“The Perfect Man?”

Hello Ladies …

My topic today says;

“The Perfect Man?”

Why do people keep prattling so much about ladies waiting for “the perfect” man? Who said just because a lady is yet to marry, she’s waiting for “some perfect” man? I wonder how that fallacy came to be. This now seem like a general assumption held against any lady above 30yrs of age and unmarried.

Does it mean those that dated abusive men, philanderers, con-men, criminals, even those that found out how incompatible they were and knew it won’t work out,  moved on were choosy? Not to mention those that had traumatic experiences. C’mon…? Really? Have you walked in their shoes?

Why do people date? Why do people court? Why do ladies and bachelors become friends? To know one another better. Right? During this period of friendship you found out certain traits  ingrained in this other person, that could cause you harm in the nearest future; such as violence, philandering, unreliability, sadistic nature.  Would you go ahead with him just to bear the tittle “Mrs”? Or thank your star, you found out just in time before entering into a serious commitment with him?

There’s this distaste in my mouth each time I hear people casually toss around this comment; “marriage is for procreation and nothing more”. “Compatibility, affection and all those mushy stuffs,  aren’t necessary”. To those that reasons this way. “Maturity” is accepting any proposal. Deal with whatever consequences later. This is a life changing decision that should be till death, being treated so casually. No wonder so many are miserable while some end up as sworn enemies. I mean, how can it be okay to say yes to just about “anyone” that shows up just because one is in her thirties or above? What happens when you ‘re already in, then the violence, abuse begins? This abusive person beats you blue black daily or sends you to an early grave? Who would then care for your innocent kids? Since you “must” accept “any.” what happens- if after tieing the knot, the criminal or con-man you accepted landed in jail? Or the philanderer who might send you to an untimely death(God forbid) due to his reckless and callous behaviour. Is it the emotional turmoil? The unbearable pain? Or the fear of STDS, curable and incurables? How can one live with such constant fear, being held ransom in one’s own home, insecurity and being constantly embarrassed?

I’m curious though. What’s with this constant need to make any lady trying to avoid unnecessary drama in her life after marriage seem like an unrealistic fool…?  Really? She’s the unrealistic? Not the hopelessly romantic, who thought it would  always be a smooth sail? A fairy-tale…?

Being extremely picky is not wise and nobody should encourage that but to constantly belittle, insult, demean those trying to use their heads to think beyond the “wedding day” is beyond my comprehension.

For instance a scenario where a man shows interest and the next thing, everyone reminds you, you aren’t getting any younger. Like we had amnesia? Haa…! Then you accept, only to realize your worst fear has become real. The astonishing part is, it’s still those same people that reminded you earlier, you aren’t getting any younger, that will soon preach for ” better or worse.” If it leads to malfunctioned home or death. Well, I’m guessing that literally means “or worse” in the  vow. Lol

Although I hate to sound so gloomy! Fact is, being within a certain age bracket and unmarried, attracts all sort of miscreants as suitors, but there are good ones too.  One needs to be careful… not overly so, a little dose will do just fine.

Why is something so seriously complicated as marriage intentionally treated with such levity? As if it’s easy to coexist. Even siblings born of same parents, find it difficult at times.

No man is perfect. Most ladies know this fact. We aren’t toddlers.  Being cautious not to end up with a total stranger who may have so many tricks up his sleeves, shouldn’t be viewed as being picky; choosy; immature.  Just because some rushed in due to whatever reasons they had, doesn’t mean everyone should. Everyone mustn’t learn from personal mistakes.

When there’s friendship, connection, compatibility, trust, mutual understanding and respect. I sincerely believe it would reduce; disillusionment; resentments and nonchalance in marriages. Well…just my humble opinion. What do I know?

What do you think? Share your view on this with me. Criticism is also allowed.

