Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

I want to talk on relationships this morning. Every relationship, needs some necessary materials to work. Be it marital relationship, courtship, and every other kind of relationship. However I’m focusing my attention on single ladies and eligible bachelors today.

For a relationship to work, there must be communication, honesty, understanding each other, compatibility, affection, and respect for each other. Those are the key recipe for a healthy relationship. In the absence of all these mentioned above… you are just fooling around, playing games and quite immature.

You should find it easy to communicate when you are in a relationship. Have deep conversations occasionally. Talk to each other about everything. Discuss your fears, your accomplishments, your dreams.

I do wonder when I hear stories where; a grown man complains that a lady he has been with for months, even up to a year; told him, she’s in a relationship. So for this reason he had to walk out  from the relationship. I find that hard to believe. If there’s truth at all in that, then it must be half truth.  She’s in another relationship you say? How could you not notice if something was different? The subtle changes in her behaviour? Didn’t you spend quality times with each other? Were you busy playing mind games? Hiding your feelings ?  Trying to outsmart each other?

It is mostly those with the mind set that a man or lady must grovel to keep him/her, will carry-on on a relationship for upto 7/8months, without having candid discussions concerning the relationship. Keeping the other partner guessing. And in an emotional turmoil till he or she begins to feel unsure of his/her place in your life. This person could begin to prepare his/her mind for a breakup since your relationship seemed more like a deadend kind of relationship.

For the male folks, showing your feelings, assuring your woman won’t make you less a man. Also your actions towards her will go a long way into shaping her emotional state of mind towards you. Don’t neglect the woman in your life or relegate her to an option. Then come out later to whine when she moves on.

Do not waste your partners time unnecessary. Why be in a relationship with him or her for 2/3 yrs even more when you are unsure of what you want? When you don’t have any particular plan that includes this partner. He/she isn’t  in your future plans… Why string him or her along? For the female folks, why allow a man to sponsor your education and such, when you aren’t committed or sure you are on the same page? Why stay in an undefined relationship for years?

To the gentlemen my advice is; don’t waste a lady’s time in the name of being in a”relationship” with her, when you know deep down you aren’t ready. Allow her meet those ready for something serious. When a man is finally ready, it doesn’t take all those dramatics for him to take that step.  Also quit playing the victim and trying to blackmail a girl you had a relationship with in the past into thinking, it was all her fault because she moved on. What other options was she left with? Being with you for 5yrs isn’t a guarantee you will end up together.

What’s my point? If you are truly into your woman. You feel something special for her and wish her by your side for a long time to come.

Tell her how you feel, show her and let her know your plans for the future. You can’t be hiding your feelings, giving her no clue whatsoever about anything, yet expect her to hang in there like a sponge.

It’s quite depressing for a lady to date a guy who isn’t man enough to share his feelings with the woman in his life. Probably thinks he’s playing it safe. If that’s the case, then play safe but don’t put the blame on her for your breakup. Nobody walks out from something promising and working. People mostly walk away  from irrevocably damaged  or unhealthy relationships.

Let’s be realistic here. Don’t waste anyone’s time and if you do, don’t blame the victim of your callousness for walking out on you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon. Have a wonderful day you all!

 

Ethical Values And Our Societies

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I will deviate a bit yet again. My topic today says;

Ethical Values And Our Societies  

No matter the obstacles one passes through in life, let’s try as much as possible to do the right thing most times.

Ethics are meant to guide us, create a consciousness in us, that every action sprouts a reaction. It creates a conscience in our minds.

People do so many horrible things to others, you wonder how they were raised. Didn’t anyone teach these ones ethical values?

This isn’t about religion or being religious. This is about doing the right thing.

How many people these days are ready to say “NO” based on ethical values? How many would be principled enough to go against “status quo” because it’s wrong?

Let’s take for instance in the ancient times. Our forefathers, they weren’t Christians or Muslims, they weren’t educated yet there was a consciousness in them of right and wrong. Some of them committed uncountable atrocities. Make no mistakes, they knew which was which. Punishment meted were often severe for certain offences.

The thing is, most times nobody ever holds you responsible for the petty acts you commit against your fellow human being. Frustrating others efforts at your place of work/neighborhood. Doing all sorts of despicable things against people around you. Fact is, chances are, you could scheme, commit and get away with it most times, no one being the wiser.  Payback day springs when least expected though.

What will it cost a man or woman to desist from causing others pain? To avoid hurting others? Or causing unnecessary havoc to others…?

Altruism, which is defined by the English dictionary as; “regard for others, both natural and moral”; “devotion to the interest of others”; brotherly kindness – opposed to egoism or selfishness.

If a quarter or more of the people sharing this world practice this trait, there won’t be so much hatred, racism, tribalism, bigotry, terrorism, wars all over the place.

Instead of intolerance; discrimination; prejudice. Why not embrace tolerance, kindness towards one another? Would that be inconceivable?

The undeniable fact is, those that commit hate crimes are bigots. I don’t believe it’s easy to brainwash a heart of gold, filled with love and kindness to go out and kill countless number of people for religious sake. For a heinous crime of such magnitude to be committed by anyone. That heart was already filled with hate, intolerance, bigotry.

I implore us all to be selfless in our daily lives. Let’s value others lives as we value ours. Being altruistic is a trait we should strive for, if we hope for the next generation to meet a better world. A world where your religion won’t matter, neither would your race, colour nor tribe.

Discarding superiority complex and accepting others, as we would accept ourselves and our own will go a long way to squash uprising, hate crimes, tribalism, bigotry from our respective  societies.

Let’s show love to one another. Where there’s love, there would be peace, selflessness, acceptance, tolerance. It’s not an impossible feat if we begin now to instill ethical values in our children, wards. Practice it in our neighborhood; states and countries until others begin to emulate. Let’s also applaud those that exhibit selfless attitude in our society, encourage those that  show kindness and love to others. This attitude will encourage others instead of instigating hate and intolerance among ourselves.

I urge us all to embrace peace and love, as we celebrate Valentine’s day and beyond. Treat others as you would treat the love of your life.

Happy Valentine’s day!

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Hello ladies…

I’m quite sad right now. I’m about to poke, yet again another sour spot.

My topic today says;

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Ladies in their thirties and above. I’m here again as a voice of  caution. It appears things are getting worse. If that’s even possible, considering the fact it has always been a jungle out there.  The hawks are hovering; searching for an easy prey. I heard of a pathetic story about a lady who was swindled of her life savings by a man who promised her marriage and travel papers.

I am not livid or even pissed which should ‘ve been a better feeling anyway. I’m simply disgusted. Hear me out here. No one is above mistakes. I understand the feeling of uncertainty too well. I understand the pressure from all around us. I understand how it feels, to be told by one “snake oil salesman” exactly what one wants to hear. The exhilarating relief! The rekindled hope and all….

What really breaks my heart is that such happens regularly to regular intelligent ladies whose only crime were letting their guard down. Daring to hope the affection was real, only to fall into the hands of desperate con-men with sharp spades for digging.

It’s easy to see through this type of men, their stench is easily perceived. But they still catch as many prey as they target mostly because of the societal and peer pressure mounted on us ladies. The scammer, varnishes into thin air without a thought of how the trusting lady would feel.

