Set “Achievable Goals”

Hello my beautiful ladies…

I have an interesting topic this morning. I want to talk about;

“Achievable Goals”

OK, let’s roll…! What do we understand by the term goals? My English dictionary states that ” it is a result one is attempting to achieve.” Well, this definition is self explanatory, needs no elaboration. My lovely ladies, I’m here to suggest ways to improve ourselves this wonderful morning. I believe we all have certain skill/s at this stage in life. Self employed or working.

What are the “achievable” goals, you set at least each year for yourself? Have you done that this year? What are they? I used achievable because it means it’s possible to achieve it within the time you set for it. Marriage aside … my ladies (smiles). Achievers are liked and admired in every society. Those that try to make you feel inferior or inadequate as a single lady, unmarried and above 30yrs of age,in the society, will reduce drastically if you become an achiever. Lol

There’s another powerful goal you can set for yourself. We all have flaws, if we must tell ourselves the truth. I am not saying that married ladies  don’t have flaws. All I’m saying is to use the fact that it hasn’t happened yet to your advantage. Learn through others mistake, do not wait until it happens to you too.

Set a goal to work on your notable flaws. The aim is to enjoy your marriage when you finally tie the knot. Oh! Surprised? Well, these are achievable goals if you ask me.

-If you are hot tempered– set it as one of your achievable goals and be determined to accomplish it . Learn to control your temper or how to avoid confrontations .

-Are you bad mannered? Hahaha…

shocked? C’mon, if you are rude, snobbish…you know. Set a goal to become friendly, see it as something you can achieve, tough huh? I never said it would be easy…( smiles) goals work hand in hand with determination.

  • Opinionated? There’s nothing wrong in being your own person with your own views but learn to accept that others must not see it your way at all times. Learn to see things from another’s perspective.
  •  Are you aggressive? Lol. Let me ask you a simple question? How do you feel when someone else attacks you unnecessarily? If you don’t like it…then try to avoid doing same to other people you come across.
  • Impatient? Lol. I can so relate to this and some more …even though I know it’s not nice. Work on it.
  • Snobbish? This particular one is complicated because the person being viewed as a snob may not even be aware of it. Introverts are often lumped into this category because of their quiet nature. There are real snobs though….if you are one- you see others as your inferior…arrogant? Loosen up, come down a peg or two my lady.

I could go on and on. These are just instances. Goals keeps you busy- we all know how it feels to achieve a particular goal. Imagine how awesome it would be while you were pursuing your career, job, business goals of the year, you were also able to change from one or two of your personal flaws each year.

Also never compromise on a career goal set for a particular year, no matter the trials, the obstacles of life,keep your mind on these goals. They are achievable..

The end result will be a better version of one’s self.

Always try to be the best version of yourself, someone that deserves you will surely notice…

I would say that was a lovely food for thought for today. Have a wonderful day, lovely ladies!

Eerie Feelings Around Me

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Eerie Feelings Around Me

Over the  years I’ve always frowned on conspiracy theories. It always seemed farfetched to me until recently. Obviously I never thought I could be framed or be caught in a Web so strong that not a single soul could inform me of what made me a center of attention. 

I returned to my home State in Nigeria, a State in the Eastern part of the Country in 2017, haven grown-up basically  in Benin Republic.  It took quite a while to adjust. There was this eerie feeling about the place. The entire State seemed to be a little too quite to my taste. Everyone seemed to be in agreement with whatsoever was broacasted; discussed or announced even at workplaces. There happend to be no obvious development. There were refuse heeped and littered at all corners. 

I actually adjusted to an extent by staying mostly indoors, then it began. I felt like my every move was being watched. Suddenly neighbors were mimicking my utterances. I got so pissed, so irritated by their actions. I knew instantly, there was a serious propaganda network against me, but I had no proof, even at the moment. Market women hiked the prices of foodstuffs as soon as I entered the market. I was mostly aghast at there behavior. At a point, I decided to shop at Shoprite for groceries. Being the type that hates attention.I became defiant. Each time they rushed out to watch me pass by, I got more aloof. Suddenly, no single phone call came to my phone. At a point, I called home. I asked mom if there was something going on, I was unaware of. She sounded off, yet she answered on the negative. I still reached out to my elder brother who presently lives in the United States. I asked him, not because I expected him to know what was happening in my home State, rather I asked in case he had been briefed of whatever was going on by people at home. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I left for home, because at this point I’d become seriously frightened. 

What alerted me to the gruesomeness of my situation was that as I got to the park, which is owned by the State, no single vehicle wanted to load for my destination. A driver later took pity on me. He carried me alone to the city where I alighted at my usual bus stop. I got to my family house, boiling with rage for such betrayal. There’s no how, my family wasn’t aware of whasoever the coldness and loothsome glares were about. As I write at this very moment, I’m so frightened,  yet cover my fears. How am I suppose to explain or find out what has frightened me so? Yet I put on a brave face, hold my head high, carry on daily ativities, feigning nonchalance towards my plight, without knowing what tomorrow brings or if I’d live long enough to get to the root of what gave me this feeling of something awful about to happen. God forbid! I’m sure whatever this is; was created out of a vicious propaganda.

I’ll survive this, whatever “this” means.

 

 

Speaking Up For A Change???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’ll have to digress a bit tonight. There’re times I often wonder whether being silent and mistaken for a fool is better than talking out loud. Why am I suddenly unsure, which is which? Growing up, I come from a home where voicing your opinion on any issue is a God given right. We all spoke freely at home and none was ever judged for speaking up, by my parents. Lol! There were ocassional reprimand, if one spoke out of tune or was rude.

Well…recently, there has been so many incidents that made me wonder if my upbringing was being questioned. Being in a Country where everyone wants “changes” made by the Government, yet everyone chooses his/her words “so” carefully. I remember vividly being sent to a particular  meeting by my former boss recently, where I questioned a particular data given as an update. I could feel the loathsome glare of every participant at the meeting on me-they were affronted- that I didn’t shut my mouth and behaved as expected of me, “a mere low level officer”.Well…I dug my foot in…it was obvious I’d stepped out of line, didn’t confound myself to the status quo. 

The above scenario came to mind during the youth protest in my Country Nigeria. There’s something I’ve discovered about a people or anyone who hardly complains about issues. Most times, the anger, pain, distrust, are kept well hidden and could be set off easily, once it couldn’t be endured anymore. If not, why would anyone in Nigeria protest over “Police Brutallity”? The shock, blew my mind. There’re so many reasons a Nigerian youth should protest. The list of what’s needed for “change” is staggering. Where does one begin? Now- hear me out. Years back, I remember not being able to go home due to insecurity in my city. There were years I couldn’t even travel to my home town. The danger were so real, you’d be foolish to travel along the road, long route home. Those that flew on airplanes, won’t know what I’m talking about- you weren’t robbed on air.

The thing is- it takes bravery to rise up and speak boldly to the authority of any nation, when things are not done as it should- so the bravery of standing for one’s right should be applauded- but what you fight for should leave a bold mark for the next generation…something a daughter or son, would hear someday and admire his/her parents boldness to make a difference, to make things better than they were.