 

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Don’t Waste Anyone’s Time All In The Name Of “Relationship”

I want to talk on relationships this morning. Every relationship, needs some necessary materials to work. Be it marital relationship, courtship, and every other kind of relationship. However I’m focusing my attention on single ladies and eligible bachelors today.

For a relationship to work, there must be communication, honesty, understanding each other, compatibility, affection, and respect for each other. Those are the key recipe for a healthy relationship. In the absence of all these mentioned above… you are just fooling around, playing games and quite immature.

You should find it easy to communicate when you are in a relationship. Have deep conversations occasionally. Talk to each other about everything. Discuss your fears, your accomplishments, your dreams.

I do wonder when I hear stories where; a grown man complains that a lady he has been with for months, even up to a year; told him, she’s in a relationship. So for this reason he had to walk out  from the relationship. I find that hard to believe. If there’s truth at all in that, then it must be half truth.  She’s in another relationship you say? How could you not notice if something was different? The subtle changes in her behaviour? Didn’t you spend quality times with each other? Were you busy playing mind games? Hiding your feelings ?  Trying to outsmart each other?

It is mostly those with the mind set that a man or lady must grovel to keep him/her, will carry-on on a relationship for upto 7/8months, without having candid discussions concerning the relationship. Keeping the other partner guessing. And in an emotional turmoil till he or she begins to feel unsure of his/her place in your life. This person could begin to prepare his/her mind for a breakup since your relationship seemed more like a deadend kind of relationship.

For the male folks, showing your feelings, assuring your woman won’t make you less a man. Also your actions towards her will go a long way into shaping her emotional state of mind towards you. Don’t neglect the woman in your life or relegate her to an option. Then come out later to whine when she moves on.

Do not waste your partners time unnecessary. Why be in a relationship with him or her for 2/3 yrs even more when you are unsure of what you want? When you don’t have any particular plan that includes this partner. He/she isn’t  in your future plans… Why string him or her along? For the female folks, why allow a man to sponsor your education and such, when you aren’t committed or sure you are on the same page? Why stay in an undefined relationship for years?

To the gentlemen my advice is; don’t waste a lady’s time in the name of being in a”relationship” with her, when you know deep down you aren’t ready. Allow her meet those ready for something serious. When a man is finally ready, it doesn’t take all those dramatics for him to take that step.  Also quit playing the victim and trying to blackmail a girl you had a relationship with in the past into thinking, it was all her fault because she moved on. What other options was she left with? Being with you for 5yrs isn’t a guarantee you will end up together.

What’s my point? If you are truly into your woman. You feel something special for her and wish her by your side for a long time to come.

Tell her how you feel, show her and let her know your plans for the future. You can’t be hiding your feelings, giving her no clue whatsoever about anything, yet expect her to hang in there like a sponge.

It’s quite depressing for a lady to date a guy who isn’t man enough to share his feelings with the woman in his life. Probably thinks he’s playing it safe. If that’s the case, then play safe but don’t put the blame on her for your breakup. Nobody walks out from something promising and working. People mostly walk away  from irrevocably damaged  or unhealthy relationships.

Let’s be realistic here. Don’t waste anyone’s time and if you do, don’t blame the victim of your callousness for walking out on you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon. Have a wonderful day you all!

 

Ethical Values And Our Societies

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I will deviate a bit yet again. My topic today says;

Ethical Values And Our Societies  

No matter the obstacles one passes through in life, let’s try as much as possible to do the right thing most times.

Ethics are meant to guide us, create a consciousness in us, that every action sprouts a reaction. It creates a conscience in our minds.

People do so many horrible things to others, you wonder how they were raised. Didn’t anyone teach these ones ethical values?

This isn’t about religion or being religious. This is about doing the right thing.

How many people these days are ready to say “NO” based on ethical values? How many would be principled enough to go against “status quo” because it’s wrong?

Let’s take for instance in the ancient times. Our forefathers, they weren’t Christians or Muslims, they weren’t educated yet there was a consciousness in them of right and wrong. Some of them committed uncountable atrocities. Make no mistakes, they knew which was which. Punishment meted were often severe for certain offences.