My ladies, it’s a tough world out there. You were offered something you needed so much,  so you threw caution to the winds! Oh crap! Enough of that silly excuse already. Don’t be silly…

Another lady I read about the other day on some page on social media, can’t quite place which, said he told her he works with a bank. She swallowed that. A man who didn’t even have an apartment. Moved in with her, was fed by her. He still managed to defraud her of her little savings, was abusive on top all that! How does one “refuse” to think? He was a banker, yet couldn’t afford a rented apartment? Or cater for his needs? A future mother swallowed that white lie, line, hook and sinker?

There was also another incident I came across on Facebook. This particular lady was on the brink of committing suicide because she lent money to her boyfriend,  almost a million bucks. This bloody twerp blocked her on all social networks as soon as he landed overseas. Unbelievable!

If this craze to settle down intent is to connect to another; a companion; start a family and do all necessary to make one’s marriage work. It actually sounds like a good cause to me. But the chilling truth that sends nerve quivering chill down my spine, is knowing that majority don’t give a damn about the frigging outcome. Just to tie the “knot” is what some only now sort after. Even if it all ends in a year or two. It doesn’t freaking matter.

Little wonder our societies are in shambles. We all see what mostly comes out of broken homes.

My ladies, until we focus on what’s best for us. For our unborn children and forget or rather ignore the society and its  pressure. These predators won’t stop. The scamming won’t stop. The downgrading and “diggings” won’t stop. Funny, ladies used to be the ones with the shovel back in the days. How things changed…

Being “Mrs” isn’t worth anyone all these headaches; heartaches and misery some are passing through on a daily basis.

We ‘re all mature and know what good or not for us. Let’s not allow pressure make us ignore red flags or warnings in our heads. Let’s be at alert and stay reasonable. Know whom you are with very well, so as to know what works best for you.

That’s all I have to say for now. Do have a lovely day, you all!

 

Don’t Quit

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Don’t Quit.

We all know what quitting means. Don’t abandon your dreams/goals. Don’t renounce your beliefs or ideas because of negative aura around you. If you are positive in life, you have achieved half your goals already because you dared to hope. It isn’t over until it’s over. That project you ‘ve planned for a long time, still nothing…? That post at work, you have fixated your site on. That dream career you are in pursuit of. It can all still be achieved.

Often times things happen along the lines that would surely discourage us at one point or another. No worries. Those hindrances will actually make one savor the accomplishment when that goal is achieved. All I can say this morning is, let’s believe in ourselves, in our capabilities, be upright. The rest…

You have a project, everyone tells you, it  can’t be done- it’s not that simple. It’s requires this or that. Hmm mm? Hold on to it.

You work hard, quite good at what you do at your workplace- yet promotion keeps going to people not half as good as you are. Sad huh? Keep doing what you are doing. Your promotion may come to you but if it doesn’t, your experience will exonerate you at some point in life.

The greatest mistake a person passing through a difficult phase in life could make is, letting go; listening to negative thoughts in one’s head; or surrounding oneself with miserable/negative people. People that pepertualy see their cups as “half empty”.

Surround yourself with those or what makes you happy. Force yourself to be happy; be contented. Happiness is a choice, being frustrated or miserable will not spin your magic wand. It will only add to your woes. Whatever your situation is out there, remember there are a thousand and one persons passing through worse each day. Your situation can’t be worse than those of people that have spent months in hospital, those 6ft below you. Push self-pity aside, keep your eyes on your goals.

Have you noticed, the darkest hour is just before morning? Haha… let that thought guide you. At times when in despair, it will appear as if nothing will ever change, as if that would be the story of your life. But that’s not true. Don’t quit now, morning is almost here. “There’s light at the end of the tunnel”, they say.

Let me use this scenario to elaborate why it’s important not to quit no matter what. Take for instance the game of football. Two teams play. No matter how well your team played, if you were beaten, by your opponent, you lost. No one ever remembers how well you played because you lost. All your efforts, forgotten, wiped out from history. If you quit, you simply become, a “loser”. Hold your head high, be happy. Those who find it offensive you are happy should see a psychiatrist or something. Lol.

Also while you determine to hold on and not let anything distract you. Be also prepared for anything life throws your way. No one said life is a cruise.  It is what you make it out to be for you. Always running from pillar to post doesn’t make you busy. Makes you stupid if you ask me. Research well on any venture you are in pursuit of. So that it will worth your while eventually.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back in no time.

Have a lovely week, you all!

Are We All Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I have always been an advocate on the issue of ladies working on their notable flaws. There’s no perfect man or woman out there. We ladies are often under the microscope being viewed and dissected by men, who takes so much pleasure in dissecting our characters, attitudes and what not. Lol.

Working on one’s self is to one’s advantage. Becoming docile, agreeable, courteous doesn’t hurt anyone. However my topic today is a question to the men. My question is;

Are We All  Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

I’m dead serious here. Imagine how one-sided that solid advise usually sound? Lol! It has always been parotted thus; “Ladies work on yourselves!” The society is so interested in the female character traits; she must not be illmannered; obstinate; opinionated; rude; quick tempered; aggressive; spiteful,promiscuous…etc. A lady with one/two or more of these traits needs to work on herself. Agreed.

My question simply is; how come this advise is not also shoved down the throats of the male folks? Are they not obligated to be without blemish as well? Some men are plainly, brash; egoistic, opinionated; shallow; hot-tempered; abusive;caustic; nasty; philanderes; dubious, to mention but a few. Yet the society acts as if the character of a woman solely determines the outcome of a relationship or marriage.

The honest truth is, here in Africa; once we hear of a broken marriage, most just conclude he must have married a terrible woman. Really? A man that wouldn’t work on a single flaw of his, no matter how terrible those flaws are, expects his partner to live with it. But all hers must be changed.

I have cogent reasons for believing so much in one working on one’s flaws. Imagine a situation where a quick tempered man/lady decides to work on his/her temper to avoid confrontations or fights. And his or her partner decides to also work on whatever he/she does, that normally provokes his/ her partner. Are you getting the picture? This simple act of maturity from the man or lady may solve the temper issue permanently. It works both ways,  if you ask me.

What am I trying to say here? Men should work on themselves as regularly as women are advised to. It takes two to tango. Don’t be badmouthing women at every turn, on how they left or wronged you severally. Reminiscence, check yourself. Your character could be why the ladies don’t last around you.

Sorry to break this “news”to you guys. You have notable flaws too, that could damage your home in the nearest future. Work on them. Flaws are not gender prone. Everyone has a flaw or two to curtail.

A better you will definitely attract a better version of a lady somewhere for you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon.

Have a wonderful day you all!

 

Social Media Craze/”Bizarre?”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I will digress a bit today. My topic today says;

Social Media Craze/”Bizarre?”

Uhm… am I the only one feeling a bit uncomfortable with the worrisome attitude of lots of people on the social media?

Now, what is social media about? English dictionary defines it as; “interactive forms of media that allow users to interact with and publish to each other, generally by means of the internet”. Well, that was simple enough.

There’s this uncanny feeling I get when I see the extent to which people have gone via these interactive means.

Internet is probably the greatest means of interaction ever created and has pros too numerous to count. Well… the cons? Ah ha! That’s what I’m focusing on today.

