Set “Achievable Goals”

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Hello my beautiful ladies…

I have an interesting topic this morning. I will be talking about;

“Achievable Goals”

OK,Let’s roll…! What do we understand by the term goals? My English dictionary states that ” it is a result one is attempting to achieve.” Well…this definition is self explanatory, needs no elaboration.

My lovely ladies, I’m here to suggest ways to improve ourselves this wonderful morning. I believe we all have certain skill/s at this stage in life. Self employed or working.

What are the “achievable” goals you set at least each year for yourself?

Have you done that this year? What are they? I used achievable because it means it’s possible to achieve it within the time you set for it. Marriage aside … my ladies (smiles)

Achievers are liked and admired in every society.

Those that try to make you feel inferior or inadequate as a single lady, unmarried and above 30yrs of age,in the society, will reduce drastically if you become an achiever. Lol

There’s another powerful goal you can set for yourself. We all have flaws, if we must tell ourselves the truth. I am not saying that married ladies  don’t have flaws. All I’m saying is to use the fact that it hasn’t happened yet to your advantage. Learn through others mistake, do not wait till it happens to you too.

Set a goal to work on your notable flaws. The aim is to enjoy your marriage when you finally tie the knot….

Oh! Surprised? Well…these are achievable goals if you ask me. Lol

-If you are hot tempered– set it as one of your achievable goals and be determined to accomplish it . Learn to control your temper or how to avoid confrontations .

-Are you bad mannered? Hahahahaha…

shocked? C’mon, if you are rude,snobbish…

you know. Set a goal to become friendly, see it as something you can achieve… tough huh? I never said it will be easy…( smiles) goals work hand in hand with determination

  • Opinionated? There’s nothing wrong in being your own person with your own views but learn to accept that others must not see it your way at all times. Learn to see things from another’s perspective.
  •  Are you aggressive? Lol. Let me ask you a simple question? How do you feel when someone else attack you unnecessarily? If you don’t like it…then try to avoid doing same to other people you come across.
  • Impatient? Lol. I can so relate to this and some more …even though I know it’s not nice. Work on it.
  • Snobbish? this particular one is complicated because the person being viewed as a snob may not even be aware of it. Introverts are often lumped into this category because of their quiet nature. There are real snobs though….if you are one…you see others as your inferior…arrogant? Loosen up…come down a peg or two my lady…

I could go on and on. These are just instances. Goals keeps you busy…we all know how it feels to achieve a particular goal. Imagine how awesome it would be while you were pursuing your career, job, business goals of the year, you were also able to change from one or two of your personal flaws each year.

Also never compromise on a career goal set for a particular year, no matter the trials, the obstacles of life,keep your mind on these goals. They are achievable..

The end result will be a better version of one’s self.

Always try to be the best version of yourself, someone that deserves you will surely notice…

I would say that was a lovely food for thought for today…have a wonderful day, lovely ladies…

“Lowering Your Standards”

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Good evening lovely ladies…

My today’s topic is a tough question to ladies in their 30ties and above and single. The question is;

My  ladies, what do you understand by the term lowering your standards?

I am all for lowering of “standards” don’t get me wrong. I mean the standard you lower to become “mrs.” so so and so. I hope it’s not the type that would make you smother someone’s “son” (your”future”husband) with hatred or meanest attitudes few years down the road.

A lot of people will applaud a go getter who settled down with a very lazy man with no particular vision for his life. He might be the type that can’t hold on to a job, you have nothing in common. You talk about advancing your career, he talks of relaxing now because he has already achieved beyond his dreams. There was never any dream or vision to start with, only to marry and procreate,  of course. Lol

You can not stand a talkative, a gossip, an alchoholic, a pessimist, a fanatic, loud, unprincipled, an abuser… etc. My question this thursday evening is; where do we draw the line on this “lowering of standard”?

