SINGLE LADIES 30 AND ABOVE COME IN PLEASE…

​​I have observed our various societies candidly over time and I realized there is a problem concerning the way the societies across the globe, especially here in Africa view ladies in this category… A category which I must confess I myself fall into.
I don’t know much about other continents but when it comes to Africa, I have lived in two countries at least to know enough about their cultures, traditions etc.

First and foremost, once one enters these much dreaded numbers…30, 31, and counting… it begins to appear like one failed in life because to the African way of thinking, you should have about, 4 to 5 kids at this stage in life.

As funny as this may sound ( smiling as I type…) it’s the reality on ground. No matter your various achievements, no one seems to care… family maybe civilized enough not to openly inquire about your plans towards marriage or the state of ones love life as the case maybe.

If you are a workaholic, this might suddenly become a source of serious concern to them. Remarks like when does she go out? Lol. When was the last time she was out on a date? At this rate she may never marry becomes the murmur behind ones back.

The issue doesn’t stop there o… oh! U wish… It goes on and on…

Married friends attitudes suddenly change, God help you if they all settled before you. They begin to insinuate reasons for you being single still… like everyone was born to run on the same clock. Oh! C’mon people! Let these women be.

Men attitude change too, it becomes as if hanging out with such a lady is like doing her a favour.

Some gravitate towards you maybe for whatever financial gain they can get from this relationship…”relationship”? I should call it affair.Lol. Not all though…my advice, date those that have known you for a while and came because they know and like you, no surprises if you can help it.

The pressure to marry has sent so many women into abusive relationships and marriages. So please… my fellow ladies,do not panic… relax, make yourself happy, have fun, live your life, if it’s yours… it will get to you no matter what.

I am going to talk more about certain attitude some women in their 30s ignore when in relationships with men, which often lead to divorces, if you are lucky or even 6ft below if you aren’t. All the signs are always present during “courtship”,”relationship” before marriage proper.

Wait a minute, don’t frown yet, I’m not saying it’s only those that marry late that encounter such. I’m only saying that they tend to ignore a lot of these signs due to societal pressure to marry or become mostly irrelevant, disrespected in the society, be it your community, workplace, market place, even in churches at times…yeah even in churches…

Subsequently I will be pointing out my opinions on things one might ignore that could lead to disaster on the long run or those that I feel should be ignored…will be back!

What do you think? You are free to share your personal view with me…you can also critize if you feel I’m wrong. What do I know? You may be right, who knows? Let’s share our views here on this platform…. have a lovely day you all.

Set “Achievable Goals”

Hello my beautiful ladies…

I have an interesting topic this morning. I want to talk about;

“Achievable Goals”

OK, let’s roll…! What do we understand by the term goals? My English dictionary states that ” it is a result one is attempting to achieve.” Well, this definition is self explanatory, needs no elaboration. My lovely ladies, I’m here to suggest ways to improve ourselves this wonderful morning. I believe we all have certain skill/s at this stage in life. Self employed or working.

What are the “achievable” goals, you set at least each year for yourself? Have you done that this year? What are they? I used achievable because it means it’s possible to achieve it within the time you set for it. Marriage aside … my ladies (smiles). Achievers are liked and admired in every society. Those that try to make you feel inferior or inadequate as a single lady, unmarried and above 30yrs of age,in the society, will reduce drastically if you become an achiever. Lol

There’s another powerful goal you can set for yourself. We all have flaws, if we must tell ourselves the truth. I am not saying that married ladies  don’t have flaws. All I’m saying is to use the fact that it hasn’t happened yet to your advantage. Learn through others mistake, do not wait until it happens to you too.

Set a goal to work on your notable flaws. The aim is to enjoy your marriage when you finally tie the knot. Oh! Surprised? Well, these are achievable goals if you ask me.

-If you are hot tempered– set it as one of your achievable goals and be determined to accomplish it . Learn to control your temper or how to avoid confrontations .

-Are you bad mannered? Hahaha…

shocked? C’mon, if you are rude, snobbish…you know. Set a goal to become friendly, see it as something you can achieve, tough huh? I never said it would be easy…( smiles) goals work hand in hand with determination.

  • Opinionated? There’s nothing wrong in being your own person with your own views but learn to accept that others must not see it your way at all times. Learn to see things from another’s perspective.
  •  Are you aggressive? Lol. Let me ask you a simple question? How do you feel when someone else attacks you unnecessarily? If you don’t like it…then try to avoid doing same to other people you come across.
  • Impatient? Lol. I can so relate to this and some more …even though I know it’s not nice. Work on it.
  • Snobbish? This particular one is complicated because the person being viewed as a snob may not even be aware of it. Introverts are often lumped into this category because of their quiet nature. There are real snobs though….if you are one- you see others as your inferior…arrogant? Loosen up, come down a peg or two my lady.

I could go on and on. These are just instances. Goals keeps you busy- we all know how it feels to achieve a particular goal. Imagine how awesome it would be while you were pursuing your career, job, business goals of the year, you were also able to change from one or two of your personal flaws each year.

Also never compromise on a career goal set for a particular year, no matter the trials, the obstacles of life,keep your mind on these goals. They are achievable..

The end result will be a better version of one’s self.

Always try to be the best version of yourself, someone that deserves you will surely notice…

I would say that was a lovely food for thought for today. Have a wonderful day, lovely ladies!