Some grown-ups, now live “right inside” the Internet. Lol. Normally two adults fight, make up, no one knows or cares. These days? Haha…you wish. I can’t count how many times I have come across a parent advising his/her child on a page on the net. Either after wishing them well or congratulating them. Hmm…what-the-heck happened to phone calls?

Some couples put all their lives on the pages of social media network. This wouldn’t matter at all, if some would be mature enough not to also wash their dirty laundry in the “net”(public). What happens to keeping certain aspect of one’s life “private?” Would that be excruciatingly beyond one’s capability?

Accident occur on a highway traffic and the first thing on someone’s mind at the scene, is taking pictures to upload on the net. For what purpose exactly? Such callousness!  I have a question for those that perpetuate such act. If your sibling or parent was involved in that accident, God forbid. Would you still be interested in snaping their last minutes on earth and pasting on “your” page? Better still, how would you feel if some random”empty brain” does that to your loved one?

The other day, I saw a page where a young man pasted a picture of a dead young man on a slab in a morgue. He “claimed” to be mourning his “dear” friend. The gruesome picture was disheartening. The height of foolishness. How could he do such to a bereaved family? Forcing the gory details down their throats was a wicked act if you ask me.

Young men and women are not left out. Youthful exuberance. Lol.  Cat fights, nude pictures and all, now carried on to the stage…. incriminating videos flying left and right.

It’s all good, no one is perfect. What makes me cringe is the fact that it seems a lot of people have forgotten one unsettling fact. The Internet “never” forgets! Lol. It’s unlike books records that could be damaged; misplaced; or buried deep. Here, just a click… the rest is history.

Let’s not abuse these wonderful interactive means of exchange between people; have fun and be merry. Let’s be sensitive and careful always.

Do have a wonderful week, you all!

 

 

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to touch one of those sour spots we hate to talk about out there again. My topic today says;

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Let’s quickly find out what this word “desperation” is about. The English dictionary defines desperation as;(1)  “the act of despairing or becoming desperate”;  “a giving up of hope.” (2) ” A state of despair, or utter hopeless; abandonment of hope; extreme recklessness; reckless fury.”

Hmm…the definition of this word alone, makes me shudder. It gives me goose bumps, just the thought of someone living his/her life in such state of mind. Sadly, societal pressure has made desperation almost a norm in our society. Having reckless abandon in the pursuit of our desires have become a norm. Desperation isn’t a gender thing. Anyone could become desperate, depending on one’s fervent desire to accomplish a particular goal. A society where a particular set are viewed as failures; losers; nonentities. These set are constantly looked down upon. The desperation to achieve what garners “respect” to others becomes a norm.

For instance most unmarried ladies these days, will do whatever it takes to tie the knot,  become a “Mrs.” This is because the society has made it appear as  the most prestigious title a woman should have before any other. Unmarried women are mostly lumped in as wayward or indecent for being single still at a certain age. Disheartening….

That’s not all. Men are under pressure too, to acquire wealth. A status that should take years of hardwork to achieve. The youth in their quest to make their mark and be accepted and accorded “respect” in the society, do a lot of despicable things, that at times leads to death, in desperation. A bachelor of certain age is also viewed as irresponsible for daring to remain single. No one is interested in the “why.”

How’s desperation the solution? I’m asking this question because I have noticed people get furious with anyone they perceived as “not desperate”, especially if you are unmarried and yet, doesn’t exhibit any of the known attribute of those in a hopeless situation, such as recklessness; being depressed, miserable etc.

My question this evening is this; Can someone explain to me how being desperate solves our problems? Take a look at our political setting today. Desperation has made politics a do or die affair. Most in our society will do just about anything to win. What comes after the win? Hmm…mm?

The quest to marry at all cost has destroyed our core values. Nobody cares anymore about the seriousness of the venture. The end “now” justifies the frigging means. Lol.

A lot has been damaged in our various societies  due to desperation. This has caused so much pretense in our today’s youth. They comport themselves in a certain manner, just to get what they want instead of being themselves or working on themselves to be better as the case should be.

These are what desperation does; It puts you in a state of despair; you become extremely reckless; no caution whatsoever;not thinking straight; you would swallow any nonsense solution thrown your way. You are thrown wide open for extortion, manipulation, abuse,untimely death even, all in the name of searching for “any” solution to your perceived problems. Caution is thrown to the winds. Some become life casualties… if not now, later in life.

My advice to us all this evening is to fight the feeling of despair in whatever situation we find ourselves in life. It solves nothing in the long run, it only somehow compound the problems.

That’s all I have to say this evening ladies and gentlemen. What’s your view on this? Share it on here, others could learn from it.

 

Lowering Your Standard (2)

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

A lot of people have requested for me to revisit this article and talk more on this particular issue .

https://kareninspirational.com/2016/07/14/lowering-your-standard/

Well, to me this topic isn’t that complicated. It’s a weighty one though.

I have never been the type to go with the “status quo.” I’m fond of asking “why?”, searching; deciphering situations around me.  I discovered, by paying attention to little things(details), one can actually avoid a lot of disastrous situations.

Well…here’s my today’s topic;

Lowering Your Standard (2)

Surprisingly none of the advocates of lowering one’s standard ever give a thought about how the union might go when their “match making”/ counsel works out.

I will restate here that I’m not against lowering of standard to tie the proverbial knot. All I’m saying is to be careful not to lower so much so, that would eventually lead to resentment; indifference; nonchalance; unadulterated hate; in the near future.

Understand my point please, I’m not suggesting to be” excessively careful.” In a nutshell I’m suggesting to pay attention to those little things that could cause “helluva” problems in the future.

Take for instance, in our everyday lives, we are constantly advised to lower our standard. This is gradually instilled in our subconscious. Check out romance novels, movies, all sell mostly the same story. A story where a rich city girl/man, marries someone he or she has absolutely nothing in common with. Let say a rancher, who lives in the middle of nowhere. She leaves everything she’s used to,  familiar with and goes to the “ranch” to live with her “brand-new” husband. Or something of that nature.

Are you getting the picture? Whenever I  watch such, I just shake my head. Haha…

If you are of different social class, I’m not saying it doesn’t work. Hear me out first. “If” you have misgivings he might not fit/blend in, why not reconsider instead of becoming bitter, resentful in the near future, viewing your spouse as a source of embarrassment and making his/her life miserable. Smothering him or her with hatred for something he/she knew nothing about.

You are highly educated,then you lower till that “homey” girl/boy with little or no education becomes the one . Only for you to become unapproachable in your own home few years down the road. Frustrating his/her life, making her/his life a “living hell” because you are miserable and have nothing in common. Was it his/ her fault? Remember, that problem could have been avoided by being a bit more careful.

Haha… tough huh? I am all for lowering of standard fellows; what I’m against is lowering more than you could take. If you are not certain you can take that trait, then don’t overlook it. You can’t stand a con-man; a criminal; a gambler; an unprincipled; a troublemaker; an abusive man, yet you said yes! Lol.

You won’t be the only one miserable in that marriage. You will vent your anger; frustration, misery,regrets…etc. On your unsuspecting partner whose only crime was taking you as you are.

Do not tie the knot just to become “mrs” so so and so if you aren’t sure you can overlook those traits that are a “no! no!!” for you. It would be sad to exhibit unconscionable attitude in your home, few years down the road due to your frustration.

