Set “Achievable Goals”

 

Hello my beautiful ladies…

I have an interesting topic this morning. I want to talk about;

“Achievable Goals”

OK,Let’s roll…! What do we understand by the term goals? My English dictionary states that ” it is a result one is attempting to achieve.” Well, this definition is self explanatory, needs no elaboration. My lovely ladies, I’m here to suggest ways to improve ourselves this wonderful morning. I believe we all have certain skill/s at this stage in life. Self employed or working.

What are the “achievable” goals, you set at least each year for yourself? Have you done that this year? What are they? I used achievable because it means it’s possible to achieve it within the time you set for it. Marriage aside … my ladies (smiles). Achievers are liked and admired in every society. Those that try to make you feel inferior or inadequate as a single lady, unmarried and above 30yrs of age,in the society, will reduce drastically if you become an achiever. Lol

There’s another powerful goal you can set for yourself. We all have flaws, if we must tell ourselves the truth. I am not saying that married ladies  don’t have flaws. All I’m saying is to use the fact that it hasn’t happened yet to your advantage. Learn through others mistake, do not wait till it happens to you too.

Set a goal to work on your notable flaws. The aim is to enjoy your marriage when you finally tie the knot. Oh! Surprised? Well, these are achievable goals if you ask me.

-If you are hot tempered– set it as one of your achievable goals and be determined to accomplish it . Learn to control your temper or how to avoid confrontations .

-Are you bad mannered? Hahaha…

shocked? C’mon, if you are rude, snobbish…you know. Set a goal to become friendly, see it as something you can achieve, tough huh? I never said it will be easy…( smiles) goals work hand in hand with determination

  • Opinionated? There’s nothing wrong in being your own person with your own views but learn to accept that others must not see it your way at all times. Learn to see things from another’s perspective.
  •  Are you aggressive? Lol. Let me ask you a simple question? How do you feel when someone else attack you unnecessarily? If you don’t like it…then try to avoid doing same to other people you come across.
  • Impatient? Lol. I can so relate to this and some more …even though I know it’s not nice. Work on it.
  • Snobbish? this particular one is complicated because the person being viewed as a snob may not even be aware of it. Introverts are often lumped into this category because of their quiet nature. There are real snobs though….if you are one- you see others as your inferior…arrogant? Loosen up, come down a peg or two my lady.

I could go on and on. These are just instances. Goals keeps you busy- we all know how it feels to achieve a particular goal. Imagine how awesome it would be while you were pursuing your career, job, business goals of the year, you were also able to change from one or two of your personal flaws each year.

Also never compromise on a career goal set for a particular year, no matter the trials, the obstacles of life,keep your mind on these goals. They are achievable..

The end result will be a better version of one’s self.

Always try to be the best version of yourself, someone that deserves you will surely notice…

I would say that was a lovely food for thought for today. Have a wonderful day, lovely ladies!

“Lowering Your Standards”

Good evening lovely ladies…

My today’s topic is a tough question to ladies in their 30ties and above and single. The question is;

My  ladies, what do you understand by the term lowering your standards?

I am all for lowering of “standards” don’t get me wrong. I mean the standard you lower to become “mrs.” so so and so. I hope it’s not the type that would make you smother someone’s “son” (your”future”husband) with hatred or meanest attitudes few years down the road.

A lot of people will applaud a go getter who settled down with a very lazy man with no particular vision for his life. He might be the type that can’t hold on to a job, you have nothing in common. You talk about advancing your career, he talks of relaxing now because he has already achieved beyond his dreams. There was never any dream or vision to start with, only to marry and procreate,  of course. Lol

You can not stand a talkative, a gossip, an alcoholic, a pessimist, a fanatic, loud, unprincipled, an abuser… etc. My question this Thursday evening is; where do we draw the line on this “lowering of standard”?

Most women want to settle down someday and just like men, we do have vague, if not a clear picture of the kind of person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. No woman that hate loud mouthed  men for instance, wants to be saddled with one for the rest of her life. No woman with principles wants to be saddled with a criminal or a con-man for instance.

