WHY DOES APPEARANCE MATTER So MUCH???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Why Does Appearance Matter SO Much???

Well- every society has its orientation. Its accepted norms, approved and stamped by the society as appropriate. Why is it that so many people hunger both consciously and subconsciously for societal approval?

There’s a matter that gnaws at me. Why do most people in our society take things at face value? Is appearance all that matters? Why’re some people so uneasy when it comes to looking inward? Or looking deeper at situations? Is it the fear that you may find out the truth about yourself? A truth hidden under layers and layers of facades?

The other day I saw a picture of a mother and child lying in wake, about to be interred into Mother Earth. It went viral. The story behind it broke my heart. According to the story, her partner- beats her blue-black so frequently- as recounted by their neighbors; even to the extent of beating her on her due date for delivery, until she collapsed and was unconscious. She and her baby died together, that very day! What actually bothered me most about the incident as narrated was that; she left severally but was encouraged to go back to her spouse by her family and friends. It’d be “embarrassing” if words got out that “their” daughter’s or friend’s marriage had crumbled. I guess.

Well- that’s certainly a complicated case since she was married. My main focus is on those still in the relationship stage. Why is it that, the society frowns when it’s a lady that”finds fault in a man she’s dating?” I don’t get it. Men break up with ladies everyday, out there. Once there’s a tiniest doubt in their mind about a particular relationship- especially when marriage is the ultimate target. Is it so “unreasonable” for a lady- that could end up in such heartbreaking circumstance, as the lady narrated above, passed through- to see these signs and move on before she becomes a victim? Does leaving an unhealthy relationship equate to being choosy? If he’s a; criminal, drunkard, dubious, violent, aggressive, sadist…etc. Should she stay and endure? Are all these traits mentioned, now inherent in every other man? So, there’s no point hoping there’s someone compatible, with similar values to hers, out there?

Now- let’s assume, a man/lady in a relationship sees character traits in whom he/she’s in a relationship with, that are intolerable, unimaginably offensive. He/she goes; “what would people say? How’d friends and family react? What’d neighbors say? His/her thoughts, puts everyother person’s reaction above his/her own needs. Hmm…mm?

The stereotyping doesn’t help either. A young lady that behaves in a certain manner is termed “decent or not.” It becomes engraved in the mind subconsciously as the type to sort or not when making plans to settle down. Oh? If she appears “decent.” She’d tick all the boxes I assure you. Lol! What happens later? Incompatibility; the real character springs to the surface. It becomes obvious you’ve been misled- “judged the damn book by the cover.”Serves you right. Lol!

No matter the pressure ladies and gentlemen- I still maintain, it’s not about the society or peers. It’s about you. I’m sure there’re no perfect relationships or even marriages out there. The thing is- there’re good ones out there or would you rather join the nightmare version because you want to please the society? To be in an intolerable relationship just so that others would approve. Whatever did their approval do for the buried ones? Or those passing through hell because they’re afraid to be judged by those in their circle?

I believe being real is still one’s best bet. Be yourself- there’s someone out there that’d understand and love you, flaws and all. And still want to be with you’d show up in due time. Instead of living a charade that’d blowup in your face at some point.

LEARN TO MIND YOUR BUSINESS-PLEASE!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is on a jovial route. It says ;

Learn To Mind Your Business-Please!!!

Hahaha…funny right? I know…

The other day I came across a post on Facebook where a lady was reprimanding those that’d bring her juicy news/ gossip of her boyfriend “extracurricular” activities, which she was blissfully unaware of. She said anyone that brought her such unpleasant news “owed” her a new boyfriend. Lol! As funny as this sounds- I see her point.

I wonder why some make themselves sole bearers of unsolicited bad news to others. Once it’s a news that’d cause the person unimaginable grief, this type of busy- bodies just want to be there when it unfolds. They want to watch your face, witness every detail of your reaction as you battle for composure. She/he could regale others with this sizzling gist- disguised as “sharing” her sympathy for “you” to them, of course. Haha… if it was something good- he/she wouldn’t have had time to contact you in person. People simply crave for something bad to happen- if it doesn’t. Some would even twist something good- all in a futile effort to make it appear bad.

Why I agree with the lady’s post on Facebook? Okay, you think or know for a fact that her man is cheating on her. Uhm… you’re loyal and must protect your friend! I get that too. You’re sure her relationship is now in shambles! Oh! I know… haha.  Now- you’ve become her avenging angel, must protect her and save her from further embarrassment! Of course. Lol! What’re friends for? My question though is- what’ve you achieved by being nosy/ meddling into her affairs? What happened to minding your own business? Is it your affair? How sure are you of your own partner?

Lol! Hear me out first- I’m not saying if his/her partner is cheating, that- it’s okay. Far from that, neither am I saying do nothing if you knew for a fact and this is a good friend. But don’t make it a juicy gossip and dump it on him/her like you’re doing him/her a favour! I hate gossipers with passion. There’re ways one can alert a friend of his/her partner’s behavior, without actually pointing a finger. A sensible person would take note and device a way to sort things out with his/her partner without making a ruckus about it.

Gossipers make a mess of things, most times. Even King David killed gossipers twice in the Holy Book. The first gossiper, brought him a juicy news of King Saul’s death, expecting a pat on the back or even a befitting gift, instead he got his death. The second gossipers brought him a hot gist of how they killed Ishbosheth- while he was having an afternoon nap in his own home! It gets worse- those two were the perpetrators of the said crime…thinking it’d please him- that they had killed his “presumed” enemy. Lol! I call them the overzealous- “Baanah” and “Rechab.” What did this act fetch them? Their hands and feet were severed from their bodies!  Check it out- tell me if I’m making a valid point- 2Samuel4:5-12. It is an interesting read I assure you.

The thing is- let’s all learn to mind our business. I try hard to do just that because I’d realized quite early in life that things aren’t always what they seemed. For instance- from the story above Baanah and Rechab thought what they did was a show of loyalty to David- what they didn’t know was one single “fact”- David never saw King Saul or his family as his enemies. You may think you’re bringing your “friend”a good and valuable news. But you aren’t the one in that relationship, so you may not know that “single” fact that binds them- just as it happened in the narrative above.

I think I’ve said enough- just stay off other peoples matters. She who wears the shoes knows where it hurts. There’re different shades too. You can never tell. Your baggage might be bigger than that of whom, you’ve asigned yourself to watch over. He/she might have deeper history why things seem the way they appear to you. Do have a lovely day you all!