My point is- there’re issues worth fighting for in our Country, the Western world have their culture, and well-planned structure on ground, that made them who they’re. The things we do, should be tailored according to our own needs. The realities on ground. The greatest issues ever had in our Country are; Insecurity, Bad Goverance, Corruption,  Unemployments, bad roads, poor road networks, dilapidated healthcare, pension frauds, poor power supply, Police extortions etc. These are problems staring at an average Nigerian face. The anger boils, because an average Nigerian suppresses his/her feelings. This hidden anger could be more dangerous than a landmine, if not addressed urgently. It’s no longer about what set off the fuse- instead, what was done to avoid a catastrophic outcome.

How can we achieve our goals, which is to be better, by destroying “our” own little efforts to develop a Country to be proud of- any day, anywhere?

Why Do We Judge Others So Nonchalantly???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Wow! It’s a miracle that we’ve all made it so far. What a year! It hasn’t been funny at all.

Am I the only one feeling like I’m on a Rollercoaster ride this year? Haha… I hope not. I intend to snap out of it, stronger and wiser.

What do you do when you feel, you’ve been misunderstood? Most times I shrug it off as nothing; irrelevant. Well…that might not be the best approach to life. Something happened recently that made me realize shrugging issues off may not solve the problem. I’m deeply troubled by this insiteful thought. Lol! I discovered, my attitude towards events, issues, tends to give room for malicious interpretations, to otherwise very normal or hard decisions I make at times.

My question this evening is;

Why Do We Judge Others So Nonchalantly???

Lol! Yeah…that’s my topic today.

There’re people whose stories will give one a hair-rising chill, if heard from them directly. Over the years I’ve learnt that things often aren’t what they seemed. I have seen severally where, “a dog is given a bad name, so that it could be killed” pardon the cliché, you know what I mean…lol!

Why do I feel so disillusioned? I have always believed that there’re two sides to a coin. Stories could be cooked up but a discerning mind should know the difference. What would be the faith of those not heard but judged by others, through what appeared to be the obvious conclusion?

I implore us all not to judge others nonchalantly. We don’t know what they’ve been through- where they’re coming from. Their stories, if ever told, might send quiver down one’s spine. A person seemingly egocentric, may just be a distracted fellow. You never can tell…so don’t jump into conclusion.  I so dislike when someone adds two and two and gets nine or something…lol!

I’m only sharing my personal opinion, but if it speaks to your mind, if it touches a soul tonight, then I’m glad…

What Matters Most???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Aww…it feels good to be back! It’s been awhile. Well, my today’s topic says;

What Matters Most???

My fellow ladies out there above 30yrs of age, don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that marriage isn’t important. Heck! I’m not even suggesting it’s not necessary. All I’m saying is – it would only be worth it, with the right partner. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that getting married is the major goal of most of our women. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been accused of many things including being “sick”. Lol! As a reason I’m not married yet. Hahaha…I’m hale and hearty people! All I’m saying is -“should it be”?

A lot of our women rush into marriage, through desperation. Some, become miserable for the rest of their lives maybe because of a wrong decision made or by being in an abusive marriage. I see any woman getting hitched as brave. Yeah…I’m being honest here. I understand too well,   that marriage isn’t a bed of Roses. Also I know it could turn out well. So I’m aware that anyone venturing into it, has to be optimistic to an extent a team player, to make it work.

Here’s the crux of the matter, should it be the “yard stick”? Shouldn’t women dare to be more? Should “Mrs” be the only identity a lady should aspire for? If that is so, why acquire skills; advanced knowledge? These days when I hear bits and pieces of conversations from our young ladies, all I feel is despair. There’s this blatant lack of focus on anything but marital aspiration. Marriage is important. I want that too, just like every other lady out there but should it be the only goal a woman should aim for in life? What if it turned out not to be enough?

I started Kareninspirational to unburden some of the thoughts I often had in my head. I wanted it to be a means to reach out to like minds and interact. Ladies!!! Let’s dare to be more! The right man will come, when he comes. Our lives occupation shouldn’t be running around like headless Chickens, auditioning and in search for men. The right man will locate you. Lol! It is even in the scriptures. Hahaha…

Why Blame Others???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Wow! It’s been a while. How’s the day going? Smootly, I hope.

My today’s topic says;

Why Blame Others???

Lol! I see brows being raised. Well- curiosity kills the cat- they say. Uhm…where am I headed with this epistle?

My focus today is on relationships. Oftentimes I hear men “whining” mostly about ladies that rejected their proposal for a relationship and still ended up alone. Haha.. this is hilarious. Please I would like to know the “connection” here. As a man- do you ask every lady you meet out? Is it all the women that crosses your path, that you connect with? Why then do you expect every lady you speak with to be “grateful” instantly- thank her “God” for the previledge to be spoken to by you. Lol!

There’re different categories of men I’ve taken notice of lately. One thing I found out they’ve in common, is this unbearable “ego” that a woman should be grateful and worship the ground they walked on, because they’re the best thing since sliced – bread. Hahaha..

The categories are-

  • The superficial- vain, shallow, type of men who never quite figure out what they want in life. This type rely mostly on their looks to be enough to get them by. They never have core values or place any value on relavant things. They’re often focused on trivial things, stuffs that real men have no time for. Now when a sensible woman sees this traits and rejects their offer for a relationship. Why would anyone think she would regret being on her own than being with such a nuisance? Haha…are you getting my point?
  • The “timid”- these ones would boast to their friends about their prowess and expertise but the truth remains that they’re tongue-tied and timid once in the presence of a lady. There’s nothing that irritates a woman, especially the career focused type as a man, not bold enough to state what he wants or needs. Haa! What’s the worst that could happen? To her, it’s as simple as you expressing why you think a relationship with her is a good idea. If you can’t do even that. Then how can you handle “communication” while in the relationship? Lol! That’ll simply be a disaster waiting to happen. Now- pray tell, how’ll a sensible person regret not allowing such a mishap in her life? If you can not express your feelings to someone you supposedly care about, maybe you don’t care about that person as much as you think- because if you do, then you’ll do whatever you’ve got to do to be with him/her.
  • The hardcore manipulators- these ones. It’s all about them and nobody else. Every plan, thoughts, actions, is viewed singularly by how it’ll affect their own “perfect plans.” They search for someone that will “fit-in” into their already mapped out plans, not giving a thought what your ambition or plans are This type has no room for compromise, nothing gives. To them, it’s all or nothing.

There’s no perfect man out there nor any perfect woman for that matter. We’re mostly searching for the same thing. Someone who’ll see the good in us and work with it to bring out the “best” in us. Not someone who will zealously bring out the worst in us. This might be the reasons some said “NO” to you. As a man, if you’re ready to make a relationship work, it’ll probably work. Your approach towards wooing a lady matters alot. Show her you’re willing to be a team, not a “one man” squad. Communicate with her. She isn’t a soothsayer. Hear her out sometimes, you could be surprised by her apt understanding of the situation.

If this piece changes your view on some women. If it opens up a door in your mind that it’s not that simple or simply black or white. If you now see, there’re grey areas too- why some women rejected you in the past and let the “bitterness” go. Then, I believe this writeup has served it purpose and was meant for you! Do have a wonderful weekend you all!