Most women want to settle down someday and just like men, we do have vague, if not a clear picture of the kind of person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. No woman that hate loud mouthed  men for instance, wants to be saddled with one for the rest of her life.

No woman with principles wants to be saddled with a criminal or a con-man for instance.

At this point in your life, most will be advised by loved ones to lower their standards that “none is perfect.” We all know this but are we to jump from fry pan to fire just to marry?

If we aren’t at least 80% sure that we can overlook these character traits, why tie the knot? The truth is, there are things in our lives that “A” may overlook but it’s a no no, on the capital N for “B”.

Will it be worth the pain and misery to lower as much standard as there is, only to make someone else life miserable? Yours too?

I won’t say much this evening, like I said earlier, I’m all for lowering of standard but let’s be careful and wise about it. Every man out there envisioned a peaceful and happy home before he proposed. If you are hoping to change him or wished he could be more like Mr.”A or B”, maybe it’s time to reconsider your options…

Wishing you all a lovely weekend ahead…

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow/Wayward?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all those having sleepless nights over issues not really their business.

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow Or Wayward?

I’m sick and tired of all these stereotypical assumptions flying all over the place. Must we always be so judgmental about other people’s lives? Whose business it is that she isn’t married? Why prioritize someone else’s issue?

Just yesterday I came across a post on a social network where a lady reached out to single women above thirty. I couldn’t get the details of her program since she only wanted them to give her a call. To my disgust! This particular man sprang out of nowhere, lamenting on how it was a well deserved “punishment” for all those women who thought their beauty was everything and rejected men at the snap of a finger….haa! He wasn’t done- far from it. He prattled on… on how they were all shallow minded fools who were waiting for rich men to come-by and propose- which didn’t happen.  He was just getting warmed up- On he went- “starting up men who wooed them- were rejected countless times! Today see them all. Single! Used goods looking for a poor man to marry!” Ugh! Pathetic…

What gets to me on this issue isn’t even the ranting. It’s the assumption that she must be devastated. The assumption that she’s been dealt with by faith for her atrocities. Yeah…I’m sure Mary Madeline  had nothing on us. Lol. Why the stereotype, that a lady married late or yet to marry because she has a terrible character/past? Who told you that? Who gave you a pass, that- you’re better than these ladies you raise your noses in the air to mock? To belittle and humiliate at every turn? Who gave you the right to judge?  The condescending attitude some people exhibit, both male and female gender against unmarried ladies above thirty is astonishing.

If you’re successfully married and happy in your own home. Why ‘re you so concerned about someone else’s plight? Is it your problem? Is she complaining to you? It seems harder for “a bull to pass through the eye of a needle” than for some to actually grasp that a lady above thirty and yet to marry may actually be happy as she is- living and planning her life. Not encumbered by the responsibilities that acompany’s  marriage”yet.” A time may come when her independence and life experience would make her be a better wife than some that married early.

A mature lady enters marriage with full knowledge of what it entails. She’s isn’t there for fairy tales. She creates a conducive environment for herself and her partner. Why? Simply because at this stage in her life, she knows exactly what she wants and needs and has garnered suitable experience on how to go about it.

A lady that married, let’s say at the age of 22/23yrs. Experienced a hellish marriage and divorced in her thirties or so. And one who didn’t marry on time because of a thousand and one reasons available, that could have prevented her from tieing the knot. Had time on her hands, worked on herself- knew herself well. Built a career niche for herself before meeting her own man. Do you really think the latter missed out on much? This thirty-something year old who has maturity and an understanding of how things work before tieing the knot. Did she miss so much for not marrying sooner?

A lot of married people currently miss singlehood fiercely. Some wish they could dissolve their unions without a backward glance. Some feel trapped. Some ‘re overwhelmed with regrets for entering into that union. Some can recall- the exact mistake that landed him/her in the trap he/she’s in now. Seeing all these, concerning marriage.  It baffles me that, some still see it as a “do or die affair.” A lot of married couples will gladly go their separate ways given the opportunity- no strings attached.