OUR SINGLE LADIES/MORDERN CHURCHES IN OUR SOCIETY/ MY VIEW

Happy Sunday my lovely ladies…

How was Sunday service? I hope you had a wonderful time with the Creator this morning. We should always make out time in our lives, no matter how busy one was throughout the week, to be with our heavenly Father, to thank him for the life he has given each and everyone of us, to meditate on our lives and ask for his continous guidance and protection. That said. I have a very unsettling topic to discuss today. The topic says;

SINGLE LADIES FROM 30YRS AND ABOVE AND MODERN CHURCHES IN THE SOCIETY

I am not here to criticize but I’d have to eat the humble pie and openly admit that there is an Elephant in the room currently,  concerning the ladies search for quick miracles, a quest to settle down at all cost and lastly the church.

I mentioned church last because in this particular issue I am about to talk on, the church isn’t really the instigator of anything here, the only area I hold it responsible is on feeding on and heightening people fear of the unknown.

You are in your thirties or above. You are single, you may be in a relationship which isn’t heading anywhere or not in a relationship at all. You go to church hoping for instant miracle, a prophecy that your man will suddenly propose or find you, even inside the church if possible.

This becomes your main focus, your primary reason to go for Sunday service. Why do this to yourself? Why pressure yourself? why not just have fun? Let your hair down…dance, laugh, be merry and be thankful that you are alive, in good health?

There are good reverends, there are also bad ones. At times our body languages are what put so many ladies out there in serious trouble. Imagine a case where a dubious man who is obviously fake ask you to bring so, so and so for prayers, to come in the late night hours, say 12am for deliverance or cleansing or whatever it is called-“alone”, and you comply! Hello…? Really?

There have been several cases of molestation, rape or worse by so called men! Sorry I can’t bring myself to term such a man, a pastor or reverend because obviously, he isn’t one. Don’t be too anxious that you forget about your safety! Watch out! In this life,there are people at every stage of your life who would want to capitalize on your misfortune…for their own selfish gains.

Your plight is yours alone. Be your own number one fan. Love yourself, look out for yourself and take very good care of yourself. There are so many reasons you may be in this category, it may be by choice, it might be because of terrible experiences in the past, it might be due to bad choices made in the past, it might be just plain hard luck.

All you need do is to sit back, reminiscence, discover areas you need to work on, be the best version of yourself you could be and see if you won’t get the best version of someone else out there for you.

What am I saying? Do not let someone else authoritatively tell you why you are in this category. He who wears the shoes… they say, knows where it hurts! You know yourself more than anyone else in this world. If you are ( i ) Rude (ii) Opinionated (iii) Aggressive (iv)Hot tempered (v) Mecurial in nature to mention but a few,work on these flaws. If you don’t like it when others exhibit it. Why inflict it on someone else? It could also be that you just haven’t found or met “the one”.

It’s  left for you to determine which area you fall into. So, it’s you at the “center,” get to work!

Remove the fear of being castigated. Remove the fear of being termed unmarketable, undesired. Strong word? You have no idea, they say even worse behind your back. It doesn’t matter though. What matters is what you think of yourself. The 1st may not necessarily be the best. If it’s worth doing at all, it’s worth doing well my lovely ladies!

Focus on you and what matters to you! The society should take a hike! My humble opinion though…share yours with me. Criticism is also allowed and welcomed…Take a deep breath…give me a warm smile…( smiles) have a lovely fun filled Sunday afternoon!

“Lowering Your Standards”

Good evening lovely ladies…

My today’s topic is a tough question to ladies in their 30ties and above and single. The question is;

My  ladies, what do you understand by the term lowering your standards?

I am all for lowering of “standards” don’t get me wrong. I mean the standard you lower to become “Mrs.” so so and so. I hope it’s not the type that would make you smother someone’s “son” (your”future”husband) with hatred or meanest attitudes few years down the road.

A lot of people will applaud a go getter who settled down with a very lazy man with no particular vision for his life. He might be the type that can’t hold on to a job, you have nothing in common. You talk about advancing your career, he talks of relaxing now because he has already achieved beyond his dreams. There was never any dream or vision to start with, only to marry and procreate,  of course. Lol

You can not stand a talkative, a gossip, an alcoholic, a pessimist, a fanatic, loud, unprincipled, an abuser… etc. My question this Thursday evening is; where do we draw the line on this “lowering of standard”?

Most women want to settle down someday and just like men, we do have vague, if not a clear picture of the kind of person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. No woman that hate loud mouthed  men for instance, wants to be saddled with one for the rest of her life. No woman with principles wants to be saddled with a criminal or a con-man for instance.

At this point in your life, most will be advised by loved ones to lower their standards that “none is perfect.” We all know this but are we to jump from fry pan to fire just to marry? If we aren’t at least 80% sure that we can overlook these character traits, why tie the knot? The truth is, there are things in our lives that “A” may overlook but it’s a no no, on the capital N for “B”.

Will it be worth the pain and misery to lower as much standard as there is, only to make someone else life miserable? Yours too?

I won’t say much this evening, like I said earlier, I’m all for lowering of standard but let’s be careful and wise about it. Every man out there envisioned a peaceful and happy home before he proposed. If you are hoping to change him or wished he could be more like Mr.”A or B”, maybe it’s time to reconsider your options…

Wishing you all a lovely weekend ahead…