“Low Self Esteem” The Number One Catalyst In Abusive Relationships.

Hello ladies…

Today I’m going to share my opinion on

“Low Self Esteem” The Number One Catalyst In Abusive Relationships.

OK! Let’s roll…

What do we understand by the term self-esteem?

The English dictionary says; “confidence in one’s own worth”; self-respect. “Estime de soi” as my French neighbors would say.

Well- that was self explanatory. Everyone needs to have self-respect, not over confidence. Lol. A normal dose, will do just fine. Low self-esteem is one of the causes of abuse in any form of relationship. Take for instance while in school; at any level. Who were the ones bullied? Who did the bullies in your class ever targeted? Lol

Are you getting the picture? They always go for the ones with low self esteem. The ones that bend their head in shame while being tormented. The ones that sob pitifully when harassed. The ones that run away in fear. The bullies feed on “terror.” Am I right or wrong? Now, you see where I’m headed? Hahaha… the moment a bully mistakenly takes on someone with self-confidence! Ah- ha! He gets served! Lol. It’s not about physical strength. This type of strength radiates from within. The day he/she tries such person, he/she gets reduced to rubbles by sheer-will.

Abuse in a relationship can be from anyone. It’s not something only men do. A lady could be abusive too. Why sit there taking it all in, day after day? You feel you don’t deserve him? You can’t get anyone better? You feel she’s far more sophisticated than you? So you should be treated like “trash?” Really?

He says you will never meet someone better? You swallowed that? Really? That’s why you get beaten for exchanging greetings with a friend on the side-walk?Let me throw more light on what low self esteem does to any kind of relationship. Be it marriage, friendship, courtship to name a few. The victim has no say; no voice, no opinion whatsoever, over his/her own life. You are called stupid! You nod your head and think thus; “I though as much, I never do anything right! I will never amount to anything.” Hmmmm… sad huh?

Abuse could be verbal, physical or in any other form. It starts gradually, peeling away your self value, your self-respect, until you begin to believe you deserve it because you are worthless. A bully makes someone with low self-esteem fall lower, lower. Nothing you ever do is good enough. In your head, you keep making excuses for him/her. Maybe if I try harder, he/she will get to see I’m good enough and reciprocate. Lol. Keep dreaming… it’s free.

Most of these predators are insecure. Some are “naturally” bullies. Some, might not be of their own making. It could be as a result of the environment they grew in. It could be so many other things, which I won’t go into now. What I’m here to tell you is this; it stops once you stand your ground. Once you assert yourself during confrontation, make yourself heard, not seen once in a while. Learn to defend yourself if need be. There’s still another enticing option! Leave, if you remotely suspect your life is in danger.

Make up your mind. Be determined to build your self-esteem. Go to your mirror, stare at yourself closely. Accept you, as you are. See yourself as unique. Love yourself, be your number one fan. Tell yourself nobody out there has any right or power to tell you, who you are. You know damn well who you are. You are special and deserve the best life can offer you.

Ponder on my words if you are experiencing something similar. There’s always an option, take the one that suits you…

Well…what do you think?


Hello beautiful ladies…

My topic today says;


Lol. Such a cliché. I know…

Everyone has come across, been advised and read about being oneself a thousand times. Well- hear why I think it’s one sound powerful advice. In life I must confess there are no other set of people that irritate the hell out of me more than those that want to please everyone. Hahaha… surprised? I say things the way I see them. So you might as well stop reading right there if you found that offensive. I find that trait irritating because you can’t be that way if you are being yourself.

There are those so afraid of rejection that they can take anything and everything just to feel among. The sad truth is, they never get to be truly accepted or respected by those they see as their friends. If they are surrounded by their friends, look closely. They are probably being viewed by their group of friends as  “clowns” or worse. Lol

These set of people never lose their cool, never take offense, never voice out their opinion if it isn’t the “popular opinion of the moment.” They never tell a friend about something he/she did, they didn’t like. They won’t say their opinion about anything until they find out the popular opinion and jump right in. They live through life this way until they eventually lose themselves in other people lives. They want to be accepted so much they become needy and sadly, most people avoid needy people. So the very thing they want and need so much, they lose.

These are the set that are always eager to squeal every little secret they have about a friend, either consciously or not. The aim is always to be liked or preferred above that person. The irony of such character is that it never fetches them what they truly hoped for, which is to be liked, accepted, needed. What it fetches them rather is being viewed as insecure/ needy type.

Ok! Now let’s  talk about being yourself. I will explain this as I understand it. Being oneself is about doing things the way you would do it, if you don’t need anyone’s approval to do it. Or allowing your personality to show as it is, not needing others approval on every little thing. Knowing things you are comfortable doing and those you aren’t. Likewise having things you like/dislike and being courageous enough to stand firm on  them. In this scenario, you change certain actions or traits, only when you know it isn’t right for you and could be of consequences- not because you seek for others approval.

The good thing about being oneself is; you get to make genuine friends. No matter the kind of person you are. There are people out there who will like you exactly as you are. Those character traits you hide so much just to be easily liked. There are some with similar character out there who will understand things you do perfectly and why you do them. Trying to fit in isn’t always a good thing. So, you are different? So what? Being different isn’t always a bad thing. In fact if you use it wisely, it makes you stand out. Hold your head high and do your thing, your way. People and their opinion of you isn’t that relevant. Lol.

If you found yourself within a group discussion and didn’t feel like commenting on that discussion, then don’t. It doesn’t make you dumb or timid. If you are there and had something to say, say it. It might go down well with some or not. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you chose what you did, based solely on you. When you follow these rules, those that become your pals, your friends, your confidant, become all that because they know you, faults and all. They like and want to associate with you. That is how genuine friendship and relationships are formed.

Hello, out there- if you are wondering why after being so nice and always being there for others, yet they are never there for you or take you seriously. Maybe it’s time you started being yourself. Those that genuinely like you, need you or understand you will certainly find you and form that strong bond of friendship with you.

It’s better you have few real friends, who stick with you through thick and thin than surround yourself with thousands of fake friends, who can never vouch for you, because of the simple truth that is, they don’t know the “real” you. Lol.

Do have a wonderful day you all…