Well…what’s my point? My point is- stop treating getting married as the most important or the “only”goal in a woman’s life. Some want it badly no doubt, others don’t. That- she isn’t married doesn’t mean she’s shallow or wayward. Let me shock you. Wayward ladies actually marry on time. They’re skilled- they know what men want and like. They know how to rope in/hook a man. They also know exactly the buttons to push to get a man to do exactly what they want. If a wayward lady with her experience sets her eyes on you. You’re in. By the time she’s through with you. You’d swear it was all your ideas. 60% of ladies that encounter late marriages are actually the decent ones. Probably rigid or frigid in nature- some ‘re introverts, some’re nerds and some quite boring. So stop the stereotyping already. It’s beginning to irritate.

What’s your opinion on this issue? I’d love to read it on here. Have a lovely day!

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What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d deviate a bit. My today’s topic is one of those touchy issues nobody wants to acknowledge in our society. It is also a question to both genders. My question is;

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

The appalling stories are getting worse. Ladies get murdered, physically abused, exploited, raped regularly by men at will. Most endure in silence. Since those that ever got the courage to speak up are jeered, mocked openly, even by their kind. These acts being constantly ignored affect relationships, marriages too. A depressed, even suicidal lady- or one being harrassed at work could become erratic, unpredictable or worse due to bottled up emotions. These issues needs to be taken seriously for our society to attain a balance. If these issues pertaining to womanhood isn’t given proper attention. Who knows how many unhinged ladies the society would’ve on its hands in the nearest future?

who instigates these unbecoming ills taking  our society by storm? Who motivates and encourages the atrocities taking place at offices? In our society as a whole. Degrading the female folks, ripping off their self worth to shreds. Stripping them of dignity…

What gets to me is how men most times are quick to defend oppressive “norm” in our society, which mostly works in their favor. Sexism at some workplaces is pathetically real. There’s this blatant discrimination against the female gender. She has to work twice as hard as a male colleague to be qualified for a certain post reserved mostly for the male folks at the office. Some are harassed constantly by their superiors. Men sadly don’t speak against these acts, because there seemed to be an unwritten code for the male gender to stick together against an attack on one of their own. Even if he’s obviously guilty.  A lady that decides to report such action, risks a lot including her job. Instead of colleagues coming to her rescue. She becomes a pariah( an outcast among colleagues at the office.) She may not be outrightly sacked by the powers that be, but could be subjected to an inexplicable dose of humiliation, mockery, untold hardship that she’d die of depression if she didn’t leave the organisation on her own. The unfortunate scenario above,  would be for a lady courageous enough to speak up. To report harassment through the appropriate channels at her place of work against one of the “big guns.”

Now-  why’d anyone else ever report harassment against any superior in such organization/firm? Most wouldn’t dare, not because it isn’t happening but for the fear of repercussions. Suing a superior for harassment in this part of the world? Who’d pay the bills? For how long would the case be dragged on to frustrate the litigant? And which judge would eventually grant you a fair hearing and actually punish the offender to serve as deterrent to others?

I’d say due to the lackadaisical attitude- this sexual harassment issues are being handled across the globe. Young girls/ladies are being assaulted/ abused; sexually harassed; raped- even at higher institutions by some randy lecturers…it escalates to work places. Some with no other options would eventually succumb to the pressure. Yet the society turns a blind eye…

The African society isn’t favorable on the female folks at all. Right from puberty, men old enough to be your father- grope you, exploit you at any given opportunity. You’d become instantly unpopular if you refused to play along. You “dodge all those bullets” growing up. Now work place? Shockingly even fellow ladies would despise you if you failed to succumb to the pressure or refused to shut your damn mouth about it…!

Does resisting this disgusting unfortunate “norm,” change the paradigm? In a society that sees no grey areas? Men are quick to condemn feminism or any scheme that fights for women’s right. Or spurs women on, imploring  them to use their heads. Be active participants in the society.

