? Oh no! You are shopping for disaster recipe . Lol. It would get to a time you start hiding money from your partner just to keep that little remaining, from melting down like a candle wax. Any amount , he gets vanishes into thin air. I mean,  it’s okay,  if you didn’t know about this traits before tying the knot. Well,  you bear your cross. But when you knew? C’mon, for how long can you cope with that?
  • You love kids. Yet, you plan to walk down the aisle with a man who can’t stand kids? Who seems not to care whether kids exist in this world or not? Who wouldn’t even care in the future whether his kids are well-trained or not. Surprised? Such people exist, won’t go into that though.

I could go on and on. What am I saying? It should be mostly about what you believe you can overlook. What’s the point of marrying a man you grow to hate along the line? A man whose fault was thinking you would accept him, as he is.

The way I view it, men study women they want to settle down with to an extent. They make sure they can at least cope with 50/60% of your character traits, while you are busy, day dreaming about your wedding day.haha…

Have you observed your man? Are you compatible? I have observed that friendship, last longer among  similar beliefs, principles? I’m not saying identical behaviours, just some similarities. These are my personal views my ladies.

Lowering your standard so as to tie the knot with your future life partner, should be done carefully. Be sure you can cope with the character traits, the social differences, the educational differences. So as not to smother someone son with hatred, unconscionable attitude in your home later in life.

You can’t be filled with hate and a certain attitude in your matrimonial home tomorrow and expect that home to be a happy home.

Ponder on that my ladies this wonderful evening.

Have a lovely evening, you all!

 

 

Continue reading “ARE YOU OBSERVANT/DO YOU PAY ATTENTION  WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP ???”

HOW DO WE TACKLE THE IMPACT OF MOTHER NATURE IN OUR LIVES? (BIOLOGICAL CLOCK)

Hello lovely ladies….

My topic today say;

HOW DO WE TACKLE THE IMPACT OF MOTHER NATURE IN OUR LIVES? (BIOLOGICAL CLOCK)

Now this is a very sensitive topic and concerns every woman out there. I’m going to try to paint a scenario most can identify with but remember, these are my personal opinions, my view on this very issue,  you could add yours, share your view or criticize. Lol. It’s all allowed. “No man is an Island ” they say.

This evening I’m using a peculiar approach to my topic, due to its sensitivity. Haha…you will get the picture asap.

Ladies… assuming you are currently in an examination hall. You are writing a tough exam, in a strict hall, spaced out. You were given 5 questions to answer 4. Each question has 25marks and 15mins accorded. You have started the exam and had answered 3 out of the 4 questions to pick during this examination completely, when the examiner bellows 10mins left to submit!  Or a timer announces. At this point in the exam, you still have an unanswered 25marks worth of  question. This said question should take at least 15mins on a normal circumstance.

My ladies my question this night is this; how will you handle this situation? Are you going to have a knee-jerk reaction, panic and probably make series of mistakes at this dying minutes? Or are you going to be calm… weigh your options, observe your questions. Decide which you could answer within the accorded time. Do it, then go through all your previous works, cross the “ts”, dot the “i”s?

Now let’s have that discussion. Let’s put that exam scenario into our lives as women. Every girl child is on a biological clock from the moment her puberty began to menopause, then old age. Are you getting the picture now? The pressure has been there, from society, from mother nature and the rest of them.

At this stage in life when nature calls out time to you as a lady. What do you think is the best approach towards it? Knee-jerk reaction, as in panicking? Will it solve much?Or the other option which is, keeping calm and deciding carefully one’s next move. Ladies, I really want to hear your personal views on which option you believe is better…

A person that makes series of mistakes in the panic may not have 2nd chance to correct them, such as bringing kids into a malfunctioned home, having kids with all sorts of miscreants.

Ladies, I’m not going to say much this evening, ponder on the above scenario and my suggestions. If it helps you in anyway, then I have accomplished something worth celebrating.

Have a wonderful  evening, you all…

 

FOCUSING ON REAL RATHER THAN IDEAL PICTURE

Hello ladies…

My today’s topic says;

FOCUSING ON REAL RATHER THAN IDEAL PICTURE

I have tried to always focus on reality rather than painting an idealistic  picture,  however something I came across recently, got me thinking. A guy asked a lady how she felt when a guy she rejected in the past, married before her, while she’s still single.

As a matter of personal opinion I think this line of reasoning shouldn’t even arise in the first place because, life decisions to me is a matter of choice. If she didn’t accept him, he should move on, no need to be petty or moan… about it. Pettiness is a sign of insecurity if you ask me. There’s no need living in the past.

What were her reasons? People that reasons the same way as that young man should grow up, they should also ask themselves the obvious questions,such as what prompted her action? For instance if she couldn’t connect with him, felt they weren’t compatible, afraid of him, if he showed the tendencies of being abusive, a serial cheat and so on. How would you know since you weren’t in her shoes?

I’m not cheering anyone here but as a lady, at one point or another in one’s life, one might have rejected “proposal/s”. But it was never for no reason. Most won’t regret these actions…

Many women in Africa marry for the wrong reasons, some marry for security, some marry because they are of age and a man had proposed, some marry for convenience. In the ancient times, marriage of convenience were the best, the old folks will attest to that but in this 21century, is it the best?

A woman that rejected a man in the olden days would be forced by her parents to enter into that marriage of convenience often to raise her status in life if he’s wealthy or to solve other family financial problems for them. At that time, couples weren’t partners nor friends,everyone’s duty was mapped out and carried out dutifully but things have changed.

Presently, there are a lot of reasons people who practice this form of marriage may kill each other.
Most wives, work now or have businesses of their own. They will continuously meet other people who may be of their own age bracket, of like mind, in their work place or businesses. If care is not taken,she “forgets ” her status because there’s no bond at home.

If she accepted because of his wealth, this same wealth may be used to go create her own fun group if there’s none at home unlike before, that their place was in the kitchen. Or she might actually divorce him and walk away with the very wealth that was used to entice her in the first place. Lol

She might even destroy her man’s life or shorten his life span due to unnecessary stress she will keep dishing  on him or just out rightly make his entire life miserable with her unconscionable behaviors.

What am I saying? My point is that it’s even better a lady rejected you because she felt she couldn’t be  with you than follow you because of what she could get from you and goes on to give you hell…Lol

My advice to this generation is this… things have changed, our mothers stayed in their marriages for better or worse but in this generation they aren’t towing that line….So I see nothing wrong in being careful, looking well before you leap so as to minimize rushing out within a short while.

For guys that exhibit the same attitude with that young man asking a lady such question. If rejected by a lady… move on with your life and know within you that maybe you weren’t meant to be. If you were, somehow, you would be because in life , I believe in “faith”.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon!