Sex On A First Date???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is one of those situations  we’d rather not acknowledge because it makes us uncomfortable, particularly the ladies.

Sex On A First Date???

Now- I hate to sound vulgar here! But there aren’t many ways to hit the nail by the head.  My focus here today is on those that actually believe they’re in a genuine relationship, leading to something more.

Why am I writing this? Well- to alert younger ladies of the harm they may fall into if not a bit more careful in their various relationships, especially at the initial stages. My aim is also to reach those who may not be aware that, there’re predators out there, who prey on the innocent. The opportunists who might appear genuine, luring you into believing there’s more to it all. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship. Maybe you haven’t even had one yet. Naive, vulnerable -ah ha! The perfect ingredients that attracts this particular specie of human beings.

The thing is- no matter how careful you’re, you could still fall into this act. Waste valuable time/years of your life thinking you’re in a relationship. But sadly, you might have made a huge mistake by that single act. On rare occasions, it might work out but it rarely does. Has it occurred to you, he might be wondering, how many times, you’ve done same with other guys? Lack of self control. Sorry- “truth is bitter” they say.

These are few signs that you’re not his girlfriend after such encounter.

  • He isn’t really interested in you anymore. Would you blame him? No more mysteries about you to unravel.
  • He now starves you of his attention, avoids deep conversations with you but suddenly becomes nice out of the blue when he wants to invite you over for the night. Lol. Sounds familiar? He has relegated you to a booty.
  • He begins to avoid your calls or going on dates with you. This is a message to you, that he has lost interest in you. Move on and learn from your mistake.
  • He could tag along but talks nothing else but sex-related issues with you and tactfully leads each discussion back to sex. This is simply because, you’ve become a sex object to him.
  • He might never be motivated to please you. This is simply because he has no plan to tag along nor have any plans for the future with you.
  • Your value reduces drastically when you jump into bed with a man on a first date or couple of dates, except on very rare occasions.

The thing is- these things aren’t cast in stone- use your discernment. You just met a man. What a first date is made for, is for you to get to know a bit about him. It’s even super important to restrain yourself, if you liked him totally. It’s not pretence. It’s called exercising decorum. If you truly liked someone, you’d want to get to know him better. No matter how many relationships stories you’ve read or what you’ve been told. My humble advice?

Never be in a hurry to share a man’s bed. Intimacy isn’t all that… I might sound archaic to you. Truth is- it is, what it is. Fact is, it’s crucial you avoid intimacy at the initial stage of a relationship, if you remotely want to get to know your man or want him to actually take time to know you. Sounds old-school? I bet. It’s the truth though- take it or not.  A man that truly cares about you, would be patient.

Some would tell you lame stories about their “friends” who slept with their girlfriends on their first dates and re now married. “Bull!”- it’s just a line, they use to get laid.  So? what’s the relevance of sharing that information with you, at that particular moment? Let’s use our heads more, my ladies. Don’t ever allow yourself to be pressured into sex in a relationship. If he has good intention towards you. Believe you me, he’d wait. What’s the rush? Unless there’s an ulterior motive.

Ladies/ gentlemen, what’s your view on this matter?

 

What Did You Learn From Your Previous Relationship/s???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’m here again with one of those topics that we’d rather not talk about and quite uncomfortable with. My today’s topic is a question to singles. Ladies and gentlemen;

 What Did You Learn From Your Previous Relationship/s ???

Well- I promised right from the onset that I’d be your voice of reasoning, if you’d let me. What tangible lessons did we learn from our past relationships? There ‘re no breakups without reasons. There must be something that triggered that dissatisfaction, that led to the breakup even if it was neither acknowledged nor discussed.

Now- let me elaborate a bit. If you were in a relationship with someone; extravagant, mercurial in nature, a philanderer, abusive, temperamental, sadistic, aggressive and so forth. And you never got accustomed to a particular trait- among the traits mentioned above. That he/she exhibited which caused issues in your relationship. What did you learn from that relationship, about yourself, about your preference? Have you had a “me time” reminiscened on how you handled a particular situation? Or how you’d handle it if it presents itself again in the future.

Let’s take for instance in that relationship, you- and not your partner, were the problem. Let’s assume one’s partner was the one complaining about traits that one exhibited that wasn’t acceptable to him/her. Now- that you’re out of that relationship, ‘ve you thought about it? Have you honestly looked inward and taken notes of those traits that were intolerable to your previous partner? Although what might ‘ve been off putting to a particular partner might be endearing to another. This is where one needs to be alert, to know what works or not with one’s new partner. Don’t assume because “A” liked a certain trait you’ve, “B” should.

For instance, if you were in a whirlpool  kind of relationship because you and your partner constantly fought over some shady issues. Eg. If one of you cheated repeatedly and lied about it.  Now- if you were the problem. Have you learned from that terrible mistake? If your partner was the culprit, ‘ve you learned the tale tell signs of people with such traits? Could you easily identify someone with such personality given the chance for a few dates or would you still fall for the same trick?

Let’s say a particular trait/ attitude/appearance/complexion,  attracts you to an individual of the opposite sex. And you have learned through experience that, such trait is irrelevant when it comes to building a relationship- would you still fall for that same trait? If you’re quick tempered, it takes a lot to learn how to rein in one’s temper. So, while working on how to control your temper, you may consider dating someone who isn’t ill-tempered as yourself.

 

If you’ve discovered you have issues with duplicity, then avoid deceptive men/women while venturing into another relationship. Take your time, study him/her well during the dating stage. If it isn’t what you’d hoped for, extricate yourself tactfully.

Why “do the same thing over and over and expect different results?” what I’m about this evening- isn’t if the breakup was one’s fault or not. My focus is on what it’d taught you.

We should always reminiscence after a failed relationship before going into another, to avoid making the same mistakes, over and over.  Let’s be observant enough to learn a tangible lesson from a relationship that didn’t work out.

Share your view or past relationship experience and what it has taught you with us. Let’s have fun while at it!

 

Why Mistake Self-Worth For Arrogance???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Why Mistake Self Worth For Arrogance???

What does this word arrogance mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “the act or habit of arrogating, or making an undue claim in an overbearing manner.” I believe that definition is self explanatory. Now- what is self-worth? The English dictionary comes handy once more; “one’s abilities in self assessment.” The interesting thing is- knowing your worth actually makes it necessary for you to respect “the worth” of  others.  It works both ways.

Have you noticed how some people get so intimidated, by anyone that has a mind of his/her own? People sort of bond quicker with the vulnerable, the weak. Those that have no say/uncomfortable in their own skin- wanting to be led by others or by the status quo, than those that tend to have personal convictions, opinions.  What’s my point? Well- a lady that has self-love would definitely have convictions on how she’s supposed to be treated by another individual. Take for instance. A low self-esteemed lady, gets into a relationship with a sadist, or a lowlife who maltreats or simply depress the life of out her by his thoughtless conducts. We are talking about an unhealthy relationship here.

She comforts herself; positions her mind- to the mindset that, “that’s how most relationships are.” She tells herself, “the grass always seems greener on the other side.” Although I believe this cliche has some truth in it. It sprouts the question; is there even grass within your vicinity?Permit me to speak metaphorically. What’re you comparing your situation with? How green it is, to me seems irrelevant when the lawn has dried up completely on your side of the lawn.

I often wonder why we Africans are so fixated on this issue of “marriage” especially concerning the ladies of marriageable ages. Aren’t there more perilous and overwhelming situations, we should focus on and tackle? If we remotely wish to attain civilization. It’s so bad that some would hate you for not being desperate about it. For going on with your life. For refusing to measure your contentment or achievement solely on a wedding-band fixed on your fourth finger. Some speak of nothing else, than speculate on why it doesn’t bother you.

Lol! Honestly, the question should be; why’re they so bothered? Sadly, when you’re thirty years of age or above and unmarried. I have realized people consciously or subconsciously, expect you to be sad, depressed- to ‘ve this gloomy aura of the doomed. That’s when they become ecstatic, delirious with joy!  “We thought she won’t feel it!” Now- there it is! They quip, enthusiastically. Sadistic creatures…haha. So, what? How exactly does being hopeless, depressed help anyone?

Anyone in this circumstance surrounded by such ugly devourers, who want to tear you down because you’ve refused to play by the rotten book; running around like a headless chicken. As if your life existence  depends on getting married. Separate yourself from such people, distance yourself, no matter how close these set of people are to you. They aren’t looking out for you. They are rather “small minded” people.

I don’t know why some people easily mistake self worth for arrogance. Self esteem to me simply means, respecting one’s self. Having confidence in yourself enough to have certain principles, you abide with. You don’t let pressure, circumstances or manipulations by others dither you. You simply hold your own, no matter what. How’s this audacious trait, maneuvered into something viewed with disdain? It baffles me.

If this topic spoke to you or you have a different opinion, about it. Please share it with us here, it might help someone out there.