It’s time women said no to barbaric practices, voice out and stand up for themselves.  A society where giving you a job you are qualified for would require sexual exploitation from your potential boss? Why must one trade sex for a job she’s suitable for and quite capable of doing well?

Men see all these ills in our societies. They see poor kids being married off at tender ages- even before teenage at times. They see their colleagues/friends harass female employees because they could and get away with it. They see the superiors, harass/ abuse female staff, “married women” included. No one does a damn thing about it.

I implore all men in general to be considerate and sensitive to women’s plight in the society. Some of your past actions created the dangerous creatures some women are becoming lately.  Please be wise…it could be your sibling next.

What’s the way out of these deteriorating issues?

 

Is There Relevance To Cohabiting?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Is There Relevance To Cohabiting?

Well, I don’t mean to be a kill-joy this morning but I have often wondered. What are the benefits? Gentlemen/ ladies, why is it becoming a norm among the youth? Personally, I don’t see the need of cohabiting before marriage, especially for the girls. Playing “wife” to a man whom one isn’t  married to may not automatically make one “the wife.”

This trend is so common among the youths in the higher institutions. I maybe wrong but is it necessary for partners in a relationship to live together whether in school or not? I know this is the 21st century. I’m also aware it’s quite normal in a civilized world where things work. Such as in the western world. Where some date while in high school. May even marry shortly after high school. Get jobs and start their own family. Some in these countries also pick part-time jobs althrough college, save a little  then marry after college. Although those that went to school on scholarship would still be paying off school loans for a while but at least they wouldn’t be idle or jobless.

That’s where we get it wrong in this part of the world. Here in Africa, the scenario painted above isn’t viable. As a young lady, the young man you are dating in school most likely don’t earn or have any savings that amount to anything for the future. He’d  finish and still search for job probably for years if he’s unlucky or get one with a lousy paycheck and may still not save much or be ready to settle down in the next 5/6yrs. These facts, if nothing else may still breakup your relationship.

As this becomes apparent to the lady in such relationship. She begins to see how unrealistic it had all been. That’s not all…haa! You wish! As it dawns on her…she’s backing the wrong tree. The societal pressure sets in. It begins to dictate to her what’s obtainable or not. The choices would now be made dispassionately if she’s a conservative type.

What am I saying here? Well…we are quick to pick what works everywhere else but here in Africa. The question is, shouldn’t we know already things that wouldn’t work? They have systems that works in their societies. If you cohabit and it results to a pregnancy/child. There are schemes in place by the government for such happenstance. Such as social security benefits, child support if things didn’t eventually work out for the two as  couple.

I’d direct my question today to the young men/women cohabiting presently. What’s the relevance of your living with your partner? Where do you see yourselves in the next five years in this economic quagmire? If it results to pregnancy/pregnancies, could you cope? What are your contingency plans for such possibility?

I don’t know the reasons why it’s done or why those that participate in it, think it’s in anyway advantageous. Could it be to cut costs? To share the living expenses? But I do know the young lady involved would be the one making most of the sacrifices involved both emotionally and otherwise. For instance, if it results to pregnancy. It is her body involved not his. The bulk of decision making would rest solely on her on what to do about the pregnancy. She’d begin to worry about things she shouldn’t be concerned about at this stage until after her education.

The bigger issue is even the distractions. Living a couple’s life when both should be focused more on lectures, term papers, regular youthful life and such. I just don’t get it. Is it becoming rampant because it’s the trend or beneficial in some ways I’m unaware of?

From where I stand the pros to this practice are not just visible but the cons are littered all over the place. Especially for the young ladies. I’ve heard severally- “it’s to get to know him/her better;” “a step closer to the huge step of becoming a married couple.”  Or “it’s quite realistic…its relevance is to see how well or not we cohabit as partners before the huge step.” If he/she’s a pretender/ illmanered, problematic, troublesome you’d get to see it. Hmm mm…? If it works, how come we see couples that dated for years breaking up just after about a year or two in marriage?

Young men and ladies, I definitely don’t want to kill your mojo. Uhm…whatever you have going-but I’d  like you to ponder on my questions. If there are benefits for cohabiting with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Do share it with me on here. I’d be thrilled to receive it. At least you’d  have quenched my curiosity.

What’s your thoughts on this topic? Share your views with me on here. I’m quite eager to hear it.

 

 

 

 

 

SELFISHNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

SELFISHNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

A lot of people admire couples that succeeded and had years of good marriages down their belts.What most don’t acknowledge is that it was never an easy ride…all rosy.

Some would hang on to a partner only because he/she is supporting him/her one way or another but vanishes into thin air once the table is turned. It never occur to such persons that some situations are temporary. If he/she stuck around, who know? This partner may even surpass his/her previous achievements. It’s all in the mind set.

This is so common, some married couples exhibit this traits too. A partner might do everything he or she could without a single complaint to his/her partner when the chips were down. God forbid the table turns;  God help you if it turned out your partner is one of the selfish ones. The whole world would get to know he/she has been catering for your wellbeing. This type would degrade; humiliate; and belittle you at every turn because he/she was at an advantage/helm of things for a while.

Well…in a friendship situation. There’s still room to avoid or cutoff completely from such dreadful person. Some that don’t find joy in altruistic acts. A person that can not commit him/herself to make things flow at this stage in your relationship may never grow to learn what he/she does wrong.

These kind are also self-absorbed. They rarely exhibit any form of sensitivity. Those with this trait and attitude to life may never realize how emotionally unavailable they often are… they feel entitled to every gesture from others as if it’s their birthright. Hahaha…

Does this sound familiar?

My advice to anyone involved with such insensitive specie of human being is to firstly, talk to him or her about it. If nothing changes. Walk away from that relationship. It won’t get better. It gets worse. This type could hasten one’s journey to meet the Maker. Such person unwittingly pushes his/her partner into depression.

A selfish person care-less about others needs, emotions, situation, perception. Everything is constantly viewed from his/her own binocular in his/her “little” world. Others should take a hike… who cares?

Ignoring such appalling behavior could spell doom for the partner who had indulged such from the start. It takes two to tango. Any enviable relationship is always brewed out of team work. You don’t put both hands in your pockets in your euphoric  dream of granduer and expect your relationship to turn out right.

If you are out there and this write up makes you uncomfortable…it touches a nerve in you. Then it’s time you worked on yourself. Don’t always make it your partner’s fault. It could be you, destroying anything good that comes your way. Nothing kills a relationship even marriages faster than selfishness from a partner. Give a bit of yourself…it doesn’t kill. Share your precious time when you could with your partner, show appreciation. Be involved, committed to make your own relationship beautiful. To make it work, is  work in itself and shouldn’t be taken lithely. The ride is definitely smoother and more enjoyable with little or no friction when both wheels are functioning.

If this piece spoke to you, ponder on it. Work on yourself. Be to your partner what you wish your partner to be to you. Lol. Check yourself before you lose your valued possession in your ignorance.

That’s all I have to say today, ladies and gentlemen. Share your thoughts/views on this post with me. I’m eager to read them on here…

All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against? 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all singles.

All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against? 

Single ladies and bachelors are often advised not to put “all their eggs in one basket.” Technically we should have backup plans for any relationship, one ventures into.

This evening I’m focusing more on the impact of this advise on the singles. I believe this advise is drummed into the ladies psyche particularly, more than the male folks. The men mostly aren’t under any pressure.

We have all heard and received this advice countless times in our lives. My question this evening is; how do we interpret this–“not putting all our eggs in one basket?” At what age or stage should this be applicable? What’s your interpretation? Is it being abused? Is it causing more heartbreaks? More harm than good?

Today I’d like to share my opinion on this euphemistic relationship advice.