Ladies and gentlemen,  let’s be careful on the issue of “lowering one’s standard.” It’s laudable when done right, yet disastrous when care isn’t taken.

That’s all I have to say this evening my ladies. Do have a wonderful evening and a happy new year!

 

Patience-Persistence-And Positivity Is The Key. 

Hello ladies…

Well, the new year is here. 2016 has bowed out, ushering in 2017. It doesn’t matter how the previous year had been. You had goals, I would like to believe you accomplished most of them if not all. What matters is that you are alive, in good health and more especially “positive” that this year would be much better.

My topic this morning says;

Patience; Persistence; And Positivity; Is The Key. 

What do we understand by the word “patience”? The English dictionary says; being patient. Now, what is patient? “Content to wait if necessary”; “not bothered with having to wait”. This is self explanatory.

What does the word persistence mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “being persistent”. what is persistent? “Obstinately refusing to give up or let go”;

“Insistently repetitive”; “Indefinitely continous”. Says the English dictionary.

OK! what is positivity? Being optimistic. ” Expecting the best in all possible ways”. I have learned a crucial lesson over the years. I learnt that patience; persistence; and positivity; almost always leads to something remarkable.

Take for instance, the inventors of the past centuries. The likes of Alexander Graham Bell; the Wright Brothers (Orville and Wilbur); Karl Benz. What did they  all have in common? Are you getting the picture? I hope you understand my point here.  I’m not implying the above mentioned traits are what made them inventors. I do believe though that, these traits helped them achieve their various tremendous success stories.

Let’s evaluate ourselves , are we on the right trail? How’s that project coming along? Do we believe deep in our heart that we can achieve our set goals for this year? That we could make a difference?Deep in your heart, do you believe you can make that relationship work? Lol. Surprised? It should be part of looking inward, don’t you think…?

You put in your best efforts at work/ business last year ? So it hasn’t yielded fruitful results thus far? So what? Be patient, keep doing the good job and above all, be positive. I know it’s hard at times to keep being positive when results aren’t forth coming. But remember those men mentioned above wouldn’t be known today if they had given up.

As a single lady above thirty, you may be working in an office where your married colleagues are accorded more respect than you although you are quite good at your job, older than some of the married ones even. These ladies may belittle you or make snide remarks about your status. Stay positive! Always remember that it isn’t how fast but how well. Don’t let being “unmarried” define you. Also don’t just sit there, not developing yourself, hoping some man’s name will give you an identity.

Use this period to discover yourself.  The areas you are good at, focus more on. Be the lady others would be proud of/ emulate. Don’t wallow in self-pity as if your world has crashed and burned. Envision the type of life you wish for in the nearest future and work towards it. One thing I have noticed is that when the time comes for a certain goal to be achieved, things fit in perfectly. There won’t be a square peg in a round hole. Every piece of the puzzle finds its rightful place and clicks! Lol. Let’s understand that one way or another, what will be will eventually be.

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning my ladies…

Do have a fruitful new year !

 

 

 

Happy New Year My Beautiful Ladies! Be Cheery/ Be Positive!

Hello ladies…

Happy new year!/ Bonne année!

Let’s be cheery as we waltz right into 2017. It was no small feat!  I know… There were tough times, time of doubts, fears, worries but did it stop you? Hell no! Here we are, alive, full of dreams, plans, some projects already in progress. A day of jubilation and merry-making! why not?  If for no other reasons, because we are alive and in sound health to witness 2017.

As we celebrate, let’s reminiscence about the past year. Are there things we think we handled wrongly? Mistakes that we made? At this point, I don’t think regrets will solve anything. Let bygone be bygone. Let’s the past and its mistakes be in the past. The mistakes of the past was probably made to be learned from. Experience is the best teacher. No? What else teaches us life experiences? It’s not like it’s a course of study at the University or High school even. “Life 101” or something of that nature. Lol

As women, we generally worry too much. It takes a “special” grace or maturity to know that this excessive worries mostly changes nothing. Christmas has come and gone, despite being surrounded by love ones,one at times still feels alone, probably due to hanging around so many peers with their own unique little lovely families. There’s this fierce dread for the future and what it might hold.

Well… I know how that feels, but that yearning should not lead one to an irrational or rash decision this new year. Let’s not wallow in self-pity; depression; or pining over what one lost or desired which one had no “mythical” powers to change. Instead as the year begins, in this cheerful moments. Let all make plans towards what one can do, that would effect the changes one needs.

There are times it feels like some are taking undue advantage of your present situation, as a lady above thirty and unmarried. Push that “ugly” thought aside. Maybe it’s true, maybe not. If some now view you as a lost cause. Well…it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you feel about yourself, which is why you must stay focused and positive this new year. Believe in yourself, know yourself worth and don’t let society or peers tell you otherwise.

It might all seem like a waste of time. The experience you have acquired over the years will one day manifest itself in the maturity you exhibit in handling situations.

Let’s always strive to achieve our set goals. Work on personal flaws we know of and have a positive outlook to life. Whatever we desire will get to us in time if we work towards it and exercise patience. Panicking mostly leads to mistakes which at times are irreversible. Let’s make our beds “right” this new year my ladies… so as to avoid regrets later.

That’s all I have to say on this new year morning. I wish us all, a wonderful, fruitful year ahead!

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex/ Possible or Not?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Tonight I want to talk on one of those topics we mostly speculate on, hardly dare look into for the fear of what we could find.

My tonight topic says;

Platonic Friendship With The Opposite Sex, Possible or Not?

I want to share my humble opinion on the issue of keeping the opposite sex as close friends, pals, confidants. Lol. Remember, it is my view.

Now, what is “platonic friendship?”

English dictionary defines platonic as “Not sexual in nature; platonic love.”That explanation was simple enough… you see where I’m headed? I have heard countless debates, discussions, have participated on some of these talks on why a male or female would prefer the opposite sex as close friends rather than his/her kind.

I don’t know much about why a guy might do this but for the ladies, there are numerous reasons  why it’s common, not the usual assumption that she is promiscuous; “sleeps with each and everyone of them.” Lol! Ladies often find it easier to make guys their close friends because for some reasons; we believe he won’t laugh at our blunders or relish the mistakes we foolishly make atimes in our relationships; without offering tangible solutions to correct them.

He gives sound advise when it comes to relationship matters, for the sole reason that, as a man, he knows how men minds work. When you take a relationship matter to a close male pal, just by listening, he already knows where your relationship is headed. He could tell you, “this guy is serious”or “run for your life!” He could say, “you are wasting your time with this one.” Lol. Meaning this one isn’t a keeper. I could go on and on. Most of the men ladies keep as friends wouldn’t gossip about you. Some will be protective of you even. Along the line, you get comfortable, almost like siblings.

Fact is, for someone to allow another to “friend zone” him/her. He or she may actually have an emotional feeling towards that person or not. He/she may genuinely care about this person so much that the person’s well-being comes first. There are friends who have no emotional attachments whatsoever towards each other. Although in some cases,  one person has an attraction towards the other, which the other party refuses to acknowledge or out rightly ignore, so as not to make the friendship awkward.

The truth is, genuine friendship is hard to build. Some will not sacrifice/jeopardize this special bond for”what might have been.” Would rather preserve such precious and unique friendship. A friendship devoid of ulterior motives.