The thing is, most times nobody ever holds you responsible for the petty acts you commit against your fellow human being. Frustrating others efforts at your place of work/neighborhood. Doing all sorts of despicable things against people around you. Fact is, chances are, you could scheme, commit and get away with it most times, no one being the wiser.  Payback day springs when least expected though.

What will it cost a man or woman to desist from causing others pain? To avoid hurting others? Or causing unnecessary havoc to others…?

Altruism, which is defined by the English dictionary as; “regard for others, both natural and moral”; “devotion to the interest of others”; brotherly kindness – opposed to egoism or selfishness.

If a quarter or more of the people sharing this world practice this trait, there won’t be so much hatred, racism, tribalism, bigotry, terrorism, wars all over the place.

Instead of intolerance; discrimination; prejudice. Why not embrace tolerance, kindness towards one another? Would that be inconceivable?

The undeniable fact is, those that commit hate crimes are bigots. I don’t believe it’s easy to brainwash a heart of gold, filled with love and kindness to go out and kill countless number of people for religious sake. For a heinous crime of such magnitude to be committed by anyone. That heart was already filled with hate, intolerance, bigotry.

I implore us all to be selfless in our daily lives. Let’s value others lives as we value ours. Being altruistic is a trait we should strive for, if we hope for the next generation to meet a better world. A world where your religion won’t matter, neither would your race, colour nor tribe.

Discarding superiority complex and accepting others, as we would accept ourselves and our own will go a long way to squash uprising, hate crimes, tribalism, bigotry from our respective  societies.

Let’s show love to one another. Where there’s love, there would be peace, selflessness, acceptance, tolerance. It’s not an impossible feat if we begin now to instill ethical values in our children, wards. Practice it in our neighborhood; states and countries until others begin to emulate. Let’s also applaud those that exhibit selfless attitude in our society, encourage those that  show kindness and love to others. This attitude will encourage others instead of instigating hate and intolerance among ourselves.

I urge us all to embrace peace and love, as we celebrate Valentine’s day and beyond. Treat others as you would treat the love of your life.

Happy Valentine’s day!

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Hello ladies…

I’m quite sad right now. I’m about to poke, yet again another sour spot.

My topic today says;

LADIES LET’S BE WARY!!! 

Ladies in their thirties and above. I’m here again as a voice of  caution. It appears things are getting worse. If that’s even possible, considering the fact it has always been a jungle out there.  The hawks are hovering; searching for an easy prey. I heard of a pathetic story about a lady who was swindled of her life savings by a man who promised her marriage and travel papers.

I am not livid or even pissed which should ‘ve been a better feeling anyway. I’m simply disgusted. Hear me out here. No one is above mistakes. I understand the feeling of uncertainty too well. I understand the pressure from all around us. I understand how it feels, to be told by one “snake oil salesman” exactly what one wants to hear. The exhilarating relief! The rekindled hope and all….

What really breaks my heart is that such happens regularly to regular intelligent ladies whose only crime were letting their guard down. Daring to hope the affection was real, only to fall into the hands of desperate con-men with sharp spades for digging.

It’s easy to see through this type of men, their stench is easily perceived. But they still catch as many prey as they target mostly because of the societal and peer pressure mounted on us ladies. The scammer, varnishes into thin air without a thought of how the trusting lady would feel.

My ladies, it’s a tough world out there. You were offered something you needed so much,  so you threw caution to the winds! Oh crap! Enough of that silly excuse already. Don’t be silly…

Another lady I read about the other day on some page on social media, can’t quite place which, said he told her he works with a bank. She swallowed that. A man who didn’t even have an apartment. Moved in with her, was fed by her. He still managed to defraud her of her little savings, was abusive on top all that! How does one “refuse” to think? He was a banker, yet couldn’t afford a rented apartment? Or cater for his needs? A future mother swallowed that white lie, line, hook and sinker?