At this point in your life, most will be advised by loved ones to lower their standards that “none is perfect.” We all know this but are we to jump from fry pan to fire just to marry? If we aren’t at least 80% sure that we can overlook these character traits, why tie the knot? The truth is, there are things in our lives that “A” may overlook but it’s a no no, on the capital N for “B”.

Will it be worth the pain and misery to lower as much standard as there is, only to make someone else life miserable? Yours too?

I won’t say much this evening, like I said earlier, I’m all for lowering of standard but let’s be careful and wise about it. Every man out there envisioned a peaceful and happy home before he proposed. If you are hoping to change him or wished he could be more like Mr.”A or B”, maybe it’s time to reconsider your options…

Wishing you all a lovely weekend ahead…

Ladies Above 30 In Here!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Ladies Above 30- In Here!!!

I’m going to share a bit of myself on today’s post. Although I’m a very private person- an introvert to boot. All through my previous articles, I’ve tactfully distanced myself from my writeups. But something happened to me recently, that prompted me to share this here. I’m actually not sure why I’m sharing this here. For sympathy? I doubt. For understanding? For proper scolding from strangers? I don’t think so! To lighten the burden in my heart? Probably. Fact is- I’m not exactly sure why.

I ended my almost 3year old relationship just about 2months ago. We were already making plans for a future together. Well- this wouldn’t be a big deal if you aren’t in your 30ties and expected by everyone, to be settled in your husband’s house at this stage with kids of your own. Now- bring this scenario down to an African setting- i.e. Nigeria. Then you would realize how crazy, unimaginable, this action, sounds to many. I must be crazy to end a relationship at my “age” no matter what. I should be grateful a man even spoke to me, right? I should’ve crawled on my knees- “barked like a dog” or “hopped around until am commanded to do otherwise. To make sure I win the ring. No? ( borrowed from that hilarious scene from the classic “Coming To America”). What could be worse than being a spinster in Africa?

I’ve never been one to bother myself with what others think of me or my actions. For once in my life though, I was bothered. I was almost crushed not because I ended things but due to how some of my closest friends reacted to it- without even listening to the reasons behind my action. Like I mentioned in one of my previous articles- once your relationship is in a rocky place, you know it. Pretending all was well just to bag the “Mrs” title would’ve been living a lie, postponing the inevitable. When there’re conflicts of interest/problems/glaring differences, in a relationship- the  ability to admit these problems exists. Then, sorting out viable solutions to rectify them. To me, is the only way forward.

Sadly our society mostly care about the “Mrs” title and nothing more. Some viewed my action as foolish. Others, as an act of ignorance- to some, it portrayed   arrogance, silliness etc.

Well, we can’t all view marriage as a “do or die” affair folks. That, I’m in my thirties doesn’t mean I should desperately hang on to a man even when I see danger in doing so, nor does it mean I’m without a choice in deciding whom I should be with. It also doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pursue other goals of mine and live a moderately happy life while at it. And the truth is- we are not toddlers. I don’t think any lady above thirty years of age is looking for a “perfect man.” Wanting to share my life with a decent person isn’t too much to ask, or is it?

 

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Cultivating A Relationship/Marriage To Acquire Wealth- Is It Worth It?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic focuses on;

Cultivating A Relationship/Marriage To Acquire Wealth- Is It Worth It?

Yesterday I came across a post on Facebook. This lady was seeking for advice. I was alarmed reading through her post, just from her first two paragraphs. By the third, I was already horrified- the whole write-up sent a cold chill down my spine. No iota sense of self preservation. The lady in question according to her- is currently in a relationship with an ill-tempered man, whom is sadly wealthy. He hits her at will- no matter how trival the offense. He punches her in the face or any other space he sees on her body, uses objects to batter her. The picture of her battered face was right there! Eyes, entire face swollen and disfigured, turning blue/blackish. To my horror! She wasn’t seeking for advice on how to move on speedily or how to report to the authority concerning her safety. She was seeking for advice on how to “endure” the hitting because according to her- “I’m going nowhere- won’t even consider the thought.” she quipped. whoa! I was stunned. What could be the reason for such a stoic stance? Then, I saw it.