I believe platonic friendship with the opposite sex is very normal. For starters, the ones that become confidants, close friends are already”friend zoned.” It’s tough to find a close friend of the opposite sex who isn’t in the dreaded “friend zone.”Lol. An experienced man or lady already knows this, that’s why when you want to turn them into a shoulder to cry on, they bolt; run like hell…haha.

Usually, when I come across people discussing this very issue. I observed that the perplexed; those that can’t fathom how it could be possible are usually those that have never experienced it. Had they experienced it first hand. They would realize one or both parties had no emotional feeling towards the other. It’s quite rare for such paradigm to change suddenly.

Instead of laying baseless accusations, why not find out the nature of that friendship? Some men have so low an opinion on ladies, they think all ladies sleep with anyone that says “hi” to them. Lol.

This is so common among men. The way I see it, a guy like that has trust issues. Although some men also have ladies as platonic friends, ladies hardly confront or talk about this issue aimlessly as men do.

If you date irresponsible ladies with no dignity, these insights doesn’t apply to you. My primary concern tonight is to say my opinion on this issue. If you value the person you are with, don’t jump into conclusions. The friends out there might be the ones pleading on your behalf when you err, because they want what’s best for your lady/man. Do not generalize or lump all ladies who keep male friends as “promiscuous.”Some ladies wouldn’t ever consider having intimate relationships with casual or close platonic friends. The thought alone might disgust  her even.

That’s all I have to say on this delicate issue. Feel free to share your view with me on this. I’m eager to hear it!

Merry Christmas to you all!

 

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic this evening says;

Is It Wise To Discuss Every Little Hurdle You Encounter In Your Relationship With Friends?

I understand it’s just a “relationship” not “marriage” but does it actually help? Does it resolve the issues or rather put added strain on it due to “half-baked” advises offered? Hahaha…how many times have you ran straight to your best friend or close friends after a bad fight? Or for an advice concerning your relationship? How did the discussion go?

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the importance of friendship. Sometimes when we are down, being surrounded by friends is one of the best remedies for getting back on one’s feet. They are there to cheer you up. At times I see friends advises as catalyst that blows some issues out of proportion. Escalating matters beyond repair if care isn’t taken. Hear the reasons, why I think we should be cautious when squealing relationship matters to friends.

  •  It hardly ever solves the problem, most likely escalate matters instead of abating it.
  • Gradually, by prattling about your relationship issues to your friends, you unwittingly reduce your man/lady in their “eyes.” Eventually he/she loses whatever little respect accorded him/her previously by them. It doesn’t end there, this same friend may still use the very information you shared with her or him against you if things eventually goes south. Lol.

My view on this is; instead of discussing such issues with friends who may not have your interest at heart. If you must discuss it at all with anyone, why not search for someone maybe older close to you; mature; and experienced. Certainly this person would be unbiased and able to add two and two together, to have a clear picture and advise you accordingly.

If you value whom you are with, protect his or her dignity by trying as much as possible to iron out the creases in your affairs between yourselves. If it works out, fine. If not, move on.

There’s no point belittling; rubbishing someone you supposedly care about among your friends all in the name of resolving a conflict. It doesn’t bespeak maturity. This may seem irrelevant now until your relationship succeeds and gets to the next level. At this stage, he or she becomes part of your circle and you begin to wonder why your friends are so “cold (unfriendly) to your fiancé/fiancée. Lol

The way your friends treat your lady/ man is entirely up to you. Don’t thoughtlessly make it harder for him/ her to fit in among your friends. It may not matter to you but if she or he begins on a wrong foot, she/he may be an outsider among your clique of friends for a very long time.

Ladies and gentlemen… ponder on these few words of mine today. If it helps you build a better relationship then I have achieved something worth celebrating tonight.

Do have a blissful night and a Merry Christmas!

 

 

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Yes! You heard me loud and clear. Lol. My tonight topic involves the gentlemen too.

The topic says;

“Some Men And Insensitivity”

Yesterday I came across a rant by a man, who viewed himself as learned and well exposed. This man was aghast, perplexed and couldn’t grasp why or how a 32yr old lady could reject a marriage proposal from any man at all. He called this lady so many awful names, ranging from dimwitted; crazed; foolish; deranged; immature and so many other demeaning names.

Whoa! As I read on, my skin  crawled like there was an irritating worm on it. To my amazement he wasn’t alone on this particular view. Alas! Others cheered him on. Obviously he wasn’t the only one who thought he made a whole lot of sense. What a myopic specie of human being! Why are some men so selfish? Why do so many African men view our ladies as objects built only to serve their needs?

First of all, is being “unmarried” and above thirty, the worst thing that could befall a lady? Is it now worse than terminal illness? Is it now worse than experiencing hell in one’s marriage? Is it worse than living with an abusive sadist who might send one to an early grave? So a lady above thirty has no”options” at all? No choice at all on the matter? Hmm…mm?She should Wed anyone that shows the slightest interest in her.  After all she’s lucky to be asked? Is that it?

A man sets to marry, he searches for what appeals to him, looks for someone that matches what he wants. Yet a woman is “immature” if she couldn’t connect with a particular guy? Or sees the incompatibility right away. Marriage isn’t a do or die affair. If you aren’t happy now, it may still not fetch you happiness. I’m sorry to say this, some who want to marry at all cost are the reasons, men treat a lot of women like crap out there. You become an object with no mind of your own, all in the name of becoming a”Mrs”.

There’s this act from some African men that baffles me. You see a lady, just by her appearance. You decide, she’s cool headed; humble; arrogant  or rude even. Lol. You approach a total stranger, you instantly expect her to be overjoyed because you are an answer to her prayers. Her Knight in shining amour. To you, of course, she should go on her knees and accept you because if she doesn’t. She would face a faith worse than death. She would soon become an “old maid”(a spinster). In fact this was the sole purpose of her creation of course. Haha..  to be grateful and humble each time a man approaches her. No matter her state of mind at the time…

Who cares if there’s a connection between you two at all. Love? Haa! Whatever for? What about compatibility? Compat- what? Lol.

She was made to serve and please you of course. You, “my lord” will mold her to your taste eventually. Pity… sounds like something out of an old school “slaves&masters movie.” What are we my ladies? Objects with no needs, no ambitions, no future plans for our lives? Shouldn’t these be put into consideration? Many ladies with wonderful dreams(goals), gave them up because they got married to men that never gave a thought to their wives needs, but pursued theirs relentlessly till it was achieved. The height of selfishness.

We are not robots please…. a lady that has a strong dream should pursue it too, with or without marriage. If you enter into a marriage with someone you are not compatible with, someone that won’t inspire you to achieve or exceed your goals, you may end up in regrets or unfulfilled.

The same man that called you humble and cool headed for marrying him, will still call you “proud” “arrogant” when you point out someday, how you gave up so much for your home and by then it’s already water under bridge. Let the myopic ones call you names… it takes nothing off your skin. Tie the knot, because you are sure you could make it work, not because you are above thirty…

My ladies, that’s all a have to say…

Have a blissful Christmas!

“Religions And Salvation”

Hello ladies…

Today I will like to talk on a spiritual matter. “Salvation

It is a fact that here in Africa religion, matters a lot to us. Every family identifies with one religion or another. It’s either, Christianity; Islam; native idols and so on. Most of these religions have something in common. They all believe there’s something greater than us all, out there. A supreme being who rewards us all according to our deeds.