There was also another incident I came across on Facebook. This particular lady was on the brink of committing suicide because she lent money to her boyfriend,  almost a million bucks. This bloody twerp blocked her on all social networks as soon as he landed overseas. Unbelievable!

If this craze to settle down intent is to connect to another; a companion; start a family and do all necessary to make one’s marriage work. It actually sounds like a good cause to me. But the chilling truth that sends nerve quivering chill down my spine, is knowing that majority don’t give a damn about the frigging outcome. Just to tie the “knot” is what some only now sort after. Even if it all ends in a year or two. It doesn’t freaking matter.

Little wonder our societies are in shambles. We all see what mostly comes out of broken homes.

My ladies, until we focus on what’s best for us. For our unborn children and forget or rather ignore the society and its  pressure. These predators won’t stop. The scamming won’t stop. The downgrading and “diggings” won’t stop. Funny, ladies used to be the ones with the shovel back in the days. How things changed…

Being “Mrs” isn’t worth anyone all these headaches; heartaches and misery some are passing through on a daily basis.

We ‘re all mature and know what good or not for us. Let’s not allow pressure make us ignore red flags or warnings in our heads. Let’s be at alert and stay reasonable. Know whom you are with very well, so as to know what works best for you.

That’s all I have to say for now. Do have a lovely day, you all!

 

Don’t Quit

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Don’t Quit.

We all know what quitting means. Don’t abandon your dreams/goals. Don’t renounce your beliefs or ideas because of negative aura around you. If you are positive in life, you have achieved half your goals already because you dared to hope. It isn’t over until it’s over. That project you ‘ve planned for a long time, still nothing…? That post at work, you have fixated your site on. That dream career you are in pursuit of. It can all still be achieved.

Often times things happen along the lines that would surely discourage us at one point or another. No worries. Those hindrances will actually make one savor the accomplishment when that goal is achieved. All I can say this morning is, let’s believe in ourselves, in our capabilities, be upright. The rest…

You have a project, everyone tells you, it  can’t be done- it’s not that simple. It’s requires this or that. Hmm mm? Hold on to it.

You work hard, quite good at what you do at your workplace- yet promotion keeps going to people not half as good as you are. Sad huh? Keep doing what you are doing. Your promotion may come to you but if it doesn’t, your experience will exonerate you at some point in life.

The greatest mistake a person passing through a difficult phase in life could make is, letting go; listening to negative thoughts in one’s head; or surrounding oneself with miserable/negative people. People that pepertualy see their cups as “half empty”.

Surround yourself with those or what makes you happy. Force yourself to be happy; be contented. Happiness is a choice, being frustrated or miserable will not spin your magic wand. It will only add to your woes. Whatever your situation is out there, remember there are a thousand and one persons passing through worse each day. Your situation can’t be worse than those of people that have spent months in hospital, those 6ft below you. Push self-pity aside, keep your eyes on your goals.

Have you noticed, the darkest hour is just before morning? Haha… let that thought guide you. At times when in despair, it will appear as if nothing will ever change, as if that would be the story of your life. But that’s not true. Don’t quit now, morning is almost here. “There’s light at the end of the tunnel”, they say.

Let me use this scenario to elaborate why it’s important not to quit no matter what. Take for instance the game of football. Two teams play. No matter how well your team played, if you were beaten, by your opponent, you lost. No one ever remembers how well you played because you lost. All your efforts, forgotten, wiped out from history. If you quit, you simply become, a “loser”. Hold your head high, be happy. Those who find it offensive you are happy should see a psychiatrist or something. Lol.

Also while you determine to hold on and not let anything distract you. Be also prepared for anything life throws your way. No one said life is a cruise.  It is what you make it out to be for you. Always running from pillar to post doesn’t make you busy. Makes you stupid if you ask me. Research well on any venture you are in pursuit of. So that it will worth your while eventually.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back in no time.

Have a lovely week, you all!