This lunatic she has vowed to hang on to- whom treats her like scum is wealthy. He takes her shopping, buys whatever she picks at the malls, boutiques. He credits her accounts each time he beats her. She even deliberately offends him at times- just so that he’d credit her accounts. “Meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to me.”She gushed. She has acquired wealth through her stoical attitude. She called him generous, though mean-spirited and violent.

As I read on- my skin crawled like I just came in contact with a live snake. What-the-heck! I felt so disgusted I could taste it literally in my mouth. What a pity. Furtune hunter- right?Lol! What else is she? Our society is flooded with ladies with this mindset. What pisses me off is- when she’s in there, acquiring “wealth”-

mining this gold behind his backyard, we won’t hear a single complaint- not from her. The day she gets enough, reaches her targets – the play acting starts! She would waltz back into the social media seeking empathy, filling us with stories on how she had endured this same abusive spouse for years because she “loved” him. Busybodies that we mostly are- would spring into action- calling for the spouse head on a platter. That’s if she was alive to tell us about it. If not, it becomes hashtag- #Justice for Mrs A. Uhm… #Justice?

The thing is- I’m not saying it’s right to hit a lady. I don’t subscribe to abuse of any kind. But not all those whining on the social networks- (“he hits me- put me through unspeakable suffering”) deserve our sympathy. Some would’ve become your archenemy if you’d pointed out, they were dating a violent/abusive man. They pretend- it doesn’t matter so long as the money is there and keeps flowing. Later when mission might have been accomplished, then the melodrama.

Ladies, well- none is perfect. I’m aware, neither am I better than the next lady out there but damn it! Riches/money isn’t everything. What about a peaceful life? What about being treated as a human being? What about not being treated like an animal or a slave? What about raising kids in a conducive home? What about not irrevocably damaging your kids due to the trauma of being raised in a malfunctioned home? What about not being reduced to a toy in your home?

It baffles me when people place money above their lives, safety and health. Worshiping money has shredded our values- our common sense. It has been placed above character-dignity. If we don’t retrace our steps, I shudder to think what the future holds for us all.

What’s your thoughts on this topic?

Abusive Relationships 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Abusive Relationships 

Anyone in a relationship knows where it pinches. If the relationship is healthy- you feel it just by how contented you’re in it. If it’s in a rocky place, you’re aware. One of the most dangerous aspects of an unhealthy relationship is an abusive partner.

I’ve been told severally that it’s not healthy to be too careful when venturing into a relationship/marriage. “You won’t know by half, your partner’s behavior until you’d began to live together for a considerable period of time.” Agreed. But there ‘re always some telltale signs. We often just turn a blind eye.

An Abusive Partner–  there ‘re several forms of abusive behaviors a partner could exhibit occasionally which shouldn’t be ignored. However my focus today is on-  physically/verbally abusive partners. The bullies!

Let me explain why I chose those two. Well- they ‘re practically a couple. Lol

A verbally abusive partner to me, is almost as deadly as a physically abusive partner. The only major difference is that the scars aren’t visible unless you prod.  There ‘re some words that could punch one’s psych(Pierce one’s heart), cause more damages than a thunderous slap. A partner can verbally reduce his/her partner to a low self-esteemed shell. Callous words that could hurt harder than a kick on the shin. Sends you reeling into self-doubt until depression sets in.

The thing is- both ladies and gentlemen should avoid/terminate such relationships. No matter the investments- financially/mentally or time wise. At times when we hear “abusive relationship” we wave it off or view men solely as the culprits. Sadly it’s not a gender thing per se. Men- agreed,  ‘ve  higher tendencies of being abusive in a relationship/ marriage. Fact is- some women are abusive too. Theirs rarely come in a physical form though.

It could manifest in a verbal or emotional form.  So it’s paramount to be observant while in a relationship/courtship. Observe how your partner handles issues/ situations, anger,  before taking that crucial step. Don’t rush into marriage because of societal/peer pressure to become part of statistics of domestic violence, that graces the social media daily these days.