Reach Out This Yuletide Season!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Whoa! It’s been ages!!! Merry Christmas to all you lovely people out there!

My today’s topic says;

Reach Out This Yuletide Season!!!

I’ve learned some great lessons these past months. Few of the lessons are-

 

  • Never take for granted those who had your back during the tough times- they didn’t do that because they had nothing to do or because they needed anything in return. They were there through tick and thin simply because they cared. So, this Christmas let’s reach out! Let’s show through actions that we care and value the sacrifices; efforts, time, the values their actions imparted in our lives.

 

  • Everyone has his/her life issues– yeah, life often times is a whirlpool. Most times we’re so engrossed in our own world, we forget the truly important things, i.e, being there for others, asking after them once in a while. No matter how self-contained one is or has become, we still need others in our lives.  Let’s consciously make “room/s” for others in our lives. This yuletide season would be a great time to start. Haha…

  • Reconciling-where’s needed, doesn’t make one weak or silly but stronger and happier- this joyous season- let’s fully embrace the freedom that comes through the “grace“- reach out to those we hurt; those we believed hurt us; those that for one reason or another we distanced ourselves from. Let’s extend love, forgiveness, friendship, apologies wherever it’s needed- and acceptance.

The Celebration of Christmas, I believe would be a farce if we don’t share it with loved ones and those we care about. There should be no room for bitterness in our heart this season. Let it go… allow healing to take place. Let that euphoric feeling that comes with Christmas- take your heart to a good place. A place where old wounds are no more. A place where sadness is replaced with joy unspeakable. A place of warmth. Be free…

I wish you and all yours, a happy celebration. Merry Christmas!!!

“Being Insecure In A Relationship”

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Being Insecure In A Relationship

What does it mean to be insecure? Oxford English Dictionary defines insecurity as; uncertainty or anxiety about oneself/lack of confident in oneself.

Let’s bring this trait down to a relationship scenario. As simple and unfathomable as this trait sounds. A lot of people silently struggle with it. This trait manifest in various ways in people. In some, it makes them aggresive, in some, abusive, there are some that it makes see everyone or anyone around them as a threat. Usually, such person has no sense of self-worth. He/she might try to mask it by belittling others. Some show theirs by being overly jealous or always finding faults in other people.

My focus tonight is on the ladies especially, gentlemen aren’t exempted though. In my opinion a lot of women should really work on themselves. Develop a sense of self-love/self-worth. Everyone is unique in his/her own way. People treat you exactly how you treat yourself.

As a lady, how would you handle a situation, where you feel or know that your partner has been distracted in your relationship? Let’s say he has become noncommittal to the whole thing. I guess my question is, what exactly is the right call to make at this juncture? I’m no expert on the matter. What I do know from life experience is that you do not solve a problem by creating more. From my observations and a bit of research. I’ve come to understand that If your relationship is in a bad place, you don’t expect it to magically pull itself from a tight spot and become fully functional again by being bitchy, a pain in the neck, or disrespectful, mean, verbally/ physically abusive, lacking confidence in yourself, in your capabilities.

I think one’s best bet in such situation is- firstly, check yourself. Have you changed lately? Do you still listen to your partner? Do you still have serious talks about your relationship, way forward? Did you stop taking good care of yourself? Are you now nonchallant about those things he used to like about you? Do you still make efforts to spice up your relationship? Have you worked on those traits that your partner detests? Frankly, these questions raised here are for both parties. Male or female should be comfortable enough to ponder on such questions whenever things seemed rocky in one’s relationship. I believe it’s little things that actually builds strong relationships or break them.

Now- after mulling over the relationship, if one believes it’s entirely the partners fault, then try to communicate, discuss the issue in a mature manner. It would be an easier pill to swallow by one’s partner. If one opened the discussion by admitting he/she was ready to take the blame completely until he/she discovered, he or she wasn’t entirely the problem. At this point, there’s no point escalating things by laying it tick. Sticking to basics is always one’s best option. If your relationship matters to your partner, he/she will work on areas where conflicts, issues arises from but if he/she doesn’t care anymore. Grovelling won’t do you any good, you know? That’s where your self confidence comes in, mind you, I don’t mean pride. If your partner refuses to try make things work, with head held high, live your life. He/she may realize his/her mistake or not. What matters is that you don’t give anyone a free pass to make you miserable. What’s your view on this? Do share with us here.

Did I Advocate Promiscuity??? Hell No!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

 

Some months back I talked about situations that might have aided insecurities/uncertainties that so many ladies in our society faces in their various relationships . And why a lot of the singles out there now “heed” to this advise; https://kareninspirational.com/2017/03/23/all-eggs-in-one-…u-for-or-against/

-which ordinarily isn’t ideal. The post being referred to was titled-

“All Eggs In One Basket/ Are You For Or Against???”

Personally, I detest unfaithfulness in a relationship. It’s just not in me to ignore irresponsible/unruly behavior in a relationship, unless I’m unaware. Be that as it may, a lot depends on how the perpetrator viewed his/her action.​

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However, that’s not what this post is about.  A comment on my Facebook page  Kareninspirational For Singles-  got to me. I’d like to explain more here. Although I replied, I felt he still didn’t get what I was on about at the time. I’d intended then, to respond through a new post- knowing well,  he might not had been the only one who misunderstood the previous post, but other things got in the way. So, here we are;
It was just that single question. But was it loaded?! Lol! He asked why I gave such offensive advice, “encouraging people to cheat in their relationships,” paraphrased. He asked what I intended to achieve. “It was deceitful of me”. He quipped.  Well… I responded by advising him to peruse the article again to grasp what it was truly about.

What got to me however was how men are quick most times to defend oppressive “norms” in our society. Which mostly work in their favour. Some of the defensive techniques now being displayed by some female folks were improvised to cub the thoughtless and callous attitudes of some men.

​As a single lady in my opinion, if the relationship isn’t serious, no commitments whatsoever. Why hang on to it? Even if you’re engaged. Do you aspire to become “Lord of the Rings?” There has to be a reasonable period of time, you could wait for someone.  Move on if commitment isn’t forthcoming. Don’t lie to yourself, if things aren’t working out, you can feel it already. Don’t be desperate. Don’t force yourself on someone who has made you an option or a backup strategy. The thing is- eventually you may regret it. If you found the courage to move on- never allow yourself to be blackmailed. Some will psych you into believing it didn’t work because you left. Really?


The hard truth is- some spend years in a relationship only for a partner to break up, leave at the doff of a hat, with some flimsy excuse or without any in some cases. Now- place a lady that entered such a relationship at 24/25yrs of age in this scenario- say 3 to 4yrs later. She’s left to start afresh, to cultivate a new relationship from the scratch. Say, she’s 28/29yrs or thereabout at this time. Why should this lady hang on to you or date you exclusively for two/three yrs if you’d refused discussing where the relationship was headed?
https://kareninspirational.com/2017/03/23/all-eggs-in-one-…u-for-or-against

On this particular post above, I didn’t actually  advocate promiscuity ” Not putting all the eggs in one basket.” Doesn’t necessarily mean cheating. A lady could date casually, no intimacy or all that. All she needs is to be open minded.  The  aim for dating is to know a bit more about the person. However I pointed out that I totally grasp the reasons behind not  wanting to be exclusive with someone who’s uncommitted to the relationship.

