Are We All Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I have always been an advocate on the issue of ladies working on their notable flaws. There’s no perfect man or woman out there. We ladies are often under the microscope being viewed and dissected by men, who takes so much pleasure in dissecting our characters, attitudes and what not. Lol.

Working on one’s self is to one’s advantage. Becoming docile, agreeable, courteous doesn’t hurt anyone. However my topic today is a question to the men. My question is;

Are We All  Not Obliged To Work On Ourselves???

I’m dead serious here. Imagine how one-sided that solid advise usually sound? Lol! It has always been parotted thus; “Ladies work on yourselves!” The society is so interested in the female character traits; she must not be illmannered; obstinate; opinionated; rude; quick tempered; aggressive; spiteful,promiscuous…etc. A lady with one/two or more of these traits needs to work on herself. Agreed.

My question simply is; how come this advise is not also shoved down the throats of the male folks? Are they not obligated to be without blemish as well? Some men are plainly, brash; egoistic, opinionated; shallow; hot-tempered; abusive;caustic; nasty; philanderes; dubious, to mention but a few. Yet the society acts as if the character of a woman solely determines the outcome of a relationship or marriage.

The honest truth is, here in Africa; once we hear of a broken marriage, most just conclude he must have married a terrible woman. Really? A man that wouldn’t work on a single flaw of his, no matter how terrible those flaws are, expects his partner to live with it. But all hers must be changed.

I have cogent reasons for believing so much in one working on one’s flaws. Imagine a situation where a quick tempered man/lady decides to work on his/her temper to avoid confrontations or fights. And his or her partner decides to also work on whatever he/she does, that normally provokes his/ her partner. Are you getting the picture? This simple act of maturity from the man or lady may solve the temper issue permanently. It works both ways,  if you ask me.

What am I trying to say here? Men should work on themselves as regularly as women are advised to. It takes two to tango. Don’t be badmouthing women at every turn, on how they left or wronged you severally. Reminiscence, check yourself. Your character could be why the ladies don’t last around you.

Sorry to break this “news”to you guys. You have notable flaws too, that could damage your home in the nearest future. Work on them. Flaws are not gender prone. Everyone has a flaw or two to curtail.

A better you will definitely attract a better version of a lady somewhere for you.

That’s all I have to say for now, will be back soon.

Have a wonderful day you all!

 

Social Media Craze/”Bizarre?”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I will digress a bit today. My topic today says;

Social Media Craze/”Bizarre?”

Uhm… am I the only one feeling a bit uncomfortable with the worrisome attitude of lots of people on the social media?

Now, what is social media about? English dictionary defines it as; “interactive forms of media that allow users to interact with and publish to each other, generally by means of the internet”. Well, that was simple enough.

There’s this uncanny feeling I get when I see the extent to which people have gone via these interactive means.

Internet is probably the greatest means of interaction ever created and has pros too numerous to count. Well… the cons? Ah ha! That’s what I’m focusing on today.

Some grown-ups, now live “right inside” the Internet. Lol. Normally two adults fight, make up, no one knows or cares. These days? Haha…you wish. I can’t count how many times I have come across a parent advising his/her child on a page on the net. Either after wishing them well or congratulating them. Hmm…what-the-heck happened to phone calls?

Some couples put all their lives on the pages of social media network. This wouldn’t matter at all, if some would be mature enough not to also wash their dirty laundry in the “net”(public). What happens to keeping certain aspect of one’s life “private?” Would that be excruciatingly beyond one’s capability?

Accident occur on a highway traffic and the first thing on someone’s mind at the scene, is taking pictures to upload on the net. For what purpose exactly? Such callousness!  I have a question for those that perpetuate such act. If your sibling or parent was involved in that accident, God forbid. Would you still be interested in snaping their last minutes on earth and pasting on “your” page? Better still, how would you feel if some random”empty brain” does that to your loved one?