If a partner lashes out during a little misunderstanding. We make excuses like; I pushed him/her too far. I said things that got him/her upset. Hmm…mm? Really? A verbally abusive partner could lead his/her partner into suicidal thoughts. No jokes. On the other hand, a physically abusive partner is actually a confirmed bully. There’s no way you’d date and venture into a relationship with a bully without that awful trait rearing it ugly head, once in a while. They often’ve dictatorial nature, mostly possessive, ill-tempered, opinionated, often caring and remorseful after hitting their partner. The chronic ones are quite callous. They don’t give a damn about their partner’s welfare after a fight.

The rate ladies are dying in abusive relationships ‘ve escalated over the years. There’s need to be alert in one’s relationship. No one knows the baggage the other partner is roaming about with undetected. It could be anger issues, trust issues, psychopathic nature, possessiveness or even obsession. At this stage it’s easy to get away-run without a backward glance, once violence tendencies is discovered in a partner. Breaking up a relationship is by far easier- it wouldn’t be that easy when married already, probably with kids.

Now ladies, the truth is-no matter the offense. He has no right to hit you but that doesn’t mean one should goad or dare one’s partner into provocation thoughtlessly during a fight. My humble advice? State your grievances in a mature manner, no point being verbally abusive. Men are human beings too with emotions. Don’t push your partner overboard. But If you are battered in that relationship/marriage regularly then leave. You simply aren’t compatible. Sorry…!

Well- an abusive partner hardly changes without help. It all depends though. Is the “ring” worth the risk?

 

 

 

Is Love Enough?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Is Love Enough?

All through the years I have seen very excited couples to be, turn sworn enemies within months or couple of years down the road. We’ve all seen couples that seemed like a match made in Heaven, only to watch it all crumble at some point. My focus here is on those that actually loved themselves from the onset.

I’ve this personal convictions which are solely mine, of the factors that causes problems, irreconcilable differences and breakups among couples that actually loved themselves, after tieing the knot. Over the years I’ve observed that- it’s  possible to love someone yet disagree with this same person’s values.

Love- to me doesn’t take away one’s senses. It heightens and sharpens them. If one is infatuated it’s a different ball game. You could be carried away by the sizzling passion. But love? NO. Let’s not forget- when you love someone-you get to know them on a different level. Especially if this feeling is reciprocated. You’d know their;  flaws; their weaknesses; you’d know to an extent how his/her mind works. You could predict his/her actions even, at times; you’d know when and what makes him or her angry, happy, sad. Although you’ve  all these knowledge at your fingertips, you still love him/her and would rather be with him/her than another.

Now, let’s say;

  • He/she totally detest your values- you can’t stand lies- you believe in treating people fairly at all time. He/she lies at will and doesn’t give a damn about anyone else.
  • You abhor deceit of any kind- he/she thrives on it.You’re thrift and economical, he/she’s a spendthrift. A lavisher,extreemly extravagant.
  • He/she’s hot-headed.
  • One or both of you’re petty. 
  • You ignore issues to avoid confrontations.
  • He/she’s temperamental. The list goes on.

What am I saying? Now-both of you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the chemistry is there. The love is there, but each of the traits I mentioned has been rearing its ugly head and constantly you ignore it because you’re simply avoiding confrontations. The truth is- when one is in love, he/she’d do anything not to cause his/her partner pain. Even when it leads to confrontation one tends to choose his/her words carefully to avoid hurting his/her partner more than necessary. Now because of this nurturing, all keeps going well. The underlying differences are not treated/tackled, acknowledged. No definite solution is sort or deviced towards any particular issue.

The thing is- love is a strong feeling of affection and care towards another but it won’t be that intense all through- at a point it becomes a bond of friendship, companionship. It gets to this stage when the partners:-

  • Share similar values
  • Understand each other totally.
  • Relate easily.
  • Respect each other.
  •  Empathize with each other.

However, it’s my observation that a couple could still love each other without any of these key ingredients of a healthy relationship. You see where I’m headed? They may ‘ve love, which will undoubtably breed; tolerance, affection, care, forgiveness, patience for a while.