​Has anyone noticed how vocal and agitated some men become if anything or anyone threatens the paradigm? The status quo? It  baffles me that someone who failed to define his relationship after a year or two would feel he’s entitled to exclusive relationship, when he has made absolutely no iota of commitment to that relationship. Shouldn’t that be likened to one “eating his cake and having it still?”

What’s your view on this issue? Do share it with me on here. Have a wonderful day you all!

Why Do Some Mistake Being A Pushover For Being Humble?

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I do have an interesting topic today. In fact it’s a question I’d love some genuine answers to, because -this is a topic I’ve been mulling over for a while now.

Why Do Some Mistake Being A Pushover For Being Humble???

Lol! I told you it’s an intriguing topic! Now-what does it mean to be a pushover? The English dictionary defines -Pushover as;

  • Someone who is easily swayed or influenced to change his/her mind or comply.
  • Someone who lets him/herself to be picked or bullied on-without defending or stand up for him/herself.

Now- let’s find out what -Humility means;

  •  This means being humble, egolessness, humbleness in character and behavior.
  • Modesty-being modest, moderate behavior, reserved, pudency.

Okay! Now let’s apply the two in  relationships setting. At times when I observe some relationships in our society, I just shake my head. Most men in our society today both those that are principled and the unprincipled – ask them what they need in a woman. They’d all chime-“a humble woman.” Haha… but the question is, how many actually grasp what it truly means to be humble?


Well- let me paint a picture here of what these two terms stands for, so as to be clear on what my questions are. Assuming,  Mr.Jones has been in a relationship with Kate for about 3yrs and counting… and he, like a drill sergeant  “instructs” Kate on what he wants from her, the relationship and on how uncomplicated he wants things- she goes, “yes bae, I understand.” “She needs to talk- he goes, not now Kate.” She keeps it in, afraid to move even a brick, lest the “sand house” falls apart. They hardly really talk about anything, don’t have the rapport to really know what makes the other partner tick. What truly excite him/her or what secretly pisses him/her off. Instead there’s this unbreakable veil shielding both. Still, they’ve been together for years, no frictions, little or no squabbles, no lovers spats. Haha…how can there be? Since Kate has been reformatted. Here- Mr. Jones tells himself, this is the most uncomplicated relationship I’ve ever had. Kate is “uncomplicated” not demanding, gives me no stress! He goes-she’s humble, exactly what I need!​

This second scenario, let’s say a Mr. Michael and his partner Elizabeth. Theirs has been a little over 8months. And yet Lizzy knows so much about Mike already. They talk, they argue, they’ve sweet memories already and sad ones too. Elizabeth says her mind. She’s herself most times. If she’s offended by Mr. Michael she says so. If she wasn’t comfortable about something that happened – she stands her ground, ask for explanations. She’s respectful actually, reserved, modest but knows when a manipulative card is being played and hate being treated unfairly, if such happens. Now- Mr. Michael goes, aww…she’s awesome, exciting, lots of fun to be with but I wish she’s humble. Lol!

​The thing is- those two scenarios plays out in lots of relationships out there. One begins to wonder, what exactly does the term humble mean to some? I believe if people could answer these questions of mine-which’re;

  1. What does humility mean to you specifically?
  2. Are you sure “humility” is the appropriate trait, you’re searching for or  docility? It could be confusing, just saying… those are my questions.

There would be less disillusionments after”the vows.” Also less embarrassing situations than we read about regularly these days about couples. If our men would put ego aside and ponder on those “humble” questions of mine before making that crucial move.
l think I’ve said enough- you alone know what humility means to you- let’s just hope it still means what it should mean. Do have a wonderful week you all!

Wow!!! Happy New Year!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

This is the new year! Lol! I’m so excited- probably because 2017 is gone! What a whirlwind of a year that was! To discover one is still alive and kicking is exhilarating.

This is 2018. A lot of us have made new year resolutions. Well- it’s all good. It’s all about determination and discipline. Nothing good comes easy. Haha. That’s right! I’m in a high spirit this day. Maybe because I can feel the vibe of this very young year. This year seems to be a year of “free styling” lol! If you know what I mean. If you need joy, celebrations, peace, advancement, a new level, change, next level in life, progress, upliftment- the year seems to be purring this soft words into my ears- ” create it!” YES!!!

Funny enough, I like it. What better way to be what you want to be or achieve your goals than to focus, right from the start and create the atmosphere you desire? This is not the year for excuses! Sorry- that bus has left the station! This new year- let’s face the truth. We all know our weaknesses already. And to become an achiever this year 2018. First and foremost we must admit we’ve these weaknesses- device a way to do away with them, discard them or curb them. To achieve our various goals we must conquer these weaknesses or suppress them. We need to confront our “fears” head on.! Lol! How many heads does it have? It’s all about determination.

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Ladies and gentlemen, if one had always failed at a particular venture in the past. This is the time to confront that past and ask the right question, which is-“why”? Let’s find out why we failed in 2017 or in the past. That’s the only way to get the answers we seek in 2018. If you failed in all your previous relationships- this is the perfect time to find out -“why.” What made it so?That’s the only way to make corrections for the future( this new year). Like I said earlier. Only you and I can make 2018 what we envisioned it to be.

The “work” for the future( the year we envisioned) starts now. It’s not about new year resolutions. It’s about visions, goals and the strive to accomplish them all. If you want a happy relationship with your partner this year 2018- then find out your needs. If this present relationship isn’t what you need then you know what to do, if your aim is to accomplish something better this year. But if what you’ve is exactly what you need, then fight for it and create the atmosphere you’ve always dreamt of because, this year 2018- our lives would be what we visualized and created. If you truly want “it.” Go for it!

The thing is-in the year 2018. Don’t expect apples if you planted oranges. Think hard of what you need. If it’s apple juice- then this new year, plant your apples. Don’t plant bitter lemons now and expect apple juice later in the year.

I wish us all- a wondrous and prosperous year ahead! Bon anneé!!!

Merry Christmas To All!!! Women Can We Be Better???

​Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today is about women. Pardon me to digress a bit. Lol! Raise your hand if you’re a woman, yet you avoid a lot of these folks like the plague! Haha… I’m sure I’m not the only one who find some of their “drama “so tiring, nauseating, pathetic…ugh!

This topic would appear to be an over flogged issue but it isn’t really, it’s rather bothersome considering the damage their spiteful nature causes all around them. Now the worse case scenarios always rears its head among the insecure/ low self-esteemed ones. Lol! I mean why hate just for hating sake? Everyone is different- so, why not discover what makes you unique, instead of spending quality time trying to pull others down- instead of developing yourself? It seems like a fool’s errand to me.

​If you’re a lady but prefer guys as close friends, then you know what I mean. There are different categories I’ve discovered.