The other day, I saw a page where a young man pasted a picture of a dead young man on a slab in a morgue. He “claimed” to be mourning his “dear” friend. The gruesome picture was disheartening. The height of foolishness. How could he do such to a bereaved family? Forcing the gory details down their throats was a wicked act if you ask me.

Young men and women are not left out. Youthful exuberance. Lol.  Cat fights, nude pictures and all, now carried on to the stage…. incriminating videos flying left and right.

It’s all good, no one is perfect. What makes me cringe is the fact that it seems a lot of people have forgotten one unsettling fact. The Internet “never” forgets! Lol. It’s unlike books records that could be damaged; misplaced; or buried deep. Here, just a click… the rest is history.

Let’s not abuse these wonderful interactive means of exchange between people; have fun and be merry. Let’s be sensitive and careful always.

Do have a wonderful week, you all!

 

 

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Today I’m going to touch one of those sour spots we hate to talk about out there again. My topic today says;

Is Desperation The Solution? 

Let’s quickly find out what this word “desperation” is about. The English dictionary defines desperation as;(1)  “the act of despairing or becoming desperate”;  “a giving up of hope.” (2) ” A state of despair, or utter hopeless; abandonment of hope; extreme recklessness; reckless fury.”

Hmm…the definition of this word alone, makes me shudder. It gives me goose bumps, just the thought of someone living his/her life in such state of mind. Sadly, societal pressure has made desperation almost a norm in our society. Having reckless abandon in the pursuit of our desires have become a norm. Desperation isn’t a gender thing. Anyone could become desperate, depending on one’s fervent desire to accomplish a particular goal. A society where a particular set are viewed as failures; losers; nonentities. These set are constantly looked down upon. The desperation to achieve what garners “respect” to others becomes a norm.

For instance most unmarried ladies these days, will do whatever it takes to tie the knot,  become a “Mrs.” This is because the society has made it appear as  the most prestigious title a woman should have before any other. Unmarried women are mostly lumped in as wayward or indecent for being single still at a certain age. Disheartening….

That’s not all. Men are under pressure too, to acquire wealth. A status that should take years of hardwork to achieve. The youth in their quest to make their mark and be accepted and accorded “respect” in the society, do a lot of despicable things, that at times leads to death, in desperation. A bachelor of certain age is also viewed as irresponsible for daring to remain single. No one is interested in the “why.”

How’s desperation the solution? I’m asking this question because I have noticed people get furious with anyone they perceived as “not desperate”, especially if you are unmarried and yet, doesn’t exhibit any of the known attribute of those in a hopeless situation, such as recklessness; being depressed, miserable etc.

My question this evening is this; Can someone explain to me how being desperate solves our problems? Take a look at our political setting today. Desperation has made politics a do or die affair. Most in our society will do just about anything to win. What comes after the win? Hmm…mm?

The quest to marry at all cost has destroyed our core values. Nobody cares anymore about the seriousness of the venture. The end “now” justifies the frigging means. Lol.

A lot has been damaged in our various societies  due to desperation. This has caused so much pretense in our today’s youth. They comport themselves in a certain manner, just to get what they want instead of being themselves or working on themselves to be better as the case should be.

These are what desperation does; It puts you in a state of despair; you become extremely reckless; no caution whatsoever;not thinking straight; you would swallow any nonsense solution thrown your way. You are thrown wide open for extortion, manipulation, abuse,untimely death even, all in the name of searching for “any” solution to your perceived problems. Caution is thrown to the winds. Some become life casualties… if not now, later in life.

My advice to us all this evening is to fight the feeling of despair in whatever situation we find ourselves in life. It solves nothing in the long run, it only somehow compound the problems.

That’s all I have to say this evening ladies and gentlemen. What’s your view on this? Share it on here, others could learn from it.

 

Lowering Your Standard (2)

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

A lot of people have requested for me to revisit this article and talk more on this particular issue .

https://kareninspirational.com/2016/07/14/lowering-your-standard/

Well, to me this topic isn’t that complicated. It’s a weighty one though.