At the point a couple that had love together with the other components of a healthy relationship are headed into a more mature, comfortable state which is a bond of friendship and companionship. Those that had love with the components of an unhealthy relationship begins to tear apart. We get to hear-

  • I thought I loved him/her. Never really knew him/her.
  • We weren’t on the same page. His/her values were wack!
  • We weren’t compatible.
  • He/she never understood me.
  • He/she never respected me.
  • He/she just didn’t get me.

Well- these set could remain friends and still share strong feelings and bonds even after separation/divorce. Most times we wonder why they didn’t just try harder to be together. Some of those attributes of unhealthy relationships that I mentioned above definitely played a part. Those’re the reasons I’m convinced that, love isn’t enough when it comes to marriage. It has its relevance to marriage as I stated in one of my previous posts.  I’m of the opinion that it isn’t nearly enough though.

What’s your view on this topic? Care to share? It could save a future marriage or two. Who knows?

Why Do We Hang On To Toxic Relationships?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Why Do We Hang On To Toxic Relationships?

There ‘re so many stories, incidents I’ve come across lately that triggered this topic. Last month I came across a post on Facebook where a young man murdered his girl friend in cold blood. What was her offense? According to him, “she cheated.” Just this week still on Facebook I came across yet another disheartening story of a police lady who killed herself because her man jilted her while plans to marry were already underway.  There’re still more of such stories littered around the globe. There was also that of a pastor who killed his wife by stabbing her so many times- cause? He said; he suspected she was unfaithful. Ugh!

The thing is – when a relationship becomes toxic, anyone involved in it notices.  The decision to move on and the courage to follow-through, is what matters. One being able to make the right decision for him/herself, is what makes one mature.

Was he or she unfaithful? Does he/she exhibit unconscionable attitudes? Irreconcilable differences?  These are just few signs of an unhealthy relationship- its list is quite long.

So, what’s my point? Well, being in an unhealthy relationship doesn’t happen in a flash. It takes a while to grow from a tiny little reptile to a full blown dragon. One is bound to notice, the not so subtle changes along the line.

Well, If the distressing situations ‘ve become like weeds- that keeps sprouting back on. If it has become something  unforgivable for you. Why not move on? Are you glued together? Why take someone else’s  life over a relationship? Why commit suicide over a lady/man? You’re heart-broken? Are you the first? Someone that would find someone else within months and move on. Is it worth the “selfishness” of putting your loved ones through unspeakable misery? The irony is- just few years down the road. You may begin to wonder, what you ever saw in him/her. No one is worth dying for. No one is indispensable. I mean it. Haha…it may seem like an unbearable/impossible feat to accomplish at first but with time, you’d realize it probably was the best decision you ever made.

Toxic relationships are dangerous, although the victims in such relationships often keep making excuses for the partner while seeing the handwriting clearly on the wall. Why hang on to something that binds one to anxiety, distress, depression?

Self love is important and necessary. I’ve come to realize that everyone in life is treated exactly as he/she portrays him/herself. If your disposition- kind of screams, “I’m worthless- I don’t deserve any better.” You’d realize that such mind-set attracts, exactly those that’d think- “of course you’re!  A good thing I came along. Who else would’ve you?” Lol. Are you getting the picture? But once you have self-love; self-respect; know your worth. Once you grasp the simple fact that your happiness is entirely yours to achieve with a positive mind-set. You won’t tie your happiness, your progress, your fulfilment and goals to someone else. You’d exude confidence in whatever situations that turns up in life. And believe me, confidence is admirable. It effortlessly bestows respect, admiration from others. No one dares treat you anyhow when you respect and love yourself.

There’s this thing that bothers me though – gentlemen /ladies. This might sound like such a cliché but it’s the damn truth. A broken relationship is better and less messy than a broken marriage. If the thought of that current relationship churns- twists your gut with dreadful panics. It’s definitely unhealthy. Don’t plunge in headlong to a wretched life.

Quite a percentage of people who became casualties in their relationships all saw it coming. If he/she isn’t right for you. If you’re not compatible. If you walk constantly on eggshells around this partner; to avoid confrontations; to avoid battery; if he/she is temperamental;  mercurial in nature. Hanging on won’t change any of these traits. A partner can only work on traits that threatens his/her relationship if he/she values that relationship.