  • Those who pull others down because they feel insecure.
  • There’re those who are simply spiteful in nature- nothing someone else does is good enough for them.
  • The envious ones- lol! These ones are quite dangerous. Always green with envy. It doesn’t matter if they’re better off than you. Their customized inbuilt “envy clock “never stops ticking.
  • There’re those that’d live far above their earnings just to feel trendy, because they’re always competiting with “imaginary” competitors. Why bother? Would anyone flog you if you’re yourself? Why put yourself under unnecessary pressure for things you really can’t afford? C’mon…who frigging cares?

The sad truth is- no one really cares. It’s your inner being that matters. If you’re a gossip- haha…believe you me- no amount of clothes or sophistication would cover that. A vicious viper with dangerous tongue? One day, it’s going to rear it’s ugly head and bite you in the butt. Lol!

I keep wondering-ladies- why can’t we be more like men? Be our sister’s keeper? Stop- dissing, malicious conducts, spitefulness,envy, backbiting, mischievousness? Would that stop us from being “female”? Feminine? Haa! I doubt.

All fingers weren’t made  equal- God makes no mistake. If she’s what you’d rather be, then strive to be “it”( more like her). Don’t hate her or tear her down for it.

Lets use this festive season to work on ourselves ladies. Cut your clothes according to your size and shape. And be contented with the outcome. Avoid constantly comparing yourself to someone else- that’s “insecurity” right there! Love who you’re- pulling others down wouldn’t make you better- rather it makes you cruel, ugly even, to be honest.

My ladies…lets make this joyous season of Christmas- a season of goodwill, love, kindness, sober reflection, developing self, eradicating nauseating behaviours etc.

I wish us all- a Merry Christmas!!!

GOING BACK TO AN EX

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic might touch a nerve. Sorry! Lol!

 

GOING BACK TO AN EX

Why Do We Romanticize The Past? Based on my observations on relationships. I’m of the opinion that most baggages one struggles with after a broken relationship is often created by oneself – by refusing to let go of the past.

 

Well- many attimes  we reminisce of the good old days. Tell tall tales of how it was a period in our lives matched by no other. We often paint it so good, everything else seems mundane. Well- I’m not here as an expert on the matter. I don’t know that it’s right or wrong. I believe as thumbs are different, so are people. We’re all unique in our ways and must’ve cogent reasons for our actions.

 

People all over the globe, keep searching for that particular person, they connect with on a different level. A feeling attested to be “real” by those lucky to have experienced it. Elusive as it often is- a risk, some’re willing to take though- no matter the race, colour, tribe, maturity, age, sophistication, exposure. Could it be the reason people rekindle old flame? Not all but a large number of people do reconnect or rekindle their broken relationships or wish they had done so.

 

What exactly is the rationale behind going back to an ex? I mean- if one is being honest…there must’ve been reasons it didn’t work out the first time; such as fights, pains, disillusionment, betrayals, etc. Until it was stretched beyond limit- then it crumbled! So why do we deliberately ignore the ugly parts? Romanticizing something that had its “rough patches. ” Most times, hoping for a chance to try again- expecting a different outcome, which is rarely the case.

The thing is-the odds are against the “hopelessly romantic” probably expecting   a better outcome.

  • Firstly, the issues that caused the breakup aren’t often ironed out when the partners reconnect. In the heat of the moment, it often seem trivial.
  • Secondly- time must have passed. Things might not be as they were. It could either gets better or worse. Quite a huge risk I must say. All that energy- to resuscitate something lifeless/broken? Why not Channel it into building something new?
  • Each partner in that relationship could be walking on eggshells to avoid confrontations, trying too hard to make things work. Not a good sign, because those underlying issues would be there waiting to burst, once guards are down.
  • The partner who invested more in that relationship could find him/herself working tirelessly to keep it alive.
  • There might be changes that’d occurred while both were separated. For instance, the once lively, warm, exciting daredevil of a partner, who wasn’t afraid of trying something new, might have become a prude. It’d take a lot more than affection but a unique strong bond to make such work.

Now- having pointed out few of the numerous odds against one. The question is; is it worth it?

 

I’m not against anyone who wishes to try. Life is all about risks after all. I don’t encourage it either. It’s solely the individual involved that knows if it’s worth the risk and efforts or not. What I do know is that- when we stop romanticizing the past. Fewer people would wish to go back to an ex. Looking at one’s past dispassionately- seeing things as they truly were might just be the much needed cold bath, that would pull one back to reality. Haha..

How Do You Handle An Opinionated Partner???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

Wow! It’s been a long while! Well-my topic today says;

How Do You Handle An Opinionated  Partner ???

Lol! I know… exasperating right? Who doesn’t know how infuriating this trait could be?

Now- to an extent, I think most people can attest to having been with someone with such trait at a certain point in their lives. A healthy dose of argument here or there doesn’t hurt anyone, when you and your partner are sure-footed but when a partner is vulnerable- it begins to sound condescending to him or her.

 

Personally, I love putting my points of view out there, expecting others to do same. So that the most sensible, takes the day. What a thrill such exercise gives! But recently I’ve become a bit more sensitive. Lol! I’m serious. In my excitement during most arguments, I never truly see how miffed the other parties often are- to them most times, it’s exhausting and could lead to secret resentment. You become something of a “know it all.” Lol! Opinions are free. Cheaper than a dime, a dozen. Haha.. Oh well! What can I say?

Back to my topic. Usually, having an opinion on issues that I’m interested in, was quite natural to me. In fact, it was like a sport. By observing a situation-subconsciously an opinion is already formed in my mind, which I’d voice out every chance I got. But recently, I was opportune to be in the company of  opinionated fellows- whoa! At first I was like, it’s just an harmless personal opinions. But as it escalated- became so regular. I actually felt violated! Whatthehell???

Now- don’t get me wrong. I still believe, I’d never intentionally force my opinions down anyone’s throat. Mine is always an honest perception but strictly mine. Even at that, I’m always eager to compare note with someone else’s view. There’s nothing I appreciate more than being convinced with  concrete points, that another’s view is more appropriate  than mine. So you can imagine my chagrin when I recently met two different people, not even same sex, who thought their opinions were the only one acceptable. It was foreign to me. As an adult, I believe everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. Why not?

At this stage in life, c’mon… one already knows things one likes or not, his/her preferences. For instance, you don’t like a certain lifestyle, food, drink or mode of dressing and someone out there, an adult like yourself, is hellbent on convincing you, that you actually do. But just “didn’t ” know it. Haa! Really? And surprisingly, he/she miraculously does? I’m not talking about acquired taste here- my focus is on the regular things that defines you.

What’s my point? Well- these two unrelated encounters taught me a valuable lesson in life. There’s this consciousness in me presently gliding towards how others may perceive my honest opinions. How’d you feel if your partner disagrees with every suggestion you make concerning your relationship? If he/she always feels his/her opinion is more superior? Not knowing you concede only to avoid unnecessary confrontations/bloodletting? Believe you me, it left a bitter taste in my mouth! Lol! I didn’t like that feeling one single bit.

What’s your view on this issue? Have you ever encountered such? What’s the best approach in your opinion? Share with us- it might help someone out there.