In the past centuries uncountable atrocities were committed in the name of “the gods.” Currently there are other forms of atrocities being committed in the name of God. Is history repeating itself?

Now, what is “salvation”? “The process of being saved(from hell); “the process of being restored or made new for the purpose of becoming saved;” lastly, “the process of being rid of the old poor quality conditions and becoming improved.” Those are the definitions of salvation by English dictionary. The last definition is my favorite among all stated above. Have we improved? Well… to an extent. There’s still room for improvement. Every Christian or Muslim sees himself as better than a pagan or an Idol worshiper. The question is, how many pagans are presently in our governments?

Each Friday/Sunday we troop to mosques/churches. Yet corruption keeps eating deep in our societies. Many people join this religious groups just to feel good about themselves. For appearance sake, definitely not for salvation. If not, why are things going from bad to worse each day despite the percentage that are religious in our various societies?

Who burns people on the streets? Who uses every little opportunity to burn homes? Who robs the people of their basic civil rights each day? Who oppresses the poor and enrich their pockets more each day? Who sheds bloods of the innocent as if it means nothing, every passing day?

Of what benefits is religion to our lives if it doesn’t improve us; change us? If it can’t turn a wicked heart to a heart filled with kindness? If it wouldn’t make us our brothers keeper? If it can’t make us selfless…?

Accumulating wealth seems to have become the number one priority of some spiritual fathers, all over the world. Even if half the congregants are wretched and can’t afford to feed and cloth themselves.

As for the Christian Church leaders, I have a simple question to ask. If the savior whom we are trying to emulate could worry about the people’s well being, fed them on several occasions without even having much . Are we truly Christ-like? How many have you fed? How many have you helped? Did Jesus feed others because he had an extra he didn’t need? Or was it for appearance sake? I don’t think so, neither do I believe it was just to showcase his “divine powers.” I simply believe he saw their needs and provided it because he could.

Let’s reminiscence in our hearts, find out why we view ourselves as religious. The wealthy sometimes, will rather give in church to be noticed than help a poor neighbor living beside him or a poor relation. Loving your neighbor as thy self would solve a lot of problems in our midst if we put that into practice.

Let’s seek for salvation instead of doing “eye service” all over the place.  Be an improved version of yourself; be better; don’t just do things for appearance sake. Do it because you know it’s the right thing, if you are truly religious. Or go sit in a corner. Lol

Let those of us that are Christians, use this season of Christmas celebration to have a moment of sober reflection. Evaluate ourselves and determine where we need improvements in our various lives…

Do have wonderful moments, this joyous season of Christmas, you all!

 

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Truthfulness Overrated In Life Affairs/ Relationships?

Before I give my opinion on this particular issue, which by now you are aware, I have lots of them to give. Lol Let’s quickly find out what truthfulness is all about.

My English dictionary defines truthfulness as; ” The quality of being truthful.” Now- I ask, what is being “truthful”? Once again my dictionary defines it as; “Honest, and always telling the truth.” “Accurately depicting what is real.” Well…that explains itself right there. Lol

Now based on life realities we go through everyday; we encounter numerous ups and downs and end up surprising ourselves on our capabilities which most won’t dare associate with themselves ordinarily until they are in a very tight corner. What am I trying to say here? Well… hear me out. Hahaha…

No one is perfect. Show me that perfect man/woman. I’d show you a “liar/pretender.” We all have weaknesses. That’s what makes us human. Back to my topic, is truthfulness “overrated”? What does it mean to over-rate something? My English dictionary defines it as; “to esteem too high; to give greater praise than due.”Lol. Now you see where I’m headed?

At some point in one’s life, he/she has done something she/he wasn’t so proud of. Let’s say you are in a relationship or living with people that such action may affect, directly or indirectly. Because you knew in your gut, they would be disappointed if or when they find out what happened. You chose the “easy” way out. Which is to either “omit” the truth or damn straight lie about it. Lol. Now- hear why I think telling the “truth” isn’t “overrated.”

Lie or lies are like a bad penny. That’s the honest truth I’m telling you right here. It doesn’t worth the stress and pressure that it strings along, if you ask me. And like a bad penny, it keeps coming up till it bites you where it hurts. Lmao…I understand clearly why someone would be so exasperated to wonder if truthfulness isn’t given more credit than it deserves.

Mr. A/ Miss A, does something he/she isn’t proud of. He or she summons the courage which is no small feat, tells Mr. B the truth. And Mr. B being hurt or disappointed by what he has just heard, flies off the handle! Chews Mr. A out… tongue lashes Mr. A or Miss A for the offence committed, which she/he has just been courageous enough to tell the truth about. Lol.

Are you getting the picture? It’s quite rare for someone receiving such solicited or unsolicited confession not to react or overreact. One begins to wonder if it was worth the effort. It might not have been a big deal or would not have been any deal at all if one has kept his/her mouth shut. Hahaha…

At that particular moment, that popular saying “what happened in Paris stays in Paris ” begins to look enticingly appealing. In a relationship, omitting to tell the truth whenever such need arises or out rightly lying about things will only postpone confrontations. Fact is, when truth finally gets out,  because it always mostly does. It only takes a while. The anger, the hurts, hardly ever generate from the incident or action of the perpetrator. Instead it comes from the fact that the “truth” was kept from him or her for a reasonable period of time. He/she begins to wonder which other “secret/s”is being kept from him/her or what else he’s/ she’s being lied to about.

It destroys trust. It destroys faith this person has placed in you. It’s  even worse when, it was the partner that discovered  the truth, all by him/her lonesome self. You would be in a very “hot” soup. Lol.

So dear ladies… no matter how hard it is, truthfulness is still the best bet if you ask me. It’s the major way to study your partner. If you did something that your conscience bothered you about, there’s a 90% probability it will also bother someone else. Being truthful is being real. No one said it’s easy but you get to see the other person for real. Get to know how they react to life issues. By the way, lying in a relationship is not synonymous to “cheating.” That isn’t what we are discussing here today. It’s a sub-part of a whole though, for there’s a thousand and one other situations, that could lead to being “tempted” to lie or omit the truth for peace sake.

The thing is, it’s better to say it out while it’s hot and take your chances than being on edge each day trying hard to cover a lie deeper each day. Trust me, a lie will keep rearing it ugly head every chance it get, until you despise yourself for it or get caught. And none of these options is appealing or worth the stress.

Telling the truth always, no matter how hard it is at that particular time is still one’s best option. It isn’t overrated… what one needs is the courage to go through with it. Human beings will be human beings, if the person you are with doesn’t appreciate the effort and courage it took for you to be truthful, instead focused only on what he/she heard you say you did, then he or she is an insensitive bastard… just do it for your peace of mind then- always. Thank me later!

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning. Do have a wonderful week, you all.

 

 

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

How Do We Rebuild Trust?

Now what does the word “Trust” mean? The English dictionary defines it as; ” confidence in or reliance on someone or quality.”