Nobody has a right to hold you ransom emotionally. Shake off that fear/uncertainty and move the heck on! Who knows? What you need may just be around the corner. If you don’t shut that toxic door you called

a”relationship,”another may not open. That’s all I’ve to say for now. If this writeup helped you in anyway, then I achieved my aim. Also don’t hesitate to share your thoughts with me, on here. Have a good day!

 

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow/Wayward?

 

 

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is a question to all those having sleepless nights over issues not really their business.

Why The Assumption That All Ladies Above 30 And Unmarried Were Shallow Or Wayward?

I’m sick and tired of all these stereotypical assumptions flying all over the place. Must we always be so judgmental about other people’s lives? Whose business it is that she isn’t married? Why prioritize someone else’s issue?

Just yesterday I came across a post on a social network where a lady reached out to single women above thirty. I couldn’t get the details of her program since she only wanted them to give her a call. To my disgust! This particular man sprang out of nowhere, lamenting on how it was a well deserved “punishment” for all those women who thought their beauty was everything and rejected men at the snap of a finger….haa! He wasn’t done- far from it. He prattled on… on how they were all shallow minded fools who were waiting for rich men to come-by and propose- which didn’t happen.  He was just getting warmed up- On he went- “starting up men who wooed them- were rejected countless times! Today see them all. Single! Used goods looking for a poor man to marry!” Ugh! Pathetic…

What gets to me on this issue isn’t even the ranting. It’s the assumption that she must be devastated. The assumption that she’s been dealt with by faith for her atrocities. Yeah…I’m sure Mary Madeline  had nothing on us. Lol. Why the stereotype, that a lady married late or yet to marry because she has a terrible character/past? Who told you that? Who gave you a pass, that- you’re better than these ladies you raise your noses in the air to mock? To belittle and humiliate at every turn? Who gave you the right to judge?  The condescending attitude some people exhibit, both male and female gender against unmarried ladies above thirty is astonishing.

If you’re married and happy in your own home. Why ‘re you so concerned about someone else’s plight? Is it your problem? Is she complaining to you? It seems harder for “a bull to pass through the eye of a needle” than for some to actually grasp that a lady above thirty and yet to marry may actually be happy as she is- living and planning her life. Not encumbered by the responsibilities that acompany’s  marriage”yet.” A time may come when her independence and life experience would make her be a better wife than some that married early.

A mature lady enters marriage with full knowledge of what it entails. She’s isn’t there for fairy tales. She creates a conducive environment for herself and her partner. Why? Simply because at this stage in her life, she knows exactly what she wants and needs and has garnered suitable experience on how to go about it.

A lady that married, let’s say at the age of 22/23yrs. Experienced a hellish marriage and divorced in her thirties or so. And one who didn’t marry on time because of a thousand and one reasons available, that could have prevented her from tieing the knot. Had time on her hands, worked on herself- knew herself well. Built a career niche for herself before meeting her own man. Do you really think the latter missed out on much? This thirty-something year old who has maturity and an understanding of how things work before tieing the knot. Did she miss so much for not marrying sooner?

A lot of married people currently miss singlehood fiercely. Some wish they could dissolve their unions without a backward glance. Some feel trapped. Some ‘re overwhelmed with regrets for entering into that union. Some can recall- the exact mistake that landed him/her in the trap he/she’s in now. Seeing all these, concerning marriage.  It baffles me that, some still see it as a “do or die affair.” A lot of married couples will gladly go their separate ways given the opportunity- no strings attached.

Well…what’s my point? My point is- stop treating getting married as the most important or the “only”goal in a woman’s life. Some want it badly no doubt, others don’t. That- she isn’t married doesn’t mean she’s shallow or wayward. Let me shock you.

Wayward ladies actually marry on time. They’re skilled- they know what men want and like. They know how to rope in/hook a man. They also know exactly the buttons to push to get a man to do exactly what they want. If a wayward lady with her experience sets her eyes on you. You’re in. By the time she’s through with you. You’d swear it was all your ideas. 60% of ladies that encounter late marriages are actually the decent ones. Probably rigid or frigid in nature- some ‘re introverts, some’re nerds and some quite boring. So stop the stereotyping already. It’s beginning to irritate.