WHAT’S YOUR VIEW ON LADIES PLAYING- “HARD TO GET”???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

WHAT’S YOUR VIEW ON LADIES PLAYING-“HARD TO GET “???

Well- I’d  love to know your view on this over flogged phrase used mostly by men in our society, to describe ladies reactions while being wooed.

Now- what does wooing mean? The English dictionary defines it as; to endeavor to gain someone’s affection.  This act has been in existence for centuries. The world has evolved though- civilization, especially through the birth of social media has almost changed the wooing game completely. Some ladies are emboldened through civilization- and more likely to express their feelings towards a man they fancied or found interesting. Funny enough, these changes haven’t automatically scrapped the lamenting of some men; that some ladies play “hard to get” even when they’re interested in the proposed courtship.

My take on this wailing from men- on ladies playing hard to get or acting indifferent while being wooed by the opposite sex, is that- it shouldn’t be generalized. Every Tom, Dick and Pedro now claims, a lady played hard to get on him. Even though, it could just be a case of unrequited love.

The thing is- I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. My view is- I don’t believe it happens as frequently as those whose ego has been smashed to rubble, want us to believe. Has it ever occurred to some men that, a lady who refused to pick your calls- claimed too busy for a date with you, may just be passing across a direct message- which is, she isn’t interested. I mean, is it not similar to how some, initiate breakups? Some ladies find it difficult to reject a relationship proposal, straight to your face. Especially the sensitive ones; trying to save you that awkward conversation.

Fact is-some ladies play hard to get for real at least in our African setting. Upbringing plays a huge role in shaping one’s character. Those days, etiquette demanded a young lady should carry herself in a certain manner. Having been taught from childhood it’s unladylike to be unrestrained. Or show interest initially while being wooed.

Truth be told- some men actually badmouth/mistreat ladies who were interested in them from the onset. They would at times call such person cheap. Going by this belief, he won’t value the relationship and would eventually take her for granted. This particular logic agrees with the cliche- “people generally value what they made strenuous effort for.”

What about having an open mind? It may or may not be any of those plausible reasons. Things aren’t always what they seemed. What if she happened to be in a relationship and wasn’t interested or available? What if instinctively, she knew, she wouldn’t’ date you? What if just after minutes of talking with you on a first date- she had already seen traits that disgusted her? Do we really think a jerk, is that hard to spot? Lol. Or a braggart? Or a vain man- so fixated on his look? Or a pompous prig? Who thinks he’s the best thing since chocolate. Haha…these’re strictly my opinions though.

My point is- ego is a dangerous trait in any human being. You may never know her reasons for lack of interest initially. I think it’s so wrong to always assume it was an “act.” A lady may not like your personality at first. But something you did, maybe on a date or a particular trait you’ve may gradually melt her heart and endears you to her. That doesn’t mean she was pretending at first. It might just be that you gradually won her over. Understand that, she might not have been interested in you until she began to see traits she likes in you.

My humble advice? If she wouldn’t take your calls – shows absolutely zero interest in you. Move the heck on- she probably isn’t playing any stupid game. Could be, she’s simply not interested in you.

WHY DOES APPEARANCE MATTER So MUCH???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Why Does Appearance Matter SO Much???

Well- every society has its orientation. Its accepted norms, approved and stamped by the society as appropriate. Why is it that so many people hunger both consciously and subconsciously for societal approval?

There’s a matter that gnaws at me. Why do most people in our society take things at face value? Is appearance all that matters? Why’re some people so uneasy when it comes to looking inward? Or looking deeper at situations? Is it the fear that you may find out the truth about yourself? A truth hidden under layers and layers of facades?

The other day I saw a picture of a mother and child lying in wake, about to be interred into Mother Earth. It went viral. The story behind it broke my heart. According to the story, her partner- beats her blue-black so frequently- as recounted by their neighbors; even to the extent of beating her on her due date for delivery, until she collapsed and was unconscious. She and her baby died together, that very day! What actually bothered me most about the incident as narrated was that; she left severally but was encouraged to go back to her spouse by her family and friends. It’d be “embarrassing” if words got out that “their” daughter’s or friend’s marriage had crumbled. I guess.

Well- that’s certainly a complicated case since she was married. My main focus is on those still in the relationship stage. Why is it that, the society frowns when it’s a lady that”finds fault in a man she’s dating?” I don’t get it. Men break up with ladies everyday, out there. Once there’s a tiniest doubt in their mind about a particular relationship- especially when marriage is the ultimate target. Is it so “unreasonable” for a lady- that could end up in such heartbreaking circumstance, as the lady narrated above, passed through- to see these signs and move on before she becomes a victim? Does leaving an unhealthy relationship equate to being choosy? If he’s a; criminal, drunkard, dubious, violent, aggressive, sadist…etc. Should she stay and endure? Are all these traits mentioned, now inherent in every other man? So, there’s no point hoping there’s someone compatible, with similar values to hers, out there?

Now- let’s assume, a man/lady in a relationship sees character traits in whom he/she’s in a relationship with, that are intolerable, unimaginably offensive. He/she goes; “what would people say? How’d friends and family react? What’d neighbors say? His/her thoughts, puts everyother person’s reaction above his/her own needs. Hmm…mm?

The stereotyping doesn’t help either. A young lady that behaves in a certain manner is termed “decent or not.” It becomes engraved in the mind subconsciously as the type to sort or not when making plans to settle down. Oh? If she appears “decent.” She’d tick all the boxes I assure you. Lol! What happens later? Incompatibility; the real character springs to the surface. It becomes obvious you’ve been misled- “judged the damn book by the cover.”Serves you right. Lol!

No matter the pressure ladies and gentlemen- I still maintain, it’s not about the society or peers. It’s about you. I’m sure there’re no perfect relationships or even marriages out there. The thing is- there’re good ones out there or would you rather join the nightmare version because you want to please the society? To be in an intolerable relationship just so that others would approve. Whatever did their approval do for the buried ones? Or those passing through hell because they’re afraid to be judged by those in their circle?

I believe being real is still one’s best bet. Be yourself- there’s someone out there that’d understand and love you, flaws and all. And still want to be with you’d show up in due time. Instead of living a charade that’d blowup in your face at some point.

LEARN TO MIND YOUR BUSINESS-PLEASE!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is on a jovial route. It says ;

Learn To Mind Your Business-Please!!!

Hahaha…funny right? I know…

The other day I came across a post on Facebook where a lady was reprimanding those that’d bring her juicy news/ gossip of her boyfriend “extracurricular” activities, which she was blissfully unaware of. She said anyone that brought her such unpleasant news “owed” her a new boyfriend. Lol! As funny as this sounds- I see her point.

I wonder why some make themselves sole bearers of unsolicited bad news to others. Once it’s a news that’d cause the person unimaginable grief, this type of busy- bodies just want to be there when it unfolds. They want to watch your face, witness every detail of your reaction as you battle for composure. She/he could regale others with this sizzling gist- disguised as “sharing” her sympathy for “you” to them, of course. Haha… if it was something good- he/she wouldn’t have had time to contact you in person. People simply crave for something bad to happen- if it doesn’t. Some would even twist something good- all in a futile effort to make it appear bad.