Well, that explanation is quite simple. I’d say, trust apart from the one children have in their parents which I believe must be inborn right from the cradles, is usually earned. That of a child and his/her parents; the child trust them wholeheartedly to provide for him/her; to protect; to be there always; to love and care; to pay him/her attention whenever he or she sort it.This kind of trust will remain firm if the parents didn’t fail at their duties. It remains intact because deep down the child often takes this for granted because it has always been there. But if the home was malfunctioned. Distrust could start early even from childhood, which is a very complex situation, that has diverse reasons which I won’t be dabbing into just yet. Lol! Here today, I want to share my view on trust in a relationship, which is earned. If it could be rebuilt or not.

Let me put it this way. You can’t just meet Mr. A and decide he’s very truthful, principled, reliable, faithful and so forth. Before one acquire such firm confidence in Mr. A. One must have had cause to believe it to be so. You have faith in his truthful nature. “He will tell the truth no matter what.” You’d say this because you believed it to be so. You believed it because you trust him. Are you getting the picture?

Now, this trust makes every relationship strong, stress-free, easy, blissful, euphoric until “something” shatters it.

In a situation where someone you believed could never lie to you, lies to your face and somehow you already knew the truth. You caught him/ her in a lie” red handed”, doing something you could never have associated with him or her. Gracious Lord! Hmmm… painful, right?The mind is a tricky gadget. At that particular moment , the whole trust “built” comes tumbling down. One begins to speculate, maybe it had all been a lie.

On today’s topic, I’m here to talk about how or if it’s possible to build trust back when it has been lost. Things will never be the same, let’s tell one another the real truth here. But something new could be built from a shattered trust. Trusting again may become quite difficult to the “betrayed.”  Hahahah… are you surprised I used that particular word? Oh, c’mon. How does it feel when someone you had so much confidence in, does something you could vouch for him/her, would never do? The truth is, there’s this feeling of betrayal right inside one’s gut, squeezing, you feel like your heart would burst right open in acute pains.

Let’s use this scenario…a man meets a decent girl, an epitome of a virtuous woman. On a faithful day he discovers, that persona was all a lie. Or a decent girl finds out no atom of truth has ever passed through her partners lips. He had lied, cheated and done several despicable things behind her back.

OK! Now here’s the fun part. In a scenario where the trust is gone. Now you are seeing the real him/ her, at the moment. It isn’t appealing one single bit. It isn’t over though. Is he/she remorseful? Deeply moved by the hurt she/he has caused you, for real, not just trying to appear remorseful. You may never be sure. It’s a risk you would have to take if you still want him/her.

Before you think of rebuilding trust, it means you still want him/her in your life. “No one is perfect”; they say…I believe if you love this person, the only way this move could work is to; forgive wholeheartedly; start afresh on a clean slate. Be determined to be patient until he/she proves to you that, he/she will not jeopardize your relationship by letting such happen again.

Let him or her come clean, encourage him to spill everything to you. It is a risk, let him take it because he shattered that trust in the first place. I called it a risk because even after hearing it all. You can still walk away without a backward glance. The betrayed has all the chips on this one. He/she will have to weigh his/her options. Decides whether he or she could forgive and start to trust this same person again.

The damage has been done, even if he/she moves on. That experience could cause  trust issues towards the next person he/she meets. In a situation like this, the cliché ” the devil you know” begins to sound comforting. Isn’t it simpler not to mess up someone’s life just because you are a crook, a lair, a cheat, a thief or whatever? Be that from the onset. You would be surprised. Some girls or men will know these facts, still fall for you. When you betray someone trust, that person may still forgive you and try to rebuild the relationship. It is a choice. But something is lost in the process, no matter how hard you try, that “unflinching trust” may never be regained.

If you value that relationship of yours.  Watch your actions. Trust is one of those things very hard to rebuild when lost. I can’t give you false hope here my ladies, if you want it to last, be trust worthy.

That’s all I can say this lovely morning. Have a wonderful day!

Are The Rich Excused From; Bigory/Racism/Sexism?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to stray a bit. There’s this ill in our society  that has been a norm for so long… I would like someone out there to explain to me why it’s so. What are the causes ? What scale are things being measured with? Why are some things wrong when done by the poor or an average man/ woman yet OK when done by the “rich” in our society? A poor and hungry steals something, no matter how small, if caught, jungle justice is his faith in most places here in Africa. No mercy, the mob serves as judge and jury instantly. You would think this happens because we are a people that don’t tolerate evil; wrongdoing; any form of corruption. Hmm mm? The rich politicians steal from the poor masses on a daily basis in the full glare of everyone in the society. No one bats an eyelid. The psychos- who would lynch a poor for a tiny crime committed, will instead hail these ones with no atom of guilt in their conscience.

Racism, bigotry, sexism all appear to be mostly exhibited by the poor and middle-class in our society. Why is it so? Why do we unleash our frustrations on fellow victims instead of those that truly deserve our scorn? A person without a highly recognized last name strives for success, you see envy, jealousy, instead of encouragement coming out of our every pores. Why? The pull down syndrome is quite real, no jokes. Why such hate? Violence at every turn, meted to one another, never on those deserving of such cruel punishment.

The strange thing is, the privileged rarely strive for extra ordinary in life. It’s usually the ones that struggled through to break even with the elites that use the opportunity, when given to them to attain greatness.

The Sharia law rarely affects the elites of the North. Nobody has ever cut off an arm or a leg of a thieving Nigerian politician nor have I seen or heard of one “rich corrupt politician” burnt alive for stealing billions of Naira or dollars as is usually the case. Yet that is the news every other day concerning the poor masses. The Internet is jam-packed with such news- no one reacts. Why should they? “What’s his/her last name, again?” Does it ring a bell? Bet you, it doesn’t. They are “nobodies”, therefore deserved to be stripped naked, beaten and burnt alive. All these done within minutes of being caught for one wrongdoing or another. Even homosexuals are stripped and beaten when caught here, pray there isn’t a tyre around or they go in flames too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least the “nobodies” Sad, disheartening. I wonder when the masses will stop throwing their aggressions on their fellow victims of circumstances. It’s uncanny, a bit surreal. Why is no anger directed towards the culprits? Well- I’m all ears, I truly want a genuine answer to this question.

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to touch another sour spot in our lives;

Is It Necessary To Define A Relationship? 

Lol. That’s right. That’s my today’s topic.

What does the word “define” mean? The English dictionary says; “to determine; to settle, decide; to express the essential nature of something.”Well- there you have it. The definition definitely defines itself here. Lol. Now, my topic today ask, if it is necessary to define a relationship. In my humble opinion I believe the answer to that, is a resounding “yes! it’s.”

In life I believe  it’s better to learn from what happened to others than wait till it gets to you to learn from it. Experience is the best teacher they say; but learning from others mistakes instead of one’s own mistake is what I call “wisdom”.

As ladies we date, we get involve in relationships that lasts or crashes and burns. Get me right- I’m not saying men don’t get involved in dead-end relationships. Oh! They do, even more than we ladies at times.  But remember they aren’t on any obvious biological clock; we are though. Sad but true. Every relationship you enter into should be defined. Don’t ever assume you both are on the same page. It would be a rude shock to find out after, three to five years in a relationship that you both want different things out of the relationship.

Sadly, most times, we fancy ourselves in-love and for that reason, we ignore a lot of signs of doom staring us in the face. If he won’t define it, then he’s hiding something that may not be favorable to you, so you shouldn’t relax just yet.

