Follow Your Instincts Ladies

Hello ladies…

My topic tonight says;
“Follow Your Instinct”

Now, what does this term instinct mean?

English dictionary defines instinct as; “an intuitive reaction not based on rational conscious thought.” (That nagging feeling in your gut that won’t let go). There isn’t any human being alive without instinct but sadly most don’t pay much attention to it. You are in a relationship where your man treats you like crap. You are unhappy. Your self esteem has since eroded. Why are you still in that relationship? What is your gut telling you at this moment?

Both of you are simply not compatible. He views all your principles or life beliefs with disdain. He sees stealing, fighting, duping others, cheating as being smart for instance and you on the other hand abhor all these mentioned above. What? Yeah….I promised you I will be your voice of reasoning, your conscience…Lol. Back to the discussion. What is your “gut;” your”intuition;” whispering to you now? If your gut tells you now that you are currently in the relationship mall, packing all the ingredients for a delicious disaster. Lol. 

Why are you ignoring your instinct my lady? Is it because you are in your thirties or above and single that you have neglected your sense of self-preservation?He goes out with you and spend precious hours viewing other ladies as they pass by or even refuses to be seen with you. Openly cheats on you. Well-is the societal pressure worth all that? What about your peace of mind?

I believe being in a relationship is somehow like parenting, in the case of kids and parents, as they grow older, they keep experimenting, observing their parents reactions, with time a son or daughter already knows what dad or mum won’t take. Ok! Let’s apply that to a “relationship.” He’s trying to get to know you better. You are doing same. He begins to test the waters to know what you would, “could” take from him or not.

Why are you not doing your own part of the findings? Why are you overlooking all the red flags? Can’t you hold on till you meet someone that would treat you right? Someone you are compatible with?

That one is above thirty, shouldn’t strip one of her dignity. There is someone out there that will treat you right and give you peace of mind in your home when you finally meet him. That- “someone” will understand you, be compatible with you, where  mutual respect and maturity will exist. I want you to really understand my point here. Compromise is lovely but when you are the only one compromising, there’s a problem.

Sadly the African society isn’t favourable to single ladies that have reached the age of thirty and above, and yet to marry. Nonsense would be said behind your back. Peer pressure even family all suddenly taking keen interest in your private life or marital status. Nonetheless, that is not why you should throw caution to the winds, just to become a “Mrs.” because if you do, when you enter into an abusive marriage or incompatible one due to the pressure in our society. Would the society be in that marriage with you? Or would your peers or family share your misery with you?

My ladies take deep breaths… listen to your instincts … if it feels right, do it . If it doesn’t feel right, please walk out now…its not a do or die affair.

I respect the institution of marriage however I believe it should be built on love, compatibility, mutual respect, and understanding…anything worth doing is worth doing well my lovely ladies.

Relax… ponder on my words and let your instinct; your gut; tell you what you need to know about your current relationship. Lol! Do it with an open mind. I assure you, you would be surprised…( smiles)

Have a lovely evening you all…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“RED FLAGS” In Relationships

Hello my beautiful ladies…

My topic today says;

“Red Flags In A Relationship” 

Let’s quickly define a red flag. The English dictionary defines red flag as; ” (Idiomatic) A cue, warning, or alert, a sign or signal that something is wrong.” Well…that is self explanatory.

These are the red flags we ladies encounter most times at this stage in our lives, most ignore such.

Well, today I’m here to tell you it’s not a trivial matter. As my French neighbors would say;”c’est grave”.

  1. No communication:- you hardly communicate with each other, when you do; never on the same page. For instance, you have a misunderstanding over having a joint account in the future. You sweep it under the rug for peace sake, never mentioning it again even though you aren’t comfortable with the idea. You don’t see eye to eye on most issues.
  2. You do most of the work to keep your relationship going. You do the calling, apologizing even when he’s in the wrong.
  3. He never does anything for you, no matter how small the sacrifice, he won’t do it if it will be for you.
  4. He puts you down, makes you feel clumsy, worthless or useless. Your dressing is never up to par for him. Your educational qualification is never good enough. You don’t measure up, no matter what.
  5. Your phone rings, your heart jumps right into your throat in fear of what he might do if you answer it. Abusive tendencies; the accusations and all.

The sad truth is, most of us ladies see these signs everyday in our relationships but choose to overlook them. Why? Don’t get me wrong. One or two  even three of those red flags could be managed while married but how many of them are you going to take? Bend over for? Before you breakdown? Before you lose it and become miserable?

If you are the jealous type, why excuse cheating habits each time? Why act like it’s okay when  he cheats on you? Justifying it with “garbage” like ; “after all we aren’t married yet.” Really? A bon? As the French would say. Why pretend it’s okay, just to get the ring and start whining after marriage or embarrassing yourself playing detective?

Funny as hell when I come across  such in the newspapers or social media where a wife caught her hubby here or there…( locking the ban after the goats escape?) quite sad. Why not put your foot down if it’s something you can’t endure in the long run?

The same people  who would condemn  you for leaving a man who cheats on you in a relationship. Tell you, it’s how men are wired, will suddenly find their voices when already in the marriage. What am I trying to say?

If you can’t take a cheating husband, do not overlook it at this stage just because you are single. If he makes you feel worthless and useless now, walk away now… Believe you me, its easier now than later.

If he abuses you now, either emotionally or physically, it’s better now than later.  Whatever you allow now, it’s assumed it’s acceptable. Don’t go in due to societal pressure and end your life in misery or die a painful death.

I implore us all to, look inward my ladies. Don’t bury your heads in the sand anymore.  Don’t let the society push you into a wretched life.

I respect the institution of marriage so much and I  believe compatibility, friendship, mutual respect, understanding, compromise and love are on the ground that it should be built. Make reasonable compromises. Don’t let a sweet talker, talk you into a marriage you would throw away all your life principles on the altar of marriage. You may find yourself making all the adjustments until you lose yourself; whom you were. You become a shell of your old self.

Do away with that insecurity! Lol. You are still you. Don’t let anyone “peel” away gradually, your self esteem till you have none left. Relax…take a deep breath, let that smile on your face remain there till you sleep tonight… (smiling…) yes! That’s what I’m talking about!

Stay cool you all…