Why I agree with the lady’s post on Facebook? Okay, you think or know for a fact that her man is cheating on her. Uhm… you’re loyal and must protect your friend! I get that too. You’re sure her relationship is now in shambles! Oh! I know… haha.  Now- you’ve become her avenging angel, must protect her and save her from further embarrassment! Of course. Lol! What’re friends for? My question though is- what’ve you achieved by being nosy/ meddling into her affairs? What happened to minding your own business? Is it your affair? How sure are you of your own partner?

Lol! Hear me out first- I’m not saying if his/her partner is cheating, that- it’s okay. Far from that, neither am I saying do nothing if you knew for a fact and this is a good friend. But don’t make it a juicy gossip and dump it on him/her like you’re doing him/her a favour! I hate gossipers with passion. There’re ways one can alert a friend of his/her partner’s behavior, without actually pointing a finger. A sensible person would take note and device a way to sort things out with his/her partner without making a ruckus about it.

Gossipers make a mess of things, most times. Even King David killed gossipers twice in the Holy Book. The first gossiper, brought him a juicy news of King Saul’s death, expecting a pat on the back or even a befitting gift, instead he got his death. The second gossipers brought him a hot gist of how they killed Ishbosheth- while he was having an afternoon nap in his own home! It gets worse- those two were the perpetrators of the said crime…thinking it’d please him- that they had killed his “presumed” enemy. Lol! I call them the overzealous- “Baanah” and “Rechab.” What did this act fetch them? Their hands and feet were severed from their bodies!  Check it out- tell me if I’m making a valid point- 2Samuel4:5-12. It is an interesting read I assure you.

The thing is- let’s all learn to mind our business. I try hard to do just that because I’d realized quite early in life that things aren’t always what they seemed. For instance- from the story above Baanah and Rechab thought what they did was a show of loyalty to David- what they didn’t know was one single “fact”- David never saw King Saul or his family as his enemies. You may think you’re bringing your “friend”a good and valuable news. But you aren’t the one in that relationship, so you may not know that “single” fact that binds them- just as it happened in the narrative above.

I think I’ve said enough- just stay off other peoples matters. She who wears the shoes knows where it hurts. There’re different shades too. You can never tell. Your baggage might be bigger than that of whom, you’ve asigned yourself to watch over. He/she might have deeper history why things seem the way they appear to you. Do have a lovely day you all!

 

Sex On A First Date???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic is one of those situations  we’d rather not acknowledge because it makes us uncomfortable, particularly the ladies.

Sex On A First Date???

Now- I hate to sound vulgar here! But there aren’t many ways to hit the nail by the head.  My focus here today is on those that actually believe they’re in a genuine relationship, leading to something more.

Why am I writing this? Well- to alert younger ladies of the harm they may fall into if not a bit more careful in their various relationships, especially at the initial stages. My aim is also to reach those who may not be aware that, there’re predators out there, who prey on the innocent. The opportunists who might appear genuine, luring you into believing there’s more to it all. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship. Maybe you haven’t even had one yet. Naive, vulnerable -ah ha! The perfect ingredients that attracts this particular specie of human beings.

The thing is- no matter how careful you’re, you could still fall into this act. Waste valuable time/years of your life thinking you’re in a relationship. But sadly, you might have made a huge mistake by that single act. On rare occasions, it might work out but it rarely does. Has it occurred to you, he might be wondering, how many times, you’ve done same with other guys? Lack of self control. Sorry- “truth is bitter” they say.

These are few signs that you’re not his girlfriend after such encounter.

  • He isn’t really interested in you anymore. Would you blame him? No more mysteries about you to unravel.
  • He now starves you of his attention, avoids deep conversations with you but suddenly becomes nice out of the blue when he wants to invite you over for the night. Lol. Sounds familiar? He has relegated you to a booty.
  • He begins to avoid your calls or going on dates with you. This is a message to you, that he has lost interest in you. Move on and learn from your mistake.
  • He could tag along but talks nothing else but sex-related issues with you and tactfully leads each discussion back to sex. This is simply because, you’ve become a sex object to him.
  • He might never be motivated to please you. This is simply because he has no plan to tag along nor have any plans for the future with you.
  • Your value reduces drastically when you jump into bed with a man on a first date or couple of dates, except on very rare occasions.

The thing is- these things aren’t cast in stone- use your discernment. You just met a man. What a first date is made for, is for you to get to know a bit about him. It’s even super important to restrain yourself, if you liked him totally. It’s not pretence. It’s called exercising decorum. If you truly liked someone, you’d want to get to know him better. No matter how many relationships stories you’ve read or what you’ve been told. My humble advice?

Never be in a hurry to share a man’s bed. Intimacy isn’t all that… I might sound archaic to you. Truth is- it is, what it is. Fact is, it’s crucial you avoid intimacy at the initial stage of a relationship, if you remotely want to get to know your man or want him to actually take time to know you. Sounds old-school? I bet. It’s the truth though- take it or not.  A man that truly cares about you, would be patient.

Some would tell you lame stories about their “friends” who slept with their girlfriends on their first dates and re now married. “Bull!”- it’s just a line, they use to get laid.  So? what’s the relevance of sharing that information with you, at that particular moment? Let’s use our heads more, my ladies. Don’t ever allow yourself to be pressured into sex in a relationship. If he has good intention towards you. Believe you me, he’d wait. What’s the rush? Unless there’s an ulterior motive.

Ladies/ gentlemen, what’s your view on this matter?

 

What Did You Learn From Your Previous Relationship/s???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

I’m here again with one of those topics that we’d rather not talk about and quite uncomfortable with. My today’s topic is a question to singles. Ladies and gentlemen;

 What Did You Learn From Your Previous Relationship/s ???

Well- I promised right from the onset that I’d be your voice of reasoning, if you’d let me. What tangible lessons did we learn from our past relationships? There ‘re no breakups without reasons. There must be something that triggered that dissatisfaction, that led to the breakup even if it was neither acknowledged nor discussed.

Now- let me elaborate a bit. If you were in a relationship with someone; extravagant, mercurial in nature, a philanderer, abusive, temperamental, sadistic, aggressive and so forth. And you never got accustomed to a particular trait- among the traits mentioned above. That he/she exhibited which caused issues in your relationship. What did you learn from that relationship, about yourself, about your preference? Have you had a “me time” reminiscened on how you handled a particular situation? Or how you’d handle it if it presents itself again in the future.

Let’s take for instance in that relationship, you- and not your partner, were the problem. Let’s assume one’s partner was the one complaining about traits that one exhibited that wasn’t acceptable to him/her. Now- that you’re out of that relationship, ‘ve you thought about it? Have you honestly looked inward and taken notes of those traits that were intolerable to your previous partner? Although what might ‘ve been off putting to a particular partner might be endearing to another. This is where one needs to be alert, to know what works or not with one’s new partner. Don’t assume because “A” liked a certain trait you’ve, “B” should.

For instance, if you were in a whirlpool  kind of relationship because you and your partner constantly fought over some shady issues. Eg. If one of you cheated repeatedly and lied about it.  Now- if you were the problem. Have you learned from that terrible mistake? If your partner was the culprit, ‘ve you learned the tale tell signs of people with such traits? Could you easily identify someone with such personality given the chance for a few dates or would you still fall for the same trick?

Let’s say a particular trait/ attitude/appearance/complexion,  attracts you to an individual of the opposite sex. And you have learned through experience that, such trait is irrelevant when it comes to building a relationship- would you still fall for that same trait? If you’re quick tempered, it takes a lot to learn how to rein in one’s temper. So, while working on how to control your temper, you may consider dating someone who isn’t ill-tempered as yourself.

 

If you’ve discovered you have issues with duplicity, then avoid deceptive men/women while venturing into another relationship. Take your time, study him/her well during the dating stage. If it isn’t what you’d hoped for, extricate yourself tactfully.

Why “do the same thing over and over and expect different results?” what I’m about this evening- isn’t if the breakup was one’s fault or not. My focus is on what it’d taught you.

We should always reminiscence after a failed relationship before going into another, to avoid making the same mistakes, over and over.  Let’s be observant enough to learn a tangible lesson from a relationship that didn’t work out.

Share your view or past relationship experience and what it has taught you with us. Let’s have fun while at it!

 

Why Mistake Self-Worth For Arrogance???

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My topic today says;

Why Mistake Self Worth For Arrogance???

What does this word arrogance mean? The English dictionary defines it as; “the act or habit of arrogating, or making an undue claim in an overbearing manner.” I believe that definition is self explanatory. Now- what is self-worth? The English dictionary comes handy once more; “one’s abilities in self assessment.” The interesting thing is- knowing your worth actually makes it necessary for you to respect “the worth” of  others.  It works both ways.

Have you noticed how some people get so intimidated, by anyone that has a mind of his/her own? People sort of bond quicker with the vulnerable, the weak. Those that have no say/uncomfortable in their own skin- wanting to be led by others or by the status quo, than those that tend to have personal convictions, opinions.  What’s my point? Well- a lady that has self-love would definitely have convictions on how she’s supposed to be treated by another individual. Take for instance. A low self-esteemed lady, gets into a relationship with a sadist, or a lowlife who maltreats or simply depress the life of out her by his thoughtless conducts. We are talking about an unhealthy relationship here.

She comforts herself; positions her mind- to the mindset that, “that’s how most relationships are.” She tells herself, “the grass always seems greener on the other side.” Although I believe this cliche has some truth in it. It sprouts the question; is there even grass within your vicinity?Permit me to speak metaphorically. What’re you comparing your situation with? How green it is, to me seems irrelevant when the lawn has dried up completely on your side of the lawn.

I often wonder why we Africans are so fixated on this issue of “marriage” especially concerning the ladies of marriageable ages. Aren’t there more perilous and overwhelming situations, we should focus on and tackle? If we remotely wish to attain civilization. It’s so bad that some would hate you for not being desperate about it. For going on with your life. For refusing to measure your contentment or achievement solely on a wedding-band fixed on your fourth finger. Some speak of nothing else, than speculate on why it doesn’t bother you.

Lol! Honestly, the question should be; why’re they so bothered? Sadly, when you’re thirty years of age or above and unmarried. I have realized people consciously or subconsciously, expect you to be sad, depressed- to ‘ve this gloomy aura of the doomed. That’s when they become ecstatic, delirious with joy!  “We thought she won’t feel it!” Now- there it is! They quip, enthusiastically. Sadistic creatures…haha. So, what? How exactly does being hopeless, depressed help anyone?

Anyone in this circumstance surrounded by such ugly devourers, who want to tear you down because you’ve refused to play by the rotten book; running around like a headless chicken. As if your life existence  depends on getting married. Separate yourself from such people, distance yourself, no matter how close these set of people are to you. They aren’t looking out for you. They are rather “small minded” people.

I don’t know why some people easily mistake self worth for arrogance. Self esteem to me simply means, respecting one’s self. Having confidence in yourself enough to have certain principles, you abide with. You don’t let pressure, circumstances or manipulations by others dither you. You simply hold your own, no matter what. How’s this audacious trait, maneuvered into something viewed with disdain? It baffles me.

If this topic spoke to you or you have a different opinion, about it. Please share it with us here, it might help someone out there.

 

Avoid Unnecessary Mistakes/Try This- In Your Relationship!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen…

My today’s topic says;

Avoid Unnecessary Mistakes/ Try This- In Your Relationship!!!

There’s a saying that; “no two marriages are alike.” I believe that could be said for relationships too. As thumbprints are different, so are relationships. People from different orientations, with different personalities, trying to find a balance- a particular person that suits him/her. However, there’re still mistakes that are generally made while in relationships. I believe, learning from others mistakes- could save us from unnecessary headaches/heartaches in the future.

Growing up, I knew this particular couple. They were simply in sync. People loved and admired them. They courted for close to seven years. Then, they got married- the issues started, then, escalated! These two were almost living in each other’s apartment, during those years in courtship, they were quite close. Despite all that, within a year, their marriage, crumbled! It took me years, to appease my curiosity. Lol. For some reasons beyond my comprehension, I kept wondering… their breakup/divorce, gnawed at me. I wanted to know what could’ve caused the discord, within such a short period of time. Later I discovered, a lot of things they tolerated while courting, they couldn’t ingest during the marriage proper. It turned out to be a very costly mistake for both of them. After all those years, they parted as sworn enemies.

Now- these are the few points that I think might help us avoid costly mistakes in our relationships;

  • Ladies, let’s develop ourselves; know your dislikes; your likes; your strengths; your weaknesses; develop self-love;
  • Study your man; pay attention to little things- is he liberal or a conversative? Do you share similar values? Let’s observe these things, before accepting that proposal.
  • Does he want a spirited wife or a docile one?
  • Never have the mindset that you would change him.
  • Don’t  pretend during courtship-e.g. If you don’t like, mountain climbing – don’t pretend you do, just to convince him, you’re the one. In a nutshell, don’t accept whatever you plan not to accept in marriage proper.
  • Be yourself, be open-minded about the relationship.

Gentlemen- all those points listed above are applicable to men too. It’s paramount to know yourself, discover yourself before you uproot someone else from her rooted environment to share your life as your partner.

I discovered that, there are people who never  knew what they wanted out of life- not even their likes or dislikes, nor had any particular convictions, principles before tieing the knot. They just drifted; merging with other people’s identity, living on popular opinions until marriage. If he hadn’t even figured himself out. How’d he expect his partner to unravel all that?  Now- while in the marriage, this side of him, begins to rear its ugly head. Take for instance:-

  • A man that married a spirited lady only to realize, he actually preferred  a docile type- who wouldn’t ‘ve a mind of her own. Who wouldn’t be so opinionated, exerting. How would he not grow to resent the wife?
  • Or one that preferred energetic women; extroverts, lively, ending up with an introvert, only because he hadn’t known his preference at the time he got married. What do you think the outcome would be?

The thing is- mistakes are parts of learning. A life devoid of mistakes may not have adequate experience of what works or not. They’re the necessities of life but then- avioding a costly mistake whenever it’s possible, seems like one’s best bet.

What’s your thought on this post? I’m eager to hear your opinion.