What’s your opinion on this issue? I’d love to read it on here. Have a lovely day!

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’d deviate a bit. My today’s topic is one of those touchy issues nobody wants to acknowledge in our society. It is also a question to both genders. My question is;

What’s The Solution To Sexism And Harassments Of The Female Gender In Our Society?

The appalling stories are getting worse. Ladies get murdered, physically abused, exploited, raped regularly by men at will. Most endure in silence. Since those that ever got the courage to speak up are jeered, mocked openly, even by their kind. These acts being constantly ignored affect relationships, marriages too. A depressed, even suicidal lady- or one being harrassed at work could become erratic, unpredictable or worse due to bottled up emotions. These issues needs to be taken seriously for our society to attain a balance. If these issues pertaining to womanhood isn’t given proper attention. Who knows how many unhinged ladies the society would’ve on its hands in the nearest future?

Who instigates these unbecoming ills taking  our society by storm? Who motivates and encourages the atrocities taking place at offices? In our society as a whole. Degrading the female folks, ripping off their self worth to shreds. Stripping them of dignity…

What gets to me is how men most times are quick to defend oppressive “norm” in our society, which mostly works in their favor. Sexism at some workplaces is pathetically real. There’s this blatant discrimination against the female gender. She has to work twice as hard as a male colleague to be qualified for a certain post reserved mostly for the male folks at the office. Some are harassed constantly by their superiors. Men sadly don’t speak against these acts, because there seemed to be an unwritten code for the male gender to stick together against an attack on one of their own. Even if he’s obviously guilty.  A lady that decides to report such action, risks a lot including her job. Instead of colleagues coming to her rescue. She becomes a pariah( an outcast among colleagues at the office.) She may not be outrightly sacked by the powers that be, but could be subjected to an inexplicable dose of humiliation, mockery, untold hardship that she’d die of depression if she didn’t leave the organisation on her own. The unfortunate scenario above,  would be for a lady courageous enough to speak up. To report harassment through the appropriate channels at her place of work against one of the “big guns.”

Now-  why’d anyone else ever report harassment against any superior in such organization/firm? Most wouldn’t dare, not because it isn’t happening but for the fear of repercussions. Suing a superior for harassment in this part of the world? Who’d pay the bills? For how long would the case be dragged on to frustrate the litigant? And which judge would eventually grant you a fair hearing and actually punish the offender to serve as deterrent to others?

I’d say due to the lackadaisical attitude- this sexual harassment issues are being handled across the globe. Young girls/ladies are being assaulted/ abused; sexually harassed; raped- even at higher institutions by some randy lecturers…it escalates to work places. Some with no other options would eventually succumb to the pressure. Yet the society turns a blind eye…

The African society isn’t favorable on the female folks at all. Right from puberty, men old enough to be your father- grope you, exploit you at any given opportunity. You’d become instantly unpopular if you refused to play along. You “dodge all those bullets” growing up. Now work place? Shockingly even fellow ladies would despise you if you failed to succumb to the pressure or refused to shut your damn mouth about it…!

Does resisting this disgusting unfortunate “norm,” change the paradigm? In a society that sees no grey areas? Men are quick to condemn feminism or any scheme that fights for women’s right. Or spurs women on, imploring  them to use their heads. Be active participants in the society.

It’s time women said no to barbaric practices, voice out and stand up for themselves.  A society where giving you a job you are qualified for would require sexual exploitation from your potential boss? Why must one trade sex for a job she’s suitable for and quite capable of doing well?

Men see all these ills in our societies. They see poor kids being married off at tender ages- even before teenage at times. They see their colleagues/friends harass female employees because they could and get away with it. They see the superiors, harass/ abuse female staff, “married women” included. No one does a damn thing about it.

I implore all men in general to be considerate and sensitive to women’s plight in the society. Some of your past actions created the dangerous creatures some women are becoming lately.  Please be wise…it could be your sibling next.

What’s the way out of these deteriorating issues?