  • Firstly, there are stages in every relationship. One meets a potential partner at a given time, exchange contacts or one could be introduced by a friend, family member and so forth. Now the first step is going on a date with him or her. If the first date went well, another and yet another could be arranged. At this stage, you are observing each other, trying to find out if you enjoy each other’s company. If it’s going well, you begin to relax; become less tense around each other; Communicate effortlessly; gist; joke and enjoy each other’s company.
  • The second stage becomes the relationship proper. Where you discuss generally what you expect and want out of that relationship. This is also known as”defining” the relationship. At this stage as a man/ lady, if you are searching for a serious relationship that may move on to the next stage. You discovered the lady/man you are dating wants something different, maybe a fling or just not ready for something serious.  Some will be straightforward enough to give you this fact as it is. Heed to it… move on. You’d meet someone who would want same things as you someday.
  • This third stage is quite crucial. The relationship has metamorphosed into courtship. This stage is the most serious stage before marriage proper because the two involved would be working towards same goals. Making future plans as a team towards life as a couple. Learning minute details about their spouse to be. What works and what doesn’t for them. The basics at least…

Now, back to the topic of discussion. It seems to me, there wasn’t real clarification on where this infamous advice— (not to put all eggs in one basket) should be applied.

Based on the first and second above mentioned stages. It seems obvious to me that a man or lady that isn’t in any defined relationship should meet and date other people. However he/she should exhibit decorum at this stage. When the relationship is finally defined. If it wasn’t what you hoped for, expected, needed…then leave. Don’t just hang on to “nothing”, expecting him/her to reconsider. Or hoping you could change his/her mind. It may cause more harm than good if you persuade someone to be with you.

I hope it’s clearer now where I’m headed?

Uhm… personally, I don’t believe anyone should be dating( be involved with other people) at the courtship stage of his/her relationship. It’s not even ideal during relationships. It’s just that some never really define their relationships. For such people, anything goes. Well,  if you accepted to be in an ” open relationship.”Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Is metaphorically meant for you.

My point this evening, is for one to be cognizant of the state of one’s relationship. So as not to jeopardize or waste unnecessary time in it. Gentlemen and ladies… let’s not allow this  advice– dished out frequently at random mar our relationships. Faithfulness to one’s partner is still the best. He who wears the shoes, knows where it hurt though…

What’s your opinion on this? I honestly want to read your view on here.

It’s Okay To Take A Break Ladies/Gentlemen-Ruminate!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

It’s Okay To Take A Break Ladies/Gentlemen – Ruminate!

My focus this evening is on ladies from 30yrs and above and eligible bachelors. Let’s meditate a bit on our lives. Reflect on how it has been up to this moment. Is there something one would love to change about him/herself? Ponder on this question till an answer comes forth.

I believe it’s very okay to take a walk from it all, for awhile. To take a break from ones usual routine. The purpose is to take scores, check oneself; ones habits. Ask oneself deep honest questions. Be honest enough to stare yourself in the eyes with the cold truth. Next step, let’s be determined to adjust where needed. Work on areas that needs to be worked on.

After this period of sober reflection. What are our new “dos” and “don’ts”? Let’s write them down somewhere. Finally, it’s a gradual process. We need to take them, a day at a time. See how it goes. Ignore the outside world while at it. The aim of this exercise is for a new and better version of you and I to emerge. Don’t be in a hurry to resurface. You have been on the surface for a pretty good while, a little break shouldn’t hurt.

Changing a particular trait in one’s character isn’t a day job. Ignoring that trait may hurt us that exhibit it more than those at the receiving end. Most times we are advised to be ourselves. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work on certain flaws that drive others away from our lives. Don’t wait for someone else to try to change you. You may not like the outcome. It might lead to resentment towards that person.