Holding on to a relationship that is heading to crash won’t automatically stop it from crashing. The least it could do, is to postpone the inevitable or hang in there just on a thread of pity which won’t do you any good in the long run. A situation like this strips a lady of her self worth, she becomes uncertain. He blows hot or cold according to his state of mind. If he wastes your years without making any plans towards you. He might defend himself someday by saying he promised you nothing. Lol. Sounds familiar? Are you getting the picture? He hangs you to dry while weighing his options. Probably waiting for a better choice. Hahaha… if he is serious with you my lady, let him define it…

Defining the relationship is a bold step that any man truly in a relationship that means something to him would take. I’m not saying it means you must end up together. No. Far from it. It’s a step in the right direction though…

You work on it together, if it works out, fine. If it didn’t. well…you at least learned from it. But to just befriend someone without any idea which direction you are headed, would be like just drifting at sea, in a boat without paddles.What would be the outcome of that boat ride? Lol.

My ladies, ponder on these words, if it guides you to a better/ healthier relationship, then it means I have done something worth my while tonight… but if it leads to a crash; never mind. Someone better will find you. Don’t just be in a relationship for relationship sake, if it’s a dead end sort of relationship, I believe you can feel it already. Obey your instinct and get out of there. You will get over it in no time. If you make up your mind.

Wishing you all the best. That’s all I have to say tonight.

What do you think?

 

 

 

Is Love Relevant In A Union?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Love Relevant In a Union?

First and foremost, what do we understand by the term “love?”

“An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person.” “A deep or abiding liking for something.” Says; the English dictionary.

Now based on those definitions above. I’m of the opinion that, it matters. Hear me out first… it isn’t compulsory though. A marriage that has compatibility would work just fine without all that mushy stuff. Personality traits plays a huge role in a union. But when push turns to shove, I believe deep affections, is what binds the union.

Let me elaborate. There are no two people, with exact same character in the world, twins even have their differences. Love breeds tolerance, it breeds patience, it activates forgiveness. When you have affection and care towards another, you would forgive almost anything.

It’s true we have all heard a thousand times how it eventually fades. I have no doubt it might fade as everything else in the universe does fade in time even life. But don’t forget, when it was present it created the bond that is later referred to as friendship, companionship, mutual respect. Genuine friendship are born out of likeness and care.

Love must create memories and those wonderful moments shared, will cushion the union during tough times. If you would observe with me, a couple that had no affections for each other take much longer to become friends, if it ever gets to that. Some are like total stranger to each other when no one is watching. Don’t be deceived.

Where affection is present, forgiveness isn’t far behind. Tolerance is close by. Pettiness, hate,regrets aren’t  so accessible.

We try to grasp at times, why a man would break-up a relationship  with a lady for cheating, being rude, obstinate, yet marry someone with similar character traits and still end up happy with the choice he made. The reality here is that singular binding factor; “love.” His affection overrides everything else.

In every relationship, there’s a simple fact. My opinion though- the degree of your affections for each other, determines largely the final outcome. If one of you isn’t interested, the probability of it amounting to anything is almost nonexistent. If you are always on someone’s neck for every little blunder the persons makes. Well, firstly such would put the receiving party on auto-defensive mode whenever you are around him/her.

Secondly, this person becomes disillusioned towards you. This is because, she or he, sees your shortcomings too but chose to ignore or devise a way to accommodate it. So, your constant hacking on hers or his, would soon breed nonchalant attitude towards the partner. From this attitude comes;  contempt, scorn, gradually- it becomes unadulterated hate. Are you getting the picture? When love is involved from the beginning, tolerance will allow you study your partner patiently. You would see his weaknesses and his strengths. Love will encourage you to accommodate the weaknesses, instead of nagging about them every damn minute. Before the love wears off, if it does. You would be close friends and confidants by then. And as friends, you would know the best ways to handle your differences. There are no friends without differences. What makes them friends is the ability to understand and accommodate one another.

Love has never really been a valued criteria in most African countries as a necessity towards the institution of marriage. But maybe it should. If you are lucky to find it, you made a step in the right direction for it might just help your marriage to be unique and fulfilling. But if you found compatibility, it’s also okay. Who knows? It can still slip in, in time. It could grow and become strong eventually. It all begins with “affection” towards another whom you are with.

Those are the reasons, why I believe it’s  pertinent, for two people living together as one. If you don’t share such bond, some words spoken to each other in anger or some horrible things done against each other may never be forgiven or forgotten. We all know it takes love to forgive. Try forgiving someone you despise. Lol. Tell me the outcome later.

Well,  it’s still my personal view. What do you think?

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?/ MY View…

 

Hi ladies…

My topic today says;

When A man In Your Life Gives Conditions To Get Married?

Haha…as funny as this sound. It happens…

You meet a guy who professes love yet has conditions that would lead to the altar. I have seen and heard countless stories of such that I begin to wonder if the world has gone insane.This sounds funny but it’s not. I’ve heard several; these are the most popularly used.

  • Get pregnant for me, we will tie the knot.
  • Rent me an apartment- we’d head to the altar. Lol
  • I have this business plan-help me with capital to establish it , we will be together for all times… quite sad.
  • Give me a son, I will never leave you… á bon? As the French would say..
  • Assist me with my traveling papers and I’m yours.
  • Tell your Dad to employ me at his firm.
  • Study so so and so and I promise you, we will have a future together.

What baffles me here is, some African women see this as normal. Some men give conditions for friendships, for relationships and step right up to give huge ones for marriages too.

Today’s topic has nothing to do with age. No matter your age, these type of men will still act the same way. This category of chauvinist, feel offering you marriage is to assist you. To make an “honest woman” out of you. So for doing you this “favour”, he deserves a reward. Quite unfortunate, I must say. What happens when you comply, get pregnant and he still leaves?You could help someone in your life; there’s nothing wrong in doing so, if you wish but not as a condition to tie the knot.

I see this as a warning sign. No matter how you view it. It isn’t good and won’t be in your favour in the future. What happens when you couldn’t holdup your end? If he wanted you to give him a son and you accepted and ended up with a daughter whom he has no regards for? Such species of human beings exist…you know? Or any other natural events that could occur? What do you think his reaction would be?

The marriage deal is supposed to be for” better or worse”, in “sickness or health.” In a situation where you accepted these conditions, it means you signed up for “better” because “worse”was not in your deal. There are heartbreaks that are so  unnecessary. Don’t start bad mouthing all men in the future when you deliberately got yourself scammed. A man who would shamelessly take your money, feed from your pocket without a tiny sense of pride will do worse to you when you finally end up together. If you succumb to the first condition, others will follow. That’s if he stock around to do more damage to your psyche.

Someone that values you, sees the good in you and wants the best for you, will not give you conditions. Instead he will accommodate your shortcomings. He would be there for you. He would be supportive and help you achieve even higher goals than you aspire for. He would bring out a better you. He won’t make you feel inadequate, he won’t use you to boost his ego… or make demands of you right from the onset.

What am I saying? If he’s giving you conditions already. It’s not a good sign. In fact it is a warning sign my ladies. Lol. My view anyway, just think about it. Is it what you can deal with on a regular basis? If it is, then carry on please…my bad…(smiling)….

What’s your view on this issue?

Do have a nice day, you all..