I have never been the type to go with the “status quo.” I’m fond of asking “why?”, searching; deciphering situations around me.  I discovered, by paying attention to little things(details), one can actually avoid a lot of disastrous situations.

Well…here’s my today’s topic;

Lowering Your Standard (2)

Surprisingly none of the advocates of lowering one’s standard ever give a thought about how the union might go when their “match making”/ counsel works out.

I will restate here that I’m not against lowering of standard to tie the proverbial knot. All I’m saying is to be careful not to lower so much so, that would eventually lead to resentment; indifference; nonchalance; unadulterated hate; in the near future.

Understand my point please, I’m not suggesting to be” excessively careful.” In a nutshell I’m suggesting to pay attention to those little things that could cause “helluva” problems in the future.

Take for instance, in our everyday lives, we are constantly advised to lower our standard. This is gradually instilled in our subconscious. Check out romance novels, movies, all sell mostly the same story. A story where a rich city girl/man, marries someone he or she has absolutely nothing in common with. Let say a rancher, who lives in the middle of nowhere. She leaves everything she’s used to,  familiar with and goes to the “ranch” to live with her “brand-new” husband. Or something of that nature.

Are you getting the picture? Whenever I  watch such, I just shake my head. Haha…

If you are of different social class, I’m not saying it doesn’t work. Hear me out first. “If” you have misgivings he might not fit/blend in, why not reconsider instead of becoming bitter, resentful in the near future, viewing your spouse as a source of embarrassment and making his/her life miserable. Smothering him or her with hatred for something he/she knew nothing about.

You are highly educated,then you lower till that “homey” girl/boy with little or no education becomes the one . Only for you to become unapproachable in your own home few years down the road. Frustrating his/her life, making her/his life a “living hell” because you are miserable and have nothing in common. Was it his/ her fault? Remember, that problem could have been avoided by being a bit more careful.

Haha… tough huh? I am all for lowering of standard fellows; what I’m against is lowering more than you could take. If you are not certain you can take that trait, then don’t overlook it. You can’t stand a con-man; a criminal; a gambler; an unprincipled; a troublemaker; an abusive man, yet you said yes! Lol.

You won’t be the only one miserable in that marriage. You will vent your anger; frustration, misery,regrets…etc. On your unsuspecting partner whose only crime was taking you as you are.

Do not tie the knot just to become “mrs” so so and so if you aren’t sure you can overlook those traits that are a “no! no!!” for you. It would be sad to exhibit unconscionable attitude in your home, few years down the road due to your frustration.

Ladies and gentlemen,  let’s be careful on the issue of “lowering one’s standard.” It’s laudable when done right, yet disastrous when care isn’t taken.

That’s all I have to say this evening my ladies. Do have a wonderful evening and a happy new year!

 

Patience-Persistence-And Positivity Is The Key. 

Hello ladies…

Well, the new year is here. 2016 has bowed out, ushering in 2017. It doesn’t matter how the previous year had been. You had goals, I would like to believe you accomplished most of them if not all. What matters is that you are alive, in good health and more especially “positive” that this year would be much better.

My topic this morning says;

Patience; Persistence; And Positivity; Is The Key. 

What do we understand by the word “patience”? The English dictionary says; being patient. Now, what is patient? “Content to wait if necessary”; “not bothered with having to wait”. This is self explanatory.

What does the word persistence mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “being persistent”. what is persistent? “Obstinately refusing to give up or let go”;

“Insistently repetitive”; “Indefinitely continous”. Says the English dictionary.

OK! what is positivity? Being optimistic. ” Expecting the best in all possible ways”. I have learned a crucial lesson over the years. I learnt that patience; persistence; and positivity; almost always leads to something remarkable.

Take for instance, the inventors of the past centuries. The likes of Alexander Graham Bell; the Wright Brothers (Orville and Wilbur); Karl Benz. What did they  all have in common? Are you getting the picture? I hope you understand my point here.  I’m not implying the above mentioned traits are what made them inventors. I do believe though that, these traits helped them achieve their various tremendous success stories.

Let’s evaluate ourselves , are we on the right trail? How’s that project coming along? Do we believe deep in our heart that we can achieve our set goals for this year? That we could make a difference?Deep in your heart, do you believe you can make that relationship work? Lol. Surprised? It should be part of looking inward, don’t you think…?

You put in your best efforts at work/ business last year ? So it hasn’t yielded fruitful results thus far? So what? Be patient, keep doing the good job and above all, be positive. I know it’s hard at times to keep being positive when results aren’t forth coming. But remember those men mentioned above wouldn’t be known today if they had given up.

As a single lady above thirty, you may be working in an office where your married colleagues are accorded more respect than you although you are quite good at your job, older than some of the married ones even. These ladies may belittle you or make snide remarks about your status. Stay positive! Always remember that it isn’t how fast but how well. Don’t let being “unmarried” define you. Also don’t just sit there, not developing yourself, hoping some man’s name will give you an identity.

Use this period to discover yourself.  The areas you are good at, focus more on. Be the lady others would be proud of/ emulate. Don’t wallow in self-pity as if your world has crashed and burned. Envision the type of life you wish for in the nearest future and work towards it. One thing I have noticed is that when the time comes for a certain goal to be achieved, things fit in perfectly. There won’t be a square peg in a round hole. Every piece of the puzzle finds its rightful place and clicks! Lol. Let’s understand that one way or another, what will be will eventually be.

That’s all I have to say this lovely morning my ladies…

Do have a fruitful new year !

 

 

 

Happy New Year My Beautiful Ladies! Be Cheery/ Be Positive!

Hello ladies…

Happy new year!/ Bonne année!

Let’s be cheery as we waltz right into 2017. It was no small feat!  I know… There were tough times, time of doubts, fears, worries but did it stop you? Hell no! Here we are, alive, full of dreams, plans, some projects already in progress. A day of jubilation and merry-making! why not?  If for no other reasons, because we are alive and in sound health to witness 2017.

As we celebrate, let’s reminiscence about the past year. Are there things we think we handled wrongly? Mistakes that we made? At this point, I don’t think regrets will solve anything. Let bygone be bygone. Let’s the past and its mistakes be in the past. The mistakes of the past was probably made to be learned from. Experience is the best teacher. No? What else teaches us life experiences? It’s not like it’s a course of study at the University or High school even. “Life 101” or something of that nature. Lol

As women, we generally worry too much. It takes a “special” grace or maturity to know that this excessive worries mostly changes nothing. Christmas has come and gone, despite being surrounded by love ones,one at times still feels alone, probably due to hanging around so many peers with their own unique little lovely families. There’s this fierce dread for the future and what it might hold.

Well… I know how that feels, but that yearning should not lead one to an irrational or rash decision this new year. Let’s not wallow in self-pity; depression; or pining over what one lost or desired which one had no “mythical” powers to change. Instead as the year begins, in this cheerful moments. Let all make plans towards what one can do, that would effect the changes one needs.

There are times it feels like some are taking undue advantage of your present situation, as a lady above thirty and unmarried. Push that “ugly” thought aside. Maybe it’s true, maybe not. If some now view you as a lost cause. Well…it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you feel about yourself, which is why you must stay focused and positive this new year. Believe in yourself, know yourself worth and don’t let society or peers tell you otherwise.

It might all seem like a waste of time. The experience you have acquired over the years will one day manifest itself in the maturity you exhibit in handling situations.

Let’s always strive to achieve our set goals. Work on personal flaws we know of and have a positive outlook to life. Whatever we desire will get to us in time if we work towards it and exercise patience. Panicking mostly leads to mistakes which at times are irreversible. Let’s make our beds “right” this new year my ladies… so as to avoid regrets later.

That’s all I have to say on this new year morning. I wish us all, a wonderful, fruitful year ahead!