People can change, not completely but to a certain degree from whom they used to be. For this incredible transformation to occur. It has to be a personal decision with the determination to see it through. In the long run, it’s a win win situation. You get to see a new you and the people around you also get to notice these remarkable changes in you that would make them appreciate you the more.

Let’s take for instance; a person trying to quit alcoholism, insolence, snobbery, tantrums, thievery, promiscuity, use of harmful substance, smoking, devious behavior etc. All these vices and traits can only be stopped by a personal decision by oneself and no one else.

Picking up vices while growing up, isn’t that hard. Some environment makes it easy on young men/ladies to pick up unsuitable and unacceptable vices. But to quit these vices or to change from a particular character trait, is a decision one must make consciously and bear the discomforts that sprouts through this transformation process.

During this reminiscence, it’s important to focus on those vices and devise a way to quit, either by avoiding things or places that ignites the itch. Secondly, one has to be determined, strong-willed to see it through. And finally, disciplined enough. The rest is up to faith.

No form of reform has ever been easy. So don’t expect a walk in the park. It’s hard work. No matter the urge to go back to old ways. Do not allow it, fight it and beat it. It’s possible and can be achieved. I’m routing for us all and I know with determination and discipline one can quit any vice. Try it, if it worked, then I’m happy for you.

Do have a lovely day gentlemen and ladies!

A Sombre Perspective

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d digress a bit today from my usual focus on the blog. Yesterday I came across quite a sad tale; a touching disheartening story told by a young lady in diaspora, originally from the middle East.- Homeless daughters of a hybrid diaspora

I can’t quite explain why her story affected me so deeply. Maybe because I could relate to some of the ills she pointed out about their society. Such as being selective when it comes down to cultural practices to leave behind and those to merge into the new  religions. It was a sombre evening for me after perusing that article. I could vividly grasp the picture she painted.

Here in Africa we have our own very burdensome, taxing and quite  complex cultural practices. But to be made from birth to feel unwanted, irrelevant in one’s own home is the height of it! A daughter being treated like an outsider- a stranger who would soon join another family in marriage and whose state and well being over there would be determined by how many sons she bears for her husband.

There’s another point she made that hit home right there! I’m curious, agreed men put those laws in place. It has always favoured them. Agreed. How come it’s mostly women that enforces these laws on their kind? When a lady marries and is yet to bear a child. It’s usually fellow women that put her through hell for having difficulty in conceiving. Other females mostly point this out, not the men. If a lady decides to fight for her right against injustice meted at her/ women in general. Women are usually her strongest opposition. Why’s that?

For instance here in Africa, in some parts, women don’t get quality education as their men. Some parents view training a daughter to higher institution as a waste of time and resources since she will marry someday. Sadly, it doesn’t end there. There are communities, tribes in Africa where widows are not allowed to inherent whatever their late husband left behind. Some places only “sons” participate in sharing of a father’s inheritance. Daughters are excluded. Not to mention the child bride phenomenon that cut across some part of the African continent? Who would fight for these girls? The widows? Those daughters being denied quality education? Since women will be the first to defend the “norm.” This is how it has always been my child.” I’m guessing that’s what they “parrot” to their 12yr old daughters while giving them away in marriages to some pedophiles.

It’s obvious that I’m pained due to the circumstances we women find ourselves. I admired the author of –

Homeless daughters of a hybrid diaspora

At least some of them are making efforts to change the norm even if these efforts are made from afar in baby-steps. It’s still better than blindly upholding the so called status quo as the past generation did.

I implore us women, we should have each other’s back. Stop jumping right in to defend something that directly or indirectly affects you too.

Just today on facebook, I came across a page where a loud mouthed woman was defending men that cheats on their partners. She went right off, gun blazing! Reprimanding women that finds such,  offensive and unacceptable. Whoa! I wished at that moment, the earth would open and swallow me up. Lol. I was ashamed for her. Low self-esteem has wretched some of our women.

I’m glad some women have found their voices and are ready to effect the changes they need in this generation and equally